by Madison, Mia
At least until we started talking about the parent-teacher conferences.
Like Maggie had, I led with Ava, talking about her accomplishments, my notebook in front of me.
Luke nodded, a pleased smile on his lips. “And how about Brandon?”
“Miss Finch says he’s struggling a bit.”
Luke’s eyebrows drew together. “Is it spelling? Because I work with him on the spelling lists each week.”
“It’s not just that. She says he’s really struggling with reading.”
Luke waved a hand dismissively. “He’s not in the top reading group like Ava, but he’ll catch up. Kids develop at different rates.”
I took a deep breath. “Miss Finch says that it’s more than that. She wants him to be tested for dyslexia.”
Luke froze, staring at me, and then carefully set his wineglass on the end table. “That’s ridiculous. We read all the time. Every night before they go to bed.”
“I know,” I said softly. “They told me and we did so tonight. But it wouldn’t hurt to have him tested.”
“It might upset him,” he said. “Make him feel singled out or that he’s being punished or something.”
“But it also might help him. It might lead to some answers about why he’s struggling.”
“He can read,” Luke insisted.
“The teacher’s not saying he can’t, she’s saying he has trouble with it.” My heart went out to Luke. He was an author, and it was obviously upsetting him greatly that his son was having some trouble with reading. Books were everything to Luke. His house was full of them.
“I’ve never noticed him having trouble with it.”
“I have.”
“You?”
For some reason, I didn’t like how he said that. Why shouldn’t I have noticed something? I spent five afternoons a week with the twins. “Sometimes when we’re cooking together, or playing together, he acts bored and wanders off.”
“That sounds like normal behavior. Little boys like to be on their own sometimes.”
“Yes, but it took me a while to notice that it was often after something involving reading. Like if I’d asked him to read the next step of a recipe.”
“Some of those ingredients aren’t common, everyday words. It probably just flustered him a bit.”
“It’s not just then, Luke. He also sometimes gets a bit touchy when we’re reading together. Ava likes to read the dialogue and I read the rest, but often when we do that, Brandon seems to lose interest. Does he do that when you all read together before bed?”
“He gets sleepy,” Luke said defensively. “Ava’s more of a night owl, so she likes to read along while Brandon just closes his eyes and listens…” He trailed off, concern in his eyes.
“Miss Finch also wants to move him to a lower reading group.”
“What?” Luke sat up, leaning forward, staring at me.
“She says he’s having trouble keeping up in his group and she thinks if that continues, he’s going to grow to resent reading.”
“But he’s already two groups lower than Ava. If he goes down one, he’ll be in the lowest one. He doesn’t belong there.”
“That’s what she feels is best,” I said gently.
“You should’ve told her no.”
Surprised, I stared at him. “It’s not up to me. She said you can call her—”
“There’s no way in hell I’m letting her put my son in a lower reading group. You know him, Gabi. You know how bright he is.”
“Of course I do.” Anxiety filled me as I looked at the accusation on Luke’s face. He’d never looked at me that way before. “Again, you should talk to her. This is between you and Miss Finch. But I think she thinks Brandon will feel less stress if he’s in the lowest level. Luke, I think she’s just trying to make sure that he doesn’t start to hate reading.”
“That’s not going to happen,” Luke snapped. “Not to my son.”
“Okay,” I said, uneasily. “Well, if you have him tested for dyslexia, then maybe you’ll find out more about what he needs in order to—”
“He doesn’t have dyslexia. He’s just fine. Maybe he doesn’t like Miss Finch, did you ever think of that?” Luke stood abruptly and strode to the piano, his back to me for a moment.
I remained frozen where I was. I’d never seen Luke get angry before. He’d always seemed so even-tempered. But I could understand. No parent wanted to hear that their child might have a disorder. Gingerly, I stood up and went to him, rubbing my hand gently on his back. “It’ll be okay, Luke. It’s a good thing, actually. If Brandon is having a problem, then he needs help.”
“I’ll help him.”
“I know you will. But the school can, too, if they know what they’re dealing with. Why not let him get tested? What’s the harm in that? Then at least you’ll know—”
“Did I miss the part where you gave birth to one or both of them?”
“What?” I took a step back, confused as hell by Luke’s words.
He was glaring at me. “You’re not their mother.”
“I never claimed to be!” My heart thudded painfully in my chest.
“I’m their father. I know what’s best for them.”
“I know you do. I’m just relaying that the teacher said—”
“Yet you think you know better than me. About getting him tested. About putting him in the lowest reading group.”
“No, Luke, I—” I stared at him in shock.
“Did you ever think how doing that will make him feel? How different he’ll feel? How he’ll think he’s done something wrong?”
“I’m sure Miss Finch won’t let—”
“Oh, you’re sure. I guess I can stop worrying about my son, in that case. You two have it all figured out, don’t you? Make the poor kid feel worse. Subject him to a bunch of tests when there’s nothing wrong with him. He’s my son. I know him. I’m the one who decides, not either of you. She’s just his teacher for a year. And you, you’re just the babysitter. You’re the cook. You’re not his parent and you never will be.” Luke slammed his fist down on the piano, making me jump. Then he turned his back to me and stormed away.
A moment later, I heard the sliding glass door that led to the back patio.
Stunned, I gathered up my things and hurried out the front door. It took me three tries to get the key in the ignition. Once I did, I didn’t make it very far. I was driving past the park where I’d met Ava and Brandon when the tears came.
Pulling over, I sat there in the dark, the playground barely visible.
It was a long time before I stopped crying.
19
Gabi
I began preparation for Thanksgiving dinner early on Thursday morning. I figured I might as well. It wasn’t like I’d been able to sleep. Luke had texted twice since the awful scene on Tuesday evening after the parent-teacher conferences. Once he’d said that he knew I was just trying to help. The second time he said he shouldn’t have shot the messenger.
In other words, he was sorry I was upset, but he didn’t have the slightest clue about how badly he’d hurt me. He’d obviously been upset to hear that Brandon was having some problems at school—that part was understandable. And like he’d said, he had taken some of it out on me, the messenger. But he hadn’t stopped there.
In just a few minutes, it was like he’d invalidated my entire relationship with the twins. As if I didn’t matter in their lives at all. He’d called me the babysitter and the cook. As if I was a servant to them, not a friend. And definitely not a parent.
The thing was, I knew I wasn’t their parent. I’d always been mindful of that fact and tried not to step on Luke’s toes. But you couldn’t hang out with kids almost every day for months and not form a bond with them. Not become good friends with them. Hell, I’d been friends with them before I ever met Luke.
I was part of their lives, or at least I had been. I taught them things like cooking and games. I talked with them when they were upset. And hell, I’d ev
en saved Brandon when he fell in the water.
But according to Luke, none of that mattered. I was an outsider to them—and to him. Maybe I could understand why he needed to feel that he was the only person that mattered in the twins’ lives—maybe. It was probably natural for him to be protective of them. After all, their mother had abandoned them. But in denying my place in their lives, he’d denied my place in his, as well.
I pulled pots and pans out of the lower cabinets, banging them on the counter. It would only be four of us for dinner tonight—me, Liz, Kait, and Tyler. Sierra and Ian were going to her mom’s house. And as for Luke, Ava, and Brandon? I didn’t know what they’d do—probably takeout.
Opening the fridge, I took stock. I’d had to fight major crowds yesterday to get everything I needed for dinner here. I didn’t know what would happen to all the food I’d bought on Monday for Luke’s family. It would probably go to waste.
I’d been so excited about spending my first holiday with them. About making the best Thanksgiving dinner ever just to make them happy.
Now I was still determined to make the best Thanksgiving dinner ever, but my heart wasn’t in it anymore. Instead, it was a way to distract myself and keep the pain at bay.
“Morning,” Liz said, wrapped in a blue terrycloth robe. Like Sierra, she wasn’t much of a morning person.
“Hey Liz.”
“How are you doing?”
I heard the sympathy in her voice, but I ignored it. She’d been here when I got home Tuesday night, my face streaked with tears, but it was Kait and Sierra I needed to talk to. Liz was sensitive enough to leave us alone, which was a point in her favor.
“I’m fine. It’s good to keep busy.”
“It is. Do you need any help? I’m not at your level, but I can follow recipes and such.”
“Thanks, but I’m good. I need to be by myself for a while.”
“Of course. I’ll get out of your hair after I grab some cereal.”
She poured herself a bowl and took it into the living room. I should’ve asked her to sit at the table and stay, but I wasn’t in the mood for company.
I decided to start with the pies, but it turned out to be a mistake because baking—something I’d done all my life—now reminded me of the twins. They loved to bake with me. I’d told them I’d teach them how to make pumpkin pie today.
Blinking back tears, I moved to the sliding glass door and looked out into the backyard, thinking about Ava and Brandon. Did they know that I wouldn’t be joining them today? Luke had probably given them some sort of excuse about why I wasn’t there yesterday, but he wouldn’t be able to do that for today. The kids had been just as eager to spend the holiday together as I was.
God, it hurt. Maybe I should just hop in my car and go over there. But the only way I could be a part of their lives was if I was a part of Luke’s life. And his true feelings had come pouring out on Tuesday. He’d made it clear that he didn’t want me to be there for his kids. His anger had taken me by surprise. I never would’ve imagined he would use words that belittled me like that.
But maybe it was good to know what kind of a man he was now before we got any further involved. Before I fell in love with him and his kids. And before Ava and Brandon fell in love with me.
Except I suspected it might be too late in those cases. I already loved the twins, and I was pretty sure they felt the same way. And Luke… I’d thought he was a man I could lose my heart to. But Tuesday night had changed all that.
Light footsteps sounded behind me and then Kait’s arm was around me. For a moment, we stood there, side by side, looking into the backyard. Then she squeezed her arm around my waist. “I know it’s hard.”
“It is.” My voice was watery. I’d done so much crying in the last forty hours that I was probably suffering from dehydration. “I never thought he could be like that.”
“I know.”
I could’ve added more. I could’ve said how he was under a lot of stress being a single dad. How he was worried about Brandon’s education. But the bottom line was that if Luke cared about me even a fraction as much as I cared about him, he never would’ve spoken to me that way. He never would’ve shut me out when all I’d ever done was care about him and his children.
The rest of the day passed in a bit of a blur. I probably prepared enough food for dozens of people, but it was the only way I could keep my mind occupied. It was the only way I could keep from wondering what Ava and Brandon were doing. If they’d had a good meal. If they’d played games afterwards. At least when thoughts of them slipped past my defenses, it was bittersweet. But when my thoughts turned to Luke, it was enough to make me shut down entirely.
There was no getting around it—he didn’t care as much as I did. He’d yelled at me and belittled me and slammed his hand down on the piano… and afterwards, all he’d done was to send two half-hearted texts. I lived a mile away from him—if he really wanted my forgiveness, he would’ve driven over here. If he really cared for me, he would’ve done everything in his power so that we could spend the holiday together as a family.
But Luke didn’t want me to be part of his family.
Still, I had a family here. Sierra was gone, but Kait and Tyler were family. Liz too, I supposed. Well, she was more like an acquaintance than family. But I was glad she was there, otherwise I would’ve felt like I was tagging along on Kait and Tyler’s date.
Dinner was rather subdued, or maybe it was just me. Liz kept gushing about the food, which was starting to annoy me.
“Seriously, this is the best turkey I’ve ever had,” she said for the third time.
“Everything Gabi makes is good.” Tyler smiled at me as he took seconds of everything.
“Sierra told me what a good cook you are, but this exceeded my expectations,” Liz continued. “I can’t even imagine making this many dishes at one time. When I lived with Brett—” Her voice cut off, her expression darkening. “I, uh, mostly cooked one-dish meals.”
It looked like I wasn’t the only one with subjects I was trying to avoid thinking about today. That should’ve made me feel closer to her, but it didn’t. I missed Sierra. I wished she and Ian could’ve been here.
For dessert, I brought out pecan, apple, and pumpkin pies. Everyone was stuffed, but they made an effort to each eat a slice. I tried but couldn’t eat much of the piece of pumpkin pie I’d selected. It wasn’t because I was full, either. Food just didn’t taste very good to me today.
Kait and Tyler had to leave right after dinner. They had plans to see a movie. “I’m so sorry to leave before the clean-up,” Kait said, apologizing for the third time.
“I don’t mind. You two should go have fun.” Since I couldn’t have fun with Luke, it was at least good to know that she and Tyler would.
“Don’t do all the dishes, okay? Leave some for me for tomorrow.” That’s right, she’d be staying over at his place. And Sierra wouldn’t be home until Saturday.
“I can do both our shares,” Liz piped up. “After a meal that amazing, Gabi, you shouldn’t have to do the dishes.”
I’d almost forgotten that she’d be here tonight, that I wouldn’t be alone. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.
Later, after Kait and Tyler had left, it felt like Liz was underfoot. It probably wasn’t her fault, it was just that I had my own system in the kitchen.
Still, there was a massive number of things to put away. I focused on that since I knew where everything went while Liz loaded the dishwasher and hand-washed the surplus.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Liz’s back was to me, but her shoulders were hunched.
“No,” I said abruptly. “I mean no thanks.”
Now she turned. “Sometimes it helps to talk to a stranger.”
I straightened up after putting some bowls away in the back of the cabinet. “You’re my roommate.”
“But I’m still pretty much a stranger. You, Kait, and Sierra are pretty tight. How long have you been roommates?”
/> I did the mental math. “Over four years.”
Liz leaned against the counter. “I think it’s great that you three are best friends. And I don’t want to do anything to intrude upon that. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be a friend.”
Crap, I didn’t want to be rude to her, but I wasn’t in my most friendly state of mind right now.
She continued. “And it definitely doesn’t mean I can’t listen. Just try me.”
I sighed. This was the last thing I wanted to be doing right now. “I wouldn’t know where to begin.”
“How about with the children? Sierra said your boss, or boyfriend, or whatever you want to call him has twins.”
Shaking my head, I sighed again. “I don’t know what to call him, either. Though I guess at this point, he’s not either.”
“Just tell me a bit about the twins and then if you don’t want to talk anymore, we don’t have to,” Liz said, unexpectedly insistent. “But sometimes it’s helpful.”
Crap, she wasn’t backing down. So I opened my mouth and somehow, the words just started to flow. About Ava and how bright and curious she was. How she loved cooking and was enthusiastic about anything I liked. And about Brandon. He was such a good kid. He loved to play outdoors, and he was hypersensitive to his sister’s needs. If Ava was upset, then so was he—and he was also mad at whoever had upset her.
Liz listened attentively as story after story about Ava and Brandon poured out of my mouth. She asked a few questions, but mostly just listened.
We were at the kitchen table with glasses of wine and another slice of pie by the time the conversation turned to Luke. He was a lot harder to talk about. I tried to explain how I felt about him—and how I’d thought he felt that way about me, too. But in the end, he’d revealed that he didn’t think I was good enough to be in his kids’ lives, which pretty much summed up the way he thought about me.
“Maybe not,” Liz said quietly as the tears made their way slowly down my face.
“If he cared about me at all, he’d be here. It’s not like he doesn’t know where I live. He was here last week fixing the bathroom ceiling.”