Alice-Miranda Shows the Way

by Jacqueline Harvey

  Millie snorted. ‘I don’t think Howie will be too happy about that.’

  ‘We went to visit Granny Henrietta and Miss Hephzibah earlier,’ Sloane interrupted, ‘but we didn’t see any boys.’

  ‘Yeah, and as soon as we got back Howie had us folding washing for hours,’ Jacinta griped.

  ‘Tarquin must have shown up later,’ Alice-Miranda told Sloane, before turning to Jacinta. ‘Did you talk to your mother today?’

  ‘No, but I tried. Her phone just kept going to voicemail,’ Jacinta said.

  ‘Oh,’ Alice-Miranda said thoughtfully. ‘Perhaps her phone’s battery is flat.’

  ‘I doubt it,’ Jacinta replied. ‘Her phone is like an extra body part.’

  Over their delicious dinner, Alice-Miranda and Millie told the girls about their day. Millie finished up with the story of Mrs Howard scaring Fern from Grimthorpe House.

  ‘I’m glad she did,’ Sloane retorted. ‘I don’t want any sly carnival children hanging around my things.’

  ‘Sloane, that’s so unfair,’ Alice-Miranda chided. ‘You don’t know her at all.’

  ‘My point exactly, Alice-Miranda. You don’t really know her either.’

  ‘Oh, and don’t get in a car with Billy Boots,’ Millie warned.

  ‘Why?’ Jacinta asked.

  ‘He gave us a lift over to Chesterfield Downs and he obviously thinks he’s a racing car driver.’ Millie’s green eyes were huge as she recounted the terrifying ride. ‘I think there’s something a bit weird about him.’

  Alice-Miranda opened her mouth to object, then closed it again. She hated to hear anyone being spoken of unkindly, but even she was beginning to have her doubts about Billy Boots. It was nothing she could say for sure, just a feeling that there was more to that young man’s story than he was prepared to tell.

  On Monday morning after breakfast, Millie and Alice-Miranda were on their way to class when they noticed Mrs Smith’s Mini coming down the driveway with Billy Boots in the passenger seat. They waved to the pair as the car drove by.

  ‘I wonder where they’re off to,’ said Millie. She didn’t notice Charlie Weatherly pushing his wheelbarrow up behind them.

  ‘Mrs Smith is taking the lad over to Myrtle Parker’s place. He’s going to help her with some odd jobs,’ Charlie piped up. ‘Then at least I’ll know where he is all day.’

  Alice-Miranda spun around. ‘Oh, hello Mr Charles.’

  ‘Really?’ said Millie. ‘Has he done something wrong?’

  ‘Not exactly. He does a very good job, but he’s always disappearing,’ Charlie explained. ‘I don’t know where he goes. It’s a mystery.’

  ‘He’s good at sneaking up on people too,’ Millie said. ‘I call him the phantom.’

  ‘Ha! I thought that myself,’ Charlie chortled. ‘Well, he’s going to be kept busy today.’

  ‘Doing odd jobs for Mrs Parker sounds like a pretty bad punishment if you ask me. He’s likely to lose his ears, you know.’

  Alice-Miranda giggled.

  ‘And why exactly is that?’ Charlie asked, grinning.

  ‘Because by the time he’s finished, Mrs Parker will have chewed them off,’ Millie replied.

  ‘Better him than me.’ Charlie winked and headed off towards the front of the school.

  The two friends parted company as Millie had a music lesson and Alice-Miranda was off to PE. They were planning to see Mrs Derby at lunchtime to get their entries for the show finalised.

  Mrs Smith pulled up outside Mrs Parker’s overgrown bungalow and Billy hopped out.

  ‘You’ll have to find your own way back, I’m afraid. I have a lot on today,’ Mrs Smith told him.

  ‘I’ll be right,’ Billy said, and thanked her for the lift.

  The lawn was a patchwork of weeds. When Billy had asked Charlie what sort of jobs he’d be doing, he didn’t mention anything about gardening.

  The front door opened and a sturdy woman wearing what appeared to be a floral housecoat appeared.

  ‘Come along, young man, I don’t have all day,’ Myrtle called out.

  He skipped up the steps two at a time. ‘Hello Mrs Parker.’

  ‘I’m glad to see you have plenty of energy, Mr Boots,’ said Myrtle, looking him up and down. ‘But I was expecting you a little earlier.’ The old woman’s lips drew together as if she had been sucking a lemon.

  ‘I’m sorry. Charlie told me to come at nine,’ said Billy. ‘What exactly would you like me to do?’

  ‘Follow me.’ Myrtle led the way into the small foyer and towards the kitchen.

  Through a doorway, Billy glimpsed a man lying in a hospital bed in the middle of a sitting room. A woman in a nurse’s uniform was administering some kind of medication through a tube.

  ‘Don’t mind Reginald,’ said Myrtle. ‘He won’t be any trouble at all. But I have to warn you, if he doesn’t like what you’ve done, I’m afraid you won’t be getting paid.’

  The nurse looked up and smiled at Billy, then rolled her eyes as if they were both in on the same joke.

  Billy frowned. The man didn’t seem to be conscious, much less capable of assessing his handiwork.

  In the kitchen Myrtle presented Billy with a list, itemised in order of priority.

  1. Clean out gutters

  2. Attend to cobwebs

  3. Wash awnings

  4. Oil garden furniture

  5. Fix broken tiles on roof . . .

  Billy read on to the last point:

  30. Wash and polish car

  Billy wondered if she expected him to get everything done in just one day.

  ‘I want you to do the jobs in order, young man, and understand that I will be watching you closely. Charles Weatherly told me that you’re a capable lad, but I need to see that for myself,’ Myrtle bleated.

  Billy sighed. ‘Do you have a ladder, Mrs Parker?’

  ‘It’s in the garage. Just make sure that you don’t fall off. That’s what happened to my Reginald, you know.’

  ‘Oh,’ Billy gulped.

  True to her word, Myrtle Parker spent the first hour watching Billy like a hawk. She didn’t offer to help at any time but she had plenty of advice. In between her telling him how to do this and that she regaled Billy with the story of her husband’s accident, which the young fellow responded to with the appropriate responses of ‘oh, no’ and ‘that’s awful’.

  ‘Where are you from?’ she asked.

  ‘Up north,’ Billy said vaguely.

  ‘Where up north?’

  ‘Around Cossington Park,’ Billy replied.

  ‘Really? My Reginald was from Cossington Park,’ said Myrtle. ‘I bet you must know the Wrights and the Figworths. And dear old Della French.’

  Billy had no idea who she was talking about but he had the good sense to nod and pretend that he did.

  ‘You must be from fine stock then, Mr Boots,’ Myrtle decided. ‘Do you know much about the people here in the village?’

  ‘No, not really,’ Billy replied.

  ‘Well then, I’ll give you a quick potted history so you know who you’re dealing with.’ Myrtle pursed her lips. ‘It’s a lovely little place, really, but you must be careful about the gossips.’

  Billy grinned to himself. Geez, that would be the pot calling the kettle black, he thought.

  ‘Herman Munz is the grocer. Lovely man. Wife is terribly bossy, she’s Marta. They have a son Otto who is a complete dunderhead. Never trust the boy to deliver your groceries. By the time he gets them to you your milk will be sour and your bread crustier than a school boy’s scabby knees.’ Myrtle continued reeling off her list. ‘And I suppose you know quite a bit about those who work at the school. Ophelia Grimm’s the headmistress. She was such a pretty young thing. Had a tragic time earlier on
but I think she and Aldous Grump are happy enough now. Doreen Smith’s the cook. Lovely woman too – husband died of a heart attack many years ago. She and I have such a bond, although I must say she’s been getting a little bossy in her old age.’ Myrtle cast her eyes towards the sitting room. ‘And my new neighbour across the road . . . You’ve probably seen her daughter up there at the school. Ambrosia Headlington-Bear is quite the party girl – beautiful woman but terribly full of her own importance. Perhaps her marriage break-up will bring her down a few rungs on that social ladder she likes to climb. I read that her husband had filed for divorce – it was strange but she didn’t seem to know anything about it – poor dear. But you didn’t hear any of this from me.’ Myrtle finally paused to take a breath.

  Billy was wondering if there was anything she didn’t know about the people who lived around the village, when she began again.

  ‘Then there’s Evelyn Pepper up at Chesterfield Downs. Clever woman but frightfully too focused on her career. No time for anything or anyone unless they have four legs. Beautiful place, Chesterfield Downs. Have you been? No, of course you haven’t.’

  ‘I was there just yesterday,’ Billy advised.

  Myrtle was startled. ‘Really? Whatever for?’

  ‘A couple of the girls from school needed a lift and as everyone else was busy, Charlie asked me to drive them.’

  ‘Well, no doubt you’d have noticed how peculiar the place is. I mean, that house has one of the most valuable collections of silverware in the whole country but their security is appalling,’ Myrtle tutted. ‘Not an alarm in the place. But I suppose that’s one of the joys of living in the country, isn’t it? We’re a community-minded lot, everyone looking out for everyone else. And we need to be doubly alert over the next couple of weeks with those carnival people about town. It’s my greatest wish to have the show without all those dreadful rides and distractions but apparently my committee says it’s the only way we attract the youngsters or make any money. Last year those carnival folk left town with a hoard of garden furniture and my dear Newton.’

  ‘Who’s Newton?’ Billy asked. It wasn’t a name that had come up before in their conversation.

  ‘My gnome. He’s a charming little character and such a comfort. Whenever I was in the garden I could always chat to Newton about Reginald. But last year he went missing the very night that the travellers went on their way.’

  ‘Oh.’ Billy wasn’t sure how else he could respond to such a statement.

  ‘The naughty fellow must have covered some miles this past year. Do you know, I received postcards from all over the countryside from him and then just the other day, who should arrive back on my doorstep?’

  There was a short silence. Billy didn’t know what to say, given that the old woman seemed to believe that her garden gnome was actually capable of writing postcards and travelling about the country.

  ‘Don’t you want to guess?’ said Myrtle. She was starting to wonder if the lad was a little on the slow side.

  ‘Newton?’ Billy offered.

  ‘Of course it was Newton!’ Myrtle clasped her hands together in delight. ‘Little monkey was none the worse for wear but I’ve made sure that he stays inside these days. You never know when he might get the wanders again.’

  ‘But you don’t think he just went off on his own, do you, Mrs Parker?’ Billy simply had to ask.

  ‘Good gracious, no,’ Myrtle replied. ‘He had accomplices and if I was a gambling woman, which of course I’m not, I’d put the house on the instigators being those carnival folk.’

  Billy couldn’t help but wonder if Mrs Parker was a little unstable.

  Myrtle glanced at her watch. ‘Heavens, I’d better get going. Are you almost finished?’ she demanded.

  ‘This is a very long list,’ Billy replied as he brushed the last cobweb from the awning.

  ‘Well, I suppose I can leave you here while I duck out. Did Charlie say when you have to be back at the school?’ Myrtle asked.

  Billy hesitated, before saying truthfully, ‘He said that I should stay until I get everything done.’ He didn’t say that Charlie told him to do everything in his power to make Myrtle Parker happy. Knowing her a little bit now, the lad thought he’d be there for weeks to make that happen.

  ‘You’d better put that away in the garage,’ the old woman said, pointing at the ladder.

  Billy sighed. It was no wonder her husband preferred to be asleep. He carried the ladder to the garage and made sure that there was nothing else lying about.

  ‘Now, I’ve thought of a few more things to add to the list.’ Myrtle appeared with another piece of paper on which was written at least ten new jobs.

  Billy worked as quickly as he could to get everything done. Without Mrs Parker chewing his ears off, he found that he got through things far more quickly. By the time she arrived home several hours later he’d almost finished.

  ‘Take me through everything, young man,’ Myrtle demanded. ‘And don’t try to get away with anything. I have keen eyes.’

  Myrtle Parker inspected each job microscopically.

  ‘Yes well, you seem to have done rather well. Except for the garden. I suppose it will just have to wait until next time.’

  Billy hoped there wouldn’t be a next time. That garden would take weeks to get under control.

  ‘Come along, then.’ Myrtle headed to the kitchen, where she proceeded to pull a large teapot from the bottom cupboard.

  Billy followed. ‘Thanks, Mrs Parker, but I don’t have time for tea.’

  ‘I wasn’t about to make you any,’ Myrtle scoffed. She lifted the lid and to the young man’s surprise the pot contained rolls and rolls of bank notes – all large denominations.

  ‘I don’t trust the banks,’ Myrtle said. ‘Now, how much do I owe you for today?’

  Billy told her an amount, to which Myrtle added a very stingy tip.

  ‘Well, you’d better hurry along,’ the old woman instructed. ‘I’m sure there are jobs waiting at the school and they won’t do themselves.’

  Alice-Miranda had kept an eye out all day for Fern. She wished the young girl would come back and let Mrs Howard look at her wrist, but she wasn’t entirely hopeful. Fern hadn’t seemed all that keen, even with Alf’s encouragement, and Mrs Howard could be rather stern when she wanted to be. If that was the side of the housemistress Fern had encountered, then the girl wasn’t likely to venture anywhere near Grimthorpe House any time soon. Alice-Miranda wasn’t sure when she would have time to go and see Fern again either.

  At lunchtime Alice-Miranda and Millie had visited Mrs Derby to finalise their entries for the show. The headmistress’s assistant had been busy all day collecting the last forms and said that she would drive them over to the Show Society office at 3 pm and hand them to Myrtle Parker herself. She joked that she might have someone photograph the exchange for insurance. The deadline was 4 pm and there was no way the girls were going to miss out.

  Alice-Miranda had arranged a lift with Mrs Smith to Chesterfield Downs for Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. On Monday Alice-Miranda had hockey practice and on Wednesday there was choir rehearsal. On Friday Mrs Smith was busy with another committee meeting, so Alice-Miranda thought she could have an afternoon off. Millie would train Chops at school until the weekend, when there would be time to ride over and practise together again.

  Alice-Miranda and Millie were walking back to the house from hockey practice when they spotted a police car making its way up the driveway. It stopped near the visitors’ parking lot and Billy Boots hopped out of the passenger’s seat.

  ‘Thanks,’ Billy said with a wave.

  Constable Derby put the window down and called out, ‘You will let me know if you see anything then?’

  ‘Course,’ Billy replied and walked towards the manor.

  The police car made its way a
round the turning circle in front of the building and headed back down the driveway.

  Billy hadn’t seen Millie and Alice-Miranda standing near the steps.

  ‘Hello Mr Boots,’ Alice-Miranda said as she and Millie appeared from behind the hedge. Billy jumped.

  ‘You surprised the life out of me,’ he complained, wondering where she had come from.

  ‘Ha!’ Millie replied. ‘Now you know how we feel every time you do it to us – phantom. I thought you didn’t like policemen.’

  ‘I don’t but he offered me a lift and I didn’t feel much like walking after all the jobs I’ve done today,’ Billy answered.

  ‘He’s a lovely man, isn’t he?’ said Alice-Miranda.

  ‘He seems all right,’ Billy replied, ‘for a copper.’

  ‘Why was Constable Derby asking you to let him know if you see anything?’ Millie asked.

  Billy shot Millie a curious look. ‘Well, don’t you just have a pair of elephant ears on you.’

  Millie rolled her eyes. ‘He yelled it out to you. It didn’t seem to be a secret.’

  ‘It’s nothing really – a bit of a joke. Apparently there’s been some thieving going on around the village and he asked me to keep an eye out for anything suspicious,’ Billy explained.

  Millie glanced at Alice-Miranda. ‘Mrs Parker’s right, you know. There’s always trouble when they come to town.’

  ‘I thought you were going to give them a chance,’ Alice-Miranda said, frowning at her friend.

  ‘Well, if it’s them, they’re not very ambitious,’ Billy replied. ‘But Mrs Parker would know. She’s got everyone in the village pegged. She spent an hour telling me everyone’s business, including about some woman who’s just moved into the cottage across the road. Ambrosia something or other. And then she invited me to a ball!’ Billy shook his head in amazement.

  ‘That’s wonderful. I can’t wait for the ball,’ Alice-Miranda said excitedly. ‘Everyone’s going.’

  Millie gave Alice-Miranda a sneaky smile. ‘What did Mrs Parker say about Ambrosia?’