Lukas

by Carian Cole

  She nods. “I know . . . you’re right. Just let me think about the best way to do this. I promise I will. I don’t want to only see you every other weekend.”

  I lead her out and lock the door behind us. “I hope not. I’ve had my share of booty call relationships and flings. I don’t want that with you.”

  When I drop her off at her house, I’m worried about Paul confronting her when he brings Tommy home. What if he starts a fight with her?

  I grab her arm before she gets out of my car. “Ivy, I have to tell you something.”

  “Okay . . .”

  “Paul was at my house this morning. I found him in the parking lot when I went to get us coffee.”

  “What?” she shouts. “What was he doing there? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Yikes. She’s pissed.

  “He said he used some GPS app to find your phone, and it took him right to my fucking house.”

  “Shit. Did you talk to him?”

  “Yeah, he was in my parking lot. I thought he was a customer or something, but then he said he was looking for you.”

  “Oh my God. What’s wrong with him?”

  “Fuck if I know. Anyway, I told him you were inside, so he knows you were with me. He seemed really pissed off, kept calling you his wife. I’m a little worried about him starting with you when he gets here with Tommy.”

  She lets out an exasperated sigh and stares out the window. “You should have told me,” she says pointedly.

  “I know. I just didn’t want to upset you and ruin our day. He didn’t text you about it, so I figured he was embarrassed and didn’t want you to know he was stalking you.”

  “Ugh. Well, I’m sorry he showed up at your place. You shouldn’t have to deal with that. But, I want you to tell me things like this from now on.”

  “All right. Don’t be mad.”

  “I’m not mad at you. I just don’t know what’s wrong with him. He got what he wanted, so now he needs to leave me alone. This wasn’t my choice. It was his.”

  Her words cut in to me, ramping up my paranoia that he wants her back and may be able to sway her into letting him back in. Sensing this, she turns to me. “Lukas, being with you is my choice. I’m just saying, he’s the one that left to begin with. I was happy . . . or I thought I was.” She leans across the car and kisses my cheek. “Don’t worry. I had an amazing weekend with you. Let’s just take things one day at a time, okay? Don’t worry about him coming over here. He’s not the yelling, fighting type.”

  No, he’s just the stalking type.

  “All right. I don’t want him on my property again, though. If Vandal catches him creeping around, it’s not going to be pretty.”

  “I’m sure he won’t be doing that again.”

  “Will you call me or text me later? Let me know everything is okay?”

  “Yes, of course I will.”

  I give her a long kiss before letting her go. “I’m crazy about you, Ivy. I really want this.” I hug her close to me, burying my face in her hair, liking that her hair smells like my shampoo, as if she’s part of me.

  “I do too,” she murmurs. “Your persistence worked.”

  IVY

  MY ANGER AT PAUL GETS WORSE as I prepare dinner for the kids and wait for him to drop Tommy off. How dare he track me and show up at Lukas’ place? Talk about a total invasion of my privacy and just all around juvenile behavior.

  “Mom, are you wearing an Ashes and Embers hoodie?” Macy asks, coming into the kitchen.

  Oh, crap. I completely forgot that I’m still wearing it and that she would recognize the band logo.

  “Yes, I went to their concert last night,” I say nonchalantly, hoping she will just get distracted by her cell phone as usual and not zone in on me.

  She practically leaps across the room. “Are you kidding me right now? Why didn’t you ask me to go? That show was totally sold out! You don’t even like that kind of music!”

  I take a deep breath, knowing I am falling deeper into the hole I’ve dug and have to just come clean.

  “Okay, honey, I have to tell you something. You know the tattoo artist, the guy that fixed our shed?”

  “Yeah.” She nods excitedly. “The hottie with the body.”

  “His name is Lukas. I’m dating him, and he took me to the concert. He’s in the band—”

  “Holy shit, Mom!” she shrieks. “Lukas Valentine? That was him?!” I thought he looked familiar!”

  I take a step back and lean against the kitchen counter. “Yes, that’s him. I didn’t know he was in the band.”

  “He’s new, Mom! He just plays these amazing solos on their new album. This shit is crazy!”

  “Macy, stop swearing and yelling.” I rub my temples. Her voice is going straight through my brain and making my head hurt.

  She looks at me like I’m crazy and flops dramatically into one of the chairs at the table. “I’m totally freaking out! I mean, what the hell! He’s like, twenty, Mom! And he’s hot. You don’t like hot guys.”

  I add some pasta to the boiling water, trying not to think about Lukas naked on top of me, with all those muscles and tattoos and long hair. I definitely like hot guys.

  “Macy, he’s twenty-four, and of course I like attractive men.”

  “Yeah, but not like him! You like boring old guys like Dad.”

  Stirring the pasta, I try to think of a decent reply without bashing Paul. “There’s more to men than looks, and your father is really not old at all. He’s only thirty-seven. Lukas is a nice guy. He’s extremely talented. He has his own business, and he’s very polite and thoughtful.”

  She rolls her eyes dramatically. “Mom! Get serious! Nobody thinks of those things when they look at someone like him!”

  “Well, they should. He’s a person, not an object.”

  “A sexy person. I hafta tell Shelly. She is gonna so freak out.” She whips out her cell phone and starts typing, but I grab it away from her.

  “No. This isn’t a game, Macy. I don’t want you gossiping with your friends about my relationships.”

  She stares up at me. “Oh, wow. Are you like serious with him? Like Dad and Charlene?”

  Ugh. What a terrible comparison. I think Paul’s interest in Charlene is entirely based on her looks and has nothing to do with what kind of person she is, but I’m definitely not going to tell our daughter that.

  “Yes, I think it could get serious. I need you to be an adult about this, Macy, please. This isn’t easy for me, but I really do like him, and I want you and Tommy to meet him and hopefully like him too.”

  “Mom? Hello? I did meet him, and I flirted with him right in our back yard.”

  “I know . . .”

  She chews her lip and looks at me guiltily. “I’m sorry. So awkward. I had no idea. I wouldn’t have acted like a hookah with him if I knew you liked him.”

  “I don’t even know what that means, but you shouldn’t be acting like that with anyone.”

  I stir the pasta again and take several deep breaths. I think I am going to need a Valium to get through the rest of this night.

  “Mom, stuff is crazy lately. It’s like we’re in some reality show or something. First, Dad takes off with the gum scraper, and now, you’re dating a rock star. I’m waiting for a camera crew to start following me around.”

  “Honey, I want things to be normal, or as close as they can be. Lukas is really just a regular guy who happens to be related to a bunch of rock stars that used his talents for a few songs. Being with him isn’t going to change me or make anything crazy.”

  “You’re wearing a rock band shirt with the hashtag worshipme, Mom. That’s kinda crazy. Just sayin’.”

  I strain the pasta and put it in a serving dish, visions of Lukas ravishing me up against his church wall playing through my head.

  “Macy, please, I really want your support and understanding with this. As you can see, I’m totally out of my element with, him but I really do like him. He makes me happy.”

&nbs
p; “Well, that’s obvious. When Dad was here, you hardly ever smiled. Ever since your tattoo appointments, you’ve been smiling and dressing nicer, and you seem much happier. If you’re happy, I’m happy. I’m totally jelly you have a hot boyfriend and I don’t, though,” she teases. “It’s kinda nice to have a cool mom.” She gets up and hugs me. “I love you. I’m glad you’re happy.”

  I hug her back, hoping my daughter and I will be best friends someday, like I dreamed about when I was only eighteen and pregnant. I wanted her more than anything in the world.

  “I love you, too.”

  She’s quiet for a few minutes as she sets the table. “Did you meet Talon?”

  “Talon?” I repeat, putting sauce in a bowl.

  “Yeah, he’s the guitarist. He has longish dirty blonde hair, and he’s wicked cute.”

  Oh. The shirtless guy. “I didn’t actually talk to him, but I saw him. I only met briefly with Storm and Vandal.”

  “Storm! Is he totally swoon-worthy in person?”

  “He was very nice. Lukas seems close to him.”

  “Well, Talon is my favorite. Lukas is the youngest, I think, and then Talon.”

  We’re interrupted by the doorbell, which I finally talked Paul in to using, instead of just walking into the house whenever he felt like it. I didn’t think he had the right to do that anymore.

  “I’ll go get Tommy,” Macy offers and disappears, but a few seconds later, she’s yelling down the hallway.

  “Mom! Dad wants to talk to you!”

  Great. I can feel another uncomfortable conversation coming on. I wash my hands and go out into the hall, where Paul is standing with the kids. “Go eat dinner while I talk to your father,” I say to them, giving Tommy a quick kiss hello as he walks by me.

  “You colored your hair,” Paul says when they’re gone.

  “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

  “No, but it looks really nice.”

  I cross my arms. “What do you want exactly? I’d like to eat dinner with my kids.”

  He rubs the back of his head. “What’s going on with you?” he asks in a hushed tone.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You’re dating? Spending the night with other men?”

  I gape at him. “Are you serious? What business is that of yours? And it’s one man, not ‘other men’.”

  “We’re still legally married.”

  “You left me and your kids to move into a condo with some home wrecker, Paul. You filed for divorce a week later. That was months ago, and I’ve been alone this entire time. I think it’s acceptable for me to date.”

  “She’s not a home wrecker.”

  “She knew you were married. She met your kids and me several times, and yet she slept with you anyway. Even if you were pig enough to pursue her, she should have stayed away from you, knowing you were married.”

  He glares at me. “I met your so-called boyfriend. What in the hell are you thinking?”

  “I’m thinking he’s an amazing man who treats me like a princess and actually cares about me.”

  “He’s a fucking punk kid. He looks like a Goddamn circus act.”

  I bite my tongue and try not to explode. I am really sick of people judging Lukas just by the way he looks, and not seeing him for the amazing person he is. I didn’t know people with body art were so judged by others. “You don’t know him, Paul. He’s extremely talented, successful, loyal, and polite. You could take some lessons from him.”

  He leans in close to me, his breath hot against my face. “I don’t want that freak show near my kids.”

  “You don’t get a say in that. You left us for some little whore. You had an affair and lied to us for a year. You have no right to pass judgement on someone else, just because they have tattoos and piercings. He’s a good person.”

  “He’s a fucking kid. Are you really that desperate?”

  “Are you? I think he’s older than your girlfriend, just for the record.”

  He shakes his head and paces the hallway. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Ivy.”

  “Me? What happened to you? You destroyed an eighteen-year marriage. And now you’re stalking me? You threw me away. You have no right to follow me around or make comments about who I choose to spend my time with.”

  “I didn’t think you’d do something like this.”

  “Like what? Find someone to make me happy?”

  He stops pacing and stares at me. “What could you possibly have in common with someone like that? He’s going to fuck you and get rid of you. You’ll probably end up with a disease.”

  I sigh, bored with his tantrum and lame attempts to turn me away from Lukas. “We get along great and he makes me laugh. We want the same things in life. We both value and want commitment. Most of all, I’m happy, and that’s all that matters right now. You’re the one who got rid of me.”

  He edges closer to me and puts his hand on my arm. “I’m sorry I did that, Ivy. I think about it all the time, and I feel like shit about it. I never wanted to hurt you like that.”

  There was a time I would care about his apology, when it may have meant something to me, but now, I just don’t. I’m numb to him now and only feel irritation toward him. “Well, you did what you did, Paul, and we’re both moving on now. I’d like the divorce finalized soon. We need to work out a visitation schedule and figure out what we’re going to do with this house. Then we can be free of each other.”

  “Is that what you want?”

  “It’s what you wanted, Paul. I never wanted any of this, but this is where I ended up.”

  He leans back against the wall and lowers his head. “The thought of that guy touching you is driving me crazy. You’ve always been just mine. Knowing that kid with long hair and tattoos is crawling all over you makes me feel sick.”

  I blink back the unwanted tears that threaten to start. “I felt the same way. We were each other’s firsts, and were supposed to be each other’s lasts. How do you think I felt, knowing you were sleeping with another woman behind my back?” My voice cracks, and I swallow hard. “I heard you telling her you wanted to fuck her. Do you know how much that hurt me?”

  He licks his lips and nods slowly, my words sinking in. “I do now.”

  “Well, good. You deserve it.”

  He meets my eyes, and I see regret and sadness there, but it’s too late. A few months ago, I would have taken this opportunity to try to make him see how much I love him and what we had together. I would have asked him to come back, and tried to start over fresh. I would have begged him to leave Charlene, and I would have forgiven him.

  But not any longer, because now, my heart belongs to a man who’s woken up way too many new desires in me. I want to see his hair falling into his deep, emotional eyes. I want to feel that hard, inked skin against mine. I want to be held like a doll one moment and taken up against a wall the next. I want to hear more beautiful music from him, and to see more of his incredible art. But most of all, I want to be the keeper of his damaged heart.

  “You should go,” I say, straightening my spine. “I want to spend some time with the kids.”

  I turn and leave him in the hall, and hear the click of the door by the time I reach the kitchen to enjoy dinner with my kids.

  Lukas: I had the best night with you. I miss you.

  Me: So did I, and I miss you, too. So much. Xo

  Lukas: How did your night go?

  Me: It was interesting. I told Macy about you. She freaked out, but I think she’s ok with it. She loves the band, especially Talon. :-)

  Lukas: Oh, hell no. He’d be all over her.

  Me: Yes, let’s keep them apart please.

  Lukas: How was everything else?

  I know he’s hinting at how it went with Paul, and he wants to know if anything has changed.

  Me: Paul came in when he dropped Tommy off. He was freaking out about me being with you. He’s jealous. He’s the only man I’ve ever been with before, so he’s having a hard ti
me dealing that I was with you.

  Lukas: Tuff shit. He let you go.

  Me: I know. That’s pretty much what I said.

  Lukas: I’m proud of you. I know this is hard on you.

  Me: It is. I feel a little beat up.

  Lukas: I wish I could hug you and make you feel better

  Me: I do too. I could use it right now. You give the best hugs.

  He doesn’t reply, so I check on the kids, change into my pyjamas, and snuggle up in bed to read for a while, hoping it will take my mind off everything so I can get a good night’s sleep. As I’m climbing into bed, my phone buzzes.

  Lukas: What are you doing?

  Me: Just sitting in bed reading. I thought you fell asleep. :)

  Lukas: Come to your front door.

  Me: What?

  Lukas: Just do it, woman. ;)

  Oh my God! He’s here?

  I throw on my robe and quietly go downstairs. When I open the front door, I step outside to find him standing there, smiling.

  “Lukas! You’re crazy!”

  He pulls me to him and hugs me tight. “Hey, if my girl needs a hug, she gets a hug.”

  “You. Are. The. Best,” I say, winding my arms around his waist and squeezing him.

  Putting a hand under my chin, he lifts my head up to face him. “You okay, baby doll?”

  “I am now. You are so sweet, Lukas. And I’m so scared.” I start to cry, and I really don’t even know why. I just feel totally overwhelmed by my feelings for him. Everything feels so intense and so perfect, and so oddly familiar.

  “Hey, hey, hey. Everything’s all right,” he whispers. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll take care of you, Ivy.” He kisses my lips softly. “I think that’s what you need, someone to take care of you for a while.”

  My heart bursts as I bury my face in his warm chest. He’s the stuff women dream about, and he’s right here, on my steps, hugging me. And he’s real—not a dream, not a book, not a movie. And he’s mine.

  IVY

  “OH MY GOD, MOM, DO YOU think any of the guys from the band will be there?” Macy asks as we stop at a traffic light.