Sans Regret

by Alice Gaynes

  He sat in silence for a moment, a puzzled look on his face. “Did I meet the two of you together?”

  “Oh for heaven’s sake. How can you have forgotten?”

  “I remember meeting you somewhere. Perhaps I met her then.”

  “At my father’s house in Wortham. You’d come to hunt and your horse threw you nearby. My mother gave you tea and my father took you home in his rig.”

  “That’s it,” he said. “That’s where we met. It must have been fifteen years ago or more.”

  Good Lord, he was talking about his history with Cecily as if he’d passed a pleasant few hours with her in conversation. The original meeting hadn’t involved much more and in fact, neither she nor Cecily had shared more than a dozen words with him. They’d all been shocked when Cecily had burst into tears and admitted her affair with the man. They’d had no clue that he’d returned secretly several times to woo her with sweet words and caresses until he won her over. A loving father might have called him out. Her father had avoided scandal by marrying her off to Watson and seeking out a title for Caroline. When he’d found Oakhurst, he sold her off into little more than prostitution.

  “Caroline?”

  She looked at him and the memory of him in her father’s sitting room came flooding back. So handsome, so polite, so dishonest.

  “Is there more I should remember?” he said.

  “Damn you. How could you forget?” She got up and paced across the room. “You took my sister’s virtue.”

  “I beg your pardon. I did no such thing.”

  She gripped the footboard of the bed and leaned toward him. “You’re either dishonest or you’ve seduced so many women you’ve forgotten. In either case you’re a cad.”

  “That’s insane.”

  “You’re very smooth in your seduction. I saw that for myself at Lord Blakeley’s.”

  He gave out a bark of outraged laughter. “I seduced you at Blakeley’s? That’s rich.”

  “You chased me all over the house.”

  “You show up half naked, flirt with every man in the room, rub up against my cock under cover of a waltz and then you call me seductive?”

  “You slipped into Cecily’s room by climbing the rose arbor. You encouraged her to sneak out at night. You convinced her you wanted to marry her and once you’d had what you wanted, you lost interest.”

  He glowered at her. “Lies all of it. Who told you that rubbish?”

  “My sister does not lie.”

  “Then she’s deluded.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t seduce virgins precisely because they misunderstand men and their intentions.”

  “Please spare me a retelling of your virtue.”

  “I don’t care whether you believe me or not. I don’t like simpering in a woman. I don’t like being looked at as no more than marriage material.”

  “So you limit yourself to experienced women,” she said.

  “They’re also better lovers,” he said. “Or so I understand. I’ve never had a virgin.”

  She had to laugh at that. “Never?”

  “Men who do like virgins look on them as conquests. I like my bedmates willing.”

  “Like your friend Lady Sherford?”

  “You have an odd habit of drugging people and then criticizing them.”

  She straightened and clenched her hands into fists by her sides. He could twist this any way he wanted but his lover had drunk all that wine on her own and no one had had to force her to have sex with two servants. And he’d ruined her sister’s chances at a good marriage, even if he did deny it.

  “Let’s assume for the sake of argument that I did steal your sister’s virtue,” he said. “Why is it up to you to take revenge? Don’t you have a brother for that? Or does he prefer for you to do his dirty work?”

  “You ruined my life too.”

  He snorted. “I didn’t take your virginity. I promise you I would have remembered that.”

  “My parents wanted one of their daughters to marry well, so they found Oakhurst for me.”

  His eyes widened and he looked honestly shocked at that. “Didn’t they know what the man was like?”

  “No I don’t think so.” They might not have been the most loving pair in the Empire but even they wouldn’t have sentenced her to a life with such a degenerate. Only one person was truly to blame for what had happened and he sat in her old bed right now. He couldn’t have known the consequences of his seduction but everyone knew a young woman’s innocence was her greatest asset. He’d callously taken Cecily’s and he still needed to pay.

  “Well thank you for your honesty,” he said. “But I did not seduce your sister.”

  “You don’t remember doing it.”

  “I didn’t do it, whether you believe me or not.”

  Why should she believe him over Cecily? Cecily loved fine things, parties, pretty gowns. London society was the perfect place for her. She’d never have given up the possibility to be a countess or to attend balls. To spend the season in London and the rest of the social year at great country houses. A marriage like the one she had was surely the last thing she would have wanted. No Cecily had told the truth.

  “I didn’t cause your unhappiness,” he said. “But I might be able to cure it.”

  What an absurd notion. She stared at him in disbelief. “How on earth do you think you could do that?”

  “You have plenty of money.”

  “More than enough.”

  “As a dowager countess you enjoy more freedom than most women.”

  “And so…?”

  He shrugged but the gesture didn’t seem as casual as he’d no doubt intended it to. “If you can heal from the things Oakhurst and his friends did to you, you can live a long and happy life.”

  “You think you can heal me?”

  He looked her up and down and then gave her a slow smile. “I can help you to enjoy the sex act.”

  “You have a high opinion of yourself.”

  “Not at all,” he said. “I’ve made a study of what pleases women, that’s all.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “Ah yes. Point of pride with you. I remember.”

  “I’ve visited India. They celebrate the voluptuous there.”

  “You went there to avoid a duel with a jealous husband if the rumors are true.”

  One eyebrow went up. “Some men are hotter headed than your brother.”

  “After all I’ve done to you, why would you want to help me heal?”

  “Any number of reasons.” He sat up farther, bringing himself closer to her. “You might release me once you discover what a decent sort I really am.”

  “Decent?” She laughed. “Hardly.”

  “We respond well to each other, you and I. I could take a great deal of pleasure in bedding you properly.”

  The heat of challenge entered his eyes. The look of a man who’d relish the chase almost as much as the victory. Damn but he was a handsome devil. No wonder Cecily had succumbed to his charm.

  “You excite me as no other woman has,” he went on. “You feel the same way when we kiss, even if you try to deny it.”

  “I deny nothing.”

  “Imagine if you let me do more. Let me kiss your throat and breasts. Let me part the lips of your sex and stroke the clitoris there. Let me sink slowly into you. All of me.”

  “You think you could make me like that.”

  “I know so. I know you already crave my kisses.”

  Let him think so. Let him do his damnedest to heal her, as he called it. The more she intrigued him, the deeper she could draw him in. She could use his obsession against him.

  “Let me show you how it’s supposed to be between men and women,” he said. “Let me show you how two fallible bodies can create perfection.”

  She gave him a slow smile. “You have no idea what you’re asking for.”

  Chapter Nine

  Wortham’s wounds had healed enough that he could jolly well get out of this bed and resu
me his normal life—or what passed for normal here—but acting the invalid brought Caroline to his room every day. Every day she brought his meals and checked his bandages, sitting beside him where he could breathe in the scent of her hair. Every day he got a bit closer to her, brushing his nose against her temple as she checked his throat. The guards must have pulled the mastiff off him immediately or at the very least, he’d have slashing scars from the beast’s teeth. Instead only marks remained, just enough to bring her face close to his.

  Today she leaned back after her examination and gave him an assessing look. “You seem almost fully recovered. Do you still feel weak?”

  “One might think of it as weakness, I suppose.” He picked up her hand and kissed the backs of her fingers. “Your nearness always that effect on me.”

  She pulled her hand back but smiled at him. “You’ve been keeping to your bed to lure me here?”

  “Not at first but lately…”

  “I’ve never been seduced that way.”

  “Have you ever been seduced, Caroline?” he said. “It sounds as if you’ve only been forced.”

  “Seduced, forced. It’s all the same.”

  “Ah there you’re very wrong,” he said.

  “They both involve taking something from me that I don’t want to give.”

  “Wrong again. The art of seduction is to make your lover want to give everything she has.”

  “You mean her body,” she said.

  “Her body, but much more. What the clumsy lover doesn’t realize is that you must surrender a bit of yourself in every sexual act to make it truly sublime.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and eyed him with more than a little skepticism. “And you lose a bit of yourself every time you make love?”

  “Since I realized how important that is, yes.”

  “Then I doubt you have much of yourself left with as many women as you’ve seduced.”

  “Sarcasm isn’t attractive in a woman, Lady Oakhurst.”

  She studied him in silence for several moments. She seemed to be weighing possibilities, perhaps calculating whether this knowledge gave her some advantage. He might have made himself vulnerable by his admission but he might have also put it into her head that she could help along her victory over him by shedding some of her own defenses. In any case, he had her thinking in a new direction. With any luck, that new direction might lead them to greater intimacy.

  Amazing. After everything this woman had done to him, everything she’d put him through, he still wanted her. Wanted her more desperately than he’d ever wanted another woman. If it was the last thing on earth he ever did, he had to know her all the way down to her soul.

  “Maybe I’m naïve,” she said. “But I don’t see how you can give of yourself to so many women.”

  “Maybe you’re just afraid of trying it yourself.”

  “Let’s see. I’ve kidnapped you. I’ve humiliated you. I’ve humiliated one of your lovers. And my dogs nearly killed you. Not a very good start to a trusting relationship.”

  She had all that right, of course. Oh hell. Perhaps he only wanted to convince her that he hadn’t ruined her sister. For some reason, that accusation stung. He’d always scorned the sort of man who stole young girls out of the schoolroom. There ought to be some honor among scoundrels or they were little more than what Caroline accused him of being—bastards who cared for no one but themselves. He wasn’t like that, damn it. He hadn’t taken her sister’s virtue and she’d believe that by the time he’d finished with her.

  Most especially, she’d believe that he wasn’t the one who’d ruined her life.

  “Then let’s start over, shall we?” he said.

  She smiled, but the expression held mistrust. “How?”

  “Let me honestly seduce you.”

  “How would you do that?”

  “By taking tiny liberties. Never enough to frighten you but each time a little bit more.”

  Her eyebrow went up. “That’s all there is to it?”

  “I also assure you that whenever you tell me to stop, I will.”

  “And you keep your word in that?”

  “It’s the most important thing,” he answered. “Press a little forward each time but always leave my lover wanting more.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “Very clever, if you have the patience for it.”

  “I do.”

  “So how would you start with me?”

  What a delightful prospect. He looked at her—at her deep, brown eyes, at the pale length of her neck, at the swell of bosom beneath the fabric of her bodice. How indeed? “I’d proceed very carefully. After a few gentle kisses, I’d begin undoing your buttons.”

  “Like this?” She reached to them herself and had two opened before he could put his hands over hers to stop her.

  “Not that way.” He pulled the ends of the cloth together to cover her. “You do that when you offer yourself as a sacrifice. I don’t want a sacrifice. I want a partner.”

  She held herself still but her head trembled. Just the tiniest tremor, but enough to tell him she feared what would come next.

  “Besides,” he said. “The first time, I like to undress my lover and explore her slowly.”

  Her breath caught on an inward sigh.

  Moving as slowly as possible, he took her face in his hands and pulled her head to his so that he could press his lips to her forehead. She gave in to that, even though he met a slight resistance as her neck stiffened. From there, he moved to her eyelids, first one then the other. Besides the gentleness of his touch, it also made her close her eyes. That in turn allowed him to move to her mouth without warning her of the kiss.

  When he took her lips, heat rose up to envelop them. He’d intended to move slowly but the sweetness caught even him by surprise. She was rose petals and ripe fruit. Poetry and song. A heady mix of wine and spices. As many women as he’d kissed in his life, nothing prepared him for the intensity of this one.

  She seemed affected by the warmth of the caress. The tension melted from her neck and she leaned toward him. With another woman he’d have pressed on—pulling her against him, opening her lips with his own, sending his tongue to seek hers out. She’d let him too. She’d play the harlot and he’d lose her.

  Instead he pulled back and looked into her face. Her eyes remained closed. Her cheeks had flushed and her lips parted to allow puffs of breath to escape. The perfect picture of innocent lust awakened. Not the passion of an experienced woman but then, this woman had never experienced passion. He’d be the first to arouse her, the first to see her through to completion. Amazing.

  Her eyes opened finally. “You stopped.”

  “Only for a moment.” He paused. “Unless you want me to stop.”

  Her gaze searched his face. “A trick?”

  “No trick.”

  That seemed to puzzle her and she glanced away from him. After a heartbeat, she looked back at him. “I don’t want you to stop.”

  “Good.” He slipped an arm around her ribs and guided her slowly down onto the bed beside him. Her eyes widened as she stared into his face. With her head resting against the pillow, she gazed up at him.

  They’d never lain together, in even the most innocent sense of the word. For each of their encounters, they’d either stood or sat. Lying supine against the covers, the fabric of the bodice fallen backward, she was the most exposed she’d ever been to him. A flicker of fear entered her eyes but she lay still, staring up at him.

  “You are so beautiful,” he whispered as he stroked the side of her face.

  “No I—”

  “Shhh. Don’t interrupt me while I’m worshiping you.”

  “Worsh—”

  He stopped the word with his mouth. Just enough to silence her and then he lifted his head. “You know you rule my cock. I’m afraid you’ll rule my heart as well.”

  She turned her head but he guided it back so that she’d look at him. “Caroline, you touch me in ways no other wom
an ever has.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  It didn’t and yet, he couldn’t deny it. Ever since he’d seen her at Blakeley’s. Hell maybe ever since he’d seen her the first time at her father’s house. After all he’d forgotten her “prettier” sister but he’d remembered the quiet one with the light of intelligence in her eyes. Maybe fate had planned it all so that he’d end up in this room, on this bed, with this woman. Still he couldn’t have her. Not today. It was too early.

  “I’m going to kiss you now. Really kiss you,” he whispered. “Do I have your consent?”

  She nibbled on her lower lip for a moment and then nodded.

  Damn but she was enticing. Now that he could kiss her, he took his time, gazing into her eyes while she stared up at him. Then he slowly lowered himself to her. Supporting his weight on his arms, he covered her body with his own and pressed his mouth to hers. With her permission, he could kiss her with more abandon and he did. This time he explored every inch of her lips, from one corner to the fullness of her bottom lip, to the other corner and back.

  She opened her mouth with a soft gasp that sent warm breath into his own. This was how he’d wanted her to respond from the first. At Blakeley’s, he’d thought her a seductress but now he knew her to be an innocent, despite her past. She needed gentling and he’d give it to her if it killed him.

  While the heat of her closeness fired his blood, he touched her lip with his tongue and then slipped it inside her mouth just enough to act as an invitation.

  She took the invitation and answered. Her tongue gently touched his and then moved to explore more of him. He groaned—partly with pleasure and partly at the agony of having to go so slowly. If only he could ravish her the way his body demanded. If only he could remove every bit of cloth that separated them, cover her entire body with kisses and then drive his aching cock deep inside her. Not now. Not today. And yet lust as he’d never known drove him on.

  He stopped kissing her and rested his forehead against hers. “I think you understand now.”

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  “Ah, Caroline.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “My name. It’s James. Say it.”