by Lucy Clark
‘Your own knight in shining armour in the flesh.’ Bergan shook her head in wonderment. ‘You deserve the world of happiness, Mackenzie.’ They watched as John rose to his feet and started chatting with Ted, clearly wanting as much information as possible.
Bergan looked at her friend, her words heartfelt and sincere. ‘And if he’s the man to give it to you, then go for it.’
Was he the man to provide her with a lifetime of happiness? Mackenzie wondered. Would he leave at the end of his contract at Sunshine General? Continue his roaming existence? He’d already walked out of Ruthie’s room, unable to deal with the rush of emotions from his own past, but he had opened up a little since then and talked about his family. Surely that was a good sign that he was starting to change his ways?
Mackenzie shook her head and even though her feet were presently on firm and solid ground, on an emotional level she felt as though she were about to tumble headlong over the cliff of love.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
JOHN MOTIONED MACKENZIE over to the edge of the cliff.
‘Time to go?’ she asked him, feeling more confident with what they were about to do because of John’s strong and commanding presence.
‘Let me check your ropes,’ Ted said, but John stepped in front of the ranger before he reached Mackenzie.
‘I’ve got it,’ John said as he checked Mackenzie’s clips and clamps one more time. Ted watched his deft fingers and nodded once the check was done.
‘Right. You’re both good to go.’ Ted held the walkie-talkie to his lips and spoke to Gordon. ‘Two docs coming over.’
‘Belay in position,’ Gordon called back.
‘Ready?’ John asked Mackenzie, and it was only when she looked into his gorgeous eyes, knowing she could trust him for ever, that any nerves or qualms she might have had vanished.
‘Ready,’ she replied.
‘I’ll go first. You follow.’
‘Good.’
With that, John shifted to the edge of the cliff, turned his back on the drop and with a brief wink in her direction jumped backwards off the cliff, disappearing instantly out of sight.
‘You’re next.’ Ted motioned to Mackenzie.
‘Um…I think I’ll take a more slowly-slowly approach,’ she said, and after taking a breath turned her back to the drop and carefully leaned back in the harness until it was taking her weight. With gloved hands firmly on the rope, she edged over the cliff face, feeding the rope through with her hands. Once she was over, she slowly let the rope out, sliding herself carefully down the drop.
‘Almost there,’ John called. ‘Excellent.’
In the next instant she felt his hands at her feet then they slid up to her waist as he pulled her onto the small ledge. Gordon was further below them, controlling the abseiling ropes. ‘She’s down,’ John called, and within a moment Gordon had relayed that information up to Ted.
Now safe on the ledge, Mackenzie turned her attention to the job at hand and looked at the supine patient, who John had quickly wrapped in a space blanket in order to keep him warm. ‘Let’s see how Stan is,’ she said as she pulled off the abseiling gloves, unclipped her medical kit and slipped her hands into a pair of medical gloves. ‘Stan? Stan? It’s Mackenzie. Can you hear me?’
She received no reply. John clipped a stethoscope into his ears. ‘Airways are clear. He’s obviously knocked himself out so…’ John took off the stethoscope and felt the back of Stan’s head with his gloved hands. ‘Ah, yes, cranial fracture.’
Mackenzie angled the light from her helmet onto Stan’s face. ‘There’s blood around the base of his neck so, yes.’ She pulled out a bandage pad and took the wrapper off, handing it to John, who managed to secure it in place.
‘Right.’ Mackenzie dug out a small penlight and checked Stan’s pupils. ‘Sluggish. Indicative of concussion.’
John continued to check Stan’s body for further injuries. ‘Laceration to right thigh. Thankfully, he doesn’t appear to have nicked the femoral artery but the bone doesn’t look good either.’
‘Agreed.’
‘Hold this pad for me while I cut away the material around his thigh.’
‘Any other injuries?’ Mackenzie pressed one hand firmly to the pad and ran her other hand expertly over the rest of Stan’s limbs. ‘Right arm doesn’t feel as it should.’ She pressed her fingers to the radial pulse.
‘Suspected fracture?’ he asked after a moment.
‘Probably to the humerus and wrist. The pulse point is faint.’
‘OK. Let’s get this leg stabilised.’ They worked together, applying a tourniquet and bandage as well as splinting Stan’s legs together for stability.
Once they were done, Mackenzie tucked the space blanket around Stan’s legs then hooked the stethoscope into her ears and listened to Stan’s chest again. ‘Airways still clear but as the sun’s now down, with chances of rain forecast, I’d really like to get him out of here as soon as possible.’
‘Agreed.’ They checked Stan’s vital signs once more, determined to get him as stable as possible before transferring him to the stretcher.
‘Stan?’ Mackenzie called again, hoping for a response. ‘Stan?’
‘All in all, he’s been very lucky,’ John murmured. ‘It could have been much worse.’
‘Poor Anna,’ she whispered.
‘Anna?’ The soft, barely audible word came from Stan’s lips and Mackenzie immediately leaned closer.
‘Stan? Can you hear me? It’s Mackenzie.’
‘Mac…?’ Stan was starting to regain consciousness and the first thing he did was try to raise his hand to his head. John quickly held his arm still.
‘You’ve had an accident, mate.’ His tone was kind but firm. ‘Stay still.’
‘Accident? Where am I?’
‘You’re in the national park,’ Mackenzie volunteered, but she looked at John. ‘Do you remember what happened?’
‘What?’ Stan was clearly disoriented and as he had a probable concussion, there could well be amnesia to go along with it.
‘Rest now. We’re getting ready to evacuate you,’ John said, as Mackenzie prepared the pain relief. He called down to Gordon, who was on the walkie-talkie to Ted, organising for the stretcher to be sent down.
The next half an hour was spent transferring Stan to the stretcher, clipping him in and having him winched to the top of the cliff. Once there, Bergan and Katrina took over Stan’s medical care while Mackenzie was hooked into the winch and lifted to the top. John came after her and finally Gordon was up, too.
‘A successful retrieval,’ Ted announced, giving ranger Gordon a high-five.
‘Let’s get him back to the ambulance,’ Bergan announced and with the paramedics they began the long trek back to where the ambulance was waiting. Now that the retrieval was over and done with, Mackenzie knew she should be feeling more calm and relaxed but because she still had to operate on Stan, her nerves were still taut.
Both she and John accompanied Stan in the back of the ambulance and once they arrived at Sunshine General they took him directly to Radiology, where Anna and the boys were able to see Stan, and ascertain for themselves that although he was quite badly banged up, he was indeed going to be OK.
‘Can I be in the theatre?’ Anna asked Mackenzie.
‘Do you think that’s a good idea?’ Mackenzie asked. ‘It might be better if you stay with your boys.’
‘Their uncle has just arrived and they’re happy to stay out here with him. Please, Mackenzie. I won’t be a part of the team. I’ll just be at the side, watching. I promise I won’t get in the way.’
‘It’s not that I’m worried about you getting in the way,’ Mackenzie offered. ‘I’m worried about you.’
‘Oh, you’re so sweet, Mackenzie.’ Anna hugged her close. ‘It is your call and I’ll abide by your decision.’ The theatre nurse looked across at where her husband was still having another round of X-rays taken.
Mackenzie looked across at John, who shrugged. ‘Doesn’t
bother me,’ he murmured.
‘I guess it will help put your mind at rest,’ Mackenzie added. ‘OK. If you’re sure this is what you want.’
Anna sighed with relief. ‘It is. Thank you.’
‘OK. I’m going off to scrub,’ Mackenzie said, and headed out of Radiology, leaving Stan in John’s capable hands.
*
‘Focused?’ John asked a while later as he joined her at the scrub sink.
‘Yes.’ She glanced up at him and was surprised to find him smiling brightly at her. ‘What?’ She wished he wouldn’t smile like that right now because just the sight of his gorgeous blue eyes twinkling at her caused her heart to skip a beat.
‘You’re brilliant,’ he whispered, and before she knew which way was up, he’d leaned down and brushed a tantalising kiss across her lips.
‘Don’t do that,’ she growled, and elbowed off the taps.
‘Sorry.’
‘You’ve ruined my focus.’
Instead of looking contrite, his grin widened. ‘Sorry.’
‘You don’t look sorry.’
He shrugged a shoulder but after a moment his eyes sobered as he looked down at her. ‘Let me know if things get too tough and I’ll take over. It’s always difficult to operate when the patient is someone you know.’
There was something in his tone that made her wonder if he hadn’t had to endure a situation much the same as this, operating on someone he not only knew but loved. She swallowed, the next group of words leaving her lips before she could stop them. ‘Did you have to operate on…?’
‘My wife?’ he finished. ‘Yes. She had a punctured lung and I was trying to help in any way I could.’ With that, John elbowed off the taps and turned away from her.
She hadn’t meant to upset him, especially as they both needed their wits about them before heading into Theatre. She knew he was reticent about discussing his wife and daughter but she was positive he’d locked his inner self away for far too long, preferring to ignore the emotions of loss rather than dealing with them.
She knew all about that, thanks to her foster-system motto—the only person you could fully trust was yourself—but over the years and with the help of people like Bergan she’d started to realise it was possible to trust others. Perhaps it was up to her to help John take that giant step out of the past into the future…and hopefully it would be a future with her and Ruthie in it.
*
Mackenzie and John worked efficiently to fix Stan’s fractured femur with an intramedullary Grosse and Kempf nail before adding a few plates and screws to the comminuted fracture of the right arm. While Mackenzie was conscious of Anna’s presence behind her, the nurse kept her word and stayed out of the way, not making a peep.
‘Thank you,’ Anna said once Stan had been wheeled to Recovery. Mackenzie degowned before receiving a big hug from her friend.
‘Go and drive the nurses in Recovery insane with your over-protective nurse-wife act.’
Anna smiled for the first time since they’d arrived at the hospital with Stan, and John watched the stress being replaced with relief as she hugged her friend again. ‘Thanks, Mackenzie.’ Anna looked over at him. ‘And you, too, John. You have no idea…words… I can’t express just how grateful I am.’
‘We look after our own,’ Mackenzie stated, before ushering her friend out the door, then turned to face John and breathed her own sigh of relief. ‘I’m glad that’s over.’
‘You handled it all very well.’
‘Trained to switch off emotions and click into professional mode,’ she said, tapping the side of her head. ‘I think I’ve been like that for most of my life.’ Mackenzie headed into the anteroom to write up the notes and John followed. ‘We’re conditioned from a young age to hide our emotions, not be vulnerable.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s sad.’
‘But necessary,’ John added.
‘Perhaps in some instances but I don’t want Ruthie to grow up feeling like that. I want her to feel loved and secure and valuable, not only to me but to whomever she may one day marry. I want her to be a confident teenager, able to say no to alcohol and drugs because she doesn’t need them to fill the void in her life. I want her to keep talking to me, to be sharing her thoughts and dreams with me. I don’t want her to hide her emotions, to ignore me or them because that only makes things ten times worse.’
She looked up at John, pen in hand, Stan’s casenotes in front of her. ‘Wasn’t that how you felt about Mune-hie? Wanting her to grow up to be an emotionally and mentally strong young woman?’
He stared at her for a long moment and when it didn’t seem like he was going to answer Mackenzie sighed and turned her attention to writing up Stan’s notes, a little disappointed that he hadn’t immediately opened up and decided to share with her. She had to realise that although he’d shared one or two things with her about his family, that didn’t mean he was ready to crack open like a piñata.
Once she’d finished the notes, she took off her gumboots and slipped on her clogs then picked up the notes. ‘I’d better get these to Recovery.’ It was as she headed for the door, conscious of the fact that John had stood there the entire time, silently watching her, that he finally spoke.
‘It’s not that easy for me, Mackenzie.’ His words halted her and she turned back to look at him. ‘Talking about them. I want to. I really do but…’ He shrugged then crossed to her side and took her free hand in his. ‘I’ll try harder.’
‘Why?’
‘Why what?’
‘Why do you want to try harder, John? You either want to open up to me or you don’t. You either want whatever it is that exists between us to grow or you don’t.’ She let out a heavy sigh and slowly shook her head before meeting his gaze. ‘I like you, John,’ she said softly. ‘A lot. I’ve hardly dated at all in the past five years, only every now and then when I couldn’t stop Reggie from setting me up with someone.’
She shook her head and sighed. ‘Look.’ She gave his hand a little squeeze. ‘For the first time in my life I can accept that there’s something very real, very different from anything else I’ve ever felt going on between us. It’s fresh and unique and incredibly scary but if you’re not ready then you’re not ready and I refuse to rush you.’
A small smile touched his lips. ‘You’ve always been forthright and strong. It’s one of the things I like most about you.’
‘Thank you, John. That does mean a lot but at the moment I think it’s probably better if we just take a step back, give each other some breathing space and then, if you feel you’re ready—’
‘It’s not that I don’t want to talk about them, Mackenzie,’ John interrupted. ‘I do want to share with you, about what our life was like, about our dreams and hopes for our daughter, but even just talking about the plans I had for Mune-hie’s life brings back all the pain of losing her, knowing those plans will never, ever come to fruition.’
Mackenzie nodded. ‘I get that, John, I really do, but facing your grief, letting out the pain you feel is the only way to bring healing. Have you ever allowed yourself to grieve for them? Or did you just feel you had to remain strong and sure of yourself in order to survive? To show yourself that while you were strong when they were alive, you could be equally as strong without them? That to grieve for their loss might mean you were weak?’
‘Or that I might fall into the darkest of pits and never get out,’ he growled, letting go of her hand. He shook his head and she could see his repressed anger and annoyance at her words. Mackenzie nodded. Anger was good. Anger was a breakthrough.
‘You need to go into that pit, John. You need to face their loss. You need to really grieve for them.’
He glared at her and spread his arms wide. ‘And what if I can’t get out of the pit?’ The words were that of a man on the brink of despair but he was still able to hold himself in check.
Mackenzie’s heart pounded wildly against her ribs, seeing the anguish of his loss reflected in his eyes. She knew that pain, she knew th
at anguish and when she’d had to face it, she’d had John’s firm arms around her shoulders, literally giving her a shoulder to cry on.
She took a step towards him and rested her hand on his cheek. She smiled up at him. ‘You will get out of the pit, John. I promise you.’
‘How? How can you promise that?’
‘Because you’ll be tethered to a rope and I’ll be on the other end, hauling you back to the surface. Me and Ruthie and Bergan and the Allingtons and Anna and no doubt Stan, too. You’re starting to surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you, and I’d also hazard a guess that there are plenty of other people you’ve worked with over the years who would also support you in any way they could, not to mention all your sisters and nieces and nephews as well.’
She stood on tiptoe and brushed a soft, friendly kiss across his cheek. ‘You’re not alone, John. Not any more. You were there when I needed you most. You were the one tethered to the other end of the rope while I descended into the pits of darkness and you gave me the strength and confidence I needed to get myself out.’
‘But I was only with you for—’
‘It doesn’t matter how long we were together back then, or that you handed the rope over to Bergan, which was, in hindsight, the right thing to do. I think if you had stayed in my life I would have become far too dependent on you and at that time it was the last thing I needed.’
She smiled at him as she dropped her hand. ‘You were my knight in shining armour and I can never thank you enough but what I can do is most definitely return the favour. I’ve told you I’m here for you, John, and I mean that, not only in the bonds of friendship but also in the bonds of a potential relationship. I’m a girl who’s looking for permanence, for commitment, for as long as we both shall live.’
She took a step back, knowing she was probably saying too much but seemingly unable to stop herself. ‘I’m not trying to scare you or pressure you. I’m trying to be open and honest with you.’
She tapped the casenotes. ‘I’ll deliver these and check on Stan.’ She turned and headed to the door. ‘Let me know when you’re ready,’ she said over her shoulder, and left the room.