by Leisa Rayven
I scroll to the next photo, and what I see makes my smile drop. "No." I scroll to the next picture, and the next, and that vein behind my eye starts throbbing again. "No, no, no."
"Josh?"
"He wasn't supposed to be there," I mutter to myself as I stand and flick back through the frames. "He had a press thing to do." Why the ever loving fuck are there pictures of Angel hugging Julian, and sitting on his lap, and staring at him adoringly as he throws his head back and laughs. "Fuck!"
"Bestie, you're not making sense," Elissa says as she pulls Liam to sit next to her. "But on the upside, that costume makes your package look freaking huge."
"Babe," Liam says. "I know you've had a few shots, but it's still not cool to talk about another guy's package in front of me."
I'm fixated on a photo of Julian and Angel on the deck of the boat, arms around each other as everyone else looks on. They look like a goddamn ad campaign for overpriced perfume.
"But, babe, it's right there," Elissa says. "Like, boom! In my face." She looks up at me. "Did you stuff a sock down there tonight, or what?"
I glare at her. "You said she wouldn't even look at another man. Then how do you explain this?"
I show her the pictures, and her face drops. "Josh, don't panic, okay? This doesn't prove anything except she's having a good time."
Liam squints at the screen. "These look like press shots. She's just playing it up with Julian for the cameras. I should know. I've done that with her a million times. It's good publicity for the film."
Elissa takes my hand. "See? It doesn’t mean anything. It's just a bunch of friends on a boat."
"Yeah," I say, trying to stay ahead of my rising anger. "But they're the only two friends who look like a couple."
"Josh –"
I've had enough platitudes. I pull my hand away and stride toward the long hallway on the other side of the room. On the way, I angrily jab Angel's number.
···
"Come on," I say through gritted teeth as Angel's phone rings out for the fourth time. "What the fuck are you doing that you can't answer the damn phone?"
My brain automatically throws up a whole bunch of scenarios that would explain her absence, and I pace the length of the men's bathroom to try and get them out of my head. It might not be the most glamorous location to confront my girlfriend about her behavior with another guy, but at least it's a little quieter in here, and right now my rage needs space.
"Come on, Angel. Pick up, for fuck's sake."
It goes to voicemail again, and I smack the phone down on the bench in frustration.
"Shit!"
I take a deep breath and let it out.
Okay, Mr. Hyde, just calm your goddamn farm. Flying off the handle isn't going to help anything.
I put my palms flat on the bench as I take slow, measured breaths. I know Angel. I love Angel. There's no way she'd betray me. Even if those pics suggest she'd like to.
I've managed to dial my crazy down from shit fit to moderately unreasonable when Connor walks through the door. He stops when he sees me.
"Hey, man. You okay? You look a little murderous."
I stand up straight and pick up the phone. "Yeah, man. Thanks. Just ... woman issues. I'll be fine."
He nods. "I know how that is. If I thought I could make money off my ability to fuck things up with women, I'd write a book. You're dating Angel Bell, right?" When I nod, he grimaces. "Yeah, tough gig, dating a star. You have to jump over so many more hurdles than with regular people, but I guess you're learning that the hard way."
"You could say that." I put down the phone and pull off my cape, thinking that I should probably pee while I'm here. Those six beers in my system sure aren't making my bladder any less full. But when I reach over my shoulder to grab my zipper, I realize this isn't a one-man job.
I turn to Connor. "Hey, man. Give me a hand here? I feel like one of those magicians in a straight jacket, except the only magic you're likely to see here is me peeing without opening my pants."
He laughs. "Well, this is a scenario you don't think about when you watch a superhero movie. Does Superman need an assistant every time he takes a piss?"
"Yes. But they're called a pissistant. Important support job."
Connor chuckles and yanks down the zipper before heading over to the urinal. As quickly as I can, I pull the top half of my costume down and join him.
Ahhhh, that's better. My bladder no longer hates me.
I should switch to water when I get back out there. I'm buzzed but not drunk, and that's how I'd like to stay. Keeping a cool head about the thing with Julian is hard enough without more booze egging me on.
Connor and I finish up at the same time and stand side-by-side at the sinks as we wash our hands.
"So, enjoying the party?" I say.
Connor rinses off and looks at me in the mirror. "Yeah, but I think I'm doing it wrong. I'm in the doghouse with Ava for spending too much time with my friends."
I turn off the faucet and grab some paper towels. Connor follows suit.
"In Ava's defense," I say, "I don't think it's your friends she's pissed about. It's Cassie."
He throws towels into the trashcan and turns to me. "You know the history between me and Cassie?"
"Yeah, but even if I didn't, I would have been able to figure it out by seeing you together. You're awkward around each other while trying to be friendly. And then there's the way you look at her."
He leans against the bench. "What does that mean?"
I laugh. "Dude, it's so clear you're still in love with her, Stevie Wonder could spot it a mile away. I'd take bets that's why Ava wants you to stay away from our little group. Hanging around with the chick her boyfriend's still pining for is no one's idea of fun." Or seeing pics of a guy who wants to steal your girlfriend.
Connor takes his hat off and runs his fingers through his hair. "Shit. I thought I was ready to face Cassie tonight. I really did. But every time I see her, I ..." He looks at me. "Sorry, man. This isn't your problem."
"No, but this seems to be the Bathroom of Manly Bonding, so ..." I lean against the bench. "As far as Cassie goes, I get it. She's cool, and funny, and beautiful, and you think that no one will ever compare. But believe me, you'll find someone else. It just might take some time."
"It's been four years."
"I thought my best friend was the most incredible woman on the planet for ten years before I met my girlfriend, so don't beat yourself up. And for God's sake, don't become like old-school Ethan, either. That dude went through hell to deal with his bad boy issues. You seem like a decent guy. Don't let one bad experience get you down."
He nods. "Thanks, man. You a therapist or something?"
I pull my suit back up. "Kind of. Assistant stage manager."
He laughs and gestures for me to turn around so he can zip me up. "So you're used to dealing with moody actors, then?"
"It's what I live for." I clip my cape back into place and turn to him. "And just in case you need further help in dealing with your feelings for Cassie, she can recommend a great therapist. Don't be ashamed to ask."
He holds out his hand, and I shake it. "Thanks, Josh. You're all right. Now, what about your girl troubles? Is there anything I can do to help you out?"
"No, but if you see me on the news up on charges for murdering a handsome asshole named Julian Norman, you were with me all night, okay?"
He nods and smiles. "Definitely."
After he leaves, I check my reflection in the mirror. Okay, so at least I don't look like a crazy-jealous freak anymore. Now, if I could just stop behaving like one, that would be great.
FIVE
Overdue Reunion
When I come out of the bathroom, I press Angel's number and try to stay calm as it rings. I wander toward the end of the hallway, hoping the noise will stay back in the ballroom. On the fourth ring, Angel picks up.
"Josh?"
"Hey." Okay, good start. Now, make some small talk. "So, I got the pictu
res. Seems Julian ended up coming after all, huh? What’s that all about?" Or, just dive straight into the issue. Whatever. Idiot.
"Yeah. His press thing finished early, so he made it just in time."
"I'm so glad." I'm trying to keep the sarcasm out of my voice, but I know I'm not succeeding. "It's great that you two are so comfortable around each other. You know, with the touching, and hugging, and sitting on his lap."
There's a moment's silence, then Angel says, "Josh ... please tell me you're not freaking out over Julian."
I clench my fist. "Of course not. Why would I? Just because he's always around and looks at you like you're an incandescent Goddess. Why would that worry me?"
"Oh, come on. We're friends. That's it."
I lean back against the wall and clench my jaw. "His hands are all over you in those pictures. I don't think he sees you as just a friend, Angel."
"So? He could have his bedroom wallpapered with my photos of my ass for all I care. I don't like him that way. I like you."
I push off the wall and walk to the end of the hallway, trying to keep my voice steady. "So you're admitting he likes as more than a friend?"
"God, I don't know. Maybe. He's said a few things that were ... flirty, I guess.
I stop in the doorway to what looks like a library and exhale. "Are you fucking serious?"
"It was harmless." She's speaking to me like I'm a child. It's not helping.
"What did he say?"
"Josh –"
"Angel, tell me." I grip the doorjamb as I wait for her reply.
"Jeez, I can't even remember. I said something about looking like a three-day-old corpse first thing in the morning, and he made a crack that if I'm the standard for corpses these days, he'd have to rethink his stance on necrophilia. It was stupid. A joke."
She's right, it was stupid. And gross. Doesn't make me want to punch him any less. "What else?"
She sighs. "He says flirty stuff all the time, but that's just how he is. He tells all the women how beautiful they are. Barb in makeup got a bunch of flowers just like the ones he sent me, so you can't read too much into that. Barb's a hundred and sixty, for God's sake."
I stand up straight and curl my hand into a fist. "He sent you—" I look at the ceiling and pray for calm. "He sent you flowers?"
"Josh –"
"When?"
"A few days ago. I was down and missing you. He tried to cheer me up."
"I'll bet." I have this guy's number. He wants to cheer her up by rubbing his cock all over her vagina. Sneaky, duplicitous bastard. "Did all of this happen after I left?"
She pauses. "Uh ... yeah, I guess. I wasn't really paying attention."
I shake my head, and I'm clenching my jaw so hard the muscles ache. I thought he was a decent guy, but it seems he was just saving his Master Plan of Epic Douchery for when I wasn't around. “Fucking bastard.”
"Josh, it's no big deal. Really."
"Yes, it goddamn is, and I want you to stay the fuck away from him."
"What?" She takes a breath, and so do I. When she speaks again, it's clear she's pissed. "What did you just say to me?"
"You heard me." I'm pissed, too. If I were standing on the outside looking in, I'd say I was being an overbearing prick. But in the eye of this storm of insecurity and jealousy, my demands seem perfectly reasonable. "I don't want you spending time with a guy who clearly wants to fuck you."
"Josh, he's my co-star. I get paid to spend time with him."
"Not off set, you don't."
Her tone turns steely when she says, "He's a friend."
I walk into the library and pace near the window. "No, he's not, Angel. He's a douchebag who thinks you're batting below your average and is dying to swoop in to save you from your inferior boyfriend. How can you not see that?"
"He can't steal me, Joshua,” she says, her voice getting harder. “I'm not a fucking object."
"I know that, but –"
"No, you don't, otherwise you wouldn't be saying this crap."
"Well, how would it be if the shoe were on the other foot, huh? Would you care if I was hanging around with a woman who wanted to get me in the sack?"
"I wouldn't be thrilled about it, no, but I'd trust that you loved me and wouldn’t do anything to betray me."
"I do trust you."
"No ... you don't. You're getting hung up on some petty manufactured rivalry with Julian, and it has to stop. Julian isn't the anti-Christ. He's a nice guy, and if you can't accept that I'm not going to screw him just because you're not around, then I don't even know what to say to you right now."
"For fuck’s sake, Angel, that’s not what I –"
"No, Josh. This conversation is over. Go back to your party. I don't feel like talking to you anymore."
"Angel, wait –"
When the line goes dead, I slam my hand down on a console table next to me. "Goddammit!” I shake my head in frustration. “You fucking idiot, Kane. What the hell are doing?"
"I agree. You could have handled that better."
I spin around to see Erika sitting in a large leather armchair and sipping a drink. She looks like a Bond villain.
"Hello, Mr. Kane. Welcome to my library of solitude."
"Oh, hey." Great. Now someone other than Angel knows I'm an out-of-control asshole. "Sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here."
"Clearly. Trouble in paradise?"
I rub my eyes and sigh. "Please tell me relationships get easier over time."
"Can't do that. The best ones are the hardest, but they're also the most worthwhile." She gives me a sympathetic smile. "Would you like to join me in a drink? You look like you could use one."
I walk over and sit on the couch next to her chair. "Well, I shouldn't really drink and fly, but what the hell. Hit me."
She gets up and goes to a well-stocked drinks cart in the corner. "What can I get you?"
"What are you having?"
"A mid-life crisis. Plus, whiskey."
"Okay, I'll have a whiskey, hold the crisis. Already have one of those, and it's a doozy."
"Want to talk about it?" She pours us both generous servings then sits back down and hands me a glass. "I'm guessing Angel didn't take kindly to being told what to do."
"You heard that, huh?"
"You weren't exactly whispering."
I slump back into the couch and look down at the phone. "She's working with this guy who makes me crazy. I'm usually pretty chill, but this dude ..." I take a mouthful of whiskey and relish the burn. "I want to pummel him. A lot."
She nods in understanding. "O, beware, my lord, of jealousy. It is the green-eyed monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on."
I look over at her. "Shakespeare, right? Othello?"
"Yes, and if you know the play, then you know jealousy leads to nothing good."
"I'm starting to see that, but I don't know how to stop it."
"Is this an ongoing issue for you? Something that's happened in other relationships?"
I laugh. "Yeah, haven't really had one before. This would be my first."
She looks surprised. "Ahh, I see. Then maybe you should take a step back from the situation? Look at it from a distance."
"How do I do that?"
She crosses her legs and leans forward. "Imagine Elissa started hanging out with a guy who was crazy for her. He flirted and bought her gifts ... made it clear he wanted more. What would you say to Liam if he asked her to stay away from him?"
"I'd say, 'Damn straight. Get that asshole out of her life as quickly as possible.'"
"But that doesn't demonstrate a lot of faith in Elissa, does it? Are you saying that if Elissa doesn't stay away from the guy, she'd inevitably cheat on Liam?"
"Of course not. Lissa loves that giant oaf more than life. She wouldn't have sex with someone else if you paid her."
"So then what difference does it make if there are people around her who want to take her bed?"
I look at her as I try to grasp the concept and
apply it to my own situation. Erika tilts her head and smiles. "Do you see now why Angel was so mad? By voicing your jealousy about Julian, she thinks you're doubting her love for you."
"But I'm not. I just –"
"That's how it seems. You don't think she loves you enough to resist temptation."
"But you haven't seen this guy. You don't know how attractive he is."
"It doesn't matter. That's like saying she'd buy something from a shop because the storefront was pretty. Window dressing may be nice to look at, but it's meaningless unless she loves what's inside.
"Okay ... you may have a point."
"I'm glad you think so." She gives me a smile. "You and Angel will work through this. Give her a few minutes to cool off, then call her back."
"What if she can't forgive me?"
"Why wouldn't she?"
"Because I've been a dick to her. Up until this point in our relationship, I've managed to hide my dickish tendencies."
"You know the saying, 'Love is blind'? Well that's completely ass-backwards. Love lets you see people in perfect, crystal clarity. It doesn't make flaws invisible. It paints them in 3-D high-definition and demands you to love them anyway. Angel will forgive your dickishness, I have no doubt."
"I appreciate the vote of confidence."
She sips her drink, and up until now it hasn't occurred to me to ask why she's sitting in an empty room, drinking by herself, but there's nothing right or natural about this picture.
"So," I say. "You know all about my crisis. Want to tell me about yours?"
She leans back in the chair and crosses her legs. "That's kind of you, but I'm sure you have better things to do than listen to my troubles."
"Not really. I have a few minutes spare while I wait for my girlfriend to stop cursing my name." I take a sip of my drink. "To be honest, I'm surprised to see you're not here with anyone tonight."
"Why does that surprise you?"
"Because according to Cassie and Ethan, you're an amazing acting coach and an even more amazing person. Also, you're smoking hot. I predict you had a truckload of men offer to be your date, but instead you chose to come alone. Am I right?"