Kayin's Fire

by Alica Mckenna Johnson

Gavin winked. “Good luck, Kayin.”

  Kayin sniffed. “I won’t need luck, I have skill.”

  Gavin laughed.

  His skill wasn’t helping him much. It was hard to stay focused on the game when everything he saw pulled him out. The smiling faces of the other kids looked so different than the ones at home, and the green trees, towering buildings, and strange-looking people passing by would catch his eye.

  “Water break,” one mom called after their team scored a goal.

  “You okay?” Gavin asked, his cheeks flushed.

  Kayin shrugged.

  “Let’s get something to drink.

  Anali handed them bottles of water. “Looks like you two are having fun.”

  Gavin sat next to her. “I’m having fun. You’re good, Kayin.”

  “I’m usually better but I keep getting distracted.”

  “By what?” Anali asked.

  “Everything is so different. The faces and buildings, and all the green shocks me when I see it.”

  “Do you want to stop?” Gavin asked. “We could go and do something else.”

  Kayin shook his head. “No, I’m having fun, and after being in the plane I’m glad to not be sitting.”

  Anali patted his arm. “It’ll get easier. I know at first New York is very overwhelming, but after a while it’ll become familiar.”

  Kayin shrugged and drank, shivering as his throat tightened. Why did they like their water so cold?

  “Come on,” hollered one of the girls.

  “Ready?” Gavin asked.

  Kayin nodded, took a deep breath, and headed back onto the field. Maybe this time around he could focus on the game and not on the alien environment he was trapped in.

  “Kayin,” yelled Gavin.

  The soccer ball headed right at him. Ducking, Kayin got under it and hit the ball with his head.

  “Nice,” called a boy with orange hair and freckles.

  Kayin grinned and ran to join the game.

  * * *

  Kayin’s eyes burned and his body ached with fatigue but his mind wouldn’t shut up. Sliding off the squishy bed, he sat in the window seat and leaned his head against the glass. The light from the city blocked all but a few stars. He always liked looking at the night sky at home. His father and the elders would tell stories about the shapes the stars made. He wished he could see the stars, maybe then he’d feel less alone, knowing he watched the same sky as his family.

  But it wasn’t the same sky. This sky, blocked by the haze from millions of lights, existed half a world away from his family. The constellations and their stories wouldn't be known to him. His tears blurred the city lights. Wrapping his arms around himself, Kayin sobbed. Why is this happening to me? Why am I being punished? What did I do wrong? I was a good son, a good student, a good big brother. Kayin thought about his life. He didn’t lie or steal and he always honored his ancestors as he was supposed to.

  A desire to go home, to turn back on this supposed Phoenix gift and be with his family tugged at his heart like a physical ache.

  Closing his eyes, he let the longing pull on him like a line pulling a fish from the water. Drumming and chanting filled his head. He heard his mother weeping. The scent of wood smoke filled the air, which turned from the damp air-conditioned air of his room to the dry heat of home.

  Knock, knock, knock.

  Jumping, he wiped his face with his shirt. What the hell just happened?

  “Kayin, are you alright?” Anali asked peeking around the door.

  He opened his mouth planning to say he was okay. What came out was an embarrassing choking sob.

  Anali rushed to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

  “I want to go home,” he said. “I want to see my family again and to look normal and go to school. I don’t want this. Please, I don’t want this.”

  Anali held him tighter. “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. I can feel how scared and unhappy you are, and I wish I could fix it. I’m hopeful you will find peace with your new life and powers. Gavin and I will be here with you every step of the way.”

  Kayin held her tight for a moment then sighed and sat up wiping off his face. “I’m sorry I disturbed you. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  Anali smiled and patted his cheek. “Don’t worry, I want to be able to help you. How about I bring you some warm milk and see if that will help you sleep.”

  “You don’t have to go to so much trouble.”

  “It’s no trouble.”

  When she left, Kayin went to the bathroom. Cool water came out of the silver faucet and splashed into the white porcelain basin. He rubbed his chest. It felt like something had embedded in his heart, must be the homesickness. Washing his face he tried to ignore the sensation.

  Looking up, he jumped seeing his reflection in the mirror. Anger burned in his belly. If not for these stupid red curls he’d still be at home. Flames flickered over his fingers. Kayin’s anger flared and the flames grew higher. You can’t act like a child when you hold power. His grandfather’s voice echoed in his head. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled, blowing his anger away. His chest twinged, but the flames began to fade.

  “Kayin,” Anali called. “I have your milk. I hope it helps you sleep.”

  Kayin took a sip of the warm sweet milk. “Thank you. It’s good. Now that my mind is finally quiet, I might be able to sleep.”

  “Let me know if you need anything. Good night, Kayin.”

  Kayin slid into bed. He heard the snick of Anali’s bedroom door closing. Traffic hummed, the house creaked, and weird buzzing noises would start and stop. Kayin huffed and rolled onto his side. He used to listen to his family at night. The soft breathing of his baby brother, his father muttering in his sleep, and the high pitched snores from his mother. At the time he’d thought it noisy. He sat up as a siren sounded, and red and blue lights flashed on his ceiling. He lay back and sank into the bed. Giving up, he took a blanket, spread it on the floor, and lay down.

  This felt so much better. Closing his eyes, Kayin focused on his breathing. He felt his body begin to relax. His mind quieted enough that he could fall asleep, until the next siren blared as a police car drove past.

  * * *

  Kayin dug his fingernails into his palms as Frank drove them through the very busy city streets. A cab moved into their lane, almost hitting their car. Frank stomped on the brakes and yelled at the driver.

  Kayin’s eyes widened at the colorful language.

  “I’m sorry, Kayin,” Gavin said.

  “I do not like this, must he drive so fast?”

  “Unfortunately, Gavin is running late so Frank needs to rush,” Anali said.

  Kayin nodded. Last night Gavin explained that he and Anali taught at the New York Center for the Circus Arts, and asked if he wanted to come with them. The other choice: staying home with Preston. The circus classes sounded fun, and Kayin preferred not to sit and brood about what happened to him, which he did whenever he wasn’t distracted. Hopefully the classes would be worth the death ride.

  “Here we are,” Frank said pulling in between two parked cars. “I’ll be back at seven. Have fun.”

  Kayin muttered thanks with the others as he stepped onto the sidewalk. Paintings of acrobats, trapeze artists, jugglers, and clowns danced across the two story brick building. Peeking in the window, Kayin saw the kids in the summer camp running around and getting their things. They looked so happy, and for a moment Kayin wanted to join them, but he wasn’t ready to surround himself with a bunch of people.

  Staying close to Gavin and Anali, he went into the circus school. He wrinkled his nose at the smell of sweat, chalk, and far too many kinds of body spray. Polished wood floors, walls lined with mirrors, and weird equipment made this look like some bizarre dance studio.

  “Gavin is teaching a conditioning class, and I’m teaching beginning acrobatics,” Anali said. “After that we have statue class. Would you like to join my class tonight?”

  Gavin sat on the floor and
began stretching. “There is also a juggling class.”

  “I can juggle, nothing fancy, like the performers at the market, but I can juggle three beanbags for a while,” Kayin said.

  “I’ll introduce you to the teacher and head of the school,” Anali offered.

  Kayin kept his eyes down. Everyone looked so strange, piercings in their lips, eyebrows, and so many in their ears it looked heavy and painful. And the array of hair colors and styles made him feel dizzy. He didn’t want to seem rude by staring, so he focused on the floor.

  “Michael, I would like to introduce Kayin. Kayin, this is Michael. He is the head of this school and teaches juggling, statue, trampoline, and choreography.”

  Michael smiled, happy wrinkles forming around his brown eyes. His thinning brown hair was cut short. He looked normal and out of place. “Hello, Kayin. How are you settling in?”

  “I don’t know that I am yet,” Kayin answered.

  Chuckling, Michael nodded his head. “Well, that’s New York for you. Are you joining a class today? You’re more than welcome to.”

  “Kayin told us he juggles, so we were hoping to have him join your class, if that’s all right.”

  “Of course it’s fine, Anali. Go get ready for your class and I’ll get a set of beanbags for Kayin to practice with.” Michael grabbed three green beanbags from a basket. “So, Kayin, let’s see how good a juggler are you.”

  Kayin began to toss the beanbags from one hand to another. He frowned. His movements looked stilted and jerky until he’d done a few cycles, then his muscles warmed.

  “Very nice — a smooth steady rhythm. Can you do anything else?”

  “No,” Kayin said without losing focus. “This is it.”

  “It’s a good foundation. Who taught you?” Michael asked.

  “A friend at school.”

  “Very nice. Ah, my other students, perfect.” Michael clapped his hands. “Okay everyone, let’s warm-up and then start juggling.”

  Kayin watched Michael as he went through a series of exercises to warm up their hands, wrists, and arms. Kayin thought they looked silly, but Michael kept saying how important warming-up is so you wouldn’t injure yourself. Who injures themselves juggling and how?

  “Now that most of you have a good solid juggle going on we are going to mix things up. But remember to go at your own pace.” Michael pressed play on his stereo and began to juggle. “Today, I want you to juggle to music. You can juggle to the beat or melody of the piece.”

  Kayin felt amazed as Michael slowed then sped up the movement of the beanbags.

  “You can make the movements smaller or bigger.” Michael demonstrated by bringing the beanbags into a tight circle then moving them apart bit by bit until they soared over his head. “Have fun and ask for help if you need it.”

  Kayin moved away from the others, closed his eyes, listened to the music of violins and piano playing a modern song, and he began to juggle. Losing himself in the hypnotic rhythm, Kayin relaxed as his mind quieted for the first time since his birthday. Taking the pattern from small to large looked explosive, a burst of movement which made him gasp. Bringing the beanbags from a large pattern to small took more controlled movements.

  The beanbags hit the floor with a dull thud. Sighing, Kayin picked them up and started in a small pattern again wanting to increase the size with gradual movements. The beanbags hit the floor, again.

  “You’ll get there. It just takes practice,” Michael said.

  “Thanks.” Kayin tried again, moving to the back corner of the building when his class ended and a clowning class began.

  “Ready to go?” Gavin asked.

  Kayin jumped and dropped the beanbags. “What?”

  Gavin smiled and wiped the sweat from his forehead with a towel. “Sorry I didn't mean to scare you. Our class is done. Should we go get some dinner?”

  Kayin looked out the window. Lights lit the street and the passing cars. “I didn’t realize it had gotten that late, sorry.”

  “You have nothing to apologize for. We all understand getting lost in the performance. Come on, we’ll go and get Chinese food. Anali said she’s craving lo mein and egg rolls.”

  “I’ve never eaten Chinese food.”

  “Do you feel up for another new adventure, or should we get something else?” Gavin asked.

  Kayin took a deep breath. After two hours of juggling, his mind and heart felt calm and centered. “I’m up for a new adventure.”

  Chapter Five

  Something pulled at him. His chest arched as he was tugged from his body into a small dark hut. Smoke, the steady beat of a drum, and the sound of a man chanting filled the air.

  “Come home to me, my son,” his amai called out. “Kayin, my son, banish the evil that has invaded you and come home to me.”

  Kayin wanted to go to her. He took a step but felt like he would split in two. What was happening?

  He stood outside his village, the gate opened and his father stepped out. His eyes brightened and he smiled holding out his arms.

  “Baba.” Kayin ran. A few feet from his father everything changed. The sun faded as dark clouds swept acrossed the sky. Thunder rumbled and lightning flashed. “How could you?” his baba asked. His face as dark and scary as the sky. When the lightening flashed a spear appeared in his hands.

  “Baba?” Kayin asked walking backwards.

  “What are you? What have you done with my son? Kayin, how could you give in to such evil?”

  “I’m not evil, baba. Please listen to me.”

  “I want my son back.” His baba threw the spear piercing Kayin’s heart. “Leave, demon, and give me back my son.”

  Kayin gasped, his eyes flew open, but he didn’t move. With shaking hands he checked his chest, relaxing when he didn’t feel a spear or blood, only a tender spot where the spear had struck him in his nightmare. Had his parents gone to a n’anga, a spiritual healer? Had his father been part of a ceremony? Had he really stuck him in his dream? Forcing a connection between Kayin and the n’anga?

  He’d lived in New York for a month now, why weren’t his nightmares going away? He’d stopped reliving being chased from his village to these new strange dreams that made his chest ache.

  Part of Kayin would always long for home, for the flat grasslands, endless sky, silence, and his family. And when he missed these things, the anger and sadness hit him like lightning on dry grass, consuming his every thought and movement. In those moments he wanted to make everyone hurt and suffered as much as he did.

  Kayin thanked his father and grandfather after those moments for teaching him compassion and self-control. He also thanked Michael for teaching him juggling and giving him a set of beanbags. He could lose himself in the movements and mastery of new tricks until the violence of his emotions passed.

  Kayin got up off his bed on the floor and went to sit in the window and look out at the night sky. He still couldn’t see the stars, so he didn’t even bother to look. Instead, his eyes traced the now familiar shapes of the towering buildings. Lights brighter than any star glowed in the skyline. Flashes of car lights would brighten dark hidden corners and reflect off the polished metal and glass of the skyscrapers. The constant rumble of life soothed him now. How could a place so strange and foreign from his home so quickly become a place he would miss? Even if he could go back to his family, free of these ‘gifts’ would he want to? The night sky might be dark, but the city glowed with energy.

  And what about his destiny? To travel the world. THE WORLD. The things he would see, the people he would meet—could he give that up to go back to his village? Kayin rubbed his chest. He didn’t know the answer, and it felt like the choices were tearing him apart. If only he could have both somehow.

  The sky began to lighten as the sun rose. Kayin sighed and began to get ready. He had a lot to do today.

  * * *

  Kayin finished his eggs and toast, and gave his geology essay his full attention. Anali had signed him up for Khan Academy throu
gh the computer, and he found it an interesting way of learning. He always liked learning, but he missed his friends. Learning online is lonely.

  “Did you get enough to eat?”

  “Yes, thank you Maggie,” Kayin said.

  She smiled at him. A red bandanna covered her short blond hair. She wore jeans and a fitted black tee shirt with a silver skull on the front. “I’ve packed a lunch for you and Ms. Hernandez. She’s coming this morning right?”

  Kayin nodded. “Yes, should we come to the kitchen to get it?”

  Maggie began gathering dishes. “If you like, or you can call and I’ll bring it up to you.”

  Gavin had taught Kayin how to use the intercom system, but he didn’t like it. “We’ll come and get the basket from you. Janet enjoyed the potato salad you made last week.”

  Blushing, she headed for the door. “Well, I guess it’s lucky I made it again.”

  Kayin grinned. “Yes, very lucky.” Or you remember her complimenting you on it last week. Turning his focus back to his essay, Kayin tried to find the interest in sedimentary, igneous, and metamorphic rocks.

  He finished his report and sent it to his teacher when the doorbell rang.

  “I’ve got it,” called Gavin.

  Kayin grinned, he could picture Preston shaking his head at Gavin’s behavior. After packing up the laptop Anali was letting him borrow, Kayin headed to the foyer.

  “Morning, Kayin, ready to go?” Janet wore a blue baseball cap with FDNY and the firefighter logo embroidered onto the front. She had pulled her shoulder length black hair into a low ponytail, and her brown eyes twinkled when she smiled. “No one else has scheduled time at the training lot until two, so we have it all to ourselves.”

  “I need to put my computer away and get our lunch from the kitchen,” Kayin said.

  “I hope she made more potato salad. I’ll go get lunch, you hurry up,” Janet said as she headed down the hallway.

  * * *

  “So how are you doing controlling your gift?” Janet asked as they pulled into the walled lot where the firefighters practiced with live fire.