Letting Go (Healing Hearts)

by Michelle Sutton

  Joey erupted into a fit of giggles. Diane and Dave both stared at him.

  The little boy clapped his hands. “Stinky yady gone. Yay!” He grinned at his father and held his empty hands up. “She all gone.”

  Joey’s expression looked so innocent that Diane had to press her hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. Dave didn’t try to stop his.

  When Joey saw the attention he’d garnered, he hopped on Dave’s hip, repeating, “All gone. She all gone.”

  They laughed until Diane clutched at her side. Her hilarity quickly turned to tears.

  “That’s enough.” She reached over, grabbing Dave’s arm to steady her legs.

  The muscled arm she clutched tensed. She looked up to meet his gaze, and the pained expression on his face made her heart clench.

  “What if she’s right?” he said. “What if she wins?”

  Chapter 15

  “Thank you for watching Joey today,” Dave told Katia when he dropped Joey off at her house. “It means a lot to me that you’re so willing to help in a pinch, especially since your wedding is this weekend. Joey’s afraid for me to leave him with just anyone because of all the stress the State has put him through with these visits.”

  “I told you I’d help you anytime, and I meant it. Now you go meet with Diane to get prepared for your hearing. This whole nightmare could end today if the court agrees with you.”

  “That’s what I’m hoping and praying for—that Joey is going to stay with me. I refuse to let him go to that woman who calls herself his mother, yet cares nothing about how all of this has affected him.”

  “I hurt for you, Dave. I do. Ken and I will be praying.”

  “Thanks. You’re a doll.” He gave her a hug and waved at Joey. “Bye-bye, Joey. Daddy will be back before dinner. You listen to Miss K now.”

  “ ’Tay, Daddy. I be good.” Joey toddled after Katia’s son.

  Dave got in the car, turned the key, and pressed his foot on the gas pedal. He raked his hair with his left hand and sucked air. He didn’t want to cry, but his throat clogged.

  Lord, I know I haven’t trusted You nearly enough during this whole mess. I want to fix this for Joey myself. I can’t relax, I can’t sleep, and I can’t even think anymore. I place Joey in Your hands. He’s Your child, God, and I know You know what’s best for him. Watch over him, Father. Please.

  As Dave parked the car, peace washed over him, and suddenly he knew in his heart everything would be okay. He didn’t know what recommendations would come from today’s hearing, but he believed God had full control.

  Climbing the courthouse steps two at a time, Dave practically flew into the building. After passing through security, he craned his neck and scanned the crowded corridor for Diane, wondering how he’d gotten so lucky to have her on his side. After a moment, he saw her a short distance away, talking to a man in a business suit.

  She looked stunning in her navy blue suit. With her long legs and perfect figure, she stood out from the rest of the women in the courthouse. She didn’t see him, so he admired her while he waited. She moved her hands gracefully as she spoke and several times flipped her silky blonde locks back out of her face.

  Turning her head, she met his gaze and flashed him a bright smile. His heart did a little flip and his pulse roared through his veins. He returned her smile with the most charming one he could muster. Pleasing her made him forget everything else for a moment. When he looked at her he felt so alive. And that scared him to death.

  He approached her with outward calmness. She had been on his mind a lot since he had kissed her. He couldn’t figure out what caused his stomach to churn more, the upcoming court proceeding, or her devastating smile. It had to be her smile because he’d released Joey to the Lord.

  He touched her arm. “Are we ready?”

  She turned to him, her stunning grin broadening. Her companion eyed Dave as if he didn’t appreciate having her attention pulled away from their conversation.

  “Just about. What do you say we secure a private room to go over a few important points before we head into the courtroom, okay?” She winked at him, then turned to the man in the suit. “Bye, George.”

  Dave’s heart pounded. The words private room stuck in his mind like glue. It didn’t help that his eyes kept wanting to travel down and fix on the hint of cleavage just visible at the neckline of her silky blouse.

  He berated himself for digressing. He needed to get his mind off the woman and onto the court hearing. Joey needed him. Diane didn’t.

  “Sure, let’s go.”

  Dave followed her with his hands stuffed into his pockets. Lagging behind, he admired the feminine sway of her hips and fantasized about putting his arms around her slender waist and . . .

  She turned and smiled at him, amusement in her eyes. His neck warmed. Could she read his mind? He hoped not.

  She reached for the door of the consultation room and slipped inside, waving for him to follow her. Located right outside one of the judge’s chambers, the room provided the privacy they both needed to collect their thoughts. And Dave definitely needed to change the direction of his.

  She pulled a file out of her leather briefcase. “Here is the outline of the points I intend to make today. Do you see anything missing that you want me to add or something you want to make sure the court considers?”

  He reviewed the list and grinned. She’d thought of everything.

  “No, this is very thorough. I’m impressed with what you’ve prepared.”

  He caught her gaze and shifted between her eyes and mouth, fighting to keep his attention solely above her neck. The flecks of gold in her irises twinkled when she laughed.

  “Why are you staring at me like that? Do I have food on my face?”

  He blinked, embarrassed that he’d been caught virtually drooling in response to her enchanting smile. He changed the subject.

  “I’d like to pray before you go in there. I’m trusting God for the outcome and to give you wisdom like King Solomon.”

  She quirked her brow as if he spoke a foreign language.

  “He was known for his wisdom,” Dave explained.

  A half smirk tugged at her lips “You’re serious? I thought you were joking.”

  Dave sobered. “I wasn’t. I thought you knew I was a Christian. I take prayer very seriously.” Noting her obvious discomfort, he softened. “I promise to pray for you every day. Without God’s hand in this situation, we’ll fail. Please let me pray before we go in there.”

  “Okay.” She sighed. “Go ahead and pray for me.”

  He took her hands into his, gave them a gentle squeeze, and closed his eyes. “Father in heaven, You know all things, and You know what is about to happen regarding Joey. Please be with Diane and give her the right words to say to show the judge the evidence he needs to make his decision, the decision that’s in accordance with Your plan. Help her to be focused and remain calm. In Jesus’s name we pray. Amen.”

  While praying, he’d rubbed his thumbs over her knuckles and caught himself when he felt her stiffen under his touch. Now he gently squeezed her hands again and let go.

  She stood. “Let’s sit outside the courtroom so we’ll hear when they call us.”

  Outside, he immediately heard what sounded like Joey’s birth mother. He saw her pacing in front of her attorney, hammering him with loud demands while she flipped her hands.

  If it hadn’t been for her erratic behavior, he would never have taken her for a drug-abusing prostitute. Since he’d last seen her, she had gained a few pounds, gotten her hair styled, and had even applied her makeup tastefully. The most amazing transformation of all was her modest dress. If he’d met her in a grocery store rather than in the courthouse, he might have thought she was pretty.

  Then again, maybe not.

  “Just tell me when I can have him back! I want my son away from that man.” She pointed at Dave and made a face at him, like a child, drawing attention from onlookers. But apparently she didn’t care. “I wan
t him to go away.” She stomped her foot. “He’s messing up my son!”

  Dave clenched his fists and tried to ignore her, but she ranted on. He prayed for the strength he needed to be still and trust God.

  Diane appeared calm and collected. He envied her tranquility, the exact opposite of his tangled emotions. He had given his worries to the Lord, but after seeing the birth mother, he had taken them back just as fast. A spiritual battle ensued within his heart.

  The more the mom paced, the more he suspected she might be using drugs again. She was almost too animated. Dave felt as though he couldn’t breathe. If he didn’t get out of her vicinity, he was going to lose it.

  Leaning close to Diane, he whispered, “I need to use the restroom. Save my seat, please.”

  “Okay.” She patted his thigh. “Don’t be gone long.”

  In the restroom, Dave struggled with temptation—the need to somehow control the outcome of the hearing and thus Joey’s future . . . and equally strong, the chemistry he felt between him and Diane. Was the “father of lies” tempting him by constantly bringing to mind his loneliness, his yearning for a woman?

  Splashing his face with cold water, he prayed that the Lord would help him to keep his focus on Him, to keep trusting that God had everything under control in regard to Joey—and Diane.

  * * *

  Diane watched Dave retreat down the hall. The carnal need to be loved by a man once again reared its ugly head. Why did she always feel the pull of attraction when a man wanted her?

  Someone tapped Diane’s arm. “Are you scheduled before Judge Taraman this morning?”

  Diane looked up with a smile. “I am. What case are you here for?”

  “Dodd. I’m the new attorney general for the State, Steve Chapman. I’m waiting for my client to arrive so I can consult with her before we go in. Caseworkers are usually on time, so I don’t know what’s going on.” The man looked at his watch again. “We’re due in the courtroom in less than five minutes.”

  “What do you plan to do? In the courtroom, I mean.”

  “Well, I plan to ask the judge to intervene and order the foster child moved to a more suitable home until reunification can occur. The social worker’s report indicates the behavior of the foster father is interfering significantly with visitation.”

  Diane smiled and offered him her hand. “Don’t believe everything you read. I’m Diane Simmons, attorney for the foster father on the Dodd case. It’s so nice to meet you.

  His neck reddened, but he quickly regained his composure.

  “I do believe your case manager is here.” She nodded at Mrs. Vela, who lumbered toward them.

  “Excuse me.” The man grabbed his briefcase and walked away.

  Dave returned from the restroom and sat next to her. “Who was that?”

  “The State’s attorney. He said he plans to ask the judge to remove Joey from your home today. But I’ll request a trial if necessary. They have to grant my request, which will buy us more time. With any luck, Joey’s mom will relapse before the next hearing, and this will become a moot issue.”

  “Yeah, right. With my luck she’ll keep getting better. Have you noticed her incessant pacing? That can’t be good, right? It could mean she’s back to using drugs again.”

  “I could request a drug test. But do you think that’s really necessary? She may be acting that way because she’s as nervous as you are.”

  “I don’t know if it’s needed, but it might help our case if she’s not clean.”

  She patted his hand. “All right. I’ll think about it. Trust me, okay? I know what I’m doing.”

  He grabbed her hand in return. “I’m glad God directed me to you. I know you’re going to help me keep my son. I have a good feeling about this.”

  She tugged her hand free. When a flicker of disappointment colored his eyes, she gave him a warm smile. She wanted to please him, but more than that, she wanted to win.

  “Dodd? Is everyone here for the Dodd case, JD number 45623?”

  “That’s us.” Diane stood with her briefcase in hand. “Ready, Dave?” She winked. “Let’s get ’em, Tiger.”

  A brief flash of fear slipped across his face. Sudden doubt in her abilities assailed her.

  As she led the way into the courtroom, she prayed silently, “Give me wisdom, God. For some reason I feel like I need your help.”

  * * *

  Dave’s heart pounded as the judge reviewed the facts regarding the birthmother’s case, her recovery progress, and her visitation rights. The way the judge smiled at Leanne caused his stomach to cramp.

  “Why does he keep smiling at her?”

  “Shhh . . . later. I need to hear this.”

  “Good work, young lady. Don’t forget to tell your sponsor when you get the urge to drink or use drugs. You should be proud of your progress.”

  Dave glanced at Joey’s birth mother. She was beaming.

  “May I say something, Your Honor?”

  “Sure.”

  “I’ve been clean and sober for a month now.” She held out a chip for him to see.

  “Excellent work. Keep it up and you’ll do just fine.”

  Dave focused on the judge’s black robe. God put people in positions of power. God could turn the case either way. So why did he believe his fate and the fate of his son now rested in the hands of Judge Taraman and not God?

  The judge turned his attention to Dave and Diane, frowning as he peered at them over his reading glasses. “The trial you requested will begin March first and will continue for a minimum of four hours per day for one week or until all of the facts are thoroughly presented and an appropriate decision can be made.”

  He smacked his gavel. “This court is now adjourned.” He rose and exited the courtroom, followed by the bailiff.

  “Why did he look at me like that?” Dave whispered, his heart pounding in his ears.

  Diane waved off his question. “Wait a second.”

  For some reason he couldn’t get out of his mind the notion that the judge didn’t appreciate their request for a trial. Didn’t the rules of fairness apply? Shouldn’t they each get an equal voice? He had rights too. Even so, he thanked God that nothing had been decided today. Every delay meant that much longer that Joey remained with him.

  He leaned over to see what had captured Diane’s attention. She was recording the court dates on her Blackberry.

  When she finished she said, “I’m sorry. I can’t do two things at once very well. What did you ask?”

  “I asked you why the judge looked at me like that. What did he mean by an appropriate decision? Isn’t it obvious? The appropriate decision is to terminate the mother’s rights.”

  Touching her finger to her lips with a frown, she shook her head. “Not so loud. That’s not what the hearing was about today. Well, actually, that’s not entirely true. Part of it was about the birth mother’s progress. My intent for today was to delay his decision about placement and buy us some time.”

  “Why isn’t the court addressing the issue of Mom’s history? Why does this all have to be about me? What about her?”

  Her eyes softened. “It’s not that simple. I wish it were.”

  He glanced around and noted that they were alone. “Yes, it is that simple. You didn’t even follow your own list. I thought you were supposed to do what I hired you to do. I thought you would’ve figured out a way to turn things back on Leanne. Now we’re going to have an entire trial . . . ” he clenched his fists, “ . . . about me.”

  He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled. Rubbing his forehead, he turned back to face Diane. She was doing what she could to help him. It was the system that forced Joey to visit a woman who terrified him. The system had turned Dave’s life into a living nightmare. Shame over his outburst burned behind his eyes.

  “I did do what you hired me to do,” Diane said, her voice muffled. “My list is there to remind me of things to bring up when I can. I know when to ask the judge to do things, Dave. The ti
ming wasn’t right today. I didn’t want to turn the judge against you.”

  Suddenly he felt like a jerk. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair. I know you’re a good attorney. Your reputation for knowing the law precedes you. Please forgive me. I’m just an idiot.”

  Her mouth curved into a wry grin. “It’s okay. People always get angry, especially when it pertains to child custody matters. I’m used to it.”

  She flipped back her long hair with her free hand and looked away. Her averted gaze made him think she hadn’t taken his criticism as easily as she’d just indicated.

  According to Katia, Diane had a reputation for being tough and even downright ruthless in court. How had he penetrated her armor so easily? Maybe she had struggles of her own, and he’d touched on a vulnerable area.

  “Diane.”

  He laid his hand on her arm, refusing to move until she looked at him. Her eyes glistened with tears. He’d hurt her deeply and had accomplished nothing in the process.

  “I know what I said hurt you. Tell me why you’re so sad.” He wanted to stroke her cheek, but didn’t dare for fear that someone might enter the courtroom and see them.

  She glanced around as though noting their isolation. “I’d rather not talk about it right now. Especially not here.”

  “Okay, then how about somewhere else? I’ll take you out. Your choice. Just name a restaurant, and I’ll pay the bill.”

  Diane chuckled. “I am a bit hungry.”

  “Come on, then. You need a good meal. You’re wasting away as we speak.”

  “Ha! You don’t know what you’re saying, mister.” She jabbed him in the ribs.

  “Okay, so I’m a blind idiot. Just say you’ll go with me. We can talk about whatever you want.” He raised his hands in surrender. “I’ll stay away from the sensitive subjects, I promise. Consider this a late-afternoon business luncheon. I really do want to process what went on here today.”

  She glanced down at her watch. “I really shouldn’t, but . . . ”

  “But what?”

  “Okay. Just this once. Let me drive my own car, and I’ll meet you there.”