Prey on Patmos

by Jeffery Siger

  “Don’t worry, it won’t be a problem. Besides, she would love to see you.”

  “Who’s ‘she’?”

  “The lawyer for the oligarch on Mykonos. You remember Katerina. She always asks about you.”

  Andreas hadn’t seen Katerina since his promotion to Athens from Mykonos. She always had a thing for him, but he’d somehow managed to avoid her, not an easy thing to do once she’d set her mind on a man. She was a bigger player than most guys, and better at it. “Are you smiling?” asked Andreas.

  “Yes,” said Tassos.

  “Bastard. Okay, see what you can do and let’s talk later.”

  They hung up.

  “What do you think of our chances?” asked Yianni.

  “About the same as Andreas does. But at least it’ll keep you out of that sort of trouble for a night.” Tassos pointed toward the bedroom and grinned.

  “Like the Chief said, ‘bastard.’” He picked up his coffee.

  Tassos patted him on the shoulder. “It’s a really good idea, Yianni. But I think we’re all concerned about the same thing.”

  “Losing our jobs?”

  “No, setting something in motion over which we have absolutely no control.”

  “Like pouring gasoline on a campfire in the middle of a tinder box forest?”

  “Something like that, but let’s not forget who we’re playing with. If these guys get pissed they don’t need gasoline. They’re Russians, they have nukes.”

  Kouros swallowed. “Maybe I’ll go to church.”

  “Good idea. I think I’ll join you.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Zacharias’ monastery was in full mourning mode, readying itself for the funeral of Christ. At Good Friday morning services, the body of Christ was brought down from the cross and the symbolic shroud of his earthly form placed upon his bier, the epitaphios. Across Greece this was the day of Christ’s wake, a time for paying respects, practicing traditions like passing three times beneath the epitaphios for good luck and blessings, and prayer.

  Zacharias remembered other funerals and other bodies. Mainly bodies: the unburied, the buried together. The times had demanded it. One must do what must be done on earth as it is in heaven, he thought. There was no choice then, and there was less choice now. Time was running out. The Ecumenical Patriarch would not live forever.

  I must make sure that the new Ecumenical Patriarch’s home is here, he thought. The Russians would isolate him from outside influences more than did the Turks. My plans need his ear. The Russians must be vilified. And not just by petty, bribed journalists whose reach rarely exceeded Greece’s borders and few believed anyway. He must validate their words with an unequivocal act of proof.

  That would come Sunday, after the three men returned. The tragic passing of the abbot of the Russian monastery would be mourned deeply. But once the new abbot publicly denounced his predecessor’s death as a brutal assassination—from the same source and uncommon poison as the victim’s native Russia stood accused before the world of using in a botched, but horribly disfiguring, attempt to silence the Ukraine’s president—all that was written before would become fact. The Russians would never recover from the impact of those words coming from its own abbot. Only one more death, and the world shall be on a better path to life.

  ***

  “So how long do you think we’ll have to stay at your parents?” Andreas had been standing in the doorway to Lila’s dressing room for ten minutes, talking to her as she sat at her vanity table putting on makeup.

  Lila put down the mascara brush and swung around on her chair. “Enough already. You’re like a little kid dancing around something he’s afraid to talk about with his mother. What’s on your mind?”

  He shrugged. “Guilty as charged.”

  “You’d make a lousy crook, I can read you like a book.”

  “You better be the only one who can. Otherwise, I’ll be in a hell of a mess by morning.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Why do I think you’re about to tell me you’re taking off again?”

  “Well, only if you say it’s okay. That’s what I told Yianni and Tassos.”

  Lila shook her head. “As if I have a choice. If I don’t agree, you’d never forgive me.”

  Andreas pulled up a chair and sat next to her. “That’s not true at all. What they have in mind is crazy anyway. And it’s not worth jeopardizing us.”

  Lila smiled. “That’s nice to hear.” She looked at her watch and sighed. “We’re late anyway. So, what’s going on?” She pointed at her belly. “Don’t worry, I’m in no condition to do any more stupid things like I did before.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  Andreas told her everything: from the very first phone call ordering him to Patmos up through his conversation with Tassos and Kouros thirty minutes ago.

  When he finished Lila stared at him, not saying a word for a full minute. “We’re bringing a baby into this world.”

  He looked down. “I know. Don’t worry, I’ll stay.”

  “No. You don’t understand. We’re bringing a baby into this world. We must do whatever we can to make it a better place.”

  “I’m not sure that trying to get the Russians to take care of a Greek problem will make the world a better place.”

  “But I’m sure doing nothing will make it worse.”

  Andreas smiled. “You’re tough.”

  Lila let out a breath. “But if you’re going to try to pull this off, there’s only one way to get and keep that Russian’s attention beyond a perfunctory ‘Hello, how are you, nice to meet you.’ I know him, and if you want him to include you in his partying…” She waved her hand in the air. “No doubt what you’ll need.”

  “And what would that be?”

  She smiled. “To put it in the common vernacular, ‘the hottest piece of ass on the planet.’”

  Deadpan, Andreas said, “But you have to be at your parents.”

  Lila pointed at him. “Very good answer.” Then laughed. “So we’ll have to find you the second hottest. And only one, because if you show up with more than one he’ll get insecure, think you’re trying to compete with him. If it’s just you and a woman he’ll bring you into his crowd, like the spider offering its web to the fly. It’s a game these guys play to prove they’re men. They’ll keep you occupied by making you feel important, while hustling the woman away with promises of whatever she wants to hear.”

  “How do you know so much about this?”

  “Remember, I’m the hottest.” She smiled. “Dickless types like that have tried it all on me. But you’re the only smooth-talking stud who…uhh…scored.”

  “Ms. Vardi, what language.”

  Lila smiled. “I wish I could offer you more, but at the moment I’m afraid I can’t.”

  “But I can’t risk using a hooker, and even the hottest female on the force is out of the question. It would look like a setup if the Russian ever found out. And once he hears what I have to say, he’ll try to verify everything. How am I going to find someone by tonight?”

  “I know the perfect person. She’s already on Mykonos, and utterly believable.”

  “What do mean ‘utterly believable’?”

  “Barbara.”

  “She’s your best friend!” She also was one of the most unpredictable people on the planet, although Lila and her friends preferred characterizing Barbara’s behavior as “spontaneous.” Andreas attributed their charitable attitude to the fact that Barbara was rich, young, and gorgeous. It was much the same way that people called an old, rich nut-job “eccentric,” rather than the more fitting “raving lunatic.”

  “That’s what makes it so believable,” Lila said. “It’s the ultimate male fantasy, right?” She smiled.

  Andreas didn’t know if he should laugh or protest. He decided doing nei
ther was the best choice.

  “Don’t worry, she can handle any man. Only one promise.”

  “Which is?” As if he hadn’t guessed.

  “I want her returned ‘unused.’”

  “I promise.”

  “Let me see your fingers, they’re not crossed, are they? After all, we want to make sure ‘doing the best friend’ stays just a fantasy.”

  Andreas smiled and waved his fingers in her face. “You need not worry, my mind is on other things.”

  “Yeah, right. Now you’re starting to worry me. Just promise you’ll sleep on the couch. I’ll settle for that.”

  “What couch?”

  “Where do think you’ll be staying? It has to be at Barbara’s house. How do you think the Russians are going to believe you if you’re not…” Lila stopped, as if there were another word she’d decided not to add.

  He wondered if she was having second thoughts.

  “Just promise.”

  “I promise.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

  “I love you.”

  He smiled. “Me, you too.”

  “Okay, time to get you laid.” Lila laughed.

  Andreas tried to.

  ***

  Evening services on Good Friday on Mykonos started at seven in the old town’s central churches of Kiriake, Metropolis, and Panachra. At precisely nine, each church’s clergy and worshipers left their church in separate processions carrying their church’s epitaphios along a prearranged route, winding past the other two churches before ending up back at their own. It represented the funeral of Christ, and Mykonians and visitors lined the route, some standing on freshly painted balconies sprinkling the participants below with a mixture of rose water and perfumes, the rodhonoro used on Christ’s body when taken down from the cross.

  Tassos and Kouros went to services at Kiriake, the church closest to the old harbor, and were walking through town somewhere in the middle of its procession.

  “Haven’t been to one of these in a long time,” said Tassos.

  “I like it.”

  “I guess that’s what keeps it a tradition—people like it.”

  They were about to turn onto Matogianni Street, Mykonos’ compact version of New York City’s Fifth Avenue. It started just ahead and ran down to Kiriake. For now, though, they were standing in a rare, much broader bit of lane amid the coffee shops and bars comprising the heart of Mykonos’ late-night café society scene. It was barely thirty yards long. Everyone who wanted to see or be seen made an appearance here at some point in the evening, generally between midnight and four a.m.

  “What time is Andreas supposed to get here?” Tassos looked at his watch.

  “He said his plane gets in around midnight. He’s lost his helicopter privileges.”

  “The first of many such experiences, I’m sure, if any of this wacky plan of yours ever gets back to the minister.” Tassos nodded to someone waving to him from a tiny table in front of one of the bars. “And what did you do this afternoon, Mister Big Idea Man?”

  “Slept. I was exhausted.”

  “I bet.” Tassos grinned.

  Kouros leaned over and whispered in Tassos’ ear, “Asshole.”

  Tassos laughed.

  “What’s the story with Katerina?”

  “She said she’d call me once she knows when and where her client will be in town. Not before one, at the earliest.”

  “Can you trust her?”

  “Absolutely. Not.” Tassos smiled. “That’s the beauty of it. I know everything I tell her in confidence will get back to the Russian. She runs with the one who pays her bills.”

  “Sounds like a lawyer.”

  “God bless them. At least they’re predictable.”

  “What exactly did you tell her?”

  “That the chief of GADA’s special crimes unit wanted to talk to her oligarch of a client about an investigation that has absolutely nothing to do with him, and that we would be eternally grateful if she could arrange an ‘accidental’ meeting. I impressed on her how important it was that her client not know the purpose of the inquiry, because this was to be a strictly backchannel, off-the-record conversation about a very serious issue.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  “Andreas agreed that was the way to go. They’d find out everything anyway. It’s called priming the pump.” He smiled.

  “And how did Mykonos’ number-one lawyer react?”

  “She wasn’t too hot about the idea until I reminded her that the chief was Andreas. She said ‘yes’ and hung up so fast when I said his name that I had the image of a sprinter exploding off the blocks at the sound of a starter’s pistol, except this one was racing for a beauty parlor.”

  Kouros laughed. “Should be an interesting night for the chief. I just don’t like the idea of him flying solo. He’s right, though, everyone here knows we’re cops. They’d get suspicious if they saw us hanging around.”

  “Don’t worry, cops like to play, too. I’ve got a few youngsters on the force from Syros, regulars on the Mykonos party scene, to keep an eye on him. He’ll be covered. Besides, we get to share a night together in disguise in one of Mykonos’ lovely mini-hauler garbage trucks, trailing them about town recording their every word.”

  “With all the noise in those places, we’d be lucky to hear a bomb go off.”

  Tassos shrugged. “At least we get to spend some quality time together.”

  “Yeah, like blind mice sitting together in a garbage truck.”

  “It could be worse. If this goes bad we could end up in the back.”

  “There better be room for three.”

  Tassos nodded. “Yeah, three blind mice. See how they run…”

  ***

  Andreas was in a window seat on the plane, staring at the moonlight reflecting off the sea. He smiled as he remembered once thinking that being transferred from Mykonos probably was the only thing that kept him out of Katerina’s clutches. She was one of a kind. With her wild red hair and impressively augmented five-foot-five figure, she could not be missed. And if by some chance an object of her attention did overlook her, she’d grab him with a roaring voice and thrust of mesmerizing cleavage. Hard to imagine she was over fifty, even harder imagining anyone with balls enough to suggest anything close to that aloud.

  That’s when it hit him. “Jesus Christ.”

  Andreas said it loud enough for the grandmotherly woman next to him to ask, “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, sure, sorry, just remembered something I forgot in Athens.” Damn sure did. How could I forget what she’s like? The second Katerina sees Barbara it’ll be all claws and teeth. He put his elbow on the armrest next to the window, dropped his head into his hand, and sighed. That’s all we need to make tonight the biggest clusterfuck of all time, a mega-catfight.

  The old woman patted his arm. “Don’t worry my son, it is God’s will.”

  ***

  The SMS message on Tassos’ phone was simple: See you at Vengera at two. Vengera was the name Mykonian locals used to describe the café society area at the top of Matogianni Street. Vengera was a legendary bar that gave the location its original panache. But it was long gone, replaced by a jewelry store, as were many places from Mykonos’ more innocent times. All that remained was the memory and a name.

  “We have a go. Start your engine, Mr. Kaldis, and good luck.” Tassos raised his cup of coffee.

  “How much time do we have?”

  “About thirty minutes. No need to rush, I’m sure they’ll be late. It’s only five minutes from here.” They were in an out-of-the-way coffee shop off behind Kiriake church.

  “I wish I’d had the chance to speak to Barbara, warn her about Katerina.”

  “Didn’t you drop your bag off at her house?” said Kouros.

  “Yes, but only t
he maid was there to let me in, and she took off the minute I got there. It seemed everybody had some place to be after midnight tonight. Barbara left me a note.” He handed it to Tassos.

  Tassos read it aloud. “‘Hi, Andreas. Looking forward to a fun night. I’m having dinner with friends out of town. My phone will be off, but I’ll call you when I’m done so you can tell me where to meet up. Kisses. B.’”

  “She doesn’t seem to be taking this very seriously,” said Kouros.

  “The affectionate word to describe her state is ‘relaxed.’ She’s not the type that gets anxious easily. All she knows is that she’s my wife’s best friend hanging out with me for the night with instructions to look and act as hot as she can so that I can get close to some super-rich Russian. That’s a drill she has down pat. I just wish she’d call me. I can’t get the damn show started until she’s with me.”

  Kouros said, “Did you say—”

  Tassos kicked him under the table. “Then it’s probably better you didn’t say anything to her. It might pump her up for a fight. These society types are pretty good at handling aggressive bitches trying to bring them down. And frankly, if she’s as hot as you say, she probably runs into that sort every day.”

  Andreas stared at him. “You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

  “Yep, Katerina will tear her a new asshole.” Tassos laughed.

  Andreas shot him a one-finger salute. “And yes, Yianni, I said ‘wife.’ No reason for the world to think otherwise. What with the baby on the way.”

  Kouros nodded. “No problem here, Chief, just checking to see if I had to buy more than a baby gift.”

  Andreas smiled. “I wouldn’t worry about it.”

  Tassos shook his head. “This is not the time to say it, but sometimes you’re a real asshole, my friend.”

  “Funny, Lila said sort of the same thing.”

  “I bet. Let’s go, Yianni. We’ve got to find someplace to put our limo so we don’t miss a word of tonight’s performance by Mister Sensitive here.” Tassos flicked the back of his hand in Andreas’ direction.

  “We can park on the street behind Vengera, by Panachra church. With the monster of a mess from tonight’s processions, everyone expects to see a garbage truck there.”