“I don’t think you’re admitting to yourself how you feel about him.”
Elise laid her head on the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling. “No. That’s not it. I’m just confused about the way he makes me feel.”
“And how is that?”
“I thought I was getting used to being around him. I didn’t mind taking Olivia to visit him. Then the other night happened, and it was like something out of one of those dreams I used to have of the life we’d build together. It took me back to the beginning of our relationship, when I was so sure it would last.” Elise sighed again. “I thought we were happy then, but now I’m not even sure about that.”
“Maybe you need to figure out your feelings. Be brave and quit hiding from them.”
Raising her head, Elise waved a hand at Juliane. “See? You’re even the brave one. I’m a wimp. I don’t want to think about it.”
Juliane cleared her throat. “I’m not that brave, and you’re not a wimp. You’re forgetting how I wasn’t brave enough to share Dad’s problem with Lukas, even though he would’ve been the best person to understand because of his own battle with alcohol. And I was afraid to deal with my feelings for Lukas. So I understand what you’re going through.”
“But it’s not the same.”
“Not exactly, but both are about overcoming past hurts. If I could tackle the embarrassment of Dad’s alcoholism, then you can tackle your feelings and figure out where your heart is. Do you have any idea how he feels about you?”
“He’s just sorry about the way things ended with us.” Elise shrugged. “He wants to show me how he’s changed his life.”
“Then you should let him.”
“I don’t want to have to deal with him, but it’s like I’m stuck.”
“What do you mean?”
Elise bit the side of her lower lip. “I’ve grown to love Olivia. There’s no doubt I love that child. When she puts her little arms around my neck, it’s the best feeling. I never want to let go.”
“Then don’t. See where these mixed up feelings for Seth and Olivia take you.”
Shaking her head, Elise laughed halfheartedly. “I’m thinking that can’t be a good idea. It’ll just make me want to bring back a relationship that probably never should have happened in the first place. Aren’t we supposed to flee from temptation?” Elise eyed Juliane. “Hanging around with Seth certainly isn’t doing that.”
“Okay, you make a good point.” Juliane slowly nodded. “But I’m going to pray about this, and you should, too.”
Elise knew that was something she hadn’t been doing. She’d prayed for his recovery, but she’d failed to pray about her feelings for him. “You’re right, Jules. Thanks.”
“Okay, now that we’ve settled that, we have to work on the housewarming party.”
Elise narrowed her gaze. “You’re not going to let this party thing go, are you?”
“No, I’m not. Mom is counting on you to help. What will everyone think if you don’t?”
“Maybe I don’t care what everyone thinks.”
“What will Olivia think if everyone is there but you?”
“You don’t play fair, do you?” Elise picked up the decorative pillow lying beside her on the couch and threw it at Juliane.
“No.” Juliane threw the pillow back.
Elise caught it and hugged it to herself. “Okay, you win. I’ll help plan the party, but I’ll have to work on my attitude.”
“Well, just think about doing it for Olivia. That should make you feel better about it.”
“Yeah, it should.” Elise didn’t argue the fact that doing this for Olivia still wasn’t going to wipe away the fact that this party was also for Seth. Could she be brave? She’d managed to be brave enough to visit him in the hospital. She’d managed to be there for Olivia even though it meant running into Seth every day for a few minutes. So she could be brave enough to help plan this party, go to the party and be friendly to Seth without letting the past trigger unwanted feelings. The first two were completely doable—the last one…doubtful.
Conversation and laughter sounded throughout Seth’s house. Church members, people who worked with Seth at the recreation center, Keller family members and friends mingled in the living room and kitchen and spilled into the yard. The sun beamed down from a cloudless sky and warmed the mid-May Saturday afternoon. God had provided a perfect day for the housewarming.
As Elise kept a watchful eye on Seth from the kitchen, she prayed that God would provide her with peace of mind and a way to sort out her feelings concerning Seth. Thankfully, since she’d arrived, other than saying hello, she hadn’t had to interact with him. His other guests kept him occupied.
Helping prepare food, Elise looked through the kitchen window at the activity in the backyard. Her cousins Val and Carrie supervised their children, Olivia and several other children of varying ages as they played either on the wooden swing set or the sandbox at the back of Seth’s large corner lot. Lukas and Nathan had organized a coed Wiffle Ball game, and they were choosing teams. Elise watched as one by one the captains chose their teams. When Lukas chose Seth, a loud cheer erupted. Much backslapping and high-fives made the rounds as he greeted the other members of the team.
Elise shook her head. How could he possibly play a game of Wiffle Ball when he was dragging the big cast on his leg and walking with the aid of crutches, even if there was no base running in the game? The lyrics from an old song from her parents’ era, “It’s My Party,” skipped through Elise’s mind as she watched Seth. He wasn’t going to cry at his party, but he was going to do as he pleased, even if it meant pushing the envelope concerning his recovery. Or was she judging him too quickly? Maybe he was going to occupy the bench as a cheerleader.
Elise’s theory about Seth as a cheerleader was soon disproved. When his team took the field, he put on a baseball glove and propelled himself to the triple-play area. Incredible. How was he going to catch a ball if it didn’t come right to him?
Shaking her head again, she also wondered how he could possibly bat while he stood on crutches. Here was the same old Seth—doing what suited him no matter the consequences. He kept saying he’d changed, but how much? He was still driven by his impulses, letting them push him into bad decisions. But did his newfound faith help to add God’s direction to his choices? She wasn’t sure. If she continued to hide out in the kitchen and never interact with him, how was she ever going to make that determination?
While Elise stood there, debating with herself about what she should do, her mother came over and took the bowl of potato salad out of her hand. “You’ve done enough work today. I see how you’re watching the activities with a little yearning in your eyes, so go out there and have some fun. And tell your dad not to overdo. He’s not as young as he used to be.”
“Mom, Dad’s not going to listen to me. You can remind him in the morning when his muscles are sore.” Elise laughed, thinking about the one trait that Seth and her father had in common—the tendency not to listen to other people’s advice.
Hurrying outside, Elise knew her mother couldn’t possibly have known what she was thinking, but God knew. So maybe He had prompted her mother to step in and give Elise a little nudge. She also couldn’t ignore her mother’s comment about the yearning in her eyes. Had she been yearning? For what? Seth?
How was she going to figure things out if yearnings got in the way? She pushed the question from her mind as she approached Nathan, whose team was at bat. “Hey, Nathan, got room for another player?”
Nathan came over and draped an arm around Elise’s shoulders. “Always room for you, Elise. You can play in the triple area of the field, and you’ll be the last batter.”
“Okay.”
While her team was up to bat, Elise settled in one of the lawn chairs that served as the bench. She watched Seth to see what he was going to do if a ball was hit near him. Eric Wilson, Carrie’s husband, was the first batter for their team. He popped a ball up to the double-area
player, who caught it with no difficulty. Nathan came up to bat next and hit a single to give the team an imaginary runner on first base. The following two batters struck out. That made Elise the first batter in the next inning.
She trotted out toward the triple area. She passed Seth, who was moving quite rapidly on his crutches.
Stopping, he grinned at her. “Good to see you out here. I’m going to hit one over your head for a home run.”
“We’ll see about that.” Grinning back, she halted and gave him a pointed look. “Good thing for you there’s no base running in this game.”
“A great game for me and my backyard.”
“I still think you’re crazy to be out here on those crutches.”
“I’m getting pretty good on these things.” He gave his crutches a pat.
“Don’t get too smug.”
“Remember my warning.” He saluted and continued toward the lawn chairs.
As she took her place in the triple area, she breathed a sigh of relief. Thankfully, while she’d been talking with Seth, she’d had none of those awkward feelings from the night she’d brought Olivia the kitchen. Talking to him had felt comfortable and easy, like their interactions on the ship before their romantic relationship had begun. Maybe dealing with Seth wasn’t going to be so bad after all. Maybe she’d been worrying for nothing. Everything was under control.
Juliane was the first batter for Lukas’s team, and she popped a ball up to the pitcher. Then Lukas came up to bat. He hit a ball high in the air. It sailed toward Elise. She lifted her glove and caught it. When she threw it back to Nathan, she noticed Seth watching her. He gave her a thumbs-up sign, but his smug little smile told her he was reminding her that she wasn’t going to catch the ball he would hit. The next batter struck out, and Seth’s team took the field.
This time as she passed Seth, he grinned at her again. “You think you can hit something past me?”
“I’m making no predictions, unlike someone else I know.”
“Afraid you can’t hit one, is that it?”
“I’ll let my bat speak for me.”
Seth laughed out loud. “I’ll be waiting.”
Elise took her stance in the batter’s box.
Seth leaned on his crutches and yelled, “Swing, batter, batter, batter.”
She tried to ignore Seth’s loud chatter, but suddenly his constant attention was making her heart race. Why was she letting him bother her? She swung at the first pitch and missed. Seth continued his obnoxious attempt to distract her.
Elise was determined to quiet him. As Nathan wound up, she put every ounce of her concentration into hitting the ball. She swung the bat, and it connected. Pop! She hit a line drive that went into the double area untouched. Her teammates erupted in cheers. They gave her high-fives as she returned to the bench.
Not daring to glance in Seth’s direction, Elise took a seat. She didn’t want to look at him. All his teasing was starting to play havoc with her carefully laid plans. She didn’t want to let his presence in her life resurrect feelings from the past. As she sat there stewing, she realized she’d made an unreasonable plan. The feelings had already been resurrected. The new plan had to make sense of them—put them in a proper perspective—because trying to bury them again was impossible.
When the game was over, Lukas’s team had won thanks to Seth’s home run. As he predicted, he hit a ball well over Elise’s head. And despite his limited ability to move, he managed to catch a few balls that popped up in his area.
As they gathered near the picnic table piled with food, Nathan clapped Seth on the back. “Congratulations on leading your team to victory. We’ll have to have a rematch.”
“You’re going to give him a big head.” Elise frowned at Nathan.
Nathan shook his head. “Not if we come out ahead in the rematch.”
“I’m going to be harder to beat next time, because I won’t have these crutches.”
“Don’t be too sure. We had to let you win this time because you’re the guest of honor and disabled besides.” Elise gave him an impish grin. “What kind of party hosts would we be if we beat the guest of honor?”
Winking, Seth gave her a lazy smile. “Okay, just keep teasing. I can do a little of my own.”
“I’m sure you will. You’re good at that.” A fluttery feeling hit Elise in the pit of her stomach. Was she ever going to get passed these crazy responses? She’d been doing so well today trying to be Seth’s friend. She wanted to race into the house so she could get away from him and gain her equilibrium. But before she could make her move, her mother quieted the crowd as she clanged a couple of pot lids together.
“Okay, folks, Pastor Rob is going to give thanks for the food, then our guests of honor, Seth and Olivia, can head up the food line, and everyone else can follow.”
Everyone bowed for prayer, and Elise tried to quietly shuffle away from Seth. As Pastor Rob began the prayer, Elise felt a small body clinging to her. She opened her eyes. With her arms wrapped around Elise’s leg, Olivia smiled up at her. The little girl’s smile melted Elise’s heart. Father and daughter were making a mess of Elise’s emotions.
The prayer ended, and Elise picked Olivia up. “Have you been playing with all the other kids?”
Nodding, Olivia pointed toward the swing set. “I swinged a lot.”
Dismay on her face, Barbara came over to them. “I wasn’t thinking. Poor Seth can’t get his food while he’s on those crutches, and he can’t help Olivia.” Barbara laid one hand on Elise’s arm. “Dear, will you help Olivia get her food while I help Seth?”
“Sure.” Glad for an excuse to leave Seth behind, Elise took hold of Olivia’s hand and led her to the end of the table where the plates were stacked.
Elise took Olivia down the table of food and filled her plate with her requests and got food for herself. After settling Olivia at a nearby picnic table, Elise cast a glance at Seth and her mother. She’d taken charge as if he were a five-year-old instead of a grown man of thirty. He appeared to be enjoying the attention as he laughed at something her mother said.
Another thing that hadn’t changed.
He’d always liked being the center of attention, but at the same time, he enjoyed meeting and being with people. He was a people person, effortlessly charming and engaging. That’s what had made him a wonderful cruise director.
Elise couldn’t take her eyes off of Seth. That tiny corner of her heart that he still seemed to possess grew a little larger as she watched him laugh with her mother and grandmother. He charmed women of all ages—like the nurses and little old ladies at the nursing home who had hated to see him leave.
Forcing her attention on something besides Seth, Elise helped Olivia cut her meat into small pieces. “Is that okay?”
Olivia nodded and looked across the table. “Hi, Daddy.”
Elise jerked her head up. Grinning at her, Seth stood on the other side of the table as he leaned on his crutches. Her heart zinged like one of the Wiffle Balls that she’d hit during their game. She couldn’t get around her attraction to him, but she was determined to keep it contained. She would deal with it somehow.
Her mother set his plate on the table, and her grandmother placed a lawn chair at the end of the table where Olivia sat. “Do you need help sitting in the chair, young man?”
“Thanks, but I can manage now.” Gracing the older women with one of his signature smiles, Seth eased himself down onto the chair, then laid his crutches aside.
Elise’s grandmother patted Seth on the shoulder. “Now if you need anything, let us know.”
“Thanks, but I’ll be fine.” Seth turned his attention to Olivia. “So how’s my girl? Did Elise get you some good food?”
Munching on a carrot, Olivia nodded. “’Lise my friend.”
“She’s a good friend, isn’t she?” Seth fixed his eyes on Elise. They seemed to project unspoken questions. What about you? Are you my friend, too?
Olivia nodded again. “She gots me cake.”
Seth laughed out loud. “That makes her an especially good friend.”
“Was she not supposed to have cake?” Elise’s heart sank.
“No, that was my mom’s rule, but I still try to limit her sweets, so cake is a treat.” Seth laughed again. “I see she’s eating carrots, too. That’s good.”
Elise pretended to wipe perspiration from her brow. “Whew! Glad I’m not in trouble.”
“No need to worry. I don’t know what I’d have done without you these past few weeks. I haven’t thanked you enough.” He leaned forward. “You hardly give me a chance to say thanks when you run off as soon as I get home.”
“I have to get home to study, so I don’t have time to hang around.” Elise wondered whether he had any clue why she’d been doing that.
“Oh, okay.” He winked. “I was beginning to think you were running off because you didn’t like me.”
Elise wasn’t sure how to take his comment. They’d once been on very intimate terms—something she was struggling not to think about. Was he trying to determine how she felt about him now?
Attempting to put her thoughts in order before she spoke, Elise held her breath as she pressed her lips together. She didn’t want to say anything she might regret later. She was beginning to see that she might be falling into the same old trap of liking him too much for her own good. Letting that happen, before she figured out what he truly wanted, would be a big mistake—the kind of mistake she’d made in their previous relationship. He’d changed, but had those changes made him ready for love?
Sometimes she thought he had, but too often she saw the same old Seth, flirtatious and charming and never fully serious. She wanted to be sure before she let down her guard and allowed herself to let him into her life. She was having a hard time holding on to that resolve.
She tried to smile. “In fact, I was going to tell you that I won’t be able pick Olivia up after day care or fix supper this coming week. I have to go with Juliane on Monday to get our dresses fitted for the wedding, and the rest of the week I have to study for finals.”
“You should’ve told me you didn’t have time. I would’ve made other arrangements.” He lowered his head for a moment. When he met her gaze again, his expression was apologetic. “I’ve taken your help for granted. I didn’t mean to take advantage.”
Hometown Proposal Page 10