Wicked Game 02 - Something Wicked

by Olivia Fuller

  Then Greg laughed but he wasn’t amused. He’d beaten himself. Greg had given himself a mental beating so fierce that he felt physical pain. And he deserved the beating too. He deserved much worse.

  He sighed. He didn’t matter now. His feelings or his pains or his anger. All that mattered was Mary and what Greg was going to do about this all. Should he tell her? He still wasn’t sure about that. Someday perhaps. Probably, actually. No, he was sure he would tell her eventually. But today was probably not the time to tell her. Mary was sure to be in a foul mood and the last thing he wanted was to make it worse.

  Brad had thanked Greg. Actually thanked him, and the memory of it made Greg’s stomach rise up inside of him.

  “Thank you, old friend. This changes everything,” were Brad’s exact words now that Greg thought about it.

  And Greg knew exactly what that meant.

  It meant that Brad wouldn’t want to marry her now, let alone court her. By this time Brad was sure to have ended whatever arrangement he had with Mary. Who wouldn’t have? Some part of Greg knew that would happen when he told the secret. But Mary, well, Greg wasn’t sure what would happen with her or what her state would be, but he knew it wouldn’t be pleasant.

  Greg forced himself to stand up. He yelled into his hands as he rubbed his face.

  Stupid, selfish, foolish man, he thought again. And for what?

  He’d paid the toll for this path but he didn’t even know where the path was leading.

  Someday he would tell her what he did… but would he tell her why he did it?

  She’d probably never speak to him again let alone…

  Greg threw his hands in the air and shrugged. He was getting ahead of himself.

  First he needed to pick up the pieces.

  ***

  Mary was running.

  Her breath rasped in her ears and her heart beat painfully with each step.

  Thump. Thump. Thump. It beat at her with increasing agony.

  She rounded the corner at the end of the long hall and at last burst free through the back door that opened to the garden. She slowed her momentum by wrapping her right arm around the trunk of a small tree, hugging it tightly as she struggled to catch her breath.

  She gasped and gulped in huge breaths of fresh air while she tried to get her body under control. The fresh air was helping her calm down a bit but it was also removing the much wanted numbness she felt. Mary finally slumped to the ground in exhaustion as she tried to make sense of it all.

  But how could she do that when her world was falling apart?

  World falling apart? She threw her hands to her mouth to stifle the laugh. Of all the hyperbolic phrases she could think of, this was not one she ever expected to use. What kind of person made such an all-encompassing and terrible depiction of their life, after all? It seemed impossible for anything to be in that much ruin. Those sort of things happened to other people. People without control. But Mary? Mary was never out of control. Never. Except…

  Well, right now. And she didn’t know what to do.

  She’d always had a choice in her life. For her entire life she had forged her own way. Done as she wished, acted as she pleased, answered to no one. But now? Well. She’d always known her choices would catch up with her eventually. She’d hoped it would never happen, of course, but here she was, out of control, for the first time.

  And she didn’t know why. Of course she knew of her own actions that led to this situation, but that was not what Mary was confused about.

  She closed her eyes tightly and squeezed until they hurt and all she could think about was Brad and how he made her feel.

  But how was that? How did he make her feel? She hadn’t been able to process that thought while she was so worked up and running. Running from what? That was another question she could not answer clearly.

  But that didn’t matter because still, all she could think about was Brad and the visit he paid her that morning.

  He was dressed impeccably. Like a true gentleman. But something about the way he looked at her surprised her and scared her all at once. She felt her entire body grow rigid with tension but before she could build an unbreakable barrier, he smiled. Just that. Just one simple smile. And she relaxed for a moment.

  “My girl,” he said. Would she ever get used to that? “I thought we would celebrate properly. Celebrate alone that is.”

  “And how do you suggest we do that?” Mary was trying, she really was, but her voice still came out monotone and flat.

  Brad didn’t notice, though, and he removed his hand from behind his back revealing an expensive bottle of wine. “Well, I thought this would be a decent start.”

  He went and found two glasses and poured them each an ample serving.

  Mary took the glass with a heavy heart. “Are we making a toast?” she asked.

  “Of course. But first…” Brad tilted his head and chewed on his lip. “I think there is something that I should very much like to do first.”

  “And what is that?”

  Brad set down his glass and then took Mary’s back from her and set it down too. He put his hand behind Mary’s head, cupping it at its base, and licked his lips. And then…

  And then he kissed her.

  She’d been daydreaming about this moment for days. Fantasizing even. Wanting to feel his lips on hers, wanting to connect with him. The mere thought of this moment had made her tingle with pleasure and anticipation. And even now as she battled herself and the numbness, the thought of his kiss was overtaking her.

  Part of her was excited about what was happening. The way he cupped her head and massaged it with his fingers and pulled her into him. The feel of his lips pressed against hers all warm and soft. It was exactly the way she’d imagined it and for a moment she responded. Her lips followed his and her tongue begged for entrance until at last the request was granted. He pulled her in tighter and she followed his lead. She concentrated on this moment, this one moment and this one desire that she’d been thinking about for so long.

  And then she felt it. In that one single moment that had occupied her thoughts for so long, she felt it.

  Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

  Not even one tiny spark. Not even one tiny tingle. Not even, not even… She didn’t even know what not even was. What she was feeling, what she wasn’t feeling, that wasn’t the point. The point was that it didn’t matter and now it never would.

  She was exhausted and her feelings didn’t matter and from this day forward they never would again. From this day forward her feelings were meaningless because there was nothing she could do about them. There was nothing she could change. And Mary was smart enough to know when she needed to let go. It wasn’t worth it to waste her energy on this, on any of this, when there was absolutely nothing she could do.

  This was her only option. Him.

  And that is why she had to forget it all. All of her feelings for every person. The good, the bad, the pleasant, and the confusing. Everything.

  She had to forget them all and stay this course. If she did then she might have a chance of being content.

  Content. Her spirit fell flat.

  Content never did ignite a flame.

  ***

  Lord Brandon’s eyes were sad. Greg made this judgment almost immediately upon running into him as he looked for Mary.

  “Lord Lincoln,” Lord Brandon addressed him with mild shock. There was something about his voice and his demeanor that made Greg feel as if he was missing something, as if the whole world had changed overnight.

  In a week maybe. But overnight? That seemed too soon.

  “I was looking for Mary,” Greg said to Lord Brandon as he appraised his manner. “I need to speak with her.”

  “Ah yes. I’d imagine you do.” Lord Brandon crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I’m sure she needs to speak with you as well.”

  “And why is that?” Greg gave Lord Brandon a more thorough looking over.

  “Oh.” He put one hand to
his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Well, doesn’t she always?”

  Greg tilted his head. “Sometimes. Usually.” He leaned in towards Lord Brandon now to get a better look. His nose was just a slight bit red. And his eyes were a slight bit puffy. “Are you… are you alright?”

  “Alright enough. And you?” Lord Brandon asked softly.

  “I’m fine.” Greg winced. “I’m decent enough.” He paused again as Lord Brandon looked away. “Is Mary alright?”

  “I’m sure she will be… she is.” Lord Brandon pinched his nose again. “I can’t speak for her.”

  Greg felt his stomach drop. “What do you mean? Where is Mary? Is she alright?”

  “I… well she…” Lord Brandon closed his eyes tightly and exhaled. “I can’t answer that.”

  “Which part?” Greg pressed.

  “I don’t speak for Mary. I never have.” He laughed though he didn’t truly appear amused or happy. “No one has. Not even you, you know? In the end she has a mind all her own. And a spirit…”

  “Where is she?” Greg asked through clenched teeth.

  Lord Brandon sighed. “Where else?”

  Greg nodded sharply and made his way through the house. There was only one place Mary went when she needed to think. Well, many places, Greg thought as he continued to walk, but always with one goal in mind. He pushed open the back door that led to the garden and he breathed a sigh of relief.

  He’d known she would be there. At least he should have known if he wasn’t so full of guilt and anger. The garden and the outdoors and the sun were her place of comfort. Where he failed these things would always succeed. And he was glad for that because right now he felt quite the failure.

  Usually Mary sat on a bench soaking in every moment of the sunlight but she wasn’t there right now. Instead, when he looked around, he spotted her golden hair underneath a shaded tree hidden amongst the outskirts of the garden.

  He paused for moment, just taking her in, in this unusual circumstance, as he debated what to do next.

  Mary had such a strong spirit and such a powerful presence that her very being radiated from her and changed everyone that it touched. Normally that energy was so obvious, even those who didn’t know her could tell there was something amazing and magnetizing about her. Greg had always seen that energy.

  Mary touched her surroundings and she changed them, not the other way around. But right now she was nothing more than a shadow amongst the shadows, fading into all of her surroundings as if she didn’t exist.

  He approached her slowly and carefully.

  She is so beautiful, Greg thought as he often did. So beautiful and she still doesn’t know. He felt the old ache inside of him awaken as every fiber of his being yearned to touch her. But he also felt a wave of pain and anger.

  He should have… oh, he should have done so many things and he should have not done so many others. But what could he do about that now?

  Even from this distance he could tell she was crying so he took his steps carefully and he breathed slowly, still so unsure what to say or do.

  And then she looked at him. She heard him approaching so she turned her head and looked at him. And he melted. He could see her eyes. They were red and puffy and overflowing with tears. And sad. So sad that it made him hurt all over.

  His insides twisted and turned with each moment. He ached and burned and screamed inside. And those eyes. Those sad, red eyes. They pierced him like a sharp knife.

  Suddenly Greg felt very small. Oh, so very horribly small.

  But Mary just wiped her eyes when she saw him and breathed in deeply as if setting her shoulders against some unknown foe.

  “Have you come to congratulate me?” she asked as she wiped her eyes and set her jaw.

  “Congratulate you?” Greg asked quizzically. “Why would I congratulate you?”

  Mary looked off into the distance blankly. “Then why are you here?”

  “Do I need a reason to come visit you?”

  “Of course not.” Mary gave him a quick look and then, just as quickly, turned away.

  In that split second though, he saw into her eyes and he could tell she was hurting. Greg reached out his hand to comfort her but when he touched her she flinched.

  He felt his eyes open wide as she leaned away from him. It was almost as if she wanted to put some space between them. No. It was more than that. It was as if she needed to put space between them.

  “Mary, what’s—”

  “Why are you here?” Mary asked again.

  “I don’t know,” he said. And he really didn’t. He paused and cleared his throat before speaking again. “I guess I thought you might…”

  “Might what?” Mary prodded.

  Greg shrugged his shoulders and choked out the words. “Need me.”

  “Oh, Greg…” Mary put her hand to her face and her fingers trembled just above her lips

  “What is it?”

  “If only it was a simple matter of needing you…” She breathed in deeply and he could tell she was trying desperately to keep from crying again.

  “Mary.” There was something she wasn’t telling him but he wasn’t sure what it was. “Look at me. Mary, please, look at me.”

  She turned her head slowly and raised her wet lashes to reveal her eyes. They were so blue and deep, like a chasm or an ocean. And they were full of heavy tears that carried immense sorrow.

  “What’s wrong, my girl?”

  “No,” Mary opened her eyes wide and slowly shook her head. “No. Don’t call me that.”

  “Why not?” He reached up and took her face in his hands and this time she didn’t protest. It was like she was all out of strength and it made him just fall apart. He touched his forehead to hers and he saw her lips tremble. She put her right hand up to his and squeezed with all of her might.

  “Because this is the end.” Mary choked on her words.

  “The end?” He looked into her eyes and saw her pain but it was so much more powerful than it should have been. Greg was confused. “No. Mary. This is not the end. Brad is not the end. There will be more chances. More suitors—”

  Mary pulled her eyes away from his and made a hmph sound. “Once I’m married? No. I think not…”

  “Married?” Greg’s jaw slackened and his eyes opened wide. “Married?”

  “Yes.” She pushed him away from her now. “Whatever else did you think I said?”

  “Brad…” Greg suddenly said. “Then you plan on—then you are—”

  “He’s to be my husband. And I his wife.”

  Greg fell back against the tree between them. He’d spent so much time thinking about how to comfort Mary after Brad changed his mind that he’d never even taken a second to realize there was another option—that no matter what Greg said or did, Brad might actually still go through with his proposal or that Mary might actually accept.

  “Do you love him?” The words slipped absently through Greg’s lips.

  “What?”

  “It’s a simple enough question,” Greg said, this time turning to look at her. “Tell me, do you love him?”

  He saw her throat move up and down several times. She was trying to swallow but it wasn’t working properly.

  “I…” She smoothed her dress without looking at him. “I suppose there are things I love about him.”

  “You,” Greg shook his head, confused, “you suppose?”

  “Yes. I suppose.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest once more and swallowed hard. “I suppose there is something about every person to love…”

  “That’s not what I asked,” Greg said with a strained voice. “I asked: do you love him?”

  She didn’t answer and continued to look off into the distance.

  “Mary… do you love him?” Greg pressed again. His throat was becoming tight. “Are you in love with him?”

  Again she refused to look at him or answer, so this time he tried to turn her face towards him. She pushed against him and shoved
and struggled.

  “That’s none of your business!” She screamed through her tears. “Why is that your business?”

  “Because you are my business! Because you have always been my business!” he returned just as forcefully. But the look on her face and in her eyes and the pain in her voice was nearly too much for him to bear. He took a deep breath and softened his voice. “Don’t you understand that?”

  “But I’m not your business. Not anymore.” She choked on her words again and then turned to look at him as she asked, “Don’t you understand?”

  “Don’t I understand what?”

  Mary pressed her lips together tightly and he saw them shake as she tried to keep from sobbing. “That it’s too late.”

  “It’s never too late,” Greg tried.

  “Oh,” Mary shook her head sadly. “Of course it’s too late, you sentimental fool.”

  “But you…”

  “But I’m gone.”

  “No.” Greg was in disbelief. Nothing was making sense.

  “There’s no other way.”

  “What?” Greg was even more confused. If Brad had proposed marriage and she had accepted, why was she so sad and upset? “Mary, what’s going on? Why are you so—”

  “No!” Mary screamed. “No. This it is, don’t you see? Everything is done and set. Everything is ruined.” She threw her hands to her chest and forced out the words. “I’ve ruined it.”

  “You’ve ruined it?” Greg couldn’t believe his ears.

  “Yes. Forever yes!” she yelled again, but this time she pushed him away and stood up putting as much distance between them as she could. “So I’m marrying him. I’m marrying Brad.”

  “Mary… what are you talking about?”

  “Oh, Greg.” Her voice trembled and it was such a sorrowful sound—not the tone of her voice but the raw anguish of her soul.

  It was a blow to his chest and he felt his heart shatter to pieces.

  Greg took a chance and moved closer to her as he continued to search for answers. “Mary, it’s not too late. If you don’t truly want to marry him, if there’s something else going on, I’m sure that we can—”