Roped In (Strings Book 2)

by J. C. Hayden

  I kept looking at him until he reached out and grabbed one of my hands. I looked down at our hands and then back up at him.

  “Let me help you.” No matter what we’d been through, no matter the time, the years, the distance, I knew Jack was as honest as they came. I didn’t know if he wouldn’t hurt me years from now, but I knew that right now he genuinely wanted to be there for me.

  I felt like this was some kind of test. Sure, I told him I was his girlfriend, and I wanted to be, was happy to be. This, however, was about more than that. It was how I would prove I was serious about it. About us. I felt like he was asking me, “where will we go from here? Will you let me in?” Everything in me was screaming to run like hell, to get as far away from Kenny and Jack and my mother as I possibly could. If I could outrun the memories, outrun the past, I wouldn’t have to face the feelings swirling inside. I would run like the wind. But Jack was looking at me with his green eyes, and I knew he was asking for so much more than just to let him drive.

  Let him love you.

  I threw up my hands in frustration.

  “Fine.”

  When we got in the car, we didn’t speak. Jack drove for about ten minutes before stopping at a gas station to fill up. I sat in the passenger seat with my arms wrapped protectively around me, staring out the window. When he walked out of the station, he was wearing sunglasses and his hair was blowing in the wind and the way the sun landed on him, he looked like a movie star. When he saw me looking at him, he gave me a small smile—one that made my heart stutter—but when he got back in the car, he still didn’t speak.

  We drove down Route 2 with the windows down. It was a chilly day like all of our days here had been, but the cool air felt amazing on my heated skin. Jack kept the heat turned down low just so it wouldn’t get too cold, and it was perfect. I stared at the water and the stunning foliage as we passed. Vermont really was beautiful. My mother had talked about it for years, and I remember being in our tiny apartment in Queens, above the restaurant she used to work at that the owner rented out to us for cheap, her pulling up pictures of Vermont in autumn.

  “Isn’t it beautiful, mija?”

  “I guess,” I shrugged. “I like Queens, though.”

  “I know.” She smiled. “I like Queens, too. It’s just nice to see what else is out there, yeah? A world that’s so close to ours but looks different.”

  I remember I looked at the picture for a little bit longer, and after a while I thought I started to see what my mother could see. The beauty of the trees, of the forest, of the water. I never appreciated it before. Even when she’d moved here years ago, I’d never fully taken it in like I was doing now. Usually I groused about how long the drive was, but now, here, I was grateful for it.

  I looked at Jack and studied his profile. He was so gorgeous, and like the beauty of Vermont, sometimes I didn’t fully appreciate Jack. His hair was longer on top and buzzed on the sides. Usually he styled it, but since we’d been in Vermont, he’d let it lay naturally and it looked incredible. He’d taken off his pullover sweater from earlier and was just wearing a blue and green plaid shirt and tight jeans with the shirt tucked in just the front. Ray Bans covered his eyes, but I knew how much those eyes could unravel me. They were deep pools of sea green, stunning in their clarity. He had an arm propped up on the open window, one hand on the wheel, and I admired his corded arms that I knew he worked hard for. He went to the gym every day religiously, even if it was only for a half hour. He was so big and strong, but also so gentle. He was open and honest. He was kind. He was funny and charming and smart as hell.

  Even after all we’d shared this weekend and before, I couldn’t believe he wanted me. Couldn’t imagine what he could see in me. I was a waitress and a struggling musician. I was crass and moody. He was wealthy, cultured, a world traveler, and the only place I’d been to besides Queens, Boston, and Alburgh was San Juan to visit my mom’s family. I was short, and I needed to lay off Gia’s pasta if I ever wanted to stop staring at my ass and thighs in the mirror with annoyance. But Jack always made it clear that he loved my body. In the time we’d been together since Halloween, he spent hours exploring me, every dip and curve, loved rubbing his hands on my ass, loved the way I looked in form fitting dresses that showed off just how curvy I was. He would often turn me over when we were fucking, and later confess that he loved seeing my ass when we were together.

  The thing that got to me, though, wasn’t just that Jack loved all the parts of me I was insecure about, but that he liked me because of them, not in spite of them. He liked my attitude, my crassness, my curves. He admired my music, listened to it even when he didn’t go to my shows. He didn’t care that I didn’t know what the Dow Industrial was. He listened intently when I went on rants about things I was passionate about, like film studios remaking classic movies for no good reason. He cared about every story I told him. He loved everything I cooked for him even if it sucked. He just found me interesting, the same way I found him so. And as I gazed at him, I appreciated him—truly appreciated him—for the first time the same way I was appreciating Vermont for the very first time.

  “Sorry I freaked out earlier.”

  He jumped. “Shit, Talia, you scared me.” It had been quiet in the car for so long, it didn’t surprise me.

  I smiled. “Sorry. But yeah. And you were right. I shouldn’t have been driving. Thanks for… thanks for taking me away. Thanks for being here. In Vermont. I’m really glad we did this.”

  Jack reached out and put his hand in mine. He intertwined our fingers and brought my hand up to his mouth to press his lips to my knuckles in a kiss.

  “Thanks for inviting me.” He turned his head toward me for a moment before looking back at the road. “I’ve had the best time I’ve had in a really long time.”

  We sat in silence for a few more minutes, holding hands, until Jack spoke again.

  “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

  I sighed. “Not really.”

  “You don’t have to,” he said. “Just thought I’d offer in case you needed that. You’ve never talked about your father before, so I know nothing about this. I didn’t even know you knew him. But we don’t have to talk about it,” he added quickly.

  I angled slightly toward him, sighing again as I adjusted. Jack glanced at me again and smiled before bringing our hands up and kissing my hand once more.

  “You’re beautiful.”

  My heart hammered in my chest as I stared back at him. The feelings I had for him were staggering. I’d never in my life felt like this. I felt like my heart was too big for my chest. I wanted to wrap myself in the warmth of his affection, of his presence.

  I leaned my head against the headrest, watching him for a while before I got up the courage to talk about something I had never talked to anyone about. Not even Catrina, who only knew that my dad was a dick who was never around. It felt huge. Monumental. Like sharing this with him would mean more than anything we’d shared before. I felt like I would be becoming more than just his girlfriend.

  Jack wasn’t far off when he said he didn’t know if I knew Kenny because I always pretended like he didn’t exist. My friends from Queens knew he existed but even they knew it was off limits to discuss. And since I’d stopped speaking to him before I went to Klein, I never even brought him up while I was there. It was easier than explaining the truth. But for the first time, I wanted to open up about it. I wanted Jack to know everything about me, the good and the bad.

  When that one nasty and unwelcome thought popped in my mind, I was almost powerless to stop it: Maybe if he knew the bad, it would make it easier when this inevitably came to an end.

  “I didn’t even know about Kenny until I was six,” I finally said. “When I started school, you know kids ask questions. ‘Where’s your dad?’ ‘Did your dad die?’ Stuff like that. One day I asked my mom and she said he loved me, but he couldn’t be with us. I sort of just accepted that. Because I trusted my mom and she was all I needed. You kno
w, we were definitely poor growing up, but I never felt like I wanted for anything. I didn’t get lots of new clothes, and I wasn’t one of those kids who got a ton of presents for Christmas, but I always felt loved. We had enough, even if it wasn’t much.”

  “Your mom is awesome,” Jack said.

  I smiled softly. “She so is,” I said, even though I was pissed at her. “So anyway, on my sixth birthday, my mom and I were having dinner with my abuela. My mom asked if I’d like to meet my dad, and I said sure. It didn’t really mean much to me one way or another, but it seemed like my mom wanted me to meet him so I agreed.”

  “How’d that go?” Jack looked at me for a moment before looking back at the road.

  “The first meeting was awkward. He apologized for not being in my life, said he wanted to get to know me. He seemed nice. I kept thinking he looked like Superman.” I smiled at the childish memory. He had. He’d had dark black hair back then and these piercing hazel eyes. Ones I’d inherited.

  “So why was he out of the picture for so long?”

  “It took me a while to figure that out,” I told Jack. “I knew my mom didn’t want me to know. She wanted me to have this idealized version of him. The same one she had. Probably still has.” The anger surged through me at the memory of earlier—the hurt, the betrayal, and the utter confusion that she’d let him in again. “Kenny has another family.” It was matter-of-fact, almost emotionless, when I said it. I’d stopped caring about it so long ago that I barely ever thought about it.

  “My mom got pregnant when she was nineteen. Kenny was thirty. Already married, had two kids. When my mom found out she was pregnant with me, she didn’t tell him. Didn’t want to ruin his perfect little life. The only reason he found out is because he came to the restaurant looking for her one day and I was there, since I was always there after school.”

  “Wow,” Jack said. “So did you get to know him?”

  “At first. For the first few years, he was really, really good and present. He took me to the zoo, to Central Park. Even came on a few of my school field trips. My mom was so happy. I’d never seen her like that. She smiled all the time. When we’d come in the apartment from one of our outings, she’d glow.” It had taken me years to realize what was going on with my mom and Kenny. He’d come back into our lives when he wanted to restart his relationship with my mom. When he was having trouble in his marriage, that’s when we would see Kenny. And my mom idolized him despite the fact that she had always been and would always be second best in his life. I wasn’t exaggerating to Jack when I told him she would glow. It was like light was shining off her skin she was so happy anytime he was around.

  “But it went bad eventually?” Jack sounded hesitant when he asked the question.

  “It always did.” I hated how small my voice sounded. “I never knew how long he would be around. The first time was the longest it lasted. He didn’t disappear until I was nine or so. Then he was gone for a year. He’d come back for a few months, then disappear, come back for a day and then leave. For a while, I didn’t care. I loved it when he came around even if it was only for a month. I loved spending time with him. Loved seeing my parents together. Just loved having a dad, you know?”

  My voice trembled on my last words and Jack squeezed my hand.

  “So you haven’t talked to him in a while?” Jack asked after a few minutes of silence.

  I shook my head even though he wasn’t looking at me.

  “As I got older, the comings and goings just made me more and more angry. I didn’t know about his other family then. My mom would say he was busy with work or whatever.”

  “When did you find out about them?”

  This was the hardest part. It was the reason I hadn’t talked to Kenny in ten years. It was the part I had never, ever talked about. The part that hurt the most.

  “It was right after I found out about getting into Klein,” I said. “I had applied to a few other schools, but Klein was the one I wanted the most. They have a great music program, you know, and I knew that’s what I wanted to do. Kenny and I… he loved music, too. We bonded over that a lot. We would sit in his car and listen to Louis Armstrong or Ella Fitzgerald. He made me fall even more in love with music.” I could feel the backs of my eyes burning, and I hated myself for it. Hated that after all these years he still had any power over my emotions.

  “I was so excited. I just wanted him to know. I… it sounds so stupid, but I wanted him to be proud of me. And excited for me.”

  “That doesn’t sound stupid at all,” Jack said softly.

  I let out a shaky breath. “I guess not. But it was stupid to try and find him. My mom told me he worked on Wall Street, and I thought it would be cool to go to his work and surprise him. When I was searching his name online to find out which firm he worked at, I was giddy. I didn’t even think about what it would look like—some Boricua from Queens showing up at some huge investment banking firm and asking to see Kenny Emery. He was pissed. Told me I shouldn’t be there, that I had to go.” I held onto Jack’s hand even tighter. “I went to this pizza shop around the corner and just cried. About twenty minutes later, some old man showed up. He asked what I wanted, how much money, and I was just confused. I told him I just wanted to talk to my dad, and the guy went so white I thought he was going to pass out.”

  “Who was he?”

  I laughed humorlessly. “Kenny’s dad. My good old granddad.”

  “Jesus.”

  “Yeah. When I went home, my mom was frantic. Kenny had called her apparently because she started yelling at me that I shouldn’t have gone. She said I should’ve talked to her about it first. I asked her what the big fucking deal was, and that’s when she told me everything.” I huffed another unamused laugh. “The stupid part of me was excited when I found out I had two older brothers. I’d never had siblings, and I thought it would be so cool to know them. My mom told me it wasn’t possible.”

  “Did you ever meet them?”

  “No,” I said quietly. “I don’t think they even know about me.”

  “I’m so sorry, Tal.”

  I shrugged. “I guess it taught me a lot. About people, about the world.”

  “So did you just decide to stop talking to Kenny after that?” he asked.

  “Not exactly,” I scoffed. “He came by later that night. I heard him yelling at my mom, and I was furious. I stormed in the room and told him to leave. My mom got all mad at me, but then when Kenny started yelling at me, she told him to get out. Then he started apologizing, and I thought she was going to forgive him but she didn’t. She told him to leave and not come back.”

  I could see a muscle in Jack’s jaw ticking. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I knew he was angry and upset on my behalf. On mine and my mom’s. Kenny had put us through hell for years, and I knew that until that night, my mom had still wanted him through it all. But she chose me. She chose our little family. Or so I’d thought.

  I hadn’t thought about that night in years, but the memory was just as bad as it had been that night. The memory of him walking out the door was one of the worst I had in my life. My mom had had her arm wrapped around my shoulders while silent tears streamed down my face.

  “I got into college,” I whispered as his hand touched the knob. “That’s why I wanted to see you.”

  He hadn’t even turned back before he walked out.

  “I can’t believe his father did that,” Jack said after a few minutes as I surreptitiously wiped away a stray tear that had escaped. “That’s cruel.”

  I stared out at the water out Jack’s window. I was looking past him when I said, “The Emery’s are well known in Manhattan. Incredibly wealthy and present in the social scene. They have an image to uphold. Nothing would tarnish that image like their oldest son’s mistress and love child.”

  Chapter 20

  Jack was silent for a long time for the rest of the drive south. We sat there like that, still holding hands, until I saw the sign for Burlington in ten miles. He asked
if I wanted to stop for breakfast, and even though I had no appetite, I agreed. We stopped at this little vegan deli downtown, and Jack was still relatively quiet throughout our meal. I didn’t mind. I was thinking about Kenny and remembering that day so long ago that I was lost in my own thoughts as well. After we ate, we went for a walk hand-in-hand past cute shops and cafés. I wondered if Kenny was still at the diner or if he had moved along. Like he always did. I wondered when was the last time my mom had seen him. When had they started being friends again? I wanted to ask her, but part of me didn’t want to find out. When we got back in the car, Jack asked if I wanted to drive around more or if I wanted to head back. I said it was fine to head back even though I dreaded the possibility of needing to have a conversation with my mom. Luckily she was going to be working all day so I wouldn’t have to worry about it for a while.

  The drive was quiet. Jack turned on the radio and we listened to a podcast played from the Bluetooth of his phone. It ended when we were about twenty minutes away. I thought he was going to turn on some music, but he pushed the button to turn the radio off. I was about to ask him if he was okay when he spoke. His voice was rough, and he sounded so unlike I had ever heard him.

  “You think I’m like him, don’t you?”

  Stupidly, I replied, “Who?”

  “Kenny,” he said quietly. “You think I’m like Kenny.”

  I didn’t think Jack was anything like Kenny, but I couldn’t deny at least the similarities between their families and backgrounds. I’d never thought of it in those explicit terms, but when Jack asked the question, it made me feel like something clicked into place. It felt like it had the ring of truth to it even if I’d never necessarily thought of it like that before.

  Jack’s family was rich and successful and classy and sophisticated. I’d always known that. And maybe there had always been this part of me that felt like he was slumming it with me the same way Kenny had been with my mother. His dirty little secret. And when someone else who was elegant and high-class came along, he would always choose that over me. Hadn’t he, in a way? With Rachel?