Beautifully Destroyed
Page 19
“You can’t change history, I wish you could.” His words are true. I can feel them now that my walls are down.
“But I can change fate.” Walking out, I finally feel free.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Cameron
“I think you should start off with that new song, just come out of the dark like you’ve been practicing,” Cecilia says and I feel the pain of having to go out and sing without her. What the hell was I thinking when I let her go? She couldn’t say it and I pushed her right out the door. I called her phone after I finally got my head out of my ass, but she’d changed her number. My mind is screaming at me, calling me every name in the book.
Going to Clarissa’s was an option as I saw the address on the boxes before the movers got them, but she changed her number. That was enough to tell me she didn’t want me to find her. She has gone home. Our apartment is bare and empty since we both moved out for summer break, but fuck, my heart feels as if I left it in that room. When she left I felt like I couldn’t damn breathe. For two months I’ve felt nothing but the loss of Fate. Every night I’m dragged into the nightmare of a world with her walking away. At least in there I don’t tell her not to touch me, but when she does, I feel nothing. It’s a new form of punishment. I regret not letting her touch me one final time before I lost her forever.
“I can’t, Cecilia, it’s too soon. You know what that shit is about. How in the hell do you think I can go out there and sing about it so soon? What if I lose it there on stage?” She just looks at me, shaking her head. This girl can drag me over the rocks, something she picked up on from Fate, but the hell if I need this right now. Fucking breathing without her is painful enough. She got angry with me and I did what I do best. I screwed up. When she called and I wasn’t alone I felt my body damn break and the only repair is Fate. I had her and that’s all that should have mattered. The words I needed to hear were just words, her actions were everything I should have needed and more, but I pushed her.
“Didn’t you always say to our girl that hiding doesn’t help anyone?” I look at her and I feel tears stinging the back of my eyes.
“Using my own words against me, that’s fucking low, Cecilia,” I spit out in anger.
“Fine, you want to get angry, get angry, but go out there and show them you feel. That she melted the ice away from our rock star. She made you real and for fuck’s sake since you won’t listen to your own words maybe you will listen to what she used to say. Go out there and say, ‘screw it, world, I’m here’.” Those words ruin me. A train wreck against my chest would have been less impactful than those five words and Cecilia damn well knows it.
“If I get called a pussy tomorrow in the tabloids I’m going to kick someone’s ass, do you get that, Cecilia?” She just gives me a grin, knowing full well she’s succeeded. This girl is the only thing keeping me together and she’s pushing me to move on. Fuck, that hurts the worst because I know she misses Fate too.
“God forbid the rock star gets called names. Don’t worry, we will protect your image. I will tell the world I poked you in the eyes before you went out there.” I chuckle at her as the anger I was feeling slips away. She definitely learned that from my Fate.
“Why would they believe you did that?” I say, trying to joke with her.
“Because I will tell them you tried to get frisky with me and I, unlike the rest of the world, wasn’t interested.” I laugh but at the same time, my soul is being crushed. She’s not the only one who isn’t interested in me. I all but damn near begged Fate to stay. Screw that, I did beg and still she left me there broken in half. “It’s time to go on, you have this, Cameron.”
Standing at the side of the stage, I see Cecilia behind the band, watching us. Telling the band the new game plan, I make sure the lights stay off and I take the stage. The crowd is cheering like their life depends on it and my heart is crashing against my chest. You’d think I had never done this before. Get your shit together.
I feel the microphone in front of me and I bring it close to me. The crowd goes dead quiet, waiting for it. “Screw it, world, I’m here,” I say quietly and I hear it come from the speakers, causing the whole building to erupt into screams. The dim lights fall on me, but I can’t see the crowd. This is the only way I can do this. I can’t look into these faces while I say everything I’ve held back. “This is something I have been working on and you better fucking like it,” I say with the arrogance they are used to getting from me and they all begin to cheer. “It’s called, ‘That’s Fate,’ so here we go.” I start playing and the band picks up. The drums get louder and I feel the vibrations throughout my body.
You walked in and I fucking ran out
I thought I was here to save you but no
Fate saved me and I never got to thank you
The whole time I was wishing she were you
That pain I never want to feel again
Every time you ran away, you took me with you
But not that day you made me stay
My pulse is racing and I feel the crowd feeding off everything I’m feeling.
So screw it, world, I’m here
Fear me but don’t fear Fate
She was brought to us to show us
That we were meant for so much more
Take Fate by the hand and love that girl
If not you just don’t understand
That’s Fate
Sometimes Fate is just the most beautiful thing.
Always asking why I love you and need you
Damn that killed me every day
Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt
I do and I’d destroy anything that tried to harm her
I will stand alone and fight off her demons
That’s Fate and I thank God every day
So screw it world I’m here
Fear me but don’t fear Fate
She was brought to us to show us
That we were meant for so much more
Take Fate by the hand and love that girl
If not you just don’t understand
That’s Fate
The lights come on and just like that it happens. I see Fate looking up at me from the front row with Cecilia next to her with a fucking shit faced grin on her face. Looking back at the guys, I can tell they are just as shocked as I am. The crowd is going insane and I just see her there looking so unsure of herself. I see the strength but my heart is crashing. This looks final to her and I just can’t let her go without knowing. I focus my eyes on her and continue.
I became the source of her pain
Something I just couldn’t bear to be
It was then that Fate was beautifully destroyed
Sometimes she just needs a hand to get through
Let me be that hand and let me just hold you up
Please tell me it’s not too late
Tell me Fate hasn’t ended here today.
She is pulling up a sign and my heart drops when I see what it says. In big letters, it says Choose. Our code word and this is her saying goodbye, telling me she can’t do this but she needs closure.
So I say screw it, world, I’m here
Fear me but don’t fear Fate
She was brought to us to show us
That we were meant for so much more
Take Fate by the hand and love that girl
If not you just don’t understand
That’s Fate
While I am singing, I see her take the sign down and grab her backpack. The damn pain of it is so much I almost miss a step in my words, but this is the only chance I have to see her. To show her everything I have for her. The crowd is going crazy around her, as they know the closing of the song is coming. The guys go into an instrumental verse. The crowd is trying to catch the beat of this new song and sing with me. All of a sudden, she disappears from the crowd and I can’t see her.
Looking around I can’t find her walking away. Cecilia’s waving her hands and there, just like she always does
, Fate shines through with a sign, but this time it says something different. I see her lips moving and I know without having to read it what she’s saying. Tears creep into my eyes and I need to get to her. I signal the guys to keep the instrumental going and I walk to tell the security at the front of the stage to get Fate. When she is at the end of the stage, I put my guitar behind my back and pull her up. She steps back, holding the sign now standing in front of me. Looking down, I read the words. ‘I choose you, I love you.’ She is wearing a Ten Ways Gone Tour T-shirt.
Leaning in, I say loudly, “I have to hear you say it.”
She grabs my hand and places it over her heart. God, I’ve fucking missed her touch. “I love you, Cameron McAlister.”
Those words I’ve been dying to hear from her break me and I can’t hold back. I grab her and my lips crash against hers. Just like that, I’m home again. I can hear the crowd going insane and she pulls away, hiding her head in my chest. I pull out the thing that has been burning a hole in me since she gave it back. When she sees it, her eyes light up. She gladly takes her necklace, but she doesn’t put it on. She just stares at me for a moment and my heart stops.
“Marry me,” she says. I never thought in a million years I’d be happy to hear those words from anyone. But that’s Fate.
Taking her by the hand, I bring her back to the microphone and finish our song. Singing only to her the whole time.
So screw it, world, I’m here to claim her
Fear me but don’t fear my Fate
She was brought to me to show me
That I was meant for so much more
I’m going to take Fate by the hand
Loving you, girl, like you were meant to be
I know what you deserve and you will make me whole
Because that’s our Fate.
The End