Sinful Illusions

by Morgan James

  “You’re right,” she responded. “I am scared. Do you know what that was like for me?”

  I honestly couldn’t. I’d been born for this, but Eva was an innocent. She didn’t deserve any of this. “No, I don’t. And I’m sorry you had to experience that. But I meant what I said—I will always protect you.”

  “You can’t promise that someday—”

  I took her biceps in my hands, imploring her to listen to me. “Today is not someday. As long as there’s breath in my lungs, I will be here for you. I will kill a thousand men before I ever let someone harm you. I swear that. Please, Eva… I need you to come back to me. I won’t let you run anymore.”

  “I’m not running. I just…” She looked almost regretful when she spoke. “I need more. I need respect. I need…”

  Love. She didn’t say it, but it hung in the air between us like poison. I wasn’t sure I could ever give her what she needed. I knew lust. I knew desire. But love was a completely foreign concept to me. I couldn’t begin to grasp how one loved. What did it feel like? What did it look like? Marcella had told me before that she loved Sebastian, yet she was constantly in pain. Was that love? If that was my future with Eva because of love, then I wanted no part of it.

  I couldn’t summon a single thing to say in my defense, and the sad, hurt look in Eva’s eyes told me she’d read me correctly. “I understand. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to bed. I’m tired.”

  She tried so hard to keep her expression blank, to appear strong, but there was no hiding from me. Eva took a step to move past me, but I stopped her. Everything I wanted to say congealed on my tongue, and she forced a fake smile to her lips.

  “It’s okay, Fox. You don’t have to say anything.” Her gaze dropped to my hand on her arm, and I swore I saw tears swimming in her eyes as she pulled away. “Good night.”

  I’d caused the hurt she was experiencing, and I felt fucking miserable because of it. I was the source of everything bad in her life, yet I couldn’t let her go. I wouldn’t. I felt too much for her, though I couldn’t begin to put into words exactly how I felt. All I knew was that I needed her. I wanted things to go back to the way they were. I wanted her to be happy again. I wanted her in my bed, her body curled around mine. I wanted her open and talkative, the way she’d been before I fucked everything up. I wanted to go back in time and do it all over again.

  “You’re right.” She stopped but didn’t turn, and relief coursed through me. I might not be able to tell her the truth, but I owed her more. She deserved more. “I can’t take back what happened, but I want you to know…” I stopped myself, unsure exactly how to continue.

  Her head slowly swiveled over her shoulder and met my gaze. I held my breath as silence reigned, my heart thudding against my ribs. “I received an invitation to an engagement party for a business acquaintance this Saturday. I’d like for you to come with me”— I drew in a sharp breath—“as my girlfriend.”

  After the recent infiltration, I needed to show strength and confidence—not hide away. But all of those reasons fell away as I stared at Eva. She was the only thing that truly mattered. “Please, Eva,” I said softly. “There’s no one I would rather have by my side.”

  She blinked, and I could practically hear the wheels turning in her brain, trying to discern my motives. Finally, she gave a little nod. “I would be honored.”

  Relief filled me. “We’ll go shopping tomorrow for a gown.”

  “Okay.” A tiny smile lifted her lips as she moved away from me.

  It wasn’t perfect, but it was a start. I needed Eva to see how much she meant to me, and if this small measure of freedom would prove it to her, I would gladly give it to her.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Eva

  Fox held out his hand, and I slipped my palm into his, allowing him to help me from the car. Out on the sidewalk, I pulled my coat more tightly around me. Spring had sprung, but the air still held a bitter chill. Fox slipped one arm around my shoulders, pulling me close and blocking the chilly breeze, and I allowed myself to sink into his warm embrace for a moment.

  I wanted to fall into his arms the way I had before, but it felt like a wedge had been driven between us. I wasn’t stupid; I knew I was to blame for that. I felt like I was being pulled in two different directions, but I had to make a decision, and soon. I wanted Fox, but I couldn’t stand to see him slowly destroy himself. Whatever he was chasing would kill him—I knew it would.

  I couldn’t live life like that. I’d been holding myself back for the past few days, but I still hadn’t come to a decision. I loved him—I knew I did. But was it worth the consequences? Was the uncertainty, the terror of not knowing if he would survive, worth it? I hated the distance between us, but I wasn’t entirely willing to let down my guard.

  Callum moved ahead, holding the boutique door wide for us as we entered. He closed up again behind us, then returned to the car to wait. A beautiful young saleswoman approached, a smile on her face. “Hello, I’m Lena. Looking for anything in particular today?”

  I let Fox take charge, since I wasn’t sure what the dress code would be.

  “We have an engagement party to attend this weekend,” he said smoothly. “My girlfriend needs a dress.”

  Hearing him call me his girlfriend sent a little jolt of pleasure through me, and I fought to slow the rapid tempo of my heart. He tossed a secret little smile my way, and I looked away in the pretense of skimming the shop.

  “Black tie?” Lena asked.

  “Yes.” Fox’s arm tightened around me. “Have you seen anything you like yet?”

  My eyes roved the mannequins dressed in long, crystal studded gowns, and I gave a slow shake of my head. “Not yet.”

  “Did you have a particular color in mind?”

  Lena directed the question at me, but I turned to Fox in question. His eyes heated. “Whatever you want, angel.”

  I turned my attention back to the room. “I’m open. May I look around?”

  “Of course.” Lena gestured to the far wall, the rack full of glamorous dresses. “Would you like me to pull a few that I think you might like?”

  I sent a smile her way. “That would be wonderful, thank you.”

  Fox dipped his head, his lips brushing my temple, and I froze. He seemed to sense my hesitation, because his arm slipped away, and his eyes filled with something I couldn’t quite discern.

  “I’ll wait over here.” Without waiting for my reply, he moved away.

  I felt guilty for putting that look on his face, the dejected set of his shoulders as he moved away. How could I care so much about someone yet still feel so uncertain?

  “Fox.”

  He turned, and those dark eyes met mine. For a second, there was a flare of hope, then they became empty once more. “Yes, Eva?”

  His efforts showed that he was trying, and I softened a little toward him. “Will you help me pick something out?”

  His brows drew slightly together as he studied me. “I thought you’d like to select your own dress.”

  “I do,” I said as I moved toward him. “But I thought we could do it together. You know what looks good on me.”

  His chin dipped slightly, a new light entering his eyes. “I’m confused, angel. What is it you want?”

  My teeth dug into my lower lip as I contemplated my words. We were no longer speaking of clothing, and I couldn’t pretend anymore. I hoped that by calling me his girlfriend, Fox meant I wasn’t a prisoner anymore.

  “I can’t stand this.” I gestured between us. “I want to be with you, but…” I paused and drew a deep breath. “I don’t know if I can go through something like that again.”

  “I’ve increased security,” he said immediately, and I knew he was telling the truth. I’d seen extra men patrolling the house and grounds over the past few days. “I’ll make sure no one ever gets that close again.”

  “But that’s not solving the problem.” I stared at him, a pang of sadness ricocheting through my heart. “I c
ouldn’t stand it if anything ever happened to you.”

  He opened his mouth to speak, but immediately fell silent under my sharp look. “I can’t guarantee that things will always be… calm. But trust me when I say this is the first and last time something like that will ever happen.”

  I tipped my head. “What does that mean?”

  “Things aren’t normally this bad. But what I’m working on right now…” He gave his head a little shake. “It’s sensitive.”

  I stared at him. “Are you ever going to tell me what it is?”

  “Yes,” he responded immediately. “Soon, angel. I…” He ran one hand through his hair, then met my gaze. “I’m looking into Spencer Masterson.”

  Shock rooted me to the floor. “Elle’s husband? What does he have to do with anything?”

  “I’m not sure yet.” He looked truly remorseful when he spoke. “I’ll tell you everything, I promise. I just want to make sure I have all the facts first.”

  I nodded slowly. “Okay. I can respect that. I want you to know that I’m here because I want to be.” His dark eyes stared into mine, focused as he listened intently. “Promise me you’ll never let anything happen.”

  “Never.” His gaze was fierce, his tone low and harsh. “I’ll never let anyone take you from me.”

  “Good.”

  His hand slipped from my chin to the back of my head and he kissed me once, hard, before meeting my gaze again. Things were far from resolved, but it was a start.

  Slipping my hand into the crook of his elbow, I steered his toward the gowns. Together, we selected several for me to try on, and Lena led me to a dressing room in the back of the store.

  I discarded several dresses before I pulled on an emerald cocktail dress and stepped out for Fox to see. His eyes lit with lust and pleasure, and he settled his hands on my hips. “Is this the one?”

  “I think so.”

  He pulled me close, his gaze dropping to my mouth, and I tipped my head up. He kissed me, a sweet, almost chaste brush of his lips against mine. It was over much too soon, and he stared at me for a few seconds, his thumb sliding over my cheekbone.

  “I want to go away with you—just the two of us.”

  His words surprised me, and it took me a moment to respond. “Okay?”

  “I have a place in the Caribbean. There’s… something I want you to see. I want to take you there. I want to lie on the beach with you and not have to worry about anything else.”

  I leaned into him. “I think I’d like that.”

  I still wasn’t sure exactly where we stood, but things were beginning to look up. If he could come halfway, then so could I. I’d never met anyone who made me feel the way Fox did, and it was worth fighting for, no matter what.

  Chapter Forty

  Fox

  The soft glow of street lamps strobed over the inside of the car, and I turned, taking in Eva’s profile as she stared out the window. Her hands rested in her lap, and I reached over, slipping my fingers around hers. She threw me a look, her mouth curling into a soft smile as I tugged on her hand. She leaned toward me, offering her lips, and I stole a kiss, careful not to smear her lipstick.

  As I pulled away, Eva grabbed my lapel. Tossing a look over her shoulder at Rodrigo in the driver’s seat, she bit her lip before slowly releasing me. I knew she was worried about what my men thought of us. Personally, I didn’t give a single fuck. She was mine, and I wanted to show the whole goddamn world. Tonight was a step in that direction. In doing so, I was inviting trouble. But I would choose Eva over everything and everyone else—always.

  Sliding my hands under her legs and bottom, I scooped her up and settled her over my lap. She let out a little squeak and pressed one hand to my chest.

  “What are you doing?” she hissed.

  “You were too far away.” I grinned at her, and I watched the corners of her mouth twitch even as she tried to hold back her smile.

  “You’re ridiculous.”

  My hand curved around her hip, and my erection swelled at the feel of her bottom nestled over my lap. “I think the word you’re looking for is desperate.”

  “One more day.”

  I’d reopened the wound on my side the night of the invasion, and I was infuriated that it had pushed my recovery—and my time with Eva—back even further. The new stitches along my side felt tight and itchy, and I couldn’t fucking wait to get them out. Marlowe was scheduled to stop by tomorrow, but I couldn’t wait another day to have Eva. Through the fabric of her dress, I cupped her breast, and she let out a soft whimper against my lips.

  She pulled away just far enough to whisper, “Not here.”

  Drawing in a deep breath, I leaned my forehead against hers. For her, I could be patient. Maybe.

  Less than two minutes later, Rodrigo pulled up in front of an old brownstone. I waved Rodrigo off, instead unfolding from the car on my own, then helping Eva from the back seat. Tucking her arm into the crook of my elbow, I led her up the stone steps and into the large older home. A table in the corner of the foyer displayed rows of name cards for dinner, and I collected ours, then slipped them into my pocket without bothering to look at the seating chart. All around us, women in stunning gowns laughed and mingled, some tossing speculative glances my way. But all I saw was Eva.

  Taking her hand in mine, I walked as sedately as possible, pulling Eva along with me as I made my way down the hall.

  Eva nodded to a couple as we passed, then leaned into me, her voice low. “Where are we going?”

  “Patience.” I didn’t know if I was speaking to her or myself; all I knew was I couldn’t wait one more second to have her. She looked so damn beautiful, and she was all mine.

  I wanted to tell her everything. It was a huge relief but it also scared the shit out of me. There wasn’t a single person—not a living person, anyway—who knew the truth of my sordid past. But I wanted Eva to know. I wanted her to understand, and I wanted her to choose me. I wanted to take her home, make love to her, beg her to stay with me—because she wanted to, not because she had to.

  Glancing around, I looked for someplace quiet and secluded. My gaze landed on a door about halfway down the hallway, and I tugged her that direction. Throwing the door open, I peeked inside. A closet. Perfect. I ushered her inside, then closed the door.

  “Fox, what—”

  Her words abruptly cut off as I pushed her back against the door and slammed my mouth over hers. For a split second, she resisted, then she threw herself into the kiss. Winding her arms around my neck, she leaned into me, giving me everything I wanted.

  “I need you, angel.”

  Hiking up the skirt of her cocktail dress, I reached between her legs and cupped her. Even through the fabric of her skimpy underwear, she was hot and soaking wet. I let out a low growl, my body humming with need. “Don’t make me wait anymore.”

  Her nose brushed mine as she shook her head. I couldn’t see her in the near-dark, but I imagined the look on her face, the lust in her eyes as she spoke. “No more waiting. I want you.”

  “Spread your legs.” She did as I asked, her foot bumping mine as she opened for me. Yanking her underwear to the side, I slipped my fingers into her hot passage. She was slick with arousal and ready for me—always ready.

  Pulling my shirt free, I flipped open the fly of my trousers and shoved them down. Palming Eva’s ass, I lifted her to my chest, pinning her to the cool wood of the door. My cock jutted upward, automatically seeking out the folds shielding her womanhood. I slid in to the hilt with one hard thrust, and I felt our chests rise at the same time we sucked in a sharp breath. It was exquisite, the way I felt with her.

  Lifting and lowering her on my shaft, I took her hard, driven by need and something else I couldn’t quite explain. No, that wasn’t true. My conversation with Carmen from weeks ago filtered through my mind, and suddenly I knew exactly what this was.

  Eva’s body wrapped around mine, I poured every ounce of emotion into my movements. She buried her face i
n my neck as she came, her pussy clenching around me and spurring my own release. I came hard deep inside her, filling her with my seed. For what felt like forever, I held her there, both of us breathing hard, my mind a blank void. I’d never felt better in my entire life that I did when I was with her. I wanted this every single day.

  Lowering my head, I dropped a kiss on her temple and spoke low next to her ear. “Inima mea îți aparține, îngeraș.”

  My heart is yours, angel.

  Chapter Forty-One

  Eva

  He lowered me to my feet, then framed my face with my hands and took my mouth in a hard, passionate kiss.

  I was breathing hard when we finally broke apart. “What did…” I inhaled deeply, trying to force my heart rate under control. “Those words—what do they mean?”

  I could almost hear the smile in his voice when he spoke, his thumb gently sweeping over my cheek. “I’ll tell you at home.”

  Fox’s huge hand slipped beneath my chin and tilted my face to his, then slanted his mouth over mine in another possessive, scorching kiss. He broke away, leaning his forehead against mine, his hands slipping down my body to rest along the curve of my waist. He squeezed, keeping us pressed close together for a moment before straightening.

  The soft rustle of fabric filled the air as we tugged our clothes back into place, and a few seconds later, a soft glow appeared as Fox engaged the flashlight function on his phone. A slow smile curved his mouth as the beam of light swept over me.

  “You may want to visit the bathroom before you rejoin the party.”

  I raised a hand to my hair. “Is it bad?”

  “You look…” His smile grew as he drew it out. “…like you just got fucked in a closet.”