Being Celeste

by Tshetsana Senau

  “Boitumelo, let the child have the car,” said dad to mum. You see, I told you she was going to refuse. If only I could afford my own car.

  “Well then Dirang, why don’t you borrow her your car?” she replied, throwing her gardening tools in a bag. I wonder what refurbishing she was doing; the place still looks the same. Maybe she was weeding, because I can see some dried up plant bits thrown on the side. I always like her get up when she gardens: the black tracksuit pants, some oversized free t-shirt (she has plenty of those), and a head scarf underneath her hat. I don’t know why, but I feel refreshed just looking at her. I hope she can sense that and lend me her car already. I don’t want to miss movie night.

  My father slurped his tea, sitting on a plastic garden chair and looked up at me. “Celeste, her keys are in her purse,” he said. “Go, she said yes.”

  Oh I love you dad, you always know how to make it happen. Time to go! I can here mum just throwing a fit behind me. Maybe I should go out the back door in case she calls me back. I’ll just sneak to the side of the house and make my way to the front yard like that. They were sitting on the other side of the house, where my mother’s garden is. I look like a thief, sneaking around.

  Yes, I made it! Kate will be waiting. Sometimes I wish I could live at her house for just a week. She has the most amazing house, inside out. The driveway is just huge and paved and rosebushes and an orchard on the side of the compound. I just want to come and camp there, enjoy the scenery. And her house is just huge. Incredible brick walls and a huge wooden front door with an elephant carved in the middle. It’s like a resort. Her father is like some big shot business man who owns a chain of sport shops and has invested in supermarkets country wide. Her mum is a court clerk. I always wonder how Kate’s outrageous outfits could ever come from such a beautiful home. But that’s not important because I like my friend just the way she is (even though I’m secretly entering her into a makeover contest). Tomorrow’s pink Monday all over again. Oh there she is, running out of her house, just to meet me. Or maybe it is to stop her huge dog from mauling me. Ugh, I hate that dog, it’s so angry.

  “Hey Celeste, go on in,” said Kate, holding it back.

  It’s barking violently at me. I’m shaking pretty badly right now, but I won’t let this break me. Oh, who am I kidding, I’m going to make a run for it. I sprinted to the front door as if the mutt was chasing after me. I rushed into the house and met Kate’s parents sitting in the dining room, having tea. I was a little out of breath.

  “Good evening,” I said, panting like an idiot.

  “Celeste, good to see you,” said Kate’s mum. She had a warm smile on her face. “Come and sit dear, before you faint on us. Would you like some tea, Celeste?” offered her mother.

  Man, these people are so nice. They always make me want to come over and pay Kate a visit constantly. I feel so guilty because I’m partially here to take advantage of their flatscreen and have a free therapy session with their daughter. I’m so selfish, because I just take and take from them. Kate’s mum has a wonderful smile, and perfect teeth. She’s always wearing a two piece outfit made from cloth with printed safari animals on it. I presume she buys it from a place like Mozambique because she’s always going there on holiday. I would too, if my husband was a successful businessman. Don’t find this alarming, but coming over and hanging out in this resort they call home, and having her dress like a safari queen, really does it for me. Like, I’m done, I feel like I’m in a vacation spot. Oh right, would I like some tea?

  “No thank you,” I replied, with a wide grin on my face. “Thank you.”

  “Are your parents well, Celeste?” asked Kate’s father, refilling his cup with more of the hot, healthy liquid. . His voice was like a thunderous roar, almost like a lion, just clapping with depth. I was always almost surprised by it. If it were any lower, no one would understand a single word Kate’s father says because it would be too deep to comprehend, if there were such a possibility.

  I passed on a weird and heavy nod. I don’t think they understood what it meant. It’s not my fault they make me nervous. Kate rushed in and closed the front door to prevent the dog from running inside the house. I was so relieved to see her. She had come to rescue me.

  “Come on Celeste,” she screamed, ordering me to her room.

  I looked at her parents and nodded again, while getting up. I wonder if they think that there’s something wrong with my neck. I hurried behind Kate and as soon as I shut the door behind me, I began to unwind. I was no longer in the resort, I was in Kate’s room...the catastrophe. She’s not very fond of picking up her clothes from the floor, and all the papers, she’s told me that. I’m used to it. I no longer make any comments about it, what’s the use. It’s so much of a contradiction to the organised and neat persona she brings to the outside world. I will clean some of the mess as we discuss movie night, otherwise where am I going to sleep? You’d think she’d take a hint from my room and how organised it is when she comes over to my house, but nope, it’s easier to live like a pig. Her bed was in one corner of the room, and she had a couch next to her closet, it was covered with clothes. Her desk was just overflowing with papers and books and cosmetics. The only thing reasonable about the room was that it always had a fresh smell, like...I can’t quite put my finger on it, but maybe the smell of fresh linen perhaps.

  “Kate,” I said, brushing away some clothes so that I could sit on her bed. Some of these clothes I’ve never even seen her wear. “As I said over the phone, this is an emergency.”

  “Well, what is it?” replied Kate, going over to sit on her couch.

  I hoped she would understand my predicament, and the fact that this was a pity party. I got up and started to slowly walk around her room, stating my motion.

  “Kate, I’ll be twenty-two in six months, and you in eight.”

  She looked at me like I had lost the plot. “Yes, I know that Celeste.”

  “Listen first and comment later!” I demanded. “We have nothing to show for it and yet we are two grown women, still depending on our parents. We don’t have boyfriends; I have never been kissed, and we still haven’t decided what we are going to do once we go to college. We are bums, Kate, losers, and I have had enough of these bullshit feelings I keep having. I’m tired of being eleven, I want to be twenty-one, and I want to act my age.” I stopped talking, waiting for a reaction from Kate. She was just sitting there, staring at me, but I could see the same passion I had, begin to fill her eyes.

  “Carry on,” she finally said, sinking further into her seat.

  “This past week, I’ve spent swooning over some dude who hardly knows I exist. But if you could ask me right now, I know what and where he is at this instant because I can’t take my eyes off his social media pages. Just a few nights ago, I started having dreams about him, visiting me at my house and stuff.”

  “You know what, I’ve been dreaming about Thato too. I had a dream where he was calling my name.”

  “My point exactly! That’s so wrong in so many levels. This needs to change. I was thinking, during church service today: why should we be stalkers? Why can’t we be the ones being followed around by fit boys all day? Why do we have to behave like nerdy subservient and shy freaks when we don’t have to? Did you know that on Tuesday, when the bus came over to our complex, I couldn’t go after Taboka because I felt so insecure about my size? I thought, well what is he going to think when he sees this big hippo coming after him? I felt like crap over some guy and that should never have to happen,” I protested. At this time there was so much power shooting through my whole body, I almost felt as if I was about to float about, passing it onto everything I touched.

  Kate had begun my weird nodding. I thought her head was about to fall off. “Yeah! We shouldn’t give a shit about them, not this much. It’s creepy too,” she said, giving a slight fist pump in protest.

  “It’s not right, having fantasies about guys we hardly know. We need to get ourselves out there, Kate. We need to
grow up, a lot.”

  Kate shot up from her seat. “Yes, yes, yes!” she exclaimed. “Well, what do you suggest exactly?”

  “Well, I have a plan. Our situation calls for a transformation.”

  “Transformation? I like it. Go on.”

  By now I was feeling rather proud and my ego was through the roof. I loved the feeling. I think the dictionary calls it confidence. It’s wonderful. I went over to Kate’s desk and pulled out a large blue piece of Manila paper. I’d been eyeing it ever since I entered her room. If I’d known my proposal was going to turn into a presentation, I would have made it in PowerPoint. But this would do. “Do you have a marker?” I asked.

  She went over to her desk, pulled out a drawer and dug in there for a while. I stuck the paper on her wall and switched on the lights. It was already evening and getting dark outside. I was still taken aback by the mess in the room. The lights just made it worse. It’s kind of hard to exude passion in such a messy environment. I looked up at the paper on the wall. This would have been better if I had come prepared with a proper presentation, with pictures and all. I mean it’s that important. I just hope that I can make Kate see what’s in my head with this mediocre, half baked show that I just thought of.

  “Here you go. I think it works.” Kate handed me a purple felt pen.

  “Have a seat, please.” I turned and made a slight mark on the paper to see if it was working. It wasn’t that bad. “To begin our transformation,” I began. “We need to first abolish certain traditions that have taken over our lives. We need to air out our laundry and give what we don’t need to charity.” Yes, I had her attention. She was biting her nails, which she always does when she’s attentive. “No more movie night!”

  Kate gasped. “Oh no, not movie night!”

  I wrote Cancelled, as a heading and placed movie night as number one underneath it on the paper. Kate looked horrified.

  “We can’t keep living in the movies anymore, and relating to them like they’re real. From now on, in place of movie night, we go out to a local spot or restaurant and hang out with the public. I hear rave reviews about that new place over at that new hotel. We’ll just go there and make it Girls night out and have a few drinks.” I created another heading, Transformation, in a new column and wrote Girls Night Out. I could see Kate’s horrified facial expression begin to alleviate. She was warming up to the idea. I continued. “No more boy stalking, ever! If you’ve bookmarked Thato’s facebook page, delete it. I will delete mine. From now on, you see a guy you like, approach him and let him know, or else forever hold your peace, no stalking.”

  “Yes!” screamed Kate.

  “Number three, almost the same as number two: No more Monday Madness over at the shop. We need our beauty sleep. From now on we sleep and wake up at a normal time and make it to work at normal working time. We need to be selfish and start thinking about us, and not the hot guys that roam our complex in the morning. No more!” I filled in the columns respectively. “Next is confidence! It’s time to add that element into our lives because without it, none of this will ever be possible,” I said while writing it down under Transformation. “Okay, now I’ll leave the rest of the space for our individual goals and our individual transformations.” I rushed over to her desk again and pulled out two sheets of lined paper and two pens from the drawer. I handed her a sheet. “Right Kate, make yourself a list. What do you think you need to do, or what do you think is hindering you from having confidence? And what should you do to gain it? Write that down and we’ll incorporate it into our Manila paper on the wall.”

  Kate immediately went to work. She looked as determined as I was. I loved all of this. This pity party was fun and full of initiative. We were about to take over our lives and start taking ourselves seriously. After about thirty minutes of silence and total concentration, Kate got up and started pacing around.

  “I’m done. I’m so excited Celeste, oh this is good,” she said.

  I was done as well, just revising the possibilities.

  “Why don’t you start?” I said to Kate. I was a little nervous about her list, but I knew I wasn’t going to be shocked by some of the things she had come up with.

  “No, you start. You’re the ring leader in all of this, you should go first,” she replied. Kate sat back on her couch, her beady eyes, starring at me with anticipation.

  Okay, if she insists. I don’t mind going first. I’m too excited to argue with her. My list was rather short, but putting some of the things into perspective, it was long.

  1. Join the gym: I am so tired of feeling fat all the time. It’s time I did something about it. If it means my insecurities will lessen, I am going to join the gym for sure. As soon as possible, actually.

  2. Get a new wardrobe: I’ve been wearing the same clothes for over five years now. Some of them don’t even fit me properly anymore because I’ve gained weight along the years. The only new items I purchase are jeans because a pair lasts a year on me. My rubbing thighs ruin them.

  3. Limit my fantasising to non existence: No more picturing myself as a girlfriend of hot celebrities or of guys I stalk. From now on, I feel worthy enough for a guy, a real one that knows my name.

  4. Mingle: I’ve discovered that most people perceive me as being a rude person because I don’t socialise. Look at the church situation. Here I was, thinking that those poor people were stuck up, when it was me who was stuck up. From here on out, I am a social butterfly. I should get involved with projects in the community and meet people.

  5. Accept myself and being patient: I should stop giving myself a hard time because I’m behind in the love department.

  “That’s it,” I said. “That’s my list. Well, what do you think?”

  Kate gave me a standing ovation, clapping like my biggest fan. I know she is my biggest fan, but it just made everything seem worthwhile.

  “Thank you, Katie pie.” A smile was planted on my face. I think there was a giggle in there too. “Okay, your turn.” I went over to the couch to replace her in her seat. This should be interesting.

  Kate’s List

  1. Have courage to talk to people I don’t know. I think I’m too shy for words.

  2. Start drinking alcohol. What’s wrong with a little wine, once in a blue moon? Juice girl, I am no more.

  3. Clean my room.

  Kate concluded with a curtsey.

  That’s it, really? That’s her list? I gave her a standing ovation anyway, not to ruin the mood. I thought she would have in there something about changing her wardrobe and hair style. I don’t think she gets the point of all this.

  “Okay, now we should write this all down on the Manila paper,” I said, proceeding towards my initial position as presenter. I was trying not to show my disappointment in her list.

  After a while of scribbling down our lists, I said to Kate, “Now it’s time to list our goals. What do you want or what do you expect after fulfilling the items on your list?”

  “I want a man!” exclaimed Kate.

  I hi-fived her. “Amen, sister! A man it is.”

  “What else?”

  “Most importantly, Kate, we should have a clear mind, clear enough to see what we are going to do in college.”

  “Yes, find a college major to suit the both of us. Write it down,” she approved.

  “I think that’s it. Our chart is done, it’s time to put it in motion,” I said. We both went for her bed and sat on it, still staring at our chart so lovingly; the answer to our problems. Maybe we should have it laminated so nothing ruins it. It will serve as a reminder not to ever give up until we have accomplished exactly what we want.

  Kate’s mum knocked at the door and yelled, “Girls, come and get your supper.”

  I have to admit, all the wishful thinking had made me really hungry.

  “So Celeste, are we still going to have movie night tonight?” asked Kate as we left for the kitchen.

  “Sure,” I replied. “We’ll say goodbye to it. Besides, we can’t le
t all that ice cream and popcorn go to waste.” I giggled, looking forward to our last chick flick.

  “Does this mean we can never watch romantic movies?”

  “For now, yes, until we get the stuff on our list done, that is. The aim is to stop living in the movies.”

  Oh, I was back in the resort again. As soon as we get back to Kate’s room, we are going to fulfil number three on her list.

  Chapter 6

  I’m such a fool, thinking that it would be easy to get over tradition that easily. I woke up early this morning , having forgotten about the Monday Madness cancellation. You should have seen us yesterday, Kate and I. I don’t think we have ever cried that much while watching a movie. It did have a sad ending, I have to admit, but I think that part of it, was knowing that it was the last chick flick we’d ever watch. It was sad, heart wrenching. No more love stories, bye-bye! Now this morning, we still lost our beauty sleep. Although it was freezing cold, my eyes sprung wide open right on schedule. Kate was already up, taking a shower. Either way, I still felt good about myself. This was the beginning, a new Monday.

  “Why won’t you join the gym with me again?” I asked as we opened the shop.

  “It was not on my list, Celeste. Besides, I hate exercise, and I don’t really need it,” replied Kate.

  She was right. Kate was really skinny and tall. But skinny girls exercise, don’t they? I guess she would just have to be my motivation. I look at her and I even feel more determined to test the waters on the other side, the skinny side.