Waiting for Grace

by Oakes, Hayley

  “Okay ...” I whispered. I couldn’t fight him anymore. I had to let my heart win and risk losing it again. He wouldn’t give up and I was so scared what I would feel if he did.

  “Okay?” he asked, elated. “Yes?”

  “Yes.” I nodded and he pulled me to him, placing a kiss on my forehead.

  “Grace,” he grinned, “you have just made me the happiest man on Earth.”

  “Jesus, that was easy.” I laughed.

  “I’ll pick you up from work,” he said as I made my way to the door again.

  “I …”

  “No arguments!” he shouted. “My girlfriend isn’t getting the bus any more and that chef better stop flirting with you.”

  “Erm ...” It wasn’t worth arguing at that point, I was almost late for work, but I wasn’t his girlfriend, exactly, and what did he know about Groucher? Also I was intrigued as to what had happened with Cecily, and how easy this dating was going to be? This had just made things a thousand times more complicated, but I could not hide the huge grin that was plastered across my face all the way to work.

  ***

  Work was fairly uneventful. We were all busy and Groucher hadn’t mentioned taking me out for a drink again. I was glad. Life had been so uneventful for so many years, and suddenly I had two men interested in taking me out. I was exhausted. Even though I’d offered the drink to Groucher as friends, Robert would not be happy with me going, and I couldn’t be bothered with the hassle. Plus I didn’t really want to go. So I also risked offending my boss now by changing my mind about our drink. I still wasn’t sure what having a date with Robert would mean. I already knew that it meant a future to him, but to me I was still very unsure. How could we make things work after so long apart, and what did our feelings really mean now that we were seven years older? Was it all just nostalgia? When we got to know each other now, would we get on? I contemplated the whole thing all day. I went back and forth between good and bad decisions, and of course the inevitable of what Robert and I together meant. It meant that I could no longer block out my past. I could no longer ignore my childhood and my mother. I wasn’t sure that I was ready to face the demons I had escaped.

  At quarter to six Robert appeared at the door, glistening from the rain. With him stood Devon. She ran in and right up to me. “Mummy!” She smiled. Robert walked casually behind her.

  “Hi gorgeous,” I said, crouching to kiss her.

  “Please can I have a milkshake whilst we wait?” she pleaded, and I looked to Robert, rolling my eyes.

  “Okay,” I sighed. “Take a seat, I’ll get you both one and I’ll be finished soon.” They both grinned and Robert winked at me.

  “Good day?” He smiled.

  “Busy,” I said.

  “Well we will sort that out won’t we, Devon?” he said to her. “Slap up meal with dessert.”

  “Ooo dessert,” I said. “Can’t wait.” I was again a traitor to my common sense as the stress of the day melted away at the promise of dinner with my beautiful daughter and her dad. I was letting Robert soothe me, and it was dangerous. I had come so far on my own, been so independent, carved a life for myself, and here he was undoing all that good work with one wink.

  I made my way back into the kitchen and Anna was grinning at me. “I finally get it.” She laughed.

  “What?” I asked, placing an order down for Groucher.

  “That delicious blonde.” She motioned to the restaurant with her head, as her hands were full of plates. “He’s just walked in with that gorgeous girl of yours and it slots into place. He’s you’re baby’s daddy!” she blurted out.

  “What?” I spluttered. I don’t know why I was surprised; it was obvious when Devon and Robert were together, holding hands like they had never been apart and laughing with the exact same adorable faces. I just wasn’t ready for my life to be available for speculation, but if I kept letting Robert pick me up, or force his lifts on me, then people would talk. I suppose the sooner the better.

  “I’m right.” She narrowed her eyes. “The absent father returned. Old friend, my arse.” She smiled, watching my reaction.

  “Okay.” I rolled my eyes to Anna. “You’re right, he is Devon’s father, the boy I gave my heart to, the man who now won’t leave me alone, and the love of my life.” I sighed. “Happy?”

  “Very.” Anna grinned. “You lucky bitch.” She left with her order and I turned back to the kitchen with a smirk on my face, only to come face to face with Groucher’s unhappy scowl.

  “Order!” he barked, and then turned on his heels to make up another one.

  ***

  I sat in the booth that Devon and Robert had chosen, with my coat thrown over my arm and my bag on my shoulder, ready to leave and exhausted. Devon was finishing her milkshake and smiled at me.

  “So, what did you do today?” I asked.

  “Well, this morning Daddy took us all to the wax museum.” She smiled. “Lady Gaga was there, and Cheryl Cole, and loads more.” Her eyes were wide. “Then we had lunch and then we went on a big wheel.”

  “The London Eye,” Robert corrected. “Mum had never been on it.” He shrugged.

  “It was very high up, and I was scared, but it was slow and Nana sat me on her knee whilst Grandad pointed things out. It was cool.”

  “Yes,” Robert said. “Cool and long when you discover you need a wee half way ‘round.”

  “Oh, and Daddy needed a wee.” She laughed, “but he had to hold it.”

  “Poor Daddy,” I said looking to Robert and smiling at him.

  “Thank you, Grace. They all just teased me.”

  “It was funny,” Devon said turning to me and nodding her head.

  “I bet. Now come on, drink up, and let’s go. I’m sick of this place today.” Devon jumped up and grabbed her coat. We slid out of the booth and I slid my coat on, too. We made our way out and I glanced to the kitchen to see Groucher and Anna watching as we left. Devon laced her hand into mine whilst Robert placed his arm firmly around me, giving me a tight squeeze and kissing my head.

  ***

  An hour later I was changed into some casual skinny jeans, patterned top, and fitted jacket for dinner. “Look we won’t stay out long,” Robert said as we pulled away in the car.

  “I’ve done all my homework!” Devon shouted from behind us. “So we can stay out as late as you like.”

  “No, we can’t.” I stifled laughter at her boldness. “You’ll be tired for school, so it’s a quick dinner and bed by nine or nine thirty, at the latest.”

  “Ahh …,” she said. “I’m meeting my Uncle Owen, too, you know,” she said.

  I looked to Robert; he smiled back. “Mum couldn’t resist, she had to check up on her baby.”

  I nodded. “Is anyone else coming? Your old next-door neighbour, maybe?” He laughed.”

  “No, just immediate family for now.” He smirked and gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “Thanks for doing this.”

  “No problem.” I looked out of the window and the nerves were brewing again.

  Robert and his parents had chosen a pub near their hotel, somewhere informal, and somewhere that we could get served fairly quickly. Robert parked the car and we made our way inside. Devon held both of our hands. Barbara, Bob, and Owen were at the bar waiting for us when we arrived and turned to greet us.

  “Ahh … Grace, looking fresh as a daisy after a day’s work,” Bob said embracing me. “Your daughter is such a little darling,” he said. “She’s had us in stitches all day.”

  “Thank you.” I smiled.

  “What would you like, Grace?” Robert shouted back to me. “A wine, a Coke?”

  “Oh, just a Diet Coke, please.” I shouted back to him, and he grinned at me sheepishly.

  “Please can I have Diet Coke, Daddy?” Grace asked.

  “Are you allowed Coke?” I heard him say.

  “No!” I shouted over his parents. “Cordial.”

  “Sorry, honey,” Robert said, patting her on the head as she sulked
.

  “Come on,” Barbara said, linking my arm. “Let’s go and find a table.”

  Owen joined Robert at the bar and I heard him introduce Owen to Devon, who crouched down and stuck his hand out for a shake, just as his dad had done. We found an empty table and Barbara handed me a menu as I slid into the chair, keeping my eye on the bar for Robert to join us.

  “We’ve had a great day.” Barbara grinned. “Haven’t we Bob?”

  “Mmm,” he murmured, reading glasses on, perusing the menu.

  “Well, Grace, I don’t know what your reasons were to keep this a secret, and I’m sure we’ll find out, but I’m so glad you are letting us see Devon, and hopefully she could come and stay with us … “

  “Bar,” Bob barked up from his menu.

  “Oh, sorry Grace,” she stuttered. “I’m getting carried away, I know I’ve only just met her, but I can see she’s a Banford through and through and …”

  “Bar …” Bob said again. “Can we all just get reacquainted, please, without your ramblings scaring poor Grace away?” He sighed.

  “Sorry.” Barbara looked at me. “I know we’ve not seen each other for years, I’m just …”

  “It’s fine Barbara,” I said calmly. “You are Devon’s family, and I can’t keep her to myself for any longer. She’s amazing, of course you would want to spend time with her.”

  “She’s a credit to you Grace,” Bob said sincerely.

  “I mean we all know what you came from Grace. That woman … and the fact that you are this wonderful young woman, and you have raised such an intelligent, delightful little girl is just … there are no words.”

  “A miracle.” I laughed lightly. “Considering I was such a mess, it’s a miracle.

  “No,” Bob said. “You weren’t a mess, you were in a bad situation. I think what Barbara is trying to say is you have done a tremendous job and you should be very proud.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment,” I said, exhaling and looking into my menu.

  “You should Grace.” Barbara took my hand. “And you should be proud of the life you have built for yourself from nothing.”

  “Well I had a bit of help,” I said. “From Jackie and Maria, but thanks.”

  “You need to learn to take compliments.” Bob chuckled. “Barbara could teach you a thing or two about tooting your own horn.”

  “Bob,” Barbara scolded giggling. “Now what shall we order?”

  Robert, Owen, and Devon found the table a few minutes later. Devon was already teasing Owen about his love life, obviously led by Robert and comments about some unrequited love at school. They were getting on famously, and Owen gave me a nod when he sat down, nothing too emotional, but the sentiment was there. We all ordered when the waitress came to our table, and the conversation flowed easily, as if this had always been Devon’s family. I felt as if I had never been away. Barbara caught me up on her other two sons, Michael and Joseph, both were waiting for the right girl and were not ready to settle down just yet. She boasted about their careers and then began boasting about Robert and his accomplishments. I could see she was very proud of them and what they had achieved, especially her eldest son whose career she considered better than Bob’s, which was always her goal for them as children.

  “So when we got the phone call about you and our granddaughter, it was the icing on the cake,” Barbara sighed, finishing her apple pie and custard. “Another Banford to love.” She winked at Devon.

  “I am Devon Cooper,” Devon said matter-of-factly, eating her ice cream.

  “Yes, but you are part of our family now, you are a Banford, too,” she tittered.

  “Mum, let’s not confuse things,” Robert sighed. “I’m surprised you finished that dinner with all the gassing you’ve done, and now we are going off on a tangent regarding the Banford name.” She smiled at him, and I was exhausted from being talked at for a majority of the meal. I had worked a hard shift. I rarely went anywhere after work or was required to undertake in small talk. Robert must have sensed my weariness. “We better get going anyway, the girls are tired and I’ve got an early start.” The way he referred to Devon and I as “the girls” made my mouth turn up slightly. It was so familiar, and despite my trepidation, it was nice to be spoken about endearingly by Robert.

  “Yes,” I smiled. “Let’s settle up and we can get going.” I reached for my purse.

  “Oh, my treat,” Robert said, jumping up.

  “No, my treat,” Bob boomed. “Already paid the bill earlier when I went to the gents.

  “Oh,” Robert looked crestfallen. “But you always pay, Dad.”

  “Because I want to, son. When I don’t, I’ll tell you.”

  “Well, thank you very much,” I said politely as we stood to get our coats.

  Barbara jumped up to embrace me again. “It really has been a pleasure, Grace, and I hope you would consider coming home with Devon for a family Christmas.” I silently gasped and looked to Robert who looked equally as shocked.

  “Oh Mum,” he groaned, like the teenage Robert I remembered, “You’ve always got to go one step too far.” He rolled his eyes. “We haven’t discussed next week, let alone Christmas. Why not let me and Grace take the lead on this for a few weeks, eh?” He gave his mum a peck on the cheek and she smiled thinly.

  “Well I don’t know when I’ll see them again, and I wanted it out there.”

  “It’s out there,” Bob sighed and smiled at me. He walked around the table to hug me, too. “Now take care of yourself and our granddaughter and we will see you soon.”

  “Now come here Devon, and give your old Grandad a kiss, and we’ll see you soon.”

  “See you soon,” she chirped, hugging Bob and then Barbara. We all said our goodbyes and Robert, Devon, and I got back in his BMW. Devon fell asleep after five minutes, as it was actually getting close to ten o’ clock.

  “So, how bad was it?” Robert asked, smirking, his hand on mine.

  “It was fine,” I sighed. “Better than I expected, but your mum hasn’t changed.”

  “Still intrusive, blunt to the point of rude and skittish.”

  “Well,” I paused for effect, “the skittish is new, but yes, she’s still the same overbearing mother you always had.”

  He laughed. “You ever wonder about Irene?”

  “No,” I snapped.

  “Never?”

  “No,” I turned to look out of the window, “she’s probably dead, and we’re better off without her.”

  “Well, yes, you are better off, but I know she’s not dead.”

  “You do?” I asked, trying not to sound interested.

  “Yes, my mum still sees her occasionally around town, and she would know if she had died. She would have said.”

  “Mum never went into town.” I laughed lightly. “She never left the house.”

  “Maybe she’s changed,” he countered.

  “Robert,” I snapped. “I don’t care, okay?”

  “Okay,” he said, eyes front. “Well, anyway, it’s your birthday next week.”

  I looked over to him with a wry smile. “So?”

  “So, it’s been seven years since I’ve been able to celebrate with you, so how about I pick you up, and we have an amazing night out, just us two. We’ll celebrate your twenty-fifth in style.”

  “Style?” I groaned. “Nothing fancy or expensive.”

  “Okay, I promise to make it as cheap, nasty, and as casual as you want.”

  “Great.” I laughed and then remembered that Robert always had a knack of snapping me out of my solemn moods. He managed to probe about my mum to the point where I was ready to rip the door open mid-drive to make him shut up, and then turned it around with a promise of something to look forward to.

  He glanced backwards at the next light. “She’s fast asleep,” he said, “she looks so cute.”

  “Finally she stops talking.” I laughed.

  When we got home, Robert carried Devon inside, and we laughed again about some of the thi
ngs Barbara had said that night. Our conversation was light and easy. Every time I caught his eye my heart sped up and I felt a yearning for him that I could not admit to before. However, after today, I was melting. I was allowing him in. I was allowing myself to feel again and let Robert Banford be part of my life, not just Devon’s. It wasn’t only because of his revelation about Cecily, it was so much more than that. Since we had seen each other again he kept telling me that he still cared, that he still loved me, and I heard it, and I saw him look at me in the way that I knew he meant what he said. Today had been different because despite what he had said and what I saw in his eyes, today he had showed me that we could be a team. He and Devon came to my work, the way he would always stand up for me in front of Barbara, he made it all so easy and I could see it. Not only could I feel his love, I could see how it would work. Perhaps there was a place in the world for us, after all.

  ***

  I pushed the door open and Robert followed me inside, carrying Devon into the darkness. The flat was quiet, but there was a light shining from under the living room door. I poked my head through and told Robert to go and lay Devon on her bed. I would get her in her pyjamas later. I saw Maria on the sofa, she was nursing what looked like a brandy, hugging her legs to her body, but there was no noise and the television was switched off.

  “Maria,” I whispered, approaching her. She didn’t move and I could feel that something was wrong. “Maria,” I said a little louder. At that point, Robert entered the room behind me and I glanced at him wearily as I walked quickly to the sofa. “Maria!” I barked, sliding next to her on the sofa. She turned to me and her beautiful brown face was smeared with tears. Her skin was blotchy and eyes puffy from crying. “Oh Maria!” I took her in my arms, soothing her with a stroke to her hair. “Maria, sweety what on Earth is wrong?”

  “He’s out,” she croaked through a whisper. “He’s out,” she said again as the sobs took hold and her body began to shake.

  “Who is? What?” And then it registered to whom she was referring.