4 Waxing & Waning

by Amanda M. Lee

“They don’t know about the sorority house, do they?”

  “No way,” I said. “I told a big, fat lie on that front.”

  “I don’t blame you. What do they think happened to Laura?” Aric seemed worried about asking the question.

  “I told them she disappeared after the whole melee,” I said. “They knew about Jessica dying, but they think someone covered that up. I said I didn’t know anything about it, which isn’t a lie.”

  “Do you think Blake knows you’re lying about Laura?”

  “Maybe.”

  “You look worried,” Aric said. “You look … tired.”

  “Blake is watching me like a hawk,” I admitted. “He took me out on this op the other night. They were cleaning out a vampire nest. When I questioned him about it, he lied.”

  “How do you know he was lying?”

  “Because his answer didn’t make any sense,” I said. “He said we were tranquilizing them so a second team could come in and finish them off. Why would they do that?”

  “Did you tranquilize them?”

  “No,” I said. “I pretended I got thrown on the floor and let one of them escape.”

  Aric barked out a laugh. “So, you’re part of the group and yet you’re not doing anything they want you to do. This seems like it will end well.”

  “He also keeps sending me to the Alpha Chi house,” I said. “He knows it bothers me, and yet he keeps doing it. It’s like he’s purposely torturing me.”

  Aric furrowed his brow. “You’ve spied at the house before?”

  I bit my bottom lip. “Maybe.”

  “When?”

  I considered my answer. Oh, what the hell. What did it matter? “I heard you and Will talking outside of the house,” I said. “It wasn’t a happy conversation.”

  Aric sighed. “I think I know what conversation you’re talking about.”

  “Have you had more than one covert conversation with him on the front lawn?”

  “No.”

  “Then you know which one I’m talking about,” I said. “Why does he want me dead?”

  “Oh, honey, everyone wants you dead,” Aric said. “The entire supernatural community knows what you did at the sorority house. It’s common knowledge. Everyone is scared of what you can do.”

  “Are you scared?”

  Aric’s eyes softened. “I’m not scared of you, no.”

  “Then why did you say you would be the one to handle me?”

  “Because I don’t want Will going near you,” Aric said. “I actually have a multitude of reasons for warning him away.”

  “Which are?”

  “I don’t want you hurt,” Aric said. “I also don’t trust him, and I generally dislike him on general principle because I know you’ve slept together.”

  I couldn’t stifle the laugh. “You’re predictable.”

  “I am,” Aric agreed. “Tell me about Rafael.”

  That was a conversation I didn’t want to have. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “I don’t think so either,” Aric said. “And yet I can’t seem to stop myself from asking. So, tell me, are you with him?”

  “That’s a complicated question,” I said.

  “So, you are with him.” Aric looked disappointed.

  “No. Not really.”

  “So, you aren’t with him?” Aric’s eyes reflected hope.

  “I don’t know if that’s entirely the truth either.”

  Aric rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “I don’t want to press you,” he said. “I also don’t think now is the time to play around with semantics. I don’t want you with him. I don’t want you with anyone.”

  “That’s pretty rich coming from a guy sleeping with a woman who looks like a model,” I shot back.

  “I’m not … that’s not what’s going on.”

  “Now who’s playing a word game?”

  “I know what you think this is all about,” Aric said. “It’s not what you think.”

  “But you can’t tell me what it really is, can you?”

  “No.”

  “Because of your stupid pack?”

  “Yes.”

  I exhaled heavily. “I knew it was a mistake to come here.”

  Aric reached out, gripping my forearm in his hand. “It wasn’t a mistake. I want to fix this. I just don’t know how.”

  “Me either,” I said. “I just … I’m just so angry.”

  “I know.”

  “And I’m hurt. You really … hurt me.”

  Aric lowered his eyes, shame coloring his cheeks. “I know. You’ll never know how sorry I am.”

  “That doesn’t change anything,” I said.

  “Not yet,” Aric said.

  “You think that somehow this will get fixed? Even the way we’re going?”

  “I have faith,” Aric said. “I’m hoping you will, too.”

  A pair of headlights flashed, revealing a large SUV as it pulled into the parking lot. Aric’s face shifted from soft to grim. “You need to go.”

  “Why? Who is that?” I tried peering around his broad shoulders to get a better look.

  “Go.”

  I put my hands on my hips, squaring my shoulders obstinately. “Why? Are you ashamed to be seen with me?”

  The door to the SUV slammed shut, and the figure that moved in our direction was familiar – and like a dagger to the heart. It was Caitlyn.

  “What’s going on?” She was staring between the two of us curiously.

  “We were just talking,” Aric said, turning away from me. “What are you doing here?”

  “Can’t I just stop in and see how you’re doing?” Caitlyn asked. “Isn’t that what people do in our situation?”

  My body stiffened involuntarily, a shift Aric must have sensed, because he shot an apologetic look in my direction. “I guess.”

  Caitlyn took a step toward me. “Hi. I’m Caitlyn.”

  “I’m Zoe,” I said, refusing to lower my gaze. “I was just leaving.”

  “Zoe? Zoe Lake?”

  “That would be me.”

  “You’re Aric’s ex-girlfriend,” she said. “I’ve heard your name around campus.”

  “I bet.”

  “Are you here because you want to get back together with him?”

  I shook my head. “I’m here because I had a question to ask,” I said. “I’m done now.”

  “Because he told you that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore?” Caitlyn challenged. “Because he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. You should probably stop stalking him.”

  Stalking him? She may be tall, but I was sure I could take her. “Because I’ve asked my question and I’m done,” I said, yanking on the handle to my car door. “Stalking him,” I muttered.

  “Aric has moved on,” Caitlyn said. “I hope you know that.”

  I met Aric’s conflicted eyes for a brief second. “Oh, I know it. I definitely know it.”

  December

  Seventeen

  After leaving the apartment complex that night, I made a promise to myself: I was done with Aric Winters. I was moving forward. I had no more feelings where he was concerned.

  I spent the rest of the month convincing myself that I really meant it. It wasn’t going well. Now that we’d moved into December, I was still struggling with my internal pronouncement – and taking out my frustrations on any Academy member who happened to cross my path.

  “We’re starting a new phase of our operation,” Professor Blake announced.

  It was early December, and I was in the training room at the Academy. I’d already knocked three of his “best” fighters to the mats and, even though the glory was fleeting, I was still basking in it. Blake’s dramatic entrance filled me with a mixture of dread and curiosity. “And that is?”

  “It’s going to be much more intense,” Blake said. “Everyone – and I do mean everyone – is going to have to change up their curriculum.”

  I snorted. “Is that what we’re callin
g it?”

  “What were you calling it before?” Blake asked.

  “Ass-kicking 101.” I shot Nick a smile. He was one of the brutes I’d knocked to the ground a few moments before. He was still resting on the spot where he landed and regarding me with overt hostility.

  Blake’s smile was thin. “I guess that makes sense, from your perspective, at least.”

  “Why would it be different for me?”

  “Maybe you should take orders and stop questioning everything?” Paul suggested. He was standing at the edge of the mats rubbing his arm in the exact spot I’d kicked him thirty minutes before.

  “I don’t think anyone asked you, ass boil,” I said. “I was talking to Professor Blake.”

  “Zoe has a right to ask questions,” Blake said. “What do you want to know?”

  “What happened to the vampires?”

  Blake’s face was a mask of feigned ignorance. “What vampires?”

  “The ones at the house that were tranquilized and then left for the clean-up team,” I said, using air quotes at the end of the statement, knowing it would irritate Blake.

  “They were eliminated.”

  “And why didn’t we do that again?”

  “Because we weren’t prepared,” Blake replied. “We were the assault team, not the clean-up team.”

  “Then why didn’t the clean-up team serve as the assault team, too?”

  “Because that’s not their area of expertise,” Blake said.

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s not.”

  “But why?”

  Blake blew out a frustrated sigh. “What are you really asking?”

  “I want to know what happened to the vampires,” I said. “I don’t believe your story about the clean-up team.”

  “Stop using air quotes,” Blake ordered. “You know I hate it when you do that.”

  “Then tell me the truth,” I pressed.

  “Why do you think I’m lying?”

  “Because your assault plan makes about as much sense as casting the world’s thinnest woman as Wonder Woman,” I said. “She’s an Amazon, for crying out loud.”

  Blake frowned. “I don’t think I understand the reference.”

  “The reference isn’t the point,” I said. “And, just FYI, trying to divert me doesn’t work. I may not have invented the technique, but I’ve certainly perfected it.”

  “I think I’m lost in this conversation,” Blake said.

  “I think you’re pretending to be lost,” I countered.

  “And why would I do that?”

  “Because you did something else with the vampires,” I said.

  “Why would you even care?” Paul asked.

  I lifted my finger to my lips. “Shh, ass hair,” I said. “No one is talking to you. Let the adults talk.”

  “Stop calling me names,” Paul growled.

  “I told you what would happen if you kept calling me ma’am,” I replied. “Suck it up.” I turned back to Blake. “Where are the vampires?”

  “They’re gone,” Blake said. “I told you what the op was about. You could have opted out if you wanted. You didn’t. Maybe you should suck it up.”

  I shook my head. “Maybe I didn’t want to opt out,” I said. “Maybe I just want a little bit of truth.”

  Blake’s face was unreadable. “You want truth? You do?”

  “It would be nice,” I said.

  Blake glanced at the others, all of whom seemed to be watching us with a mixture of curiosity and dislike. “Gentlemen, could you please leave the room?”

  The series of gazes I received as the room emptied was almost comical. Nick and Paul both looked smug, while Mark’s face was taut with worry. I shot him a reassuring look.

  Once we were alone, Blake fixed his hard eyes on me. “You say you want truth,” he said. “And yet you’re the one constantly lying.”

  “How am I lying?”

  “Why don’t you tell me about the vampire that walks the property line at your house several times a week,” Blake suggested.

  I narrowed my eyes. “Are you watching my house?”

  Blake balked. “That’s neither here nor there.”

  “I think it is,” I said, employing the exact tactic I had accused him of utilizing only moments before. “Do you spy on all of the Academy members? Or is it just me?”

  “Spying isn’t the right word,” Blake said. “We check up on our recruits. That’s different.”

  “How?”

  “We want to make sure that our people are safe. You’re one of our people.”

  Barely. “How often are you spying on me?”

  “How much time are you spending with the vampire?”

  “I’m not spending time with a vampire,” I lied. “He’s there for one of my roommates.”

  Blake shifted. “I was told a blonde was seen talking to him outside.”

  “Maybe because I was asking him why he was there,” I said. “I’m naturally curious about the man dating one of my roommates.”

  “And what roommate is he dating?”

  “Kelsey.”

  “How long have they been dating?”

  I shrugged. “It’s hard to say,” I said. “At first, they were just kind of flirting. Now it’s moved on to heavy petting, but she still hasn’t given up the goods.” I knew talk of sex drove him crazy. “She’s getting close, though. Hey, maybe you know the answer to this, because none of us do. Does she need condoms if she sleeps with him?”

  Blake’s face colored. “I don’t think so.”

  “So, do vampires not have sperm? What about STDs? Like, does she have to worry about herpes? Because that’s one that can’t just be knocked out of you with a round of antibiotics. That would totally suck.”

  “Zoe!”

  “Hey, you started this,” I said. “I’m just trying to get to the truth.”

  “I’ve told you the truth.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Okay,” Blake said, trying to keep his voice even. “Why don’t you tell me what really happened at the sorority house last spring? Let’s start with that truth.”

  “I told you everything I know,” I said. “It was a mess. People were screaming. There were bright lights. A whole cadre of wolves showed up. I couldn’t keep track of everything.”

  “You’re being purposely … .”

  “And, quite frankly, I’m hurt that you keep bringing that up,” I interrupted. “I was betrayed by my roommates. You have no idea how hard that is for a woman to take. They broke my heart. I feel like crying.”

  I was a much better actress – and liar – than Blake. He had no idea who he was messing with.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you,” Blake said. “I just … .”

  “I’m still broken-hearted,” I said. “Do you have any Kleenex?” I sniffled dramatically for emphasis.

  Blake rubbed his forehead. “Zoe, I think we have problems with our … communication.”

  I considered working up actual tears. I’d perfected it when my dad tried yelling at me when I was a child. It always worked on him. “You just don’t like me.” Oh, look at that, here came the tears.

  “Of course I like you.”

  “But you lie to me,” I said, letting the tears fall freely now. “You’re mean to me, and you lie to me. It’s just so … harsh.”

  Blake moved to my side, placing an arm around my shoulders in an attempt to soothe me. He was so easy. “Don’t cry.”

  I leaned into him, purposely rubbing my suddenly runny nose against his blue, button-down shirt. “I feel so lost.”

  Blake looked down at the trail of snot I’d left on his shirt. It took every ounce of energy I had not to burst out into hysterical laughter. “Oh, Zoe, I know this has been hard for you.”

  “I’ve been trying so hard,” I said. “I’ve been doing everything you ask of me. You’re still disappointed, though.”

  “I’m not disappointed,” Blake said.

  “Then why are you always
yelling at me?”

  “I don’t yell.”

  “Well, you accused me of being a liar,” I said. “Don’t you think I know that dating a vampire is a terrible idea? I can’t tell my roommates what I know, though. It’s against the rules at the Academy, and I’ve been trying so hard to follow your rules.

  “I’ve never been a rule follower,” I continued. “And yet, I’ve been putting every effort into doing just that. I just feel that all of my efforts have been for nothing. You think I’m lying, and you hate me.” The last sentence came out as something of a wail, which might have been overkill.

  “I don’t hate you,” Blake said. “You’re very important to our operation.”

  “It wouldn’t hurt you to say it sometimes,” I sniffed.

  “I’m sorry,” Blake said. “I forget how sensitive women of your … age … are. I should be more aware of your … feelings.”

  “That would help,” I said.

  “I’ll try to remember that.”

  I wiped my nose against his shirt one more time – just because I could. “So, what’s this new mission?”

  “We’re moving into seek-and-destroy mode,” Blake said. “It’s not important. I can explain it later … when you’re feeling better. You’re clearly too fragile to hear it now.”

  Crap. I’d overplayed my hand. “Seek and destroy, that sounds … ominous,” I said. “What happens now?”

  “Something big,” Blake said. “Something very big. I can’t give you all the details yet, but suffice it to say, Covenant College is going to be free of supernaturals in the near future.”

  My heart skipped a beat. “How?”

  “It’s going to be epic,” Blake said. “I think you’re really going to appreciate it.”

  “You can’t give me more than that?”

  “Not yet,” Blake said, patting the back of my head. “You’re going to love it when we get into it, though.”

  I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was playing with me now. I was starting to really hate him.

  Eighteen

  “I don’t feel like going to a party.”

  Everyone was dressed and standing in the living room waiting for me to finish getting ready. No one seemed sympathetic to my plight.

  “It’s the last party before finals,” Tally said. “You need to go out and have some fun. You’ve been studying like a mad woman.”