Pretend Daddy: A Fake Marriage Romance

by Amy Brent

  Earl looked disappointed as he took a step back to stand beside the bench. His big shoulders went up and down. “Fine. Whatever. I’ll just tell the boys to be ready, your honor.”

  “Good plan,” Holden said, the gavel bouncing in the palm of his left hand. He stared directly at me with a look of utter disdain on his face. “Well, skanky whore? How do you plead?”

  “Can he call me that?” I asked, leaning over to whisper in Izzy’s ear.

  “He can if it’s the truth,” Izzy said nonchalantly, still not looking at me. She was leaning back in the chair painting her fingernails blood red.

  “How do you plead, you crazy nympho bitch?” Holden asked again. He aimed the gavel my way, closing one eye like he was sighting a pistol. For a moment I thought he was going to throw it at me.

  “Um… I plead… not guilty!” I announced, even though I felt guilty as hell and somehow knew there was no point in putting up a defense. There couldn’t be a point. I was drop dead guilty of every charge and everyone in the courtroom knew it. But I lied anyway. I pleaded not guilty. The words tasted like sulfur on my tongue.

  Izzy stopped painting her nails and gave me a sideways look “Seriously? Not guilty? You are the guiltiest bitch I know. You’re seriously gonna plead not guilty?”

  I frowned at her. “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to say?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Bitch, are you guilty or not?”

  I thought about the question for a moment as I glanced around the courtroom. Keith’s head was sandwiched between his arms on the plaintiff’s desk. His shoulders bounced up and down as the sobs shuddered through him. Old man Markle had taken off the robe and was sitting naked now, giving me the stink eye as he adjusted his wig with one hand and tugged on his cock with the other. His cock was no longer small and withered. It was huge and dark and veiny, like a foot-long sausage about to pop from its casing. For a moment, I thought I saw it smile at me. Markle grinned and licked his lips as he stared back at me.

  It wasn’t just Markle staring at me. I could feel the heat of every eye on me now, burning my skin, making me sweat. I gave Izzy a pleading look, but it was no use. Even my best friend had already judged me guilty. She blew on her wet nails and called me a skanky bitch. I slumped back in the chair and let my body go limp.

  Holden rolled his eyes at me for a moment, then waved the gavel at Earl, who was now seated in front of the bench and typing on a court reporter machine. Holden said, “Fine, whatever, let the record show that the defendant is also a fucking liar and has pled not guilty to all charges.” He waved a hand toward Izzy. “Counselor? You may call your first witness.”

  Izzy got to her feet and spread out her hands. “I got nothing, your honor. Like you said, the defendant is a fucking liar who refuses to accept responsibility for her actions.” She pointed a red nail toward the plaintiff’s table. “In fact, I’d like to sit over there for the rest of the trial. I don’t want to get none of her skank on my clean robe.”

  “Motion granted,” Holden said, gaveling striking the sound block loud enough to make me jump. “You may move away from the guilty bitch.”

  “You’re on your own, skank,” Izzy growled. She moved to sit on the other side of Keith at the plaintiff’s table. She put a hand on Keith’s back and started rubbing circles in an attempt to soothe him.

  “Iz? Izzy? Don’t you fucking abandon me, too!” I was screaming but she ignored me. I could barely see because my eyes were overflowing with tears. I turned to face Holden. “Holden, please, you know me. You know deep down I’m a good person. You know that. You’ve told me that.”

  “I told you what you wanted to hear so you’d let me fuck you in the ass,” Holden said with a bored sigh. He turned toward Markle, who was still staring at me, beating his meat beneath the table. “Mr. Markle, first of all, let me apologize for the suffering this defendant has personally caused you.”

  “No… problem… your honor…” Markle said, the words coming out on gusts of air. “I’ll… be fine… in a… minute…”

  “Uh, Mr. Markle, could you could stop doing that for a moment.” Markle’s hand did not slow or stop. He grunted a few times, but no words came out. Holden shook his head and blew out his cheeks. “Fine. Okay. Just try not to make too big of a mess. You may call your first witness.”

  Markle’s hand didn’t stop when he stood up to address the court. In fact, his cock had grown even larger, to comic proportions, like some weird porno special effect. Using two hands to pump himself now, he said, “Your honor… there’s no need to… prolong the inevitable... Miss Allen is guilty as fuck… and we all know it.” He turned toward the jury and arched his bushy eyebrows. “Right, peeps?” Every head nodded as Markle turned back to face Holden. His cock had grown so big that he had rested it on the table and stood flexing his crooked, old fingers. “So, let’s cut the shit, your honor and put this bitch away. And I’m going to need a little help getting this home. Unless you would allow me to shove it up this guilty bitch’s twat before you pass sentence.”

  “Just hold your horses for a moment, Mr. Markle,” Holden said, hands patting the air. He directed the gavel at me again and told me to stand the fuck up. I slowly pushed myself up from the table. I realized that the orange jumpsuit and pink fuzzy slippers were gone.

  I was still in chains, but totally naked now. I was smeared in what looked and smelled like… shit. I held up my hands. They were covered in… I took a whiff… fuck… it was shit… I was covered in shit from head to toe…

  My head suddenly felt cold. I brought up my fingertips up to find that my long hair had been shaved down to stubble. I rubbed my shitty hands over my scalp and started to cry.

  Holden glared at me with hatred in his eyes. “Judith Rebecca Allen, also known as ‘Jude’, also known as ‘skanky bitch’, also known as ‘fucking slut’, also known as ‘class whore’, also known as ‘the fuck machine’, you are hereby found guilty of being a self-centered cunt who does whatever feels good without worrying about who you might be hurt along the way.”

  “That’s not true,” I said. “Holden, please…”

  “You are also found guilty of trying to blame your uncontrolled urges on an outdated psychological concept as a way of reconciling your actions.” He shook his head and scoffed. “Nymphomania, what a load of shit.”

  “But, I have been diagnosed.” I turned to the therapist who first diagnosed and fucked me when I was just a teenager. He was sitting in the first row with his arm around Keith’s wife. Her hand was rubbing his knee. She had stopped crying and was grinning at me.

  I pointed at him and raised my voice. “Ask him! He is the one who said I was a nymphomaniac! Ask him!”

  The therapist held up his hands and shook his head. “I totally agree with the court, your honor. She fucked up my life, too.”

  “Let the record show that another victim has come forward,” Holden said, nodding at Earl, who grunted and kept on typing. Holden directed his judgmental gaze back to me. It broke my heart to see such anger in his eyes.

  He asked, “Do you have any last words before this court passes judgment?”

  I looked all around the room. Everyone in the gallery was staring at me. Keith’s wife and children were looking at me with such hatred that I felt the heat of their eyes on my cheeks. Markle’s hands had fallen still, though his cock remained laid out on the table like a beached walrus.

  Keith had lifted his head from the table and was starting at me through tearful eyes. Izzy had moved to sit on Earl’s lap at the reporter’s station. Her robe was off now. Earl was massaging her brown tits as he glared at me with the eyes of an angry pit bull looking for something to attack.

  I looked toward Holden, hoping to find a friendly face, or at least a sympathetic one. There was no was sympathy to be had. He was leaning back with his arms crossed over his thick chest, slowly shaking his head.

  I said, “I guess all I can say is… I’m sorry…”

  “That’s it?” Holden asked
, snorting a laugh. “You’re sorry.”

  “The bitch is sorry,” Izzy said, huffing. “Amazing.”

  “Sorry doesn’t cut it, your honor!” Markle said, his voice cracking. He gestured at the giant cock on the table, comically attached to his skinny body. “Look what you did to me. Look what you left me with. Sorry… fuck your apology… and fuck you!”

  “She’s sorry…” Keith muttered, glancing back at his wife and kids. “After everything she did… after destroying our lives… all she can say is she’s fucking sorry. Can you believe that, kids? The cunt who fucked up all our lives is sorry.”

  Keith’s son, who looked to be about five or six, slid off his mom’s lap and toddled toward me. He held up his stubby middle fingers and growled at me. “Fuck you’re sorry,” he said in an adorable little voice. “And fuck you for fucking my daddy!” He turned and ran back to his mother and buried his adorable little face between her breasts.

  “What shall be sufficient punishment for this guilty bitch?” Holden asked, getting to his feet and spreading out his hands. He looked toward Keith’s wife. “What say you, Mrs. Calloway?”

  Keith’s wife and kids stood up and faced me. With the kids clutched to her sides, she calmly said, “Death, your honor. Death to the skanky bitch!”

  I snorted. “You can’t be serious.”

  The gallery got to its feet and started to chant in unison. “Death! Death! Death! Death!”

  Izzy and Earl started clapping like they were in church and singing together. “Death! Death! Death!”

  I was horrified. I wrapped my arms around myself and looked back to Holden. “Please, Holden… please…”

  He just shrugged with his eyes and held up his hands. “Hey, the people have spoken. Death to the bitch. My hands are tied.”

  “But, Holden, I…”

  “Oh, one other thing,” Holden said, leaning over the bench to finally offer me a smile. “You know that song, Hey Jude?”

  I swallowed hard, blinked at him. “Yes.”

  “I hate that fucking song.” With that he slammed the gavel down hard on the sound block, making the floor beneath my feet open up. I fell into a fiery hole to forever burn in my own sins.

  Wow. What a lousy fucking dream.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Jude

  Izzy knocked quietly on my bedroom door then stuck her head in before I could tell her to go away. I knew I should have locked the door, not that that would have stopped Izzy. If Izzy wanted in, she would get in. And if she couldn’t somehow unlock the door, she’d just get Earl to smash it in.

  She called out to me in that sing-song voice of hers. “Hey, Jude, that was Professor Moss at the door. Again.”

  “I don’t want to see him,” I said, my head buried beneath the covers. “I don’t want to see anyone.” I suddenly remembered how she had treated me in the dream. I growled at her under my breath. “And I’m pretty pissed at you right now!”

  The room was dark even though it was after three in the afternoon. I had the blackout shades down and the curtains pulled tight. The only light in the room was the red glow of the numbers on the digital alarm clock on the nightstand: 3:12 PM.

  I heard Izzy take a deep breath and walk into the room, leaving the bedroom door open wide enough to let the light shine in from the hallway. I felt the bed bounce as she climbed in next to me. She lay behind me and looped her arm around my shoulders to spoon with me.

  “You can’t stay in this cave for the rest of your life, little bear,” she said softly in my ear, giving me a good squeeze. “And this whole ‘I’m so depressed’ thing is getting pretty old. So how about you crawl out of your hole and go take a shower while I heat you up a nice can of soup.”

  “I don’t want soup and I don’t need a shower,” I said angrily, sticking my head out from under the covers to glare at her. My hair was greasy and matted to my head. Izzy was right. I reeked of sweat and self-pity.

  “Uh, you might not need soup but you could sure use a shower,” she said, playfully shoving her nose against my hair and taking a deep whiff. “Lordy girl, you’re starting to smell like an old sock. My nose is pretty pissed off at you right now.”

  “Then get the fuck off me!” I snapped, trying to push her away. “Just get out of my room and leave me the fuck alone!”

  I heard her take a deep breath as she pulled her arm from around me. “You’re going to force me to do something I don’t really want to do,” she said.

  “Go. Away.”

  “You’re making me take drastic measures, missy. This ain’t gonna be pretty.”

  I pulled the comforter down a little more and glanced over my shoulder at her. In the darkened room, I could just make out the outline of her dark face. She was not smiling. Fearing the answer, I asked, “What are you going to do?”

  Without another word, Izzy jumped to her feet on the bed and started bouncing up and down as if she was on a trampoline. She grabbed the comforter and jerked it off my naked body, wadding it up and throwing it to the floor. As she bounced up and down she started to sing with her hands swaying in the air.

  “YMCA! IT’S FUN TO STAY AT THE Y-M-C-A-A!!”

  “GODDAMMIT, IZZY!” I screamed at her as my body bounced up and down on the bed, my big tits flouncing on my chest. “Fucking stop it you crazy bitch! Get off my fucking bed!”

  “You fucking stop it!” she roared, still bouncing. “IT’S FUN TO STAY AT THE—"

  “Stop what? I’m not doing anything!”

  “Y-M-C-A! Y-M-C-A-A!!”

  “Izzy!! Stop what??”

  “Stop blaming yourself for everybody else’s problems, you crazy bitch!” she said, bouncing, panting. “It’s not your fault Keith Calloway is a fucking psycho asshole piece of shit! Stop feeling sorry for him and stop feeling sorry for yourself!”

  “I’m not!”

  “Bullshit! And stop avoiding Holden Moss, you moron! The guy really cares for you!”

  “How the fuck do you know that?” I asked.

  “Because he just told me he does!” She stopped bouncing and started breathing hard. She put her hands on her knees with her feet straddling my hips, huffing and puffing as she looked down at me. “Fuck, I might need a doctor. And why are you naked?”

  “You just don’t understand, Iz,” I said, ignoring her question and glaring up at her with tears in my eyes. “Keith was a good guy. He had a wife and kids. A home. A good job. A good life. I fucked all that up. I fucked him up! I’ll never forgive myself for that!”

  “That’s bullshit,” Izzy said, lowering herself to sit on my belly. “Keith was always fucked up, even before you got involved with him. You just gave the psycho son of a bitch something to focus on! You did his wife and kids a favor!”

  “No, no I didn’t,” I said quietly. “If I’d never zeroed in on him… If I had never gone into that classroom intent on seducing him…”

  “Jude, for pete’s fucking sake, nobody knew the guy was married,” Izzy said, reaching down to brush strands of red hair from my face. “Do you think you were the first student he ever fucked?”

  I blinked at her. “No, he told me he had sex with other students.”

  “So that’s on him,” Izzy said. “He hid the fact that he was married. He screwed more girls than just you. You just happened to be with him when he got caught by his wife! The guy is a lying, cheating, fucking asshole, Jude. Stop beating yourself up over this cocksucker! He’s not worth it.”

  “I’m not so sure,” I said, sniffing back tears.

  “What I know is that you have a wonderful man who is worrying himself sick over you,” Izzy said, putting her hands on my boobs and giving them a playful squeeze. “And you’re letting these perfect titties go to waste when that man could be squeezing and kissing them for you.”

  I grinned and pushed her hands away, covering my tits with my arms. “Are you sure you’re not a lesbian, Iz?”

  “Fuck no, girl, I ain’t munching on your red rug so don’t bother asking,” Izzy said, moving h
er hands to my cheeks. She squeezed her hands together, pooching out my lips. “I just love the fuck out of you, that’s all.”

  I smiled with tears in my eyes. “I love you, too, Iz.”

  “Good. Now, get your ass out of this bed and into that shower. Then get your ass over to Holden Moss’ place before he worries himself sick over you.”

  She crawled off the top of me, then grabbed my bare feet to pull me off the foot of the bed. She took my hands and pulled me up, then directed me toward the bathroom and gave my bare ass a slap.

  “I gotta say, though,” she said lustfully as I walked toward the shower. “If I was a lez-bee-on-it I would be all up in your shit.”

  “That’s good to know,” I said, turning around and putting my hands on my boobs to shake them at her. “Hold that thought. If things don’t go well with Holden I might come back here looking to switch teams!”