The Academie

by Amy Joy

  31. spring

  I felt strange as I went back to class. My solitary life had been disrupted, reminding me of where I was and causing my brain to switch back into gear. On top of that, I had strange butterfly feelings inside me now—confusing feelings. Cayden was lean, built, attractive, and obviously interested in me. But I had—

  Did I have anything?

  I wasn’t sure anymore. I thought I’d given up all hope of any future with Bryan. But even with Cayden right there in front of me, I couldn’t picture myself with anyone but Bryan.

  I didn’t want to.

  But in my brief interaction with Cayden I realized something else: I needed him. I needed friends. I needed people who cared about me. It was what I had been missing. And I kicked myself now thinking of how I had pushed Ruby and the others away. Maybe they needed me too, and I had let them down. Would they forgive me?

  “Hi,” I said meekly, setting down my tray at dinner that evening.

  “Hi,” Ruby answered, looking surprised.

  “She lives!” Robert declared.

  I looked around the table.

  “Girl, you haven’t said two words in weeks,” Tina said.

  “Look, I’m really sorry.”

  Ruby looked at me sweetly. “For what?”

  “For being a jerk.”

  Stevie wasn’t smiling. “We were worried.”

  I had completely taken them for granted. Now I really felt like a jerk. Here’s Ruby, a woman who’s been away from her child for six months now, and rather than collapsing under the grief, she’d found a way to pull herself together. Each of the others had their own struggles and yet they seemed to be managing fine. Meanwhile, I’d been the pale-faced zombie chick, wallowing in my own misery. Pathetic.

  “I’m glad to see you’re looking better,” Ruby said.

  “Thanks.” I smiled, and it felt good.

  I saw Cayden depart from the food line. He caught my glance and smiled. “You’re looking better,” he said, arriving beside me.

  “I feel better too, thanks.” I felt awkward then and realized I needed to introduce my table mates. “This is Ruby,” I said, gesturing across the table. “And Stevie, Tina, and Robert. This is Cayden,” I said, looking at the group around the table. “He’s in my...” I looked at him, not quite sure, “History class?”

  “Earth Science.” He smiled and shook his head.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” Ruby said. Her eyes darted from mine to his and she began to grin. “Would you like to join us?” she asked. There was no doubt what she was thinking. I had told Ruby all about Bryan, and I had gotten the distinct impression she believed he was someone I needed to forget because three years was too long to be separated for anything to continue.

  Stevie and Tina scooted over, making room for Cayden to sit next to me.

  I felt unsure as he sat down. If I befriended him without the intention of dating, was I leading him on?

  “So, Cayden, what’s your area of study?” Robert asked.

  “I’m undecided, actually.” It was clear that he was embarrassed by his answer.

  “I’m undecided too,” I said, hoping to ease his discomfort. “Well, I think I’ve had about every major imaginable now, but I can’t figure out which to go with. I mean, I like a lot of things—except biology—but how am I supposed to choose what I am going to do for the rest of my life?”

  He smiled as he listened. Apparently, I was saying the right things. I’m not sure if this was helping me in my plot to become friends and nothing more.

  “Ruby knows what she wants to do,” I said, gesturing to her across the table.

  “That’s not entirely true,” she defended.

  “Oh come on, you know a heck of a lot more than I do!”

  “But I still don’t really know.”

  “She’s studying biology,” I said for her, looking at Cayden.

  “But I don’t know what field,” she said. “And these days, you need to know.”

  “Fine. But at least you have somewhat of a plan. I’m still floating out there in the great oblivion trying to figure out what the hell I’m doing.”

  “You’ll figure it out soon enough,” she said. She was such a mom.

  “At least here you don’t have to waste money trying to figure it out,” Stevie said. Leave it to Stevie to find a bright side to things.

  As the weeks went by, Cayden moved his seat over to sit by me in class, and he joined us regularly for meals. He was a welcome addition to our group, though I think Robert missed being the only guy surrounded by women. I still wondered if I might be leading Cayden on, but Ruby insisted I shouldn’t worry about it, and Cayden really hadn’t pushed the issue, so I tried to not to think about it.

  At last the sun began to shine again, and the snow and the sadness that had covered my world all winter long finally melted away.

  32. visitation

  It was mid-March when I was unexpectedly pulled from Biology class.

  “You have a visitor,” an unknown Sergeant said as he walked me down the hall. He was tall, dark-haired, middle-aged, and no-nonsense. He looked straight ahead as he walked, as if he were trying to forget I was there.

  “A visitor? Who?”

  “Your parents.” His voice was deep and gruff. Each word sent chills up my spine.

  “Really? How? I thought all visits were supposed to be scheduled in advance.”

  “They are.”

  “So how are they able to visit?”

  “It was scheduled.” He persisted in not looking at me, and I found this and his short answers aggravating.

  “When was it scheduled?”

  “Weeks ago.”

  “What? Why wasn’t I notified?”

  “Why should you be?” He walked briskly, and I had to jog a few steps to keep up.

  “Well, it’d have been nice to know!”

  “It is not our policy to notify students before a visit.”

  Despite the fact that it’d been almost seven months since I saw them last, I wasn’t actually sure I wanted to see my parents after the way they dumped me off here. I never really considered the idea that they might visit, but I’d spent many sleepless nights planning out all the horrible things I’d say to them when I graduated.

  But I did want to see Andy. I thought about him often. He’d probably grown inches already. Just before I left, I noticed how his arms seemed to be too long for his body again—as if his legs and torso were preparing to shoot up another few inches. I’d seen him go through many growth spurts and was dreading the one that would take him over my height, as Matt did recently. At that point, the relationship changes forever. Hopefully, Andy and mine will change in better ways than Matt and mine...

  “Do you know if my little brother is here?”

  “Not that I am aware.”

  I pouted as I followed Sergeant Serious around the corner just in time to see him enter the medical ward.

  “What are we doing here?”

  “Routine exam.”

  “What? Why? Where are my parents?”

  “You’ve been living in a confined environment for some time now Miss. We don’t want to infect anyone on the outside with anything that may be brewing in here, and we don’t want you bringing in outside germs or illnesses either.”

  “But I haven’t been sick since I entered this place. Not a cough or a sniffle.”

  “Doesn’t matter. It’s procedure.”

  “Right.” I swore the medical establishment looked for any excuse to poke or prod me.

  I saw a man in a white coat and dark pants enter the room along with a woman in teddy bear print scrubs.

  “Miss Thompson, come in,” the doctor said, ushering me into the little, white room. He was short with stubby gray hair skirting his head, drawing attention to the top that was completely bare. “I’m Dr. Mike.” Great, a doctor that thinks that calling him by his first name will somehow make me more comfortable. He looked up over his glasses. “Miss Thompson has a vi
sit today,” he said to the nurse who was busy restocking a cabinet.

  “Oh good,” she said. The private looks they exchanged made my skin recoil.

  “It’s nothing, dear,” he said, looking at me. “Just a few routine procedures. You’ll be visiting your parents before you know it.”

  I didn’t feel comforted.

  “Hop up here, please,” the nurse said, directing me to the examining table. I hesitated. What if I didn’t? I still wasn’t even sure that I wanted the visit. I considered backing out of the room. I was still close enough to the door that I could simply say ‘no thank you’ and make a run for it.

  Reluctantly, I climbed onto the table. The doctor pulled the standard tools from his pocket and began examining my eyes, ears, and throat. “Looks good,” he said, still a little too close to my face. “How do you feel?”

  “Fine, I guess.”

  “Getting enough sleep?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay. Well, looks like all you need is the routine Vitamin B.”

  I felt relieved until I saw the nurse leaving the area where she’d been messing with the cabinets. Now I saw she was holding a needle and headed my way.

  “What? A shot? Why?”

  “Vitamin B, like I said. It’ll boost your immune system and keep you safe from contracting outside pathogens during your visit.”

  “It’s my parents; how dangerous can they be? They don’t even go anywhere. I’m sure they’re not diseased.”

  “Sorry, but it’s our policy. No visit without a vitamin shot.”

  “Can’t you just mark on your sheet that I got one and let me go?”

  “Nice try,” he answered. “Nurse Apple,” he said to the lady in the teddy bear scrubs. “It’s all you.”

  “Sleeve up, Miss Thompson,” the nurse said. I reluctantly pulled at the sleeve on my right arm. Nurse Apple stood impatiently brandishing the syringe. I tried to turn my head away, but I couldn’t get my eyes off the needle. How could a vitamin shot be so huge? Besides, who ever thought putting vitamins in a needle was a good idea?

  As these thoughts reeled through my brain, the room began to blur and the sensation of falling came over me.

  My eyes took a minute to refocus, and as they did, I found that I was now alone in another room. I could hear voices in the outside hall.

  I sat up and straightened my hair the best I could. Then I set to work on straightening my clothes. As I did, I noticed that the Academie emblem on my uniform was pulling away from the fabric. There was also a bandage on the top of my left hand. I must have fallen when I passed out…

  Minutes later, a blonde nurse I had not seen before came bustling into the room.

  “Ah, you’re up; good. It’s almost time for your visit.”

  “What happened?”

  “From what I hear, you passed out when you received your vitamin shot.”

  I wanted to defend myself—it was a really big shot after all—but somehow I knew that anything I might say would only become the subject of office ridicule later in the day.

  “Where are my parents?”

  “Down in the office. I will show you there in just a few minutes.”

  She walked back out, and I was left to stare at the pale gray walls. Was this the room I’d passed out in when I started at The Academie?

  I jumped off of the examining table and began to pace the room. At least the worst of it is over, I told myself.

  After I’d done enough pacing to wear a path in the floor, the nurse returned to take me to my parents. She led me down a corridor I didn’t remember, opened a door on the left, and there, to my surprise, was the room I’d visited Matt in over a year ago. My parents were now seated along one side of the table.

  “Allie!” mom said, getting up to hug me. She was all smiles, which surprised me after the way we’d said goodbye.

  Dad made no motion to get up for a hug, so I walked over and leaned down to give him one anyway. He didn’t seem to mind hugging, but he wasn’t one to initiate it either.

  Mom sat back down, and I took a seat across the table.

  “So, what are you doing here?” I asked.

  “Well, we came to visit Matt, and we thought you might like a visit as well,” mom said.

  “I’m surprised. I didn’t really expect you to.”

  “Allie, you know we only want the best for you,” she said.

  Dad was quiet.

  “Yeah, I know mom,” I said, laughing to myself and rolling my eyes. Maybe they did, but sometimes their logic seemed so corrupt.

  “So, what’s been going on with you guys?” I asked, changing the subject.

  “Well, we’ve been busy taking care of my mom’s estate.”

  “What? Why? Where’s grandma?”

  “Oh, right…”she looked at my father, hesitating. “Allie, grandma passed away.”

  “What? When? How?” Tears filled my eyes as the shock melted into realization.

  “About a month ago, she—”

  “A MONTH AGO? Why wasn’t I notified?”

  “Allie, I knew you would react this way—”

  “THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?”

  “Allie, keep your voice down,” dad said.

  I narrowed my eyes at him, then turned back to face my mom. “I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell Matt and I.”

  They didn’t respond.

  Then mom started to look uncomfortable.

  “Matt knew, didn’t he?”

  Mom looked away. “Yes.”

  I sat there with my mouth agape, unable to form words or make sense of any of it. How could they visit him and not me? How could he know and see me every day and not say anything?

  I stewed, and we sat in silence until my father finally spoke. “Allie, you have to understand, your grandmother was dying, your mother was grieving, and you guys had been fighting…”

  “But it’s my grandma. How could you not tell me?”

  I looked from one to other, but neither made an attempt to offer any response.

  “So did Matt go to the funeral?” I was trying hold back the tears, but I felt like I was going to explode, and the pain came through in my cracked, strained voice.

  “No,” dad said. “We told him that he needed to stay and focus on his studies, and he agreed.”

  “I can’t believe this.”

  I wanted them to say they were sorry, but it was clear that an apology would never come.

  “So how’s Andy handling all of this? Wait—how did she die? Was it her heart?”

  “Yes, it was peaceful,” mom said. Her heart slowly gave out and she went to sleep. Hospice was there to make it easier.”

  “Andrew is fine,” dad said.

  I wondered if this were even remotely true. They always underestimated Andy.

  We sat in silence. I was so hurt and angry; I didn’t know what to say. I began watching the clock behind them. With each tick of the second hand I counted down the moments until I’d be released from this visit from hell.

  “Well, I guess if we don’t have anything more to talk about, then we better let you get back to class,” dad finally said.

  “Yeah, I guess so.” I pushed out the chair and headed for the door.

  Under normal circumstances, this visit might have ended with hugs and kisses and promises for another visit soon.

  But this wasn’t that kind of a visit.

  33. overlapping spaces

  Back in the hall, I quickly became disoriented.

  Why doesn’t any of this look familiar? I hadn’t really paid attention when the nurse brought me to the visiting room, but given the fact that I had now been an Academie student for over seven months, I thought I’d know the building by now. But it didn’t help that the lighting in this area wasn’t good. It seemed that due to a lack of traffic, the administration had decided to make energy cutbacks in this part of the school.

  I wandered down the hall, searching for anything that looked familiar. Then out of the darkness and hea
ding in my direction, I saw the last nurse who had helped me.

  “Where have you been?” She looked nervously down the hall, over my shoulder.

  “Nowhere. Just visiting my parents. Then I headed here.”

  “Oh good.” A weak smile replaced her nervous frown.

  “Did you have a good visit?”

  “Well, I found out my grandma died a month ago.”

  A shocked look met my eyes, but she quickly refocused on the hallway ahead of her as she walked. “Well, I’m sure they didn’t want to interfere with your education. The policy of course is to limit visits and prevent removal from the facility as much as possible.”

  “Yeah, but come on. A death in the family has to be the exception.” My mind suddenly flashed to Mandy—my friend from college whose mother was quite ill. Would she be notified if anything happened? For Mandy’s sake, I hoped so.

  We reached the office where I had recovered from my needle shock, and the nurse ushered me in.

  “Now what?”

  “Just a few more routine things before we can send you back to class.”

  “Seriously?”

  She answered by grabbing a manila file with my name on it.

  “Well, at least there are no more shots, right?”

  She smiled instead of answering.

  “Take a seat on the table, please. The doctor will be with you shortly.”

  She closed the door behind her, and in defiance I resumed pacing.

  A few minutes later, a woman in a white coat and stethoscope necklace walked in. “I’m Dr. Cran. Did you have a nice visit?”

  “Yeah. Thanks.” I put on my best fake smile. “Where’s the other doctor?”

  “He’s with another patient.”

  “You get that many people coming in and out of here?” She didn’t answer. “So, what now? Why can’t I just go back to class?”

  “There are a few precautionary measures to insure the health and safety of everyone in our facility.” She looked me over. “You look healthy. I don’t suppose we have anything to worry about.”