Destiny

by Mitchel Grace

  A lot changed after that night when he dragged himself up to my door. He had almost died. I don’t know how he didn’t. Let me tell you the rest of the story, so maybe you can understand who Eric Wilson really was as a young man and why I loved him so much to compromise everything for a fraction of a chance to be with him one day.

  * * * * *

  Eric found a way to get up to the door and knock. I was a little caught off guard by someone knocking that late, and honestly, I figured it was Richard. That was the last thing I wanted right then. When I opened the door, I saw the one person I had needed to talk to, though. It was time to get everything out in the open with Eric.

  “Olivia, I need to talk to you about something. We’ve been really . . . we’ve been,” he managed to say before he fell forward.

  I caught him and drug him over to the couch. I didn’t know what was going on. He was freezing and soaking wet. Then there was the bruise on his face. I had to believe that Richard had something to do with this. It looked like Eric was dying.

  “I’m going to call an ambulance. Just hold on,” I said.

  “No, don’t do that. I just need to talk to you. Promise me it’ll just be us. I’m going to be all right,” he said.

  “Fine, but come with me,” I said and got on one side of him.

  Eric braced himself on me, and I helped him into the bedroom. Just as we got into the room, he passed out. I managed to lay him in the bed. Then I sighed. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I couldn’t let him die there. It was going to be a long night and an even longer morning. I couldn’t let Phillip see some strange man in the house before he went off to school. I started doing what was necessary. I stripped his clothes off and used my body heat to keep him warm. For then, that’s all I could do.

  * * * * *

  The following morning, I took Phillip to school without him ever knowing that a man was in the house. When I got back, I discovered that Eric was awake in the bedroom. He looked confused.

  “Are you all right?” I asked.

  “I think so. Why am I naked? Did we . . .”

  “No, don’t flatter yourself. You were freezing when you got here. I stripped your clothes off and got you warm. I didn’t know if you were going to make it for a while there, and I almost called for an ambulance more than a few times, but you’re still here. Do you want to tell me what happened to you?”

  “Yeah, it’s all really complicated, though. I got the news that my uncle died, and then I got on a plane to come here. When I arrived, my aunt gave me a note from him. He told me everything, Olivia. I know that Phillip is my son. I didn’t know what to do when I found out. I’m supposed to get married in a few days, and while I was trying to make a decision on what to say to you and what my intentions would be, my aunt asked me to do the eulogy at Uncle Gary’s funeral. I agreed to do it, but I had no words that would do him justice. Between everything that was going on and the grief that I already had, I think I lost it for a minute. I went down to a pub and got plastered. Richard was there. He messed me up pretty badly. I didn’t fight back, though, because I knew he was right. I shouldn’t have done what I did to him. I deserved for him to hit me. The thing is that while I was lying on the floor, I realized something. Even if I did the wrong things with you, I don’t regret any of it. The only thing I regret is going to Miami and leaving you here. I got into my car and drove straight here. I had to let you know that I loved you. On the drive over, I got a little distracted by the sight of the place where you dreamed your life would be. I ran into the lake, and I almost drowned. I pulled myself out of the water, though, and willed myself here. I couldn’t die before I told you how I felt.”

  “And how is that?”

  “Here it is completely uncensored. We’ve been really shitty people, Olivia.”

  “Okay, not the best start.”

  “We really have, especially me. It’s not too late, though. I reacted poorly to hearing that you were pregnant when we were teenagers, and that’s when everything went downhill. I started compromising my own morals and became someone totally different. At the same time, it caused you not to have faith in me when you got pregnant again. You saw Richard as someone who could be a good father when I couldn’t, so you made that decision for me. You didn’t tell me, and that was bad on you. I deserved to know. I would have loved both of you. You know that now, right?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Good. A lot of other messed up things happened after that. I caused you to cheat while you were married, and because of you, I’m about to break up with my fiancée, devastating her in the process. We haven’t been good people. There’s no doubt about that, but it’s not too late to be the people we were meant to be. I still remember how innocent we used to be. We were just two fourteen year olds who didn’t know anything about life. All we knew was that we enjoyed each other’s company. I want to get back to that. For as many bad things as loving you has driven me to do, I know in my heart that it’s right, and it can lead to so much good. I love you, and somehow we found the worst paths for the last few years. I want you to make a life with me where we find our way back to the path we were on in high school. I want to love you every day of my life, and I want that love to be simple. I don’t want any more Richards or Chastitys. I just want you with me until we’ve been together so long that neither of us can remember a time when it was any different. I want to raise my son and live with you until we get so old that we lose our minds. The only constant in my life has always been you, and I know that’s never going to change. I’m asking you to be a positive constant in my life right now and to give me a chance to show you that I’m still the same boy you met so long ago.”

  “We’ve changed a lot, Eric.”

  “I know, but you can’t tell me you don’t feel like that same fourteen year old. You know you wish you could be that person again. I’m telling you in time, we can be that together. Can you give me that chance?”

  “I’m sorry, but no. You’re right. I was a terrible person. I shouldn’t have kept Phillip from you, and I certainly shouldn’t have let Richard believe that he had a son, but Phillip is the most important person in all of this. He thinks of Richard as his dad, and I can’t break my little boy’s heart by telling him that it was all a lie. I do love you, but I messed this up beyond repair. I want to be better, and I will be for my little boy. That’s part of why I told Richard. Lies chip away at you until you’re just a shell of yourself. I think I used to be a pretty decent person, and Phillip deserves that me. I couldn’t be her again until I told the truth. Your uncle had said as much before he died. When I heard about what happened to him, I knew it was time. I told him everything, and he stormed out. I’m going to divorce Richard because I don’t love him, but I’m not going to take away Phillip’s dad. He’s still going to be his father, and bringing you into the picture just complicates all of that. I love you, and I want nothing more than to live my entire life with you, but that’s selfish. I can’t be selfish anymore.”

  “You’re wrong. You can have it all. Just because I’m involved in yours and Phillip’s lives doesn’t mean that Richard can’t still be in our son’s life.”

  “You know it won’t go that way. I need you to leave, Eric. This is hard enough on me. I’m getting a divorce, a good friend has just died, and now I’m having to tell the love of my life goodbye. I have to, though. It’s the right thing to do.”

  “Your decision doesn’t change anything, Olivia. I’m going to buy that land you always talked about, and then I’m going to build the dream house you described. After that, I’m going to stay here and pursue you with everything I have. I used to believe in destiny. I thought you were my purpose, but now I’m not so sure. I don’t even know if I believe in us having a set purpose at all. I do know one thing, though. I’m choosing a purpose, and it’s you. I don’t care what you say now. I know in my heart that the stars are going to align for us in the end. I’ll make it so. I’m going to marry you one day, and we’ll have everythin
g we ever wanted.”

  “I truly hope you’re right, but I doubt it. Go, and write down what you’re going to say at your uncle’s funeral. That’s all you need to be concentrating on right now. Anything else can wait until after the funeral,” I said.

  Eric agreed to go, but he didn’t look discouraged. That was a good thing to me. I honestly didn’t want him to give up on us. Even if I thought it was too complicated, I wanted to know that there was at least still a chance of things working. The next few weeks would make things no easier. Richard came back that night, and we had it out right in front of my son. The one thing I never wanted to do was expose Phillip to the type of things I saw growing up, but on that night, that’s exactly what I did.

  We had the visitation for Gary the next day. More people showed up than I thought he ever knew. He was a well-liked man, and I didn’t know how Eric was going to do the eulogy the next day. I didn’t talk to him, but I could tell that Eric was in shambles. Gary was like his father. I remembered when I lost my dad. The one person who pulled me out of the deep depression that had its hold on me was him. He was there when no one else was. I knew that even if things weren’t going to work out between us that I owed him this. When the visitation was over, I asked my mom to keep Phillip for a while and walked over to Eric in the parking lot.

  “Hey, can we go somewhere for a little while?” I asked.

  “Of course. Where did you have in mind?”

  “There’s a spot I’m sure you remember that I used to go to when I wanted to talk to my dad. Can you meet me there?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  I drove out to the old spot, and within a few minutes, Eric arrived. I got into the car with him, and no sooner than I did, he burst into tears. He had held it all in until then. Maybe he didn’t feel like he could express that kind of grief with his family, or maybe he knew that he was safe with me, but either way, he was getting the relief he needed right there.

  “Hey, it’s going to be all right. I know it seems like everything is horrible right now, and it is, but it gets better. I know. When I lost my dad, you got me through it, so I’m here for you. I’ll do anything. What do you need me to do?” I asked.

  “Just talk to me. It’s been a rough day. I still don’t know what to say about my uncle, I broke it off with Chastity today, and to top it all off, I just realized that I’m never going to be able to talk to him again. I mean, I knew that, but it never really clicked until now. How do I do this, Olivia?”

  “You take it one step at a time. First, you should call Chastity back and tell her you made a mistake. She’ll write this off as you grieving. Trust me.”

  “I don’t want that. I’m not marrying her. I just hate that I had to hurt her. She’s a good person, and she deserved better. It can’t be helped, though.”

  “I think it still can, but that’s got to be your choice. As for your uncle’s eulogy, just speak from the heart. You knew him better than anyone but Kristen. Tell everyone about his life and what he meant to you. There aren’t any set rules on how to do this sort of thing. You can say goodbye to Gary right here, too.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I used to come out here to talk to my dad. The truth is I still do sometimes. I don’t know if he hears me, but it helps. Tell your uncle goodbye right now. Say everything you would’ve said if you were here when he passed, and it’ll stay between him and us. I might even share this place with you, if you need to talk with him from time to time.”

  On some level, I knew it wasn’t healthy to talk to air and expect someone to hear you, but I had been doing it for years. Even if it shouldn’t have, it helped. A part of me actually believed that my dad could hear me when I spoke to him, and Eric needed to believe that then.

  “I don’t know how to do it. What do I say? How do I say goodbye?” Eric asked.

  “Just close your eyes and say whatever comes naturally. I promise you’ll feel better if you do.”

  “Uncle Gary, thank you for always looking out for me. I didn’t know you were carrying such a big secret about Olivia and me until recently. I’m sorry I messed things up so badly in that area. I’m glad you got to tell me in the end. I needed to know. I promise that I’m going to make everything right in that situation, and I’ll find happiness just like you asked me to. Enough about me, though. This is what I really want to say. You’re the one who taught me how to be a man. You taught me that it’s not always about doing the right things. It’s about being able to look at yourself in the mirror every day and know that you could answer to anyone about your actions and not regret them. I haven’t done a good job of that lately, but I’m learning. I’m getting better. I don’t think I was as much of a man as I thought until recently. I think I’ve been a little boy playing a man for the last few years, but I’ve finally grown up now, and it’s thanks to your patience and guidance. Everything I am, good or bad, is because of you. Thank you. I want you to know that I’m going to take care of Aunt Kristen. She misses you. We all do, but I’m going to make sure we get through this. As a matter of fact, I’ll make sure we’re happy again some day. That sounds impossible without you, but I know you would want us to find happiness again. I love you, and I know I’ll see you again some day. Until then, just know that I’ll be missing you. You were like a father to me. No, you were my father. There’s no doubt about that,” Eric said and exhaled.

  “Are you all right?” I asked.

  “I’m fine. You’re right. It did help. Can I ask you something about us?”

  “Sure. Go ahead.”

  “Are we ever going to be happy together?”

  “I don’t know, but that’s not what you need to concentrate on right now. Mourn, and we can deal with everything else another day,” I said and got out of the car.

  We would have to deal with things later, but for then, all he needed to think about was his uncle. The next day, what he said about Gary was beautiful. He had nothing written. It was all done from memory. He told us about the man Gary was, and in doing so, described the type of person we should all be. Gary had taken in a kid he barely knew and made him into a man. Not many people would have done that. He was the type of man who loved without expecting and forgave before it was even asked for. Gary Wilson was a dying breed. What Eric didn’t know was I saw a lot of his uncle in him. Sure, he had made some mistakes, but he was there taking responsibility for them. That was the first step in anything. I wasn’t exactly innocent either. I had ruined Richard’s life and taken away Eric’s chance at knowing his son. I had a lot of growing to do.

  Over the next few months, I got a divorce from Richard. His visits to Phillip came less and less often until he didn’t come at all. I don’t think he could stand to look at Phillip or me. His heart was broken, and I couldn’t blame him. Eric, on the other hand, seemed to visit more and more. He got to know his little boy. Phillip just thought that Eric was an old friend of mine. He had no idea that the man who wanted to know him so much was his real father. During those months, Eric must have tried to get back together with me dozens of times. I didn’t give in, though. It was Phillip and me from there on out. That’s how I saw it, and it’s what I thought was right.

  True to his promise, Eric bought the land that overlooked the lake. He started building a house there. You have to realize that Eric had never built anything in his life, so it took a lot of trial and error for him to get anything done. He hired out some people to do the more complicated jobs, but he was able to do the majority of it himself. After nine long months, he had surprisingly built my dream home, or at least it looked that way from the outside. I was still standing strong, though. There was no way I was going to confuse my child by moving in with a man he barely knew. That’s what I thought . . .

  Chapter 34

  My Dream Life

  Months had passed, and Eric’s house had been finished for quite some time. Every time we crossed paths now, I could see hopelessness in his eyes. He was finally getting it. We we
re not getting back together. Eric never was one to get easily discouraged, though, and he still had one last ditch effort in store for me.

  My mother had been asking me to let her spend some time with Phillip. It had been weeks since he stayed over at her house, so I took him over there. It was during the Christmas season, so he was on break. I guess I figured I deserved a break, too. I loved my little boy, but I needed some time to decompress. It seemed like all I did was work and take care of him. I didn’t mind, but I was starting to feel like the oldest twenty-six year old in the world. I never went out, and the best night in recent memory involved popcorn and a Disney movie with my little man. That was a good enough night, but I was craving something more. I didn’t know what, though. It wasn’t like I had friends anymore. Most people were put off when they heard what I did with Eric. People who used to call me their friend looked at me like I was somehow dirty or damaged. I probably deserved it. I had nearly ruined Richard’s life, and I didn’t even know if he was okay. He had moved a few weeks before. He said he just had to get away and that he couldn’t stand to see Phillip or me. Right about then, I was feeling beyond hopeless. As I sat there in my empty house, I got a call from an expected person. It was Eric. I didn’t want to answer. About once every two weeks, he would ask me out. He would always do it under the pretense that we were just friends, but I knew we could never be something so insignificant. We could be everything to each other or nothing at all.