Secret Pleasure

by Lora Leigh

  It felt like eons ago when in fact it had been only weeks before Harvey had shoved that damned knife in her side.

  “Do you have any enemies that you’re aware of, Alyssa?” Ian asked her then. “Inside or outside the club?”

  “The only enemy I knew I had is dead.” Lifting the glass, she finished the drink. “And we’ll leave it at that.”

  “Sebastian didn’t exactly appear a friend Saturday night, Alyssa,” Khalid pointed out, speaking softly as he lounged back in his chair and ignored his wife’s warning look.

  Landra had already warned her of the slight confrontation Khalid and Sebastian had been involved in over her. Khalid was intensely protective, but where it came to Shane and Sebastian, his protection wasn’t needed. No matter what he believed.

  “Don’t do this, Khalid,” Alyssa asked softly. “Don’t destroy the perfectly nice friendship we have. Please.”

  Silence filled the table. She was aware of Ian, Chase, and Khalid exchanging wary looks while Courtney and Marty simply watched her compassionately.

  “Sebastian and Shane are not my enemies—” she’d wanted only to reassure him, but of course, that simply couldn’t be enough for him.

  “Sebastian didn’t appear to be in the friendship category, either,” Khalid pointed out as the fingers of one hand played with the butter knife lying next to an empty plate.

  Alyssa turned her gaze to Ian. “I’m about one more question away concerning that subject from walking out. Are we clear?” she warned him, careful to keep her tone as well as her demeanor not just firm but also non-confrontational.

  They were all friends, but ignoring her request to let this subject go would result in a definite cooling-down period where those friendships were concerned.

  “Enough, Khalid.” Ian’s voice held an undertone of steel. Khalid wasn’t guaranteed to pay attention to it, though.

  Khalid’s lips thinned for a moment, his fingers lying still next to the cutlery now.

  “Should you need a friend,” Khalid said then. “I or Marty, or both, would be more than willing to be one.”

  “You are friends, Khalid,” she sighed, so weary she could almost feel the exhaustion pulling her down. “Friends I value. All of you are. But they’re…” She paused, uncertain how to describe what she wanted to express.

  “They’re more,” Marty offered the explanation gently.

  “They’re more.” So much more, and yet still Alyssa had no idea how to explain even to herself how deep that explanation applied.

  “What Khalid meant to say, if you need someone to talk to, someone who values your secrets as we would value your need to talk to someone about them, then we’re all here,” Marty assured her. “We are your friends, Alyssa, and our concern for you is what spurs Khalid’s protectiveness of you. I assure you, it’s nothing more.”

  Her throat was tightening, those damned tears she hadn’t been bothered with for so long burning behind her eyes.

  She didn’t want this. She didn’t want the weight of friends, protectiveness that was sometimes more a lie than love was, and the betrayal that threatened to come with it.

  They were friends, and she admitted that. But not close friends. She hadn’t allowed herself close friends except Summer in such a very long time.

  “Thank you for the offer,” she told the other woman. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  She highly doubted she’d take them up on it, though, and the knowledge of that was in Khalid’s dark gaze.

  “If that’s all the business we had to take care of?” She turned to Ian as she slid her chair back and rose from the table. “I need to be going.”

  “Alyssa.” Rising to his feet, Ian caught her hands in his, his touch gentle, without the insistence she expected. “The invitation for lunch was sincere as well,” he teased with an air of warmth. “Stay for the meal. No more questions, I promise.”

  She couldn’t bear to eat if her life depended upon it. Her stomach was a mess of nerves, rioting at the very thought of food.

  “I really have several errands I must get finished,” she assured him, pulling her hands back and hoping she hadn’t offended him.

  She would deal with it if she must, but she didn’t want to offend this man who had been so kind to her over the years.

  “I understand then.” He nodded. “Perhaps another time?”

  “Definitely, another time,” she promised.

  Clutching the small purse she carried with the fingers of one hand, she nodded to the others before turning and hurrying from the veranda to the exit that led to the private walk rather than through the restaurant as she’d entered.

  She wanted to get out of there. She wanted to get her errands finished and return home, where she could make sense of what had happened, make sense of the changes occurring around her, and try to figure out why someone would attempt to steal club files where she was concerned.

  Who would want to? She hadn’t known Shane and Sebastian were members of the club while she’d been there. If she had, she would have immediately gone to Ian with the pictures and the letter her parents had received before she’d become a member. Once the Judiciary of the club had been apprised they would have immediately ensured that threat was erased. No member had ever gone against the Judiciary. Whoever they were, they were the highest-ranking and most powerful members of the elite men’s club and ensured all members were protected if an issue arose.

  When it arose. She’d actually never heard of the group being called together while she was there, but she wouldn’t have, she imagined.

  Pushing the thought back with memories best left alone as well, Alyssa exited the restaurant. Rather than hailing a cab, she turned and headed down the sidewalk. The restaurant was only a few blocks from the caterer whose services she preferred using for luncheons and small dinners held for her father’s visiting friends and political allies or visiting dignitaries. With the upcoming luncheon scheduled for one of her father’s committees and an arriving overseas political ally, she wanted to make certain the caterer had received the seating charts Alyssa had sent over by her assistant.

  The tree-lined sidewalk was shaded by the newly leafed branches, the early-summer sun not yet hot enough to make the walk uncomfortable. It was pleasant. A nice breeze with just a hint of spring’s trifling mood swings lingered in the soft brush of air. Just enough to cool the sun’s heat, to remind everyone of the previous month’s cold.

  Normally Alyssa would have enjoyed the walk; normally she would have never allowed her peace to be threatened as she had last night. She’d learned to control her emotions as well as her anger where the past was concerned. She’d had to learn to control them or she would have destroyed herself in the first two years after returning from Madrid.

  She’d been weak, Alyssa admitted. Losing the baby as she had, learning she’d somehow been given something to kill the child she was so desperate for, had completed the destruction of all the dreams inside her. She’d never dreamed of a career or making some mark on the world that would outlive her. She’d dreamed of another mark she would make. A family, lots of children. She was an only child, but she wanted a home filled with children, with laughter and warmth. She’d resigned herself to having only the one child after returning from Spain. Once her baby had been born she’d intended to divorce Harvey and move to the property her grandparents had left her in Pennsylvania. She would have filled her home with her son’s laughter, loved, and been at peace, she thought.

  She would have, if her baby’s life hadn’t been stolen from her.

  She couldn’t afford to allow herself to become entangled with Shane and Sebastian again.

  She reminded herself how she’d hurt the first time. How horribly her very soul had been wounded. So deeply that even tears wouldn’t fall and the knowledge of how alone she was had been like a dagger forever twisting inside her chest.

  They weren’t going to let her go so easily, though, and Alyssa didn’t know if she could ever allow herself to tru
st in the illusion of love again. Love meant trust and they hadn’t trusted her. They had let her believe they hadn’t wanted her. They had ignored the pain they swore they had felt coming from her when she had lost their baby. And they hadn’t come to her.

  When she had needed them the most, they had ignored the knowledge of that need.

  And they wanted her to trust in their love? Trust that should anyone else strike out at them, or at her, in such a way again they wouldn’t steal that security from her?

  She couldn’t let herself need them like that. In the past two years she’d finally found a semblance of peace in her life; was she really going to let them destroy it?

  Could she keep them from destroying it?

  For the first time in years Alyssa had slept in a bed the night before. Sheltered between Shane and Sebastian, warm, secure. When she’d been certain she could never sleep with them surrounding her, she’d slept deeper than she had since returning from Spain.

  For once in eight years the total aloneness she had felt had been absent.

  But, as she stepped from the curb, she realized she was just as alone now as she had always been. She hadn’t found the courage to live again after losing so much. Not really.

  At that thought the sound of a woman’s terrified screams pulled Alyssa quickly from her musings. Whirling around in shock, she felt horror slam inside her. The black SUV bearing down on her with frightening speed had her freezing for a precious moment.

  A hit-and-run? Really? Today of all days?

  That astounded thought raced through her as she tried to throw herself out of the path of the oncoming vehicle only to have it swing in her direction once again. The driver was determined to run her down, she realized, feeling herself flying through the air, she was dead.

  *

  Shane curled his body around the delicate fragility of Alyssa’s as he took the brunt of the fall, attempting to cushion her from the sudden, bruising tackle he’d made to push her out of the SUV’s path.

  As he raced for her, he’d taken in every particle of information possible. The make and model of the vehicle, the driver with his dark glasses and dark jacket. There was a sticker on the window, a parking sticker, though the details were blurry.

  Shane could hear the shouted orders of the several men following her before his body hit the sidewalk and from his periphery he realized the two men had drawn weapons as tires screamed behind him.

  The bastard meant to swerve and come back for her? Son of a bitch, that took balls. A scream of tires and the sound of the racing motor disappearing in the distance assured him Alyssa’s would-be murderer was escaping.

  “No plates,” he heard one of the men shout. “Call Mustafa.”

  Mustafa? Khalid Mustafa?

  Rolling from his back, one hand cushioning Alyssa’s head, he laid her back on the pavement, his heart suddenly in his throat as he realized she was unconscious.

  “Alyssa? Baby, wake up.” His hands raced over her body, searching for wounds, broken bones, whatever could explain her lack of awareness. “God…”

  Her pulse was present, a bit thready but not alarmingly so. Her heart was beating; there were no gunshot wounds, nothing to explain—. As his hands moved to the back of her head he felt the slightly damp area, pulled back, and saw the blood on his fingers.

  His hands shook with fear now.

  “She hit her head when she tried to jerk away from you.” Marty Mustafa, Khalid’s wife, was kneeling next to Alyssa. “You were already rolling with her.”

  He looked up at Marty, seeing the agent she had once been in her cool, determined features.

  “The bodyguard has called the ambulance. They’ve also called Khalid.” She grimaced at that. “He thinks I’ve gone home.” And no doubt Khalid would be there in a matter of moments. The restaurant was less than a block away.

  As the thought crossed his mind he glimpsed the three men racing toward them from the other end of the block, one small female protected between them.

  Courtney. Damn, he didn’t need the coming inquisition.

  Turning back to Alyssa, brushing her hair back from her pale face, he focused on her, tried to tell himself she would be okay.

  She was breathing.

  “The driver was trying to hit her!” Marty snapped. “Dammit, Connor, what the hell are you and Sebastian involved in?”

  He ignored her. Just as he ignored Ian and Khalid behind him.

  It was Chase Falladay, one of Ian’s most trusted employees and friends, who knelt next to Alyssa.

  “Get a fucking ambulance here!” Shane snapped.

  “Already called,” Chase informed him as he checked Alyssa’s pupils, her pulse. “Ian put the call in. They should be here quickly.”

  “What were Khalid’s bodyguards doing following her?” Shane snapped. “Not that I’m bitching, mind you.”

  Chase only snorted at the latter comment.

  He wasn’t bitching, Shane thought with a surge of complete thankfulness. It had been the bodyguards and the weapons they drew that had saved both him and Alyssa from being struck when the SUV turned and came for her again.

  “He said his neck was itching,” Chase sighed. “He sent them out behind her when she left the restaurant. Marty followed them. She told Khalid she was taking the limo home.”

  There was no amusement in Chase’s voice.

  Any response Shane would have had was forgotten as Alyssa’s eyes came open slowly, her gaze connecting immediately with Shane’s.

  She frowned, her gray eyes dark, resigned.

  “I should have guessed,” she sighed. “You and ’Bastian are chaos,” she whispered miserably. “Complete chaos, Shane.”

  “I know, baby.” Brushing her hair back gently, he kept his gaze trained on her, watching her closely. “Just lie still, honey; the ambulance will be here soon.”

  He saw the alarm that filled her eyes, her expression.

  “No.” Struggling to sit up, she slapped at his hands and pushed at Chase’s as they tried to convince her to lie still. “Take me home. Now. Call Dad and take me home.”

  “Alyssa—”

  “Chase.” She turned her eyes to the investigator. “Get me out of here. You have to. Get me out of here.”

  “Ms. Hampstead—”

  “Do it.” Ian stepped up to them, his voice hard as Shane felt a snarl rising to his lips.

  “Call Dr. Brennan, Chase; he’ll meet us there. I just got off the phone with the senator myself. It’s imperative we get her the hell out of here. My car just pulled up. Let’s go.”

  Imperative.

  Lifting her quickly, gently, into his arms, Shane moved to the limo and ducked inside, aware that only Ian and Courtney followed. As the vehicle pulled from the curve Shane focused on Ian, anger, fear, racing through him.

  “If anything happens to her because of this, Sinclair, I won’t be a forgiving man,” he promised Ian.

  “Shush,” Alyssa mumbled, her head resting on his shoulder, shudders of reaction beginning to cause her to tremble in his arms. “Hospital is a last resort only.”

  “Why?” Frustration ate at him. He could sense too many things she was keeping from him, holding back. Even as he had slept with her slight body shielded between him and Sebastian, both of them had sensed the fact that she was fighting to hold her emotions as far from them as possible.

  She didn’t answer and he wasn’t about to harass her. Yet.

  Once he knew she was safe, once he knew her injuries weren’t serious, then he’d demand the answers. And by God, he’d get them too.

  17

  Sebastian, Landra, and her son, Jeb, were standing outside Alyssa’s suite after Dr. Brennan, his wife, and a fearsome old bat of a nurse ran Shane out. Once he’d placed her on the couch, it seemed they were finished with him.

  He wasn’t finished, though.

  Stepping outside the suite into her office, he faced the others. Ian, Courtney, Khalid, Marty, and Chase were there as well as Jeb and Landra. Al
yssa’s office, which once seemed rather roomy, was filling up fast.

  As Shane stepped from the office to the private, sheltered patio, it was all he could do not to step around the hedges where the scent of tobacco drifted and bum a cigarette from the security guard taking his break.

  “Don’t even think about it,” Sebastian growled as he joined him. “I didn’t think you’d ever stop that nasty habit.”

  “Those weren’t cigarettes,” he reminded his cousin ruefully. “You should have tried some of it.”

  Sebastian snorted. “I knew what it was. Just like I knew you were smoking cigarettes on the side. Let me catch you again and I’m telling Alyssa.”

  Shane turned his gaze to the entrance of the patio. They’d been there two years before when Alyssa had lain so near death. This hadn’t been her room at the time, though. Her room had been upstairs according to the information they’d had at the time.

  “We didn’t protect her well,” Shane said softly, the weight of the guilt tightening his chest as he saw the mistakes they’d made. “She’s right; we should have come to her.”

  “We didn’t understand the bond we shared then any more than she did, Shane,” his cousin reminded him. “Hell, had you ever felt anything like that with anyone else?”

  He hadn’t. Neither of them had. He knew both their parents had been driven crazy by them after he and Sebastian had met the first time, at five years of age. They’d become inseparable the summer Shane had spent at the hacienda. It was like being reunited with a twin.

  Still, it hadn’t been the same. What they’d shared with Alyssa was damned confusing to both of them. If one of them took her while the other had been gone, then the other had known the second it began. Like a sixth sense, their Alyssa sense. They’d had no idea how deep it went until the tenth week after she’d left Spain.

  They should have known what they were feeling. First her pain, like waves of burning agony rushing through their senses, then an agony that pierced the soul, ripped apart what little was left of it, only to leave them in a void filled with such aloneness that it had been agonizing.