Emily felt ghostly lips brush hers for just a moment, then they were gone, and she almost wondered if she had imagined it. But she decided to believe it was real. She felt a sense of despondency fall over her, and as she started back to the house, she felt as if she were walking through molasses. She felt heavy and lethargic as she went up to her room. She fell on the bed in the clothes she had on, taking off only her coat. She fell asleep on top of the covers and slept through the night and late into the next day as if she was trying to escape from reality for just a little while. Patrick may be in Heaven now, but she felt like she was in hell.
Chapter Thirty Four
Emily slowly slipped from sleep into wakefulness. At first, she wasn’t sure if she had been dreaming, because she felt like she was waking from a dream state. Waking was a slow process, her body feeling light and buoyant, as if she was floating. Then reality started taking hold and she remembered everything. Depression washed over her in a flood and she pulled the covers over her head, willing sleep to overtake her again, to pull her away from this world where nothing awaited her but sadness.
There was a knock at the door, but Emily didn’t answer, hoping whoever was there would believe she was asleep. She looked at the clock beside the bed and saw that it was almost noon. No wonder someone was coming up here worrying about her.
“Emily? Are you in there? Are you still asleep?”
It was Sam outside her door. She thought about continuing her silence, but she knew eventually she would have to face someone. She would rather it be Sam than anyone else.
“Come in,” she called.
Sam opened the door and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. He looked at her lying there in the middle of the day and frowned.
“Emily, what’s wrong? Rebecca said she didn’t see you this morning and thought maybe you had just overslept. But when you didn’t show up later in the morning for church, she started to worry about you. She sent me up here to check on you. She was in the middle of writing and didn’t want to break her momentum or she would have come herself “I’m glad it was you who came,” said Emily. “You’re the only person I feel like I can face right now.”
“What’s wrong? Is it your lover?”
“He’s not really my lover in that sense of the word. But, yes, that’s what’s wrong. Sam, he’s gone. I’ll never see him again.”
“Gone? Why did he leave?”
“It’s such a long story. I told you before that it’s complicated. He had to go. I understood why he had to go. But it still doesn’t make it easy. Sam, how can I go on? I loved him so much and now everything is ruined for me. I don’t see how life can ever be the same.”
“It won’t be the same. But it will still go on. There will be other things in your life to make you happy. Maybe even another guy.”
“I don’t see how I can possibly ever love someone else.”
“But you will. You’re young and you can spend your whole life pining over things you have no control over. Life has to go on.”
“I don’t know how I’m going to face Rebecca now. She’s going to want to know what’s going on, and I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Then tell her that. You have a right to your own life, and everyone in this household doesn’t have to know everything that’s going on with you.”
“You’re right. I can’t hide my head in the sand and let life pass me by. I’ll get ready and be sociable the rest of the day.”
Emily took her shower and went upstairs to talk to Rebecca. To her surprise, Rebecca didn’t ask her anything about why she wasn’t there earlier. Emily had a feeling that Sam had prepared the way for her. He must have asked Rebecca not to question her about anything.
The day wore slowly on, and it was all Emily could do to keep from jumping up and screaming to everyone, “Hey, can’t you see my world has been shattered? How can you just act like nothing has happened?” She knew it wasn’t a rational thought, she just felt like she would go crazy if she had to sit at this desk and work like everything was fine.
When work was over and dinnertime rolled around, she complained of a headache and went upstairs to her room. She needed to talk to someone, but if she told Sam the whole story, he would think she was crazy. Suddenly she thought of Sarah. Who better to talk to about this? Sarah had gone through the same thing. Why hadn’t she thought of her before? She had to chalk that up to being half crazy with grief.
She picked up the phone, praying that Sarah was at home. She dialed the number and heard the ringing on the other end go on and on. She was about to hang up when Sarah finally answered.
“Hello?”
“Sarah, it’s Emily. I really need to talk to you. Would it be ok if I came over?’
“Of course, dear. But Jarrod is here. Is it alright if we both listen to what you have to say?”
Emily hesitated. “I hate to ruin your evening. I didn’t realize you had company. We can do this another time.”
“Nonsense. Come on over. I can tell you need to talk and I’m sure I know what it’s about.”
On the ride to Sarah’s house, Emily felt like she was out of touch. It reminded her of how she had felt as a teenager when she had been sick with a high fever. It was almost as if she was halfway in the world and halfway out. She wondered if this was what real depression felt like.
When she arrived, she turned off the engine and sat in the car for a few minutes. Looking at Sarah’s house, she saw how welcoming it looked. Happiness lived in that house. She didn’t know if she could stand to be there. She suspected that Sarah and Jarrod were in love. Could she bear to see the two of them happy when she was so miserable?
Finally, she opened the car door and stepped outside. She walked slowly up the path to the door. As usual, Sarah anticipated her arrival and had the door opened before she had a chance to knock.
“Come in, Emily. We were just having some Earl Grey. I’ve set out a cup for you.”
Emily entered the house and felt the warmth there immediately. It wasn’t a physical warmth, but a warmth that permeated through one’s soul. Yes, happiness definitely lived here. And if Sarah could be happy again after losing John so many years ago, then there was hope for Emily as well.
“Hello, Emily,” said Jarrod. It’s good to see you again. How have you been?”
“Not so good, Jarrod. I have a lot of things to tell you.”
Over tea, Emily told Sarah and Jarrod everything that had happened since she had last spoken to them. She didn’t leave out anything, not even the way she and Patrick had felt about each other. When she had finished, she felt drained, as if it had taken every bit of energy she possessed to tell her story.
Sarah said, “Emily, I know exactly how you’re feeling. It took all the strength I had to go on after I lost John. I thought it was the end of the world. At least my world. But I did find happiness again. It took me awhile, but it happened, and it will happen to you, too. You’ll find another man to be happy with. That doesn’t mean you’ll forget about Patrick. You’ll never forget what happened. But you’ll learn to put the love you had for him in a compartment in your life and keep another compartment free for someone else.”
Sarah chose that moment to take Jarrod’s hand and Emily knew that theirs was a deep and abiding love. That love made her realize that there may be hope for happiness in her life, too.
“Sarah, I don’t know how to thank both of you for listening to me. I really needed someone to talk to, and I knew anyone else would think I had gone crazy.”
Jarrod smiled. “You might be surprised at how many people might believe you. Things happen to people all the time and they’re afraid to tell about it for the same reasons you don’t tell people your story.”
“The problem is knowing which people might believe you and which people would never believe something like this. I’m so glad that I met both of you and that you can understand what happened to me.”
They talked awhile longer, sipping tea and eating cookies.
Emily was reluctant to leave, but eventually she had to go. They said warm goodbyes to each other and Sarah made Emily promise to come back any time she needed to talk. On the drive home, Emily realized that she really did believe that there was hope for happiness someday.
Chapter Thirty Five
The next few days went by slowly for Emily, and she was beginning to feel extremely restless. After a week, Emily went to Rebecca to ask a big favor of her.
“Rebecca, I know this sounds strange, considering I haven’t been here all that long. But I really need to take some time off. I would really like to take at least a week. Would that be too much to ask? Of course, I wouldn’t expect to be paid.”
“Well, I really don’t have anything pressing for you to take care of right now. I don’t see why you couldn’t take some time off. But I’m starting to worry about you. Sam told me that you were going through some tough times right now and not to bug you about it. But I really am concerned. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Not really. Just giving me some time off will be a big help. I don’t know how much Sam told you, but my problems concern a man that I met. I’m just a little depressed and I think I just need to get away. I want to just rent a car and go to a few places.”
“Rent a car? That’s silly. I have enough cars around here that you aren’t going to need to do that. And I’m giving you a vacation with full pay. You have been a valuable asset to me and I think you deserve a paid vacation.”
“That’s too kind of you, Rebecca,” protested Emily.
“You’re taking my car and your vacation pay. No arguments. Just do it!”
“Thank you. I won’t be gone more than a week.”
“That’s good, because we’re going to have a visitor in a little over a week.”
“We are? Who would that be?”
“Well, it’s the neatest thing. One of the McCullochs is going to be in town and would like to see the house. His name is Ian, and he’s a little older than you. I don’t know a lot about him, but I think it will be neat to show him the house his ancestors built. He’s planning on staying about a week or so.”
“That’s cool. Anyway, thanks again. I’ll be back in time to meet your visitor. I expect to be in a much better mood when I return.”
* * *
Emily started driving the next day. She had no destination in mind, but decided to just take it one day at a time. She stopped in small towns and ate in local diners. She drove through New England, taking in all the legends in all the towns.
She didn’t know what she was searching for, exactly, but she found herself looking for towns that had stories of supernatural events. Maybe she felt closer to Patrick when she heard stories about ghosts and lovers parted by death. There were stories about ghostly lovers walking at night, looking for each other. There were other stories about jealousy, rage and betrayal. So much of it all sounded familiar.
One evening, as she was sitting in a little bed and breakfast, she realized she had gathered enough material to write a book. Her mood brightened, realizing that she had something to look forward to now. She checked her notes and made a few more notations in the margins. There was an air of excitement about her now. She had a project to work on. She would work with Rebecca during the day, and she would write her book at night. She would be able to stay busy, doing something she would enjoy, and she wouldn’t be sitting around pining over Patrick every single evening.
That night, she slept better than she had in a long time. She now felt a sense of purpose. Her sleep was untroubled by dreams, and when she woke up the next morning, it was time to start back to the place where her life was now. She didn’t realize how much she had missed Rebecca, Jamie, and especially Sam.
When she pulled into the driveway, Sam and Jamie must have seen her from the house, because they rushed out to greet her. She hugged them both, smiling at the thought that she had friends here. When she entered the house, the dogs ran up to her, their tails wagging in welcome. She petted them both, and then hugged Rebecca as she came into the foyer.
“I’m so glad to be back!” exclaimed Emily.
“We’re glad to have you back,” said Jamie, and the others nodded their agreement. “We all missed you.”
“I missed you, too.”
Dinner was a pleasant affair that evening. They all had questions for Emily, and she told them about the book she planned to write.
“I think that’s a great idea,” said Rebecca. “I’ll be glad to help you any way I can.”
“Me, too,” said Sam.
Jamie grinned sheepishly. “I would offer my help, too, but I’m the one that’s not a writer!”
Everyone laughed, and the rest of the meal was devoted to discussion about Emily’s book.
That night, as she got ready for bed, Emily started feeling the despondency she had felt before. She tried to shake it off, but it threatened to overwhelm her. Determined not to let despair take over, she went downstairs and worked out in the gym. After her workout, her feet, seeming to have a mind of their own, took her to the little room with all the paintings. She picked up the one of Patrick and looked at it fondly. Then, making a decision, she carried the painting upstairs to her room. She put it down on the bed, then went in search of tools. She found a hammer and nails in a drawer in the kitchen, and she took them up to her room. There was already a wire on the back of the picture. She knew she wouldn’t have to worry about finding a stud in this old house because the wall was solid wood. She pounded in the nails as quietly as possible and hung the painting of Patrick on her wall. She smiled as she studied this man whom she loved so dearly. She had every feature memorized already, but it was better to see him in this painting. She lay back down in the bed, leaving the light on. Her eyes stayed on the painting of Patrick until she fell into a dreamless sleep.
* * *
The next day was when Ian McCulloch was supposed to arrive. There was a room prepared for him and a nice dinner planned for his first night here. Emily wasn’t that excited about having to make nice with a stranger, but she would be on her best behavior and try to feign interest, although she was really itching to get started on her book.
She and Rebecca only worked half a day, since Ian was coming at about one o’clock. Emily went to her room to pick out something suitable to wear for dinner. She chose a simple blue cotton dress, not worrying too much about her appearance. Little did she know that she looked adorable already, in her low rider blue jeans and white lacy tunic style long shirt.
She heard the doorbell ring at a little after one and heard voices down in the foyer. She knew their guest was there and decided it would be polite to go downstairs and greet him with the rest of the family. As she came down the stairs, she saw a man standing there, wearing jeans and a royal blue button up shirt. His face was turned toward Rebecca and all she could see was his profile, but there was something familiar about that profile. His hair was cut short and she could see a tiny silver hoop in the left earlobe that was turned toward her.
She was on the last step, a smile on her face in greeting to their visitor, when he turned. Her heart started beating hard in her chest and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. This man, who looked exactly like Patrick, came toward her and stopped close in front of her. As he took her hand in his and looked at her with puzzled sapphire eyes, he asked, “Have we met?”
A Rocky Path Page 17