“That would be a very strange thing, a ghost and a human getting married. After all, who would marry you? Would you get someone to come down to the rocks and perform the ceremony there? It brings up some interesting questions. Would it be legal? Would it even matter if it was legal or not? What are God’s laws about something like that?”
“Sarah, Patrick says there can’t be a physical relationship. He said he would answer all my questions tonight. But I would like to be prepared for the answers. Do you have any ideas?”
Sarah frowned. “No, I don’t know why that’s not possible. John and I never discussed anything like that. Of course, things like that weren’t discussed as openly then as they are now. Besides, I was so smitten with him that being in the same room with him was almost enough.”
Emily sighed. “I guess I’ll just have to wait until I talk to him tonight. I just feel a little shy talking to him about this.”
“I can understand that. But I think you have the right to know everything about what he is and what he is capable and incapable of. Maybe he will tell you more about what happened in his life and you can figure out what holds him here.”
“I’m sure it has something to do with his death and whether or not his fiancée was responsible for it. The records and journals pertaining to that time speculate on her guilt, but no one seemed to know for sure. There certainly wasn’t enough proof to have her arrested for his murder. And maybe it really was an accident. Maybe Patrick doesn’t know for sure what happened. Maybe that’s what’s holding him here.”
“If it is, maybe you can find out what happened.”
“But I don’t see how I can. What about when John took your hand and showed you what happened to him? You said you saw the murder, but couldn’t tell who did it. When you researched it, you found out someone had been arrested, but John didn’t know that. But if I could see what happened to Patrick, maybe I can see it all.”
“That’s certainly a possibility. It’s worth a try.”
“Do I have your permission to tell Patrick about you and John? That way I can tell him what you saw and ask him if I can see his past as well.”
“Of course you have my permission. Anything to get the answers you need to help your ghost.”
“Sarah, I don’t want to send him away! It’s so hard. A part of me hopes that I won’t find out anything.”
“I know it’s hard. But you are stronger than you think. Everything will work out in the end.”
As Emily drove home that evening, she was tense, almost scared. What would happen tonight? Would she lose him this quickly? The possibility frightened her. But Sarah was right…she had to be strong and do the right thing.
Chapter Twenty Three
It was agony trying to get through dinner without jumping up and rushing out in the middle of the main course. She could barely eat.
“What’s wrong with you tonight?” asked Sam. “Still feeling the effects of your late night last night?”
“Shut up,” she said and threw a roll at him.
“Emily!” exclaimed Rebecca. But there was a smile twitching at the corner of her mouth.
“Sorry,” she murmured.
She made it through dinner, even though she hardly touched her food. Then she asked to be excused when it looked like everyone would linger at the table awhile.
She went upstairs and put on some extra clothing for warmth. Her hands were shaking as she was tying her boots. She put on her coat and a hat.
As she was coming down the stairs, Jamie was coming out of the dining room and saw her.
“Where are you going in this cold weather? Are you planning to pull an all nighter again?”
“Jamie, please leave me alone about this. I have things to do. I promise I’ll be safe. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“You’re meeting that man, aren’t you? The one who put me in the hospital.”
Emily looked at him steadily and said, “Yes, I am. I’m going to see him and it’s my business. Please don’t question me about this, Jamie. I’m an adult. In fact, I’m older than you and I have my own life to live outside this house. So, I’m going. Goodnight, Jamie.”
He watched her as she went out the door, but he didn’t try to stop her. He knew that it would be useless to even attempt it.
When Emily got to the water, Patrick was there waiting for her. When he saw her, he came to her and put his arms around her. It felt so good and so right to be in his arms. She had never felt so loved and so safe.
“I was counting the hours until I could see you,” he said.
“Me, too. I couldn’t even eat!”
“Let’s go back to the cave where it’s warmer,” he said.
He led her back to the cave and she could see why she hadn’t ever seen it before. It was well concealed among the other rocks and the opening was behind a large boulder.
When they got inside, Emily was delighted to see that a fire had been built.
“Did you start a fire just for me?”
He grinned. “Of course I did. What do I need with a fire? I’m a ghost, after all. But even if I wasn’t, the fire you start in me would be enough to keep me warm.”
Emily blushed. “I know what you mean. When I’m around you, it’s as if I’m burning.”
“Burning? How are you burning?” he asked, slowly stroking her face and neck.
“You make me burn with desire and longing. I don’t understand why we can’t be together.”
Patrick bent his head down to her and kissed her lightly on the lips. Then his kiss became deeper until his tongue was probing deep into her mouth. He tasted like the sweetest honey and she never wanted him to stop. He drew back for just an instant and looked at her with his stormy eyes. Then he lowered his mouth to her neck and started kissing and gently biting her skin. Then he ran his tongue from her neck up to her ear. He nipped the lobe lightly and ran his tongue around the outside of her ear. She shivered with delight. She definitely felt like she was on fire and if that fire consumed her, then so be it.
He finally stopped kissing her and she uttered a little cry of protest. He stroked her face with his fingers and then drew her head down to his chest and held her.
“Sweet Emily. You have no idea how much I desire you.”
“Yes I do have an idea. I want you as much as you want me. I just don’t understand!”
Patrick let out a shaky breath and smiled ruefully. “I guess you deserve an explanation. I promised you some answers. I know this is a new experience for you. And a rare one for anyone. Very few people meet ghosts. Who knows what draws a ghost to a particular human or vice versa? Maybe it’s as simple as two people meeting and falling in love, but there’s more to it than that when there’s a ghost involved.”
“What do you mean?”
“A ghost has powerful energy inside him. The longer a ghost has lived on the earth, the more powerful that energy becomes. In fact, that’s kind of what a ghost is made of…energy. It’s like there’s not really a human body there, but the energy that makes up a ghost is so powerful that it takes the thoughts and memories from the person that used to be, and creates a body that can be touched. That body is there when the ghost wants it there, but he can vanish any time he wants to. Emily, a ghost is a very powerful being, don’t ever doubt that.”
“Patrick, this body that the energy has created for you…is it identical to the body you had when you were living? I assume it is because you look the same as the portrait.”
“Yes, it’s identical in every way. But much more powerful. You saw what I did to Jamie. He’s a big man, but I could pick him up like a rag doll and throw him quite a distance. I could have killed him.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I wanted to, trust me. When I saw what he was doing to you, the rage inside me was like a living thing. It was all I could do to hold myself back.”
“But you did. I thought I had stopped you from hurting him anymore, but you stopped yourself, didn’t you?”
“You’re a good man, Patrick.”
“But that’s just it, Emily. I’m not a man. I’m a ghost. And that makes things a lot more difficult.”
“How? Tell me what is difficult about our relationship.”
He looked at her with regret. “You know I can’t make love to you. I need to tell you why. The energy that I have been telling you about is so powerful that if I made love to you, it would kill you.”
“Are you serious? It would kill me?” she exclaimed.
“I’m afraid so. I love you so much and I would never do anything to harm you. I wouldn’t hurt a hair on your beautiful head.”
“Patrick, maybe that’s what it would take to send you home. If it is, we could make love and I would die and you would go on to the next world. Then we could be together.”
He suddenly grasped her tightly by the shoulder. “Don’t ever say that again! Do you hear me? Never!”
Emily gasped at the tightness of his grip. “Patrick, please! You said you wouldn’t hurt me!”
He let go of her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Are you ok?”
“Of course I am. It didn’t really hurt that much. It just scared me, that’s all.”
“Emily, please don’t ever think about that again. I would never make love to you and let you die for me. You have your whole life ahead of you. You should live that life to the fullest and have fun. I shouldn’t have even come back to you. You shouldn’t have come down to the rocks in that storm and put your life in danger to find me.”
“But you did and I did. We both wanted to be with each other. Now that I’ve found you, no man will ever measure up to you. I can’t love anyone ever again, even if we find some way of sending you home.”
Emily thought of what she had discussed with Sarah. She started to mention to Patrick the possibility of letting her see the past, but for some reason, she couldn’t tell him.
“Emily, I don’t want you pining over me for the rest of your life. You have no future with me. I can’t leave this place unless I leave the earth for good. You can’t continue to see a man who can’t take you places or even live in a house with you. Do you want to come live in this cave with me?”
“Yes, of course I want to.”
“Emily, I didn’t really mean that. I was just making a point.”
“I would live anywhere with you.”
“I know you would, sweetheart, but I can’t let you waste your life. You need a husband and children.”
“I need you,” she protested.
“Look let’s just enjoy the present and not talk about the future just now. I just want to enjoy your company and be with you as long as I can.”
She reached out and touched his face. Then she kissed him long and hard, her tongue exploring every inch of his mouth. His arms went around her and held her tightly. Their kisses became harder and deeper and his hands started exploring her body. She shuddered with pleasure, then suddenly a strange feeling came over her. She felt as if her insides were going to burst. Frightened, she pushed him away. As soon as their embrace was broken, the feeling went away.
“What happened?” she asked shakily.
His eyes were fierce as he stood up quickly and turned his back on her. She got up and went to him. She put her arms around him from behind and he covered her hands with his. His voice was shaky as he said, “I almost hurt you.”
“What do you mean? We didn’t do anything.”
“When I was touching you, the energy from my body started flowing through you. That’s why we can’t make love. If we did, I couldn’t control myself. When I was touching you, I started losing control. When I lose control, my energy starts to flow through you. I never meant to be out of control. You just drive me crazy, and I can’t help myself. We need to be more careful from now on.”
“I had no idea that just doing what we were doing would cause that. You just said we couldn’t make love.”
“I thought I could stay in control of myself. But I see that I can’t. So, we have to be careful what we do. I need you to help me. I can’t do it alone.”
“I’ll be careful, too. I promise.”
She thought again about asking him to show her the past. But something still held her back. She just wasn’t ready to lose him right now. She was being selfish, but she needed a little more time with him.
They lay down on the blanket next to the fire and talked and held each other for hours. Finally, Patrick disentangled himself from her and stood up. He reached down and offered his hand to her. She took it and he pulled her up from the blanket.
“It’s time for you to go home, Emily. You don’t want people to worry about you again.”
“I don’t want to leave,” she said, pouting.
“Come on, Emily. You need to go. I need for you to go.”
“Why do you need for me to go?”
“Look at me. I’m a wreck. You are making me crazy with desire just lying there holding you. I tried to keep my mind on our conversation, but with your body next to mine like that, it was all I could do to hold myself back. I would never forgive myself if I hurt you.”
She smiled at him. “I guess I can accept that reason for me to go. At least you don’t want me to go because you’re tired of me.”
He reached for her and pulled her close to him. Then he kissed her hard, but quickly. Then he helped her on with her coat and buttoned it up for her. She put on her hat and was ready to face the cold air outside.
Patrick walked her to the garden and kissed her goodnight.
“Tomorrow?” he asked.
“Yes, tomorrow. I have some more questions for you.”
“Your little head is full of questions,” he said as he kissed her on top of it.
“I’m just a curious girl. Goodnight Patrick.”
“Goodnight, Love.”
She watched him as he walked away, fading out of sight as he had before. What a night she had spent with her lover! And he really was her lover in every way but one. Did that really matter? When two people were in love as much as they were, couldn’t they just be content in each other’s company. She sighed. She would have to be content, because that’s the way it would have to be.
Chapter Twenty Four
The next day, on her lunch hour, she visited Sarah. She didn’t have much time, but she wanted to tell her what had happened.
“So now you know why a physical relationship is impossible,” said Sarah. “I never knew about the energy. But it makes perfect sense when you think about it. I thought I knew a lot about ghosts, but apparently I still have a lot more to learn.”
“Sarah, I tried to ask him about letting me see the past through him like we talked about. I just couldn’t. I don’t know why, the words just wouldn’t come out.”
“Maybe you just aren’t ready to let him go yet,” suggested Sarah.
“I know that’s it. Every time I opened my mouth to mention it, my stomach clinched up and I felt sick.”
“You’ll know when the time is right. Because if this is really going to be the way to find out what’s holding him here, then you will have to send him home.”
“I know. I didn’t even try to get him to talk about what happened 150 years ago. I want him to tell me about it first. Then I’ll suggest the other part of it.”
“Do you think he will talk about it?”
“I hope so. I really think he will. He and I have a real connection. We love each other so much, and I think that now there is finally trust, too. I don’t think he would ever lie to me again, and I wouldn’t want to deceive him either. That’s why I feel a little guilty about holding back on information that might send him home.”
“You are just waiting for the right time, dear. This will be a big step for you. You have to prepare yourself to lose him.”
“I know. How will I be able to stand it when he’s gone?”
“You will get through it. I’
ll be right here for you any time you need me. And I feel like he will always be watching after you, wanting you to be happy.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Yes, dear, I do.”
Emily grabbed a quick bite to eat at Sarah’s and got back to work on time. She had a busy day and finished up exhausted. But she was also exhilarated, knowing she would see Patrick tonight.
At dinner, Rebecca asked her, “So, where did you go last night?”
Emily glanced quickly at Jamie, but he shrugged, so she figured he hadn’t said anything.
“I was out with a friend.”
“Anyone we know?” Rebecca asked.
“No, he just moved into town. Uh, Sarah introduced us.”
She was going to have to stop this lying. She knew it was wrong and she felt really guilty about it. But she didn’t know what else to do. Why couldn’t these people just leave her alone about it?
“What is your friend’s name?”
“Patrick.” At least that was the truth.
“Does he have a last name?”
“Yes.”
Rebecca waited a moment, then she sighed. “I’m sorry for the interrogation. You are an adult and this family doesn’t need to be telling you what to do. Although, we are all so good at it.”
Emily smiled. “It’s nice to know you care.”
The rest of dinner passed pleasantly, but not quickly enough for Emily. When she finally got down to the rocks, she was relieved to find Patrick there waiting for her. He kissed her and led her to the cave as he had the night before.
“It’s so good to see you again, Emily,” said Patrick. “I felt like I waited a lifetime for tonight to arrive.”
“I’m glad to be with you again, too. I miss you so much when we’re not together. Are you sure you don’t want me to move into the cave with you?” she teased.
“I couldn’t stand it. I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of you. I don’t really live in the cave. You know that, don’t you? I don’t really live anywhere. I just exist here in these immediate surroundings.”
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