Waiting for Grace

by Oakes, Hayley

  Fifteen

  Seven and a Half Years Earlier

  After finding the letter from my sister, I settled into my routine with Robert. I had quit my job at the café, and so between sixth form and each other, there wasn’t much time for anything else. I learned to integrate more with his friends who seemed to accept me more the second time we met. Also Jane had started seeing a boy from sixth form, called Kyle who she was head over heels for. So we spent time with them as couples, and Jane, Rachel, and I still made time to go shopping together and the cinema.

  Christmas had been nice spent with Robert’s family, and his mum would text me sometimes if I hadn’t seen her for a few days. She also bought me little gifts from time to time, something my own mum never did. If she brought something home for the boys, like a chocolate treat or some new socks that she picked up at the shop, she would always include me. It didn’t sound like much, but it was a simple touch that I had never been used to. Robert and I had become each other’s best friend as well as lovers. We were getting very used to each other sexually, and I felt just as comfortable around him naked as I did alone. It was amazing having someone want me that much. I felt desired and loved. I felt like I belonged to someone and it was very addictive. He stayed at my house at weekends and holidays, but Barbara would not allow it on weekdays. I had been to the doctor’s and started taking the pill so that we didn’t have to worry about condoms anymore. Being with Robert was my happy ever after, but I was conscious that nothing lasts forever.

  As the summer drew to a close and the days became warmer, we found ourselves studying for mock A Level exams and some modular A Level exams that counted toward our final grades. Robert’s dad had wanted him to become a doctor but sciences weren’t for him and so he was studying Law, English literature, and history. I had no intention of going to university; it would be a waste of money and time. I wanted to find something to do that didn’t entail further education. However, for now I would do my A Levels until I decided. Mum had money, she kept us ticking with my dad’s garage profits, but I still wanted to save and get out of there, with or without Robert. I had saved a lot of money from my summer in the café, as Robert seemed to pay for everything when we went out, and I didn’t shop like other girls. Being the height of trend was not my priority.

  Robert and I were both now seventeen. My birthday was November and his January. He was taking driving lessons, but that hadn’t been mentioned in my house, and I didn’t see it as important. His parents had bought him an old Fiesta that had seen better days to practice in, and they would insure it for him when he passed his test. He was hoping to do two lessons a week and had already passed his written test. We thought he would definitely have his licence by summer, and we were both excited about that. We would have our own freedom on the road and a place that could be our sanctuary.

  We would finish sixth form for summer after our exams, and I had been thinking about something for a while that I hoped Robert would help me with. We sat on the back step of the orangery one night, smoking and drinking a bottle of beer each. It was Friday night and the start of our weekend. Exams were almost over and we could see some time together coming at the end of a dark tunnel of studying.

  “You know,” I said, his arm draped ‘round me. “I really want to go to London.”

  “You do?” he said. “To see the sights?” He laughed.

  “No, you know why. To find that address.”

  “Oh Grace,” he sighed. “Please let that go. It’ll be a wild goose chase and there’s no way she’ll still be there.”

  “I want to see for myself!” I snapped.

  “I don’t want to see you disappointed.”

  “I promise not to be disappointed.”

  “You wouldn’t be able to hide it.” He pulled me closer to him. “She knows where you are, babe, if she wanted this family she’d come back.”

  “You don’t know that,” I shrugged him off. “She’s got no idea what’s happened here, if she knew …”

  “Grace, you sound like a crazy person. This is real life. She’s not just gonna make everything perfect, you know.”

  “Whatever,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You don’t know what it’s like having this,” I threw my arms around to indicate my surroundings. “You have no idea what it’s like to just be me, here with her, and then have the potential of someone else, someone who gets it, too, and could finally be my family.”

  “Why can’t we be your family?” he asked in a soft voice. “You don’t need to go looking, I’m right here.” I smiled at him and I knew he meant it. We were so much more than just boyfriend and girlfriend, we were connected and he had let me be a part of his life, his family. I was the fifth sibling. I leaned back into him.

  “You are,” I sighed. “You really are. I love you all, but I just want to go to that address.”

  “Okay, ” he said.

  “Okay?” I jumped back and glared at him to make sure that he was serious. “Really? Okay we can go?”

  He nodded. “We can, when I pass my test we’ll go.”

  I pulled him to me and kissed him like my life depended on it. He kissed me back and we forgot where we were as his hands made their way inside my top.

  ***

  The next evening we were going into Blackpool clubbing with some school friends, his and a couple of mine that I had invited. We were meeting in a local pub in Poulton and then getting taxis into town. I chose one of Diane’s dresses that I had customised slightly. It was a royal blue dress that was pinched at the waist, but I had made it strapless and shortened the skirt slightly. I let my hair fall down my back in its natural style, curling it with my fingers when I got out of the shower so it would dry in tendrils. Then once I had dried it a little I ran my fingers through it to even it out.

  Robert came to my house to collect me. Mum was nowhere to be seen. I hadn’t seen her that day, but I had heard some sappy music filtering from her room. He waited downstairs for me in the kitchen. I had opened the door with just a towel, and he had pulled me to him seductively running his hands up the back of my legs. I pulled away and ran upstairs. The memory made me giggle as I applied the final touches of make-up. When I got downstairs he had the TV on and was helping himself to a beer.

  “Wow.” He smiled. “Looking amazing as usual, Miss Cooper.” He made his way to me and grinned widely like a Cheshire cat, putting his hands on the side of my face. “How did I get so lucky?” He shrugged, lightly kissing me on the lips. That made me smile, too, and I basked in the warmth of his love. This was something that I never even knew existed, and I cherished every moment that Robert made me feel this way.

  I pulled away from his kiss. “Now let me have some of your beer and let’s get a move on. Jane and Kyle will be there already and we’ve got to walk to the pub.” I took a good look at Robert, and he also looked amazing. His messy blonde hair was slightly styled. He wore dark jeans, black shoes, and a navy blue pinstriped shirt that showed off his muscular physique.

  “Okay, bossy,” he sighed, letting me go, but pulling me to his side as I wandered into the kitchen and filled my going out bag with my bank card, fake ID, lipstick, and a lighter.

  “You know,” he sighed, sitting back on the recliner that sat in the corner of the kitchen diner. “I don’t think anyone has ever been this happy.” He smiled, sipping his beer.

  I rolled my eyes. “We aren’t the first people to be in love.” I laughed, zipping my bag and making my way towards him, sitting on his knee. “I mean there was Romeo and Juliet and Kylie and Jason”

  “All make believe characters.” He laughed. “No one else I know loves their girlfriend as much as I love you.” I smiled and cuddled into him.

  “That’s because we’re made for each other,” I said quietly, truly believing that at that very moment. Despite what I knew was approaching, he at university and me doing God knows what, I truly thought that my horrendous life had finally given me a break. I had met someone who made me feel loved and complete
. Robert did that for me and for that I loved him more than life itself. I just had trouble telling him. I earned a deep and meaningful kiss for my last comment. Robert pulled me back to him and kissed me hard on the mouth, turning me in his arms so he could run his hands over my legs again. Then Mum chose that moment to enter the room despite being AWOL for the last twenty-four hours. She coughed.

  “Just like Diane,” she muttered. “Giving it away for free, no one will want the cow if you’re giving the milk,” she slurred. Trying her best at the analogy but failing. I looked up and saw that this was her rock bottom. We got there every so often, usually a year apart, maybe sometimes a month apart, but it entailed her halting general hygiene and checking out of the real world for a while. Robert hadn’t seen it yet. She usually got back to normal without medical intervention after a couple of weeks. Her short hair was standing on end like a banshee, one side flatter than the other where she had slept and perhaps cried on it. Her clothing of choice was a bedraggled dressing gown that had seen better days, and as she rummaged through the fridge I could smell her from where we sat.

  “Come on let’s go,” I said, jumping up and staring wide-eyed at Robert to follow.

  “Go on, off you go, bloody whoring it about, just like Diane, it must be those Cooper genes!” she barked, turning as I slid past her. She put her hand out to grab me, but I jumped out of the way. “Too pretty for your own good!” she shouted after me. “You’ll just end up a disappointment like she was.” She sighed, her head back in the fridge.

  Robert was agape. He had never seen her nasty side, and I could see he wanted to defend me and was about to speak standing behind her whilst I raced to the door. “Cat got your tongue?” she barked as she turned to see him there. “Get out of my house, hooligan!” she shouted. “Before I call the police!”

  “Robert,” I urged from the front door, motioning for him to follow. Luckily, he did and we were out in the early summer’s night before anything else was said.

  “Wow,” he said, as we neared the end of the drive and began walking down the street. He flung his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. “That was like a totally different person.”

  “Tell me about it, it took me a long time when I was a kid to figure out which one she was. Now it’s obvious.”

  “Really?”

  “Oh yes, bedraggled and slurry is a nasty bitch. Calm and glassy-eyed is Mrs Reminisce.”

  “Which one is the real her?” he asked.

  “Honestly, I haven’t seen her sober for so long, I can’t remember.”

  “What about when we get home later?” he asked.

  “Oh, she’ll be passed out by then. Hopefully not at the bottom of the stairs surrounded by blood and vomit,” I joked at how we found her almost a year ago.

  “Oh God, Grace, you shouldn’t have to …” he began.

  “Robert, really it’s all I know and one day I won’t feel bad about just leaving her here to fend for herself because she never cared about doing that to me when I was five.”

  “Grace,” he shook his head. “You should come and live with us.”

  I laughed and shook my head back. “Couldn’t handle all the rules at the Banford house.” I smiled, bumping into his shoulder playfully.

  “Then we need our own house,” he said, pulling me into an embrace in the street and kissing me. “So there are no rules and I can do this whenever I want.” He kissed me again and ran his hands over my bum.

  “Come on, we’ll be late.” I sighed smiling to him.

  “I love you, Grace Cooper,” he said, looking me directly in the eyes, “and you are the most beautiful, funny, amazing, intelligent girl I have ever met, despite having been brought up by that crazy woman.” He kissed my nose. “I never want us to not be together.”

  I gazed back into his eyes and felt that love ease the tension from another mad Mum moment. “I love you, too,” I whispered and his face lit up like a Christmas tree.

  ***

  Later that night we made our way through the cheesy bars in Blackpool, the girls dancing crazily to chart music and some token tunes from the seventies and eighties. Jane looked amazing. Her long, straight blonde hair billowed behind her, and a tight flowery dress accentuated her figure. Robert’s friends, Sam and Jake, were out. Sam was now seeing Jess, one of the vest and jeans brigade from the party Robert and I went to. She was actually friendly tonight and dancing with Jane and I. She seemed more relaxed without her friends around and fitted in well with us, wearing a little black skirt and a pink spaghetti strapped top. There were also a few other friends out, but us seven stayed together and were matching each other drink for drink.

  After a few hours we decided to try out our fake IDs and make our way to a club on the promenade where we managed to get in. At the bar, Robert stood behind me protectively, arms on the bar as I stood between them. His smell was intoxicating, and I couldn’t wait for him to be all over me tonight when we got home, kissing my body and making me moan.

  He ordered the drinks and we turned to our friends, “Shots?” Kyle asked. Robert looked to me and I nodded.

  “Hell yes!” He laughed as Kyle got his wallet out. His dad was a car dealer in town and they had pots of money, so he was always willing to flash the cash, and Jane adored him for it. She watched him order with doe eyes, smiling like the cat that got the cream when he came back with a tray of Sambucas. There were seven shots for seven friends, and we knocked them back all at the same time.

  The night became a little hazy, and as we moved to the back bar, I noticed that I was less steady on my feet.

  “I need the loo!” I shouted to Robert over the crowd.

  “Okay!” he barked. “I’ll stay here.”

  I nodded and made my way clumsily to the toilet. I checked myself in the mirror, touched up my lipstick, went to the loo and then made my way outside. As I weaved my way through crowds of people, strong arms grabbed me from behind.

  “Gracie!” someone yelled in my ear, I turned quickly to see Ryan, my old work buddy from last summer. I smiled at him. “Looking gorgeous as ever,” he whispered into my ear. I pulled back and laughed.

  “How are you?” I said, leaning in to speak into his ear over the noise. “You still at the café?”

  “No chance.” He shook his head. “It was dull as dishwater after you left.” His eyes roamed my body and despite my drunken state I could see he was checking me out.

  “Hey I gotta go,” I shouted. I turned, but he pulled me back to him, flat to his chest.

  “You still seeing Captain Sensible?” he teased, shouting into my ear over the noise. I could feel his body against me but couldn’t move.

  I tried to pull myself back. “Sure am,” I said, “Like I said, I’ve got to go,”

  “Ah … come on, dance with me,” he said, swaying with me in his arms, I tried to pull away again and laughed so that it wasn’t awkward. Then, just as he freed me, two more arms grabbed me from behind, pulled me out the way, and before I knew it I was behind Robert. He had shoved Ryan to the ground.

  “Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend!” he shouted as Ryan sat on the dance floor. He pulled himself up quickly and squared up to Robert.

  “She can be friends with who she fucking wants you cretin, and don’t push me!” He shoved Robert back and then they began to scuffle. Suddenly I was barged out of the way again, this time much more harshly by incoming bouncers. Robert was restrained and Ryan pushed back into the crowd. Then we were escorted out.

  “He had his hands on my fucking girlfriend!” Robert was shouting as they hustled him out the side door and I tottered behind him.

  “No fighting dick head,” the bouncer said as he flung him onto the street. Robert stumbled but didn’t fall.

  “Please,” I said to the bouncers. “Our friends are still in there.”

  “My heart bleeds,” the burly bouncer spat. “Now get lost, go home, and sleep it off.”

  We looked at each other. Robert was fuming. I could see
it in his eyes. I was close to tears and my side hurt from all the force.

  “You fucking idiot!” I barked, making my way to the main street.

  “Me?” Robert shouted, following me. “You let that idiot Ryan feel you up.”

  “What?” I screamed, turning to face him in the street. “He’s a friend who was drunk and hugged me a little too tightly, maybe. He hardly had his hand up my skirt.”

  “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise that I should wait to intervene until another bloke had his hands in your fucking knickers.” He was so angry that his neck was bulging and his eyes were boring into me.

  I smiled slightly at his crazy stance. It was so out of character for him. “No probably best to intervene before that point, however, Ryan is my friend and I can hug friends,” I said in a calmer voice.

  “That guy,” Robert pointed back to the club shouting, but less excessively, “is waiting for his chance with you Grace. I can tell by the way he used to look at you at work, and then in the club he was whispering into your ear like he was about to kiss you, and you were laughing like he was telling you some great story,”

  “What?” I shook my head. “I was trying to get him off me.”

  “Didn’t look like that from where I stood.”

  “Where was that? All the way over on your overprotective boyfriend pedestal?”

  “Very funny.” He shook his head. “God, Grace I don’t want anyone else to touch you like that.”

  “I was getting him off me Robert. You need to trust me.”

  “I do,” he said, his voice quieter and head hung low, “I just don’t trust him. He wants you, Grace.”

  “Well he can’t have me, can he?” I said, stepping towards Robert and pushing myself into him. He smiled down at me and wrapped his arms around me.

  “No, he bloody can’t,” he said kissing me.