by Lucy Clark
‘As in too much?’ she asked. ‘She usually talks a lot faster than she is today. Sometimes I think she does it because she’s so eager to get her point across before anyone interrupts her.’
‘I’m not objecting.’ He grinned at her before taking off his sunglasses and meeting her gaze. ‘Would you like to have more children?’
Mackenzie seemed surprised at the question but more surprised at the intensity she could see in his gaze. She had the feeling this was some sort of test, although she had no idea why. ‘Possibly. It would depend if I…found the right person. I’ve already fallen pregnant by a man who only agreed to have children because his boss told him that a family man was considered to portray respectability.’
‘Really?’ John shook his head. ‘Warick, God rest his soul, doesn’t appear to have been too bright when it came to knowing what was important in this life.’
Mackenzie lifted herself up on one elbow and looked at John. ‘To be fair, I don’t think any of us do until it’s too late. Although Warick and I may have had our difficulties, he didn’t deserve to die.’
‘Do any of us?’ he asked softly.
‘I guess not.’
‘Do you miss him?’
‘Not as much as I did at first but, then, I was not only a brand new mother to a sick baby in the neonate unit in Sydney but a grieving widow. Coping with sickness and grief aren’t good combinations to experience together but over the years and especially once Ruthie was on the mend and turning into a gorgeous little person, I started to realise that my marriage had been held together with sticky tape and string.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that, Mackenzie,’ he stated, his tone earnest.
‘Warick had never been very strong, or at least not as strong as I’d believed when we were first married. Having been raised in foster-care, I had to believe that I could cope with anything but I have to tell you, that belief was definitely put to the test.’
‘How did you end up in foster-care?’ he asked, hoping she wouldn’t shut him down now. He had the feeling that she was more than happy to talk about Warick because John had been the one to tell her of her husband’s death. But her life prior to the events that had first brought them into contact with each other was still a complete mystery to him.
Mackenzie sighed and levered herself up into a sitting position, glancing over to where Ruthie was playing to make sure she was out of earshot because this story was one Mackenzie didn’t want her daughter to know about until she was an adult.
‘Well…’ She dragged in a breath then shook her head. ‘I’ll say it fast. My father, drunk and in a jealous rage, shot my mother and then turned the gun on himself. I was seven years old, was in my room asleep and didn’t know anything about it until a policeman burst into my room. The neighbours had heard the shots and called the police.’
She picked up a dried leaf from the ground and began to break it apart with her fingers, unable to bring herself to check what John’s expression might be like. Usually when people first heard her story they would feel sorry for her, especially adults, and she hated seeing that pitying look in their eyes.
‘And there you have it. That’s my sad little story. I went to live with my aunt for the next few years but by the time I was ten I was a little…unruly, shall we say, and my aunt couldn’t cope with me so I ended up in the foster-care system.’
John was quiet for a moment or two, processing what she’d said. ‘No wonder you’re so strong.’ When he’d eventually spoken, his deep tones had washed over her with a hint of pride. It wasn’t the reaction she’d expected and she lifted confused eyes to meet his.
‘Pardon?’
‘From the first moment we met I’ve been impressed by you, by the way you somehow manage to haul yourself up, to get back on your feet and to keep on going. That’s an amazing quality, Mackenzie.’
‘Oh.’ She actually felt a little self-conscious at his praise and wished she hadn’t worn her hair back in a ponytail because right now she would have liked to use it as a veil to shield her from his probing eyes.
‘I’ve always thought you somewhat remarkable and now I know for sure.’ His blue eyes held an intensity she found difficult to ignore and instantly she felt the butterflies in her stomach take flight and her skin prickle with an awareness only John could evoke. He edged a little closer to her, leaning one hand near where she was sitting, angling his body towards hers. ‘It certainly couldn’t have been easy for you, going from one foster-home to the next and every time having the history of your past trotted out.’
‘It wasn’t.’ She shook her head slowly. ‘The adults may have looked at me with pity but the other foster-kids used it as an excuse to taunt me.’
‘Really?’ His frown was deep as he reached out and gently brushed the backs of his fingers over her cheek. ‘Kids can be so horrible.’
‘It was the way of the foster-system. Some kids had parents who were drunks or drug addicts and for their own protection they’d been put into the system. Other kids were just dumped, sometimes not even knowing who their parents were. Everyone had a reason for being in the system and the way people coped was to pick on each other.’ She sighed, her smile a little melancholy. ‘I guess in that way, perhaps it made us feel closer. We were all in the same ditch, suffering the consequences of other people’s actions, coping any way we could.’
He nodded. ‘No wonder you’re so strong,’ he repeated softly, intimately, and caressed her cheek once more, leaning in a little closer, their breaths mingling. ‘I’m having a difficult time keeping my hands off you.’ His words were barely above a whisper yet inside her head they were loud and clear, words she was delighted to hear. ‘You have the most delectable mouth, Mackenzie, and now that I’ve kissed you, all I want to do is to repeat that action over and over.’
‘OK,’ she breathed. ‘I’ll let you.’
John’s smile was slow and sensual and she couldn’t help but let out an audible sigh as she decreased a few of the millimetres that currently existed between them. In the distance she was vaguely aware of the people around them but everything faded into the background when John looked at her the way he was now, as though she were the most precious woman in the world, that he wanted to be with her, to touch her, to kiss her.
‘I’m glad to hear that.’
‘I get so lost when you’re near.’
‘Lost?’ He breathed in deeply as though needing to fill his lungs with her essence as he lightly grazed his cheek across hers, his lips brushing the briefest of kisses along the line of her jaw. To anyone else it would have appeared he was whispering something in her ear but to Mackenzie he was causing her entire being to flood with pure delight.
‘I don’t know…what to think. Nothing is…ahh…’ She gasped when his teeth nipped lightly at her earlobe. ‘Everything is…foggy.’
‘Foggy?’ John couldn’t believe how responsive she was to his teasing touches and how she’d managed to fan the flames of the small fire that had been burning within him ever since he’d been allowed to kiss her. Didn’t she have any idea just how much she twisted his gut into knots? How she somehow managed to penetrate all rational thought?
He was a man who prided himself on always being in control, always keeping others at a certain distance. It had been the best way, he’d found, to cope during the past eight years since he’d been plunged into his own personal ditch. If he didn’t allow himself to care too deeply for others then he would never again run the risk of feeling such pain.
Yet here he was, not only infatuated with Mackenzie but enjoying every moment he spent with Ruthie, too. These two females had somehow managed to break through the barrier he’d carefully erected around himself and brick by brick they were making their way into the centre of his heart.
He should be far more concerned than he was, should be doing everything he could to patch up that wall, to put a bit of distance between them, but when Mackenzie was near him, when she looked into his eyes as though he were the one man in
the world who not only understood her but had the ability to make her feel soft and sweet and sensual, then how was he supposed to deny himself?
Foggy. She’d said that his nearness had made everything foggy for her and he had to admit the same thing was happening to him. Her supple skin was becoming addictive, as were her luscious lips…and the way she looked at him, her green eyes so vibrant yet with a hint of vulnerability beneath…well, it was enough to drive even the strongest man to distraction and right now, when he was this close to her, he was not a strong man. He was like putty in her hands and the realisation scared him.
CHAPTER TEN
‘MUMMY! MUMMY! LOOK!’ Ruthie’s excited cries caused John to withdraw instantly and Mackenzie immediately turned her attention to her daughter. There Ruthie stood, with one of the wildlife park’s tame macaws on a tree branch next to where she was playing. The bird wasn’t too disturbed by her loud cries of glee and, indeed, quite a crowd was already starting to gather.
‘Wow.’ Mackenzie picked up her camera and stood, or at least tried to stand. Unfortunately, one of her legs had gone to sleep and she crumpled back to the ground, a laugh bubbling up to the surface.
‘Oops,’ John said, and quickly got to his feet, slipping one hand around her waist as he helped her up. ‘Here. Lean on me.’
Even though he’d meant the words in relation to her ‘dead’ leg, Mackenzie hoped he’d meant them in a permanent sort of way. She’d leaned on this man once before and he’d supported her far more than she could ever have expected. He was strong, honest and trustworthy and yet time and time again she still felt as though there was so much about him she didn’t know, that she might never get to know if John refused to trust her enough to really open up.
They headed towards where Ruthie was still smiling excitedly at the macaw, one of the wildlife park rangers sauntering over to give the gathered children and adults an informal chat about the gloriously colourful bird.
‘Look, Mummy! Look, John!’ Ruthie gazed happily at both of them, pointing to the bird, and Mackenzie quickly snapped some more photographs, highly conscious of John’s arm still around her waist.
‘It’s OK. My leg’s working now. Just a few pins and needles as the blood starts to flow properly again,’ she told him.
‘I’m glad to hear it,’ he remarked, bending his head and murmuring close to her ear, causing goose-bumps to spread down her spine before covering her entire body. She looked up at him and John took the opportunity to brush a sneaky kiss across her lips before reluctantly releasing her from his hold.
The reward for his cheeky action was a quick gasp of surprised delight before she forced herself to focus on what was happening to Ruthie. The ranger had asked for a volunteer and, of course, Ruthie’s hand had instantly shot into the air. She was now standing in front of the macaw, being offered the chance to reach out and touch his bright, smooth feathers.
Mackenzie took far too many photographs and both adults listened again and again to Ruthie’s excited chatter of the event on the drive home.
‘And then, when I had the seeds on my hand and he pecked it with his beak, it tickled, Mummy. It tickled, John.’
‘So you’ve said,’ Mackenzie remarked, wondering if she’d ever get Ruthie to bed after such an exhilarating and enjoyable day, but by the time they arrived back at the cul-de-sac she was beginning to yawn. John carried the bags inside and Mackenzie went to run Ruthie’s bath. She returned to find John saying goodnight to Ruthie, who was still yawning.
‘Wouldn’t you like to stay for some dinner?’ she offered, but he shook his head.
‘I’d like to but I do have a lot of paperwork to get through.’
She nodded, knowing the story all too well. ‘Just because the sun is setting, it doesn’t mean the day has ended.’
‘Right.’
Ruthie walked over to her mother, holding out her arms, and Mackenzie dutifully picked up her daughter, who rested her head on her mother’s shoulder. ‘Then I guess I’ll see you…some time tomorrow? Ward round?’ She couldn’t help but gaze longingly at his lips, wishing she could have one more of his special, mind-numbing, knee-knocking kisses but with Ruthie close she didn’t think it a good idea. John seemed to understand her look, a slow smile spreading across his lips as he winked at her.
‘I guess you will.’ He headed out of the front door then turned to wave. ‘Sleep well. Dream sweet.’ As he walked next door, Mackenzie couldn’t help but wonder if he’d really meant, Sleep well, dream of me, because that was certainly the subliminal message she’d been sent…and who was she to argue?
*
On Monday night, after a busy day at the hospital, Mackenzie headed to Grandma Liz’s day-care to collect Ruthie.
‘John’s not here again?’ the child protested as she climbed into the back of her mother’s car.
‘He’s only come to pick you up once, Ruthie, and that was a special occasion.’
‘But I liked it.’
‘Well, he was still at the hospital when I left,’ she told her daughter, but by the time they pulled into the cul-de-sac John’s leased car was parked in his garage.
‘Can I go and say hello?’ Ruthie asked eagerly, her eyes glittering with anticipated excitement.
‘John may have a lot of work to do.’ Mackenzie garaged her car, a little unsure what the protocol was now. Were they dating? Were they considered an item? Could she just drop round or call him up whenever she felt like it?
Even today, after she’d finished an elective theatre list, Anna had caught her standing in the change rooms, smiling secretly to herself as she’d thought about the way John kissed her so completely she forgot everything.
‘You’re in a good mood,’ Anna had pointed out. The theatre nurse had eyed Mackenzie closely, before raising her eyebrows in surprise. ‘And it seems to be something romantic that’s put you in such a frame of mind.’ She raised a finger to her lips and tapped it thoughtfully. ‘It couldn’t possibly be the new orthopaedic boss, eh? I heard what he did to rescue that elderly woman. He’s a regular superhero, scaling tall buildings in a single scramble.’ Anna had chuckled. ‘Everyone’s talking about it.’
‘He really was quite amazing.’ Mackenzie had smiled, shrugged and continued to brush her hair before pulling it back into a plait. ‘Actually, John met your husband the other day when he was over at the labs, introducing himself to all the researchers. I told John that Stan also likes to go caving and hiking and do all that type of adventurer stuff. Perhaps the next time Stan’s heading out, John could go with him.’
Anna had nodded. ‘Sounds good. He’s actually taken the afternoon off and is out at the national park, doing a bit of climbing. He says it de-stresses him.’ She’d smiled fondly as she thought of her husband. ‘I’ll be sure to let him know about John’s interest.’
‘Thanks. John doesn’t know very many people here in Maroochydore so that would be nice.’ At her words Anna’s eyebrows had once more hit her hairline.
‘Are you the new boss’s social director?’ The theatre nurse had laughed at her own joke.
‘No, but I do know what it’s like to move to a new city.’
‘And you’re determined to help him settle in, are you? Well, it’s about time a man grabbed your attention. He’s a handsome one, too, and a superhero.’
‘And my neighbour,’ Mackenzie had admitted as she’d finished changing. She’d checked her watch, then gasped. ‘Oops. Gotta run or I’ll be late for Ruthie.’
‘Wait,’ Anna had called as Mackenzie had headed to the door. ‘You can’t drop a bombshell like that and not give me any information!’ Mackenzie had chuckled and blown her friend a kiss before leaving the change rooms.
Now, after corralling her daughter inside and getting her into a nice warm bath, Mackenzie set about preparing dinner, telling herself to stop thinking about the man who was so close yet so far. So they’d kissed. So they’d admitted a mutual attraction. So they’d had a wonderful day together at the wildlife pa
rk. That didn’t mean they needed to immediately start living in each other’s pockets.
Perhaps she should invite him round for dinner? No. She didn’t want to appear too needy. She’d told him when they’d first met again that she didn’t have time in her life for romantic entanglements and it was true. Ruthie, work and home took up the majority of her time and what was left over she spent with her friends.
‘Isn’t John your friend?’ she whispered as she put a pot of potatoes on to boil. It was only a meal…and they both had to eat…so they could eat together… She walked to her phone and put his number in but didn’t connect the call. Instead, she shook her head and cancelled the call. He did have a lot of work to do and the last thing she wanted was for him to think she was crowding him.
Mackenzie stirred the pot of goulash before chopping up some more vegetables. She was an independent, self-sufficient woman who had survived for several years on her own. She and Ruthie were doing just fine and she most certainly didn’t need a man to complete her life.
She rested her knife on the chopping board and looked towards her phone at the other end of the bench. Ever since he’d come back into her life she’d been a mass of confusion, wondering what might happen between them. She’d always been so cautious about any sort of relationship, having seen some terrible things when she’d been in the foster-care system.
When Warick had started to court her, she’d made him work hard to earn her trust. It had been such a blow when she’d eventually discovered their relationship hadn’t meant anything to him. She’d just been a possession. And now she had Ruthie to consider as well. Her daughter was already far too attached to John and that caused her concern. If, for some reason, things didn’t work out between them, how was Ruthie going to cope?
No. It was better that she leave things alone for this evening. John could stay at his place and do…whatever it was he was doing, and she and Ruthie would have dinner, watch a bit of television and then it would be time for homework checking, brushing teeth and story time snuggled up in Ruthie’s purple bed. Definitely the best option.