The Academie

by Amy Joy

  “Thanks.”

  “For the record, I think it’s wrong for them to tell you how to pray.”

  “It’s not voodoo.”

  “Well, I don’t know what it is, but they give us enough restrictions. Soon they’ll be restricting what we think too.”

  We were silent for a while before she added, “I’m sure it’s not your fault, you know.”

  “Huh?”

  “I know you’re worried it is. You were talking in your sleep again.”

  “Oh.”

  She smiled. “You mention Bryan a lot too. He your man?”

  I appreciated the change of subject. “Was.”

  “Mine’s on the outside too. He says he’ll wait for me, but I ain’t countin’ on it.”

  “Yeah. I’m trying not to.”

  “But he’s fine?”

  “Oh yeah,” I smiled. “Very fine.”

  There was a pause. “Do I—do I keep you awake, talking at night?”

  “No, usually I’m awake anyway.”

  “Well, if I ever do, just tell me to shut up.”

  She smiled. “You bet.”

  It was a nice surprise to talk to Tina without the animosity that had been there before. I felt calmer as I went to sleep that night than I had in days.

  “Do you want to join my friends and me for breakfast?” I asked her the next morning. “I usually sit with Stevie—from class, and a few other people.

  “Sure. Why not?”

  I was surprised at her answer. I wanted to invite her, but somehow, I really didn’t expect her to take me up on it.

  We headed down to breakfast and found our table empty. “Guess we beat them here,” I said.

  Stevie joined us first, followed by Ruby and Robert.

  “Why hello,” Robert said in his suave way.

  Tina blushed. Robert had that affect on women.

  “So, another Saturday. What do you think they have in store for us this week?” he asked.

  I sighed. “Not more mixers and sports, I hope.”

  “Hey, that was fun last week,” Stevie said. She smiled, but I watched the smile fade and I knew she was remembering how that weekend ended.

  “How much can they find for us to do here?” Ruby asked.

  I rolled my eyes. “Seriously.”

  Tina was quiet through most of the meal, but she seemed to enjoy the company. I caught her more than once looking in Robert’s direction. I hadn’t even considered it before I invited her—they seemed so different—him so fussy and intellectual and her to so casual and no-nonsense—but you never know. I saw him catch her eye at one point and smile. Sure he flirts with all the girls, but I never saw him act quite like that before.

  The morning activity turned out to be schoolyard games—kickball, dodge ball, and several groups of four square. This was more my kind of thing. I caught sight of Matt headed for the dodge ball court and a sudden urge to chuck balls came over me.

  I sized him up in the circle. Then I got a ball and wailed it at him. Normally, I wasn’t that good of shot. But Fratelli’d been working us hard in Basic Fitness. Jenny and I talked daily about our progress, and I couldn’t tell for sure, but I thought she appeared to be dropping weight.

  “What the hell’s your problem?” Matt finally yelled after I clocked him again in our third game.

  “You are my problem.”

  The rest of the group backed away, and he pulled me away from the game. “What are you talking about?”

  “Who are you?”

  “Have you gone insane? Has losing your friend caused you to lose your mind?”

  He caught me off guard. “What do you mean losing? Do you know something?”

  “Forget it.”

  He tried to walk away, but I followed him.

  “No, I’m not going to forget it! Something has happened and no one will tell me anything. Now if you know something, tell me!”

  “Leave me alone.” He turned again and tried to walk away.

  “Stop walking away from me! What is wrong with you?”

  “Allie, get a hold of yourself! You are making a scene.”

  “I don’t care. Unlike you, I don’t feel the need to kiss the ass of every instructor here just to make it to the top of the class! Where’s it going to get you, Matt? You think you are going to get out any sooner? Oh wait, no. You probably don’t. You’d probably rather live here, where the staff all worships you. It’s not real Matt. None of it is real. This is nothing like the real world. Trust me; I’ve been there!”

  “Allie, you were in college. You think that’s the real world?”

  “It’s a hell of a lot more real than here!”

  “Whatever. I’m not helping you anymore.”

  “I don’t need your help. In case you forgot, I’m older than you. I can handle myself.”

  I thought having it out with Matt would make me feel better, but it didn’t. Instead, the feelings festered all through our Saturday afternoon movie marathon.

  At dinner Tina joined us again, as she had at lunch, and I found that having Shara’s seat full at the table somehow made me feel less empty. It seemed to have a good effect on the rest of the group as well. But the one who continued to seem happiest was Robert.

  “So I hear that tonight’s activity is gambling,” Stevie said.

  Tina looked interested. “How they going to pull that one off?”

  “I heard we’re all going to get play money to use at the casino tables,” Stevie said.

  Ruby looked up from poking her spaghetti. “That sounds fun. I’ve never gambled before.”

  “I never had the money for it,” Stevie said, laughing.

  Tina rolled her eyes. “Tell me about it.”

  “Are you going to join us, Allie?” Ruby asked.

  “I don’t know. I’m not feeling up to much.” I’d already told them all about my confrontation with Matt earlier that day.

  “It might make you feel better,” Ruby answered.

  I forced a smile. “Thanks, I think I might just go back to the dorm and relax.”

  Back in the room, I laid on my bed with my journal, contemplating what to say. Grandma was right giving me this. But what do you do when you don’t know what to say?

  I thought about all the people who had come and gone from my life in past year. Bryan and his parents, Mandy and my college friends, Shara.

  Now it was clear: I’d lost Matt too.

  We used to be close. Two years ago, Matt and I took one of the best vacations I could remember. I still don’t know how we talked mom and dad into letting us go without them, but the next thing I knew, we’d packed everything into my little Honda Civic and headed off to camp in the Blue Ridge Mountains. It rained almost every day we were there. But we laughed and joked and did everything our parents never let us do. We’d never been closer.

  Then The Academie came.

  It changed everything.

  23. tumbling into fairytale

  That night, after tossing and turning for hours thinking about Matt, I shifted my thoughts to happier times in the hope I might finally fall asleep.

  “Um, how do you clean up flour?” I remember asking Bryan as I looked at the massive mess we’d made in a matter of seconds.

  “Vacuum probably, but I don’t want to wake my parents.”

  “Good point. Do you have a broom? Maybe we can sweep most of it and get the rest with a washcloth?” I glanced around, realizing then that even in places we hadn’t been, a light layer of flour had somehow settled itself. “Oh man, this may take a while.”

  “Okay, I have a suggestion,” he said. “How about we finish making the dough and get the cookies into the oven, and then we can work on cleaning while the cookies bake? Then in nine minutes, at least we’ll have something to enjoy while we clean, right?”

  I smiled. “I like the way you think.”

  Forty-five minutes later, we had the last tray of cookies in the oven, a third of what we baked already eaten, and most of the flour
cleaned up. We actually had a good deal of it cleaned up pretty quick, before we realized that we were both covered in so much that we were actually making messes as we went. Then we tiptoed out the back door—trying not to drop any more flour—and shook off outside before returning for the final clean up. When that was finished, one at a time—so we could still keep an eye on the cookies—we took turns changing into clean clothes. The only other thing I had with me—besides my bedclothes—was the outfit I brought for tomorrow. I decided it was better than wearing the floury ones for the rest of the evening, so I put them on.

  “So, you were right,” he said as we began putting cookies into tins. “Stirring makes all the difference.”

  “And keeping the ingredients cool,” I reminded. “Because if the butter melts in the batter, it changes the consistency and they end up thin and runny.

  He smiled. “I hope I remember that the next time I make them,” he said as he took another cookie, “because these are the best I’ve had.”

  I grinned, proud of myself. They were pretty damn good. I grabbed another.

  “Oh! I just remembered,” he exclaimed, finishing his cookie and running to the window to look out. “There’s supposed to be a meteor shower tonight!”

  “What? Are you kidding?”

  He turned back from the window and shook his head. “I used to watch it every year with my parents when I was growing up. Man, I almost forgot! Do you want to see if we can see any of it?”

  “Sure,” I said, not exactly sure what I was getting myself into.

  “How about we grab the blankets my mom left out and use those to lie in the grass in the backyard?”

  “Are you sure she won’t mind?” The Allens kept their house nice enough that I had a feeling there were probably rules about what stuff could go outside let alone lay on the bare ground.

  “She’s so happy to have me home right now, I think I could get away with anything.”

  I was surprised to hear him talk like this; it seemed so uncharacteristic. I think my expression might have conveyed my confusion.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll grab our picnic blanket and lay that down on the grass first. We can use these on top in case we get cold. It felt pretty chilly out there a bit ago.” That sounded more like it.

  We put away the last of the cookies, turned off the oven, and wiped the counter clean. Then I helped him gather up the blankets, and we headed out the back door. There was a large open space between the patio and the garden, and I headed there while Bryan messed with the porch light.

  “I guess I’ll have to get that in a minute, after we get our stuff set up,” he called softly as he ran to catch up with me. He laid what he called ‘the picnic blanket’ on the ground first, while I held onto the rest of the covers. Then he laid a fuzzy blanket on top of that. “This’ll keep us warm, since the picnic blanket doesn’t provide much insulation,” he said, straightening the wrinkles. I threw the rest of the blankets in a pile at one end. “I’ll be right back,” Bryan called as he ran back to the house.

  I pulled off my shoes, climbed onto the fuzzy blanket, and began to make myself at home. It was really quite comfortable. But the August night air did have a moist chill to it, so I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around me as the porch light clicked off.

  Moments later, I could hear Bryan shuffling back in my direction. Then I felt the soft movement of the blanket as he sat down and began untying his shoes. “See anything yet?”

  “Nope.”

  “Oh good; then I didn’t miss anything.” He reached down, grabbed the last blanket and then laid down close by my side. I felt my insides tumble. “Have you ever watched a meteor shower before?” he asked quietly.

  “No….To be honest, I don’t really know anything about them.” I couldn’t focus on the sky overhead. All I could think about was how close he was to me. My heart beat quickly. My voice wobbled as I spoke. I hoped he didn’t notice. “Do they happen often?”

  “Yeah. A few times a year you can see them. My parents began bringing me out here to watch the meteor showers when I was an infant, so I guess I’ve been watching them my whole life. Some are bigger than others. Tonight’s isn’t supposed to be huge, so I don’t know if we’ll be able to see much— especially with the cloud cover and the lights from the city. We are just far enough out of town that on clear nights I’ve been able to see pretty good before. Of course,” he corrected himself, “that was before a lot of the new buildings were put in.

  Just then I saw a speck streak across the sky. “Oh! I think I saw one!”

  “Really?” He sat up, readjusted himself on the blanket, and when he laid back down, his arm rested against mine. My stomach did flips.

  “So, I don’t want to sound stupid,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, “but what’s the difference between a shooting star and a meteor?”

  “Oh, good question. Well, a star is on fire—like our sun—and a meteor is a chunk of rock, like the earth—except, thankfully we’ve never yet had one that big. Unless that is, you believe in certain theories of the origins of our planet.” He seemed to recognize the tangent he was about to get off on and continued. “Anyway, shooting stars are basically other suns light years away that are dying out. Because they are so far away and the light takes so long to reach our eyes, by the time we see them, they’ve actually already been gone for millions of years.”

  “Oh yeah, I remember hearing that. Cool.”

  “And a meteor is chunk of rock that bursts into flame when it hits the earth’s atmosphere. Oftentimes the two look very much the same though. But in times of meteor showers—like tonight—you might get to see a whole lot of them all in one evening.”

  “Oh! I think I just saw another one!”

  “Oh really? I’m missing them all!”

  “Wait, no. That one just turned back on. I think it was a lightening bug.” Fortunately, it was dark enough that he wouldn’t be able to see how red my face was turning.

  He laughed lightly, then whispered in my ear. “I’ve done that. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.”

  “Yeah, it is.” I could barely get the words out. I felt dizzy in the moonlight, with him so close to me—this amazing guy who was far too good to be true.

  Then I felt his hand reach over and find mine. His touch sent electricity soaring through my body. We wove our fingers together for the first time, and it felt amazing just to be there, close to him… I never wanted it to end.

  I laid there, looking up at the sky, but not seeing. All I could think about was his hand in mine, his body so close, and his quiet, rhythmic breathing. We laid there like that for I don’t know how long, and I’d tighten my grip on his hand every now and then just be sure it was real, and then I’d remember this perfect moment could only be for tonight, and I felt as though my heart might rip in two.

  “I’m crazy about you, Allie,” Bryan said, breaking the silence.

  “You too,” I said to him and the starry sky.

  I didn’t know if I should smile or cry. It seemed too cruel that we’d be brought together, only to be torn apart. I tried desperately to hold on to the moment, to blaze it into my memory forever.

  “I’m not seeing anything,” he said softly a while later. “Are you still awake?” He propped himself on one elbow, angled my way, allowing him to hover slightly over me.

  “Yeah,” I said. Though my eyes had fully adjusted to the dark, I could still barely make out his features in the darkness.

  “You were quiet for so long, I thought you might have fallen asleep.” His free hand brushed the loose strands of hair from my forehead. “You can sleep if you want. I know you must be tired.”

  “I’m okay.” I was exhausted, but I didn’t want to waste even a moment of the time that I had with him by sleeping. There’d be plenty of time for that later, after I’d survived the goodbye.

  “You’re beautiful,” he said, stroking my cheeks and lightly touching my forehead. I wondered if he was trying to make out
my face in the darkness as desperately as I was trying to discern his.

  “I’ve never felt so lucky and so unlucky all at the same time,” he said a moment later. “I mean, here you are, and being with you is…perfect….But tomorrow I have to go back there….” His voice cracked, and it sounded like he was trying to hold back tears.

  I gently touched his face, then moved my hand across his cropped hair. I smiled softly as it tickled my palm. And then he bent down and kissed me ever so gently on the forehead. I had never been kissed there before. The sensation sent warm chills running through my body.

  The clouds parted, showering us in moonlight. I could clearly make out every feature of his perfect face—now only inches from mine. His eyes were so deep, so dark, and the way he looked at me, it was as if for the first time, someone really saw who I was.

  I lost myself in his gaze…somehow my life had tumbled into a fairytale. It was to be too good to be true. He smiled, and I stopped doubting. I smiled back, and he leaned over and kissed me ever so gently.

  24. please stay…

  As we laid in his backyard, I must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I knew, a much groggier version of myself had the sensation of being lifted up. Then I felt the gentle rocking motion of being carried.

  I eased open my sleep-swollen eyes and saw Bryan cradling me in his arms, turning sideways to fit us through the door without bumping my head or feet on the frame. He walked through without closing it and continued down the hall in the direction of his parent’s bedroom. He stopped short of where I had seen them go earlier, and made an abrupt right. Then I could feel myself being gently laid on a bed.

  “Sorry to wake you,” he said softly when he saw me looking up at him through sleepy eyes. “You were shivering, so I thought I better bring you in so you don’t get sick.”

  I watched him as he walked to the other side of the bed. “Here, you can get in the covers to warm up,” he said, pulling the comforter back from the bed.