A Second Chance
Page 47
Amy placed the book back on the chest, crouched beside the bed and put her arms around the small figure. ‘Of course I want you, Eddie. You’re my little boy—mine and Mama’s. I’m so very glad you came to live with me. And even if Mama…’ She caught her breath, but it was too late to call back that “if”. ‘Even if Mama fetches you away, I’ll still want you to come and have holidays with us. So will Aunt Beth and Uncle Dave.’
Eddie’s expression suggested he was recalling how he had last seen David looking at him. Amy gave him a squeeze. ‘Come on, let’s do your prayers, then you can have a quiet little think about what you did, and why you’ll never do it again. Then tomorrow you’ll say sorry to everyone, and you’ll all be friends again. Yes, even Uncle Dave.’ She kissed his smooth cheek. ‘You’re a good boy, really.’
*
The kitchen was surprisingly peaceful when Amy entered the room. Daisy was nestled in the crook of David’s arm, the traces of tears still visible on her lashes, but showing no other sign of her earlier distress. Amy bent to kiss the baby, and sat down.
‘Is Daisy all right?’ she asked Beth, who was in the process of pouring out cups of tea.
‘Yes, she’s just fine. She got a fright, but I don’t think it really hurt her. There’s not a mark on her.’ Beth stroked Daisy’s cheek, and Daisy gurgled contentedly. ‘Boys can be a bit rough when they get worked up—I remember Danny gave Rosie a shove once and knocked her over, and she hit her head on a chair. She made a heck of a fuss, but it was no worse than what she’d get running around outside, or falling off the pony. Ma did Danny a lot more damage than he’d done Rosie. He was a lot older than Eddie is, though, he should’ve known better,’ Beth added, with a quick glance at David. ‘I know Eddie shouldn’t have done it, but there was no harm, really.’
‘No, he shouldn’t have done it,’ Amy said. ‘I’ve sent him to bed with no pudding, and I’ve taken his book off him for now.’ She turned to David. ‘He’s sorry for what he did. And he loves Daisy, you know he does. I’m sure he won’t do anything like that again.’
Beth had done a fine job, with Daisy’s assistance, of calming David down, but he still looked troubled. ‘I don’t know what to do with Eddie,’ he said earnestly. ‘I mean…’ He lowered his eyes for a moment, then raised them to meet Amy’s. ‘I know you don’t like me going on about Pa, but… I don’t want to be like he was, thumping Mal and me so we were scared stiff of him.’
‘You won’t be,’ Amy said. ‘Your father couldn’t help the way he was made, but you’re not like that. I know you got a shock just now, but you stopped yourself before anything happened.’
‘But I don’t know what to do. What am I supposed to do when he plays up?’
‘Don’t do anything. It’s not up to you—Eddie’s my responsibility.’
‘But… but he hasn’t got a father,’ David said, looking uncomfortable.
‘That’s right, Dave. Eddie doesn’t have a father. That’s just how things are. It’s not your job to try and be one to him.’
David appeared more willing to be convinced than Amy had expected. It was clear that his attempts to act as a father to Eddie were prompted by duty, not by any wish for the role that should have been Malcolm’s.
*
Next morning, Amy waited till David and Beth had come back from milking before she went to get Eddie up and dressed, leaving Beth to dish up their breakfast. She took him by the hand and led him into the kitchen, where David and Beth were now seated at the table.
‘Eddie’s got something to say.’ Amy gave his hand an encouraging squeeze before letting it drop from her grasp.
Eddie went to stand in front of Daisy, who was on Beth’s lap. ‘Sorry, Daisy,’ he said solemnly.
Daisy clearly bore no grudge. She gave a giggle, and reached out her arms towards Eddie. He took one little hand in his own, leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. Daisy responded with a milky bubble, then startled the adults by quite distinctly saying ‘adda’.
‘That sounded like “Eddie”,’ said Beth. ‘I think she’s saying your name.’
Eddie appeared unsurprised by Daisy’s feat, or by the fact that she had said his name before “Mama” or “Papa”. ‘I’ve been teaching her how to say it.’ He remembered his task of the moment. ‘I’m sorry I hit Daisy, Aunt Beth.’
Beth folded her free arm around him and drew him close. ‘I know you didn’t mean to. And you won’t do it again, will you?’ Eddie shook his head vigorously. ‘That’s a good boy.’ She kissed him on the top of the head.
Eddie hesitated a moment, then marched across to where David sat. ‘I’m sorry, Uncle Dave. I promise I won’t ever hit Daisy again.’ He thrust his hand out, and David carefully took it in his own much larger one to shake it.
David let go of his hand. Eddie continued to stand there, both of them looking awkward. ‘Well, that’s all sorted out, then,’ David said. Another awkward silence followed, once again broken by David. ‘Do you want to come down to the factory with me this morning?’
Eddie’s face lit up. This was a rare treat; Amy considered him too young to be entirely safe at the factory, which she knew would be crowded with carts coming and going, heavy milk cans being unloaded, and men too engrossed in the task at hand and in talking to each other to take much notice of one small, lively boy. She had only allowed him to go with David once or twice before, and had worried the whole time they were gone. But this morning it seemed well worth the risk.
Eddie took his seat. He and David attacked their breakfasts with vigour, showing every sign of having put the awkwardness behind them. Amy met Beth’s gaze and returned her smile. Peace reigned, and as long as David contented himself with being an overgrown big brother to Eddie, there seemed a fair chance that it would continue to do so.
*
Things quickly returned to normal on the farm. The morning after his outburst, Eddie picked Daisy a bunch of flowers that, as they were no use to chew on, she quickly pulled to bits and scattered over the floor. He then took to carrying her about, something that made Daisy crow in delight. She was a sturdy child, and Eddie did not look entirely steady under the burden, but he managed not to drop her. In any case, as Beth pointed out to Amy, it was not far for either of them to fall.
It was the end of January before Milly wrote again. She was full of apologies for her tardiness in replying, but when Amy had read the whole of her note she could not find it in herself to be at all irritated with Milly. There was a bleakness about the letter that seemed to Amy to go beyond the weariness that might be expected of a woman in the last half of her pregnancy.
I haven’t got hardly anything done lately, Milly wrote. I should be sewing and things for the baby, but I can’t seem to settle to anything. I think this baby must be quite a size, the way it hurts every time I sit down or get up or just move. I had a dizzy spell the other day, then I was up half the night being sick. Sid’s been that worried, he wanted to get the doctor to me. But I wouldn’t let him—I didn’t want some strange bloke poking around at me. I feel bad enough without that.
It’s funny I should be so bad with it this time. I kept as well as anything with Eddie even though I was worried about Mal and all, and this time when there’s nothing to worry about I’ve been that crook I wish I
The last three words had been crossed out, and the sentence left unfinished. The letter gave the appearance of having been folded away for a time, then taken up again and continued.
It’s such a long time since I saw Eddie. I bet he’s grown. I hope you haven’t had to buy him a load of clothes—I’ll try and send you some money when I get the chance, but I can’t just now. Fancy him turning out keen on reading and all. He must be pretty clever. Doesn’t get that from me, eh?
Sorry for all this moaning. I haven’t been sleeping much lately, that gets me down. I’ll be all right when this business is over. Then I’ll be able to get Eddie back. I feel like I won’t be right again till I’ve got him. I’ll manage it somehow.
Milly’s remark that she would “manage it somehow” to get Eddie back puzzled Amy, but she put it down to the helpless feeling that went with Milly’s obviously delicate health. She was clearly pining for Eddie, which was no doubt making her feel even worse. Amy was guiltily aware of her own earlier suspicions that Milly might not want him back. She was also aware of how painful she herself was going to find parting with Eddie when the time came.
There was no further word from Milly by late February, and this time Eddie left Amy in no doubt that he had noticed how rare his mother’s letters had become. David was opening an envelope at the kitchen table one day, when Eddie came and stood at his elbow.
‘Is that from Milly?’ Eddie asked.
‘Nope, it’s just a bill from the store,’ David told him.
Eddie said nothing, but he gave the table leg a kick as he walked back to his chair.
Amy slipped another biscuit onto his plate. ‘Mama will write again before long, Eddie. She’s probably just tired lately, with the hot weather.’ He shrugged, but made no other response.
Beth arrived from the bedroom with Daisy in her arms. She and David set off to get the cows in for milking, taking Daisy with them. It was a time of day that Amy often devoted to Eddie’s lessons, but today she decided that a change of routine was in order.
‘It really is hot today, isn’t it, Eddie? Would you like to go for a swim?’
‘Yes!’ Eddie said, his face brightening at once.
Amy gathered up towel and rug, and more biscuits for the appetite she was sure Eddie would have after the outing, and the two of them set out for the creek. She chose a spot close to the house, rather than the more secluded stretch of water David and Beth favoured when they went off for a swim together. Amy had been careful never to suggest that Eddie go with them.
The creek was shallow at this time of year, but Eddie only needed a pool deep enough for him to crouch down and splash away wildly. When he tired of that, he clambered around on the rocks of the creek bed, searching for interesting creatures that might have taken refuge in the mud between the stones. He claimed he could see an eel in one of the pools, but Amy declined his offer to try and catch it for her. She sat on the creek bank in the shade of an overhanging tree and watched Eddie darting from one spot to another as something caught his attention, occasionally plunging back into the water for a moment or two to cool off again.
When Amy judged he had been out in the sun for as long as was wise, she called him to her. He scrambled up the bank and let her enfold him in the towel.
‘Look how long your legs are,’ Amy remarked as she dried him off. Eddie was no longer the chubby toddler who had arrived at the farm eight months before. He seemed to have shot up several inches since the beginning of summer. Lily had recently sent over a bundle of clothes her younger son had outgrown; Will was four years older than Eddie, but Amy had only had to take up a small amount on the hems to make his trousers fit. ‘You’re going to be tall like your father was.’ She wrapped the towel around him and sat him on her lap.
Eddie nestled against her, warm and soft. He had what seemed an insatiable appetite for hearing about his father; Amy only wished she might have had a larger fund of uplifting tales for him. ‘Was my dad really tall?’
‘Yes, even taller than Uncle Dave. I suppose Uncle Dave might have caught him up, though—he was only fourteen when your father went away, he’s grown a lot since.’
Eddie shook his head. ‘No,’ he announced. ‘My dad was the tallest out of everyone.’
Amy smiled at his certainty. ‘Maybe he was, then. And maybe you’ll be even taller than him one day. So I’d better do this while I’m still bigger than you.’ She tickled him through the towel. Eddie squirmed and giggled till he hiccuped, and Amy held him close until he had calmed down enough to eat a biscuit without being in danger of choking.
‘I remember bringing your father and Uncle Dave down here for a swim when they were little.’
Eddie looked up, bright-eyed. ‘I bet he was a really good swimmer.’
Amy laughed softly. She had no wish to crush Eddie’s determination to see his father as a master of all manly virtues. ‘He might have been when he was older. I don’t really know.’
‘Did Milly used to come and swim here, too?’ Eddie asked, startling her.
‘No, the first time Mama ever came here was when she brought you.’
He looked at her solemnly, almost as if he knew what she was wondering: would that first visit turn out to be Milly’s only one?
‘We’d better go and see about dinner,’ Amy said, seeking a distraction from the uncomfortable thought. ‘Let’s get you dressed.’ She unwound the towel from Eddie and helped him into his clothes, then the two of them set off back to the house, hand in hand.
*
Amy took Eddie swimming most days after that, taking advantage of the warm weather that continued into March. He had ceased asking whether the mail contained anything from his mother, though Amy scanned every envelope that came, hoping to see Milly’s handwriting.
She was relieved when another letter finally arrived, though the envelope was so clumsily addressed that she wondered if it had been written in near-darkness. She slipped it into the pocket of her apron while she and Beth put away the week’s supplies, and waited till David had taken Eddie outside to help tend the horses before she went into her room and opened the letter.
It took only a glimpse of its contents to tell her that things were not right with Milly. A single sheet of notepaper was covered in an untidy scrawl, barely recognisable as Milly’s handwriting. There were ink blots in several places, and in others what looked like the marks of tears. The letter itself was little more than a jumble of incoherent phrases that could only be made out with an effort. Amy recognised Eddie’s name scattered through the letter, and she managed to decipher “wish I could see him” and “just about forgotten me by now”. The last line of the letter, which had been written a little more clearly, was “I’ve messed everything up. I’m sorry.”
Amy sat on the edge of her bed and, as calmly as she could, thought over what she should do. Milly was clearly in great distress, and quite possibly ill. There was only one way in which Amy could help her, though it would not be without complications.
She took her writing supplies out to the kitchen, sat at the table and wrote a brief letter to Milly.
I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well, she began. Would you like me to bring Eddie to see you? I’m sure that would brighten you up. Don’t worry about having us to stay, I know you won’t feel up to that. We’d just come for a day or two, and we could stay in a boarding house. I expect we could get a coach from Tauranga to Waihi, if that’s the nearest town to you, and perhaps Mr Carter could pick us up from there, or if it’s not too far we’ll walk. Just say the word, and I’ll see about booking a passage right away.
She had David make a special trip into town the very next day to send off her letter, then settled herself to wait for a reply. Even as wretched and unwell as Milly seemed to be, Amy expected a prompt and eager response to the idea of seeing Eddie again.
But no answer came. Amy waited two weeks, then wrote again, repeating her offer and stressing how willing she was to bring Eddie to see his mother. She felt an urgency that she was unable to explain fully, even to herself, and at the same time she felt a sick helplessness. She had no proper address for Milly, just the name of the general store where mail was held for her. If it had been a matter of going on her own, Amy might have set out without hearing from Milly, and trusted to asking directi
ons along the way. But she could not drag Eddie on such a journey, with no certainty of what might be at the end of it.
No letter ever came. But at the end of March, just after Daisy’s first birthday, Amy was sitting at the table with Eddie one afternoon when she heard the sound of a horse’s hooves coming up the track. Eddie got up at once, abandoning the arithmetic lesson Amy had been giving him, and ran to open the door.
‘It’s a man,’ he announced. ‘It’s not one of the uncles.’
As every man in the valley was some sort of uncle to Eddie, this visitor must have come from further afield. Amy went to the doorway and looked over the top of Eddie’s head, in time to see the rider dismounting his horse close to the garden gate. The man was a complete stranger to her.
She quickly took off her apron and hung it on a hook behind the door, then went out to greet the visitor, Eddie trotting along beside her.
The man stood outside the gate, holding the reins of his horse. He was tall and rather thin, with a slight stoop. He took off his hat as Amy approached, revealing thinning brown hair streaked with grey.
‘Is Mrs Stewart at home?’ he asked, his voice low.
‘That’s me. I’m Amy Stewart.’ Belatedly she remembered that there were two Mrs Stewarts on the farm, but it was most unlikely that a stranger would be seeking Beth.
She saw the man’s gaze flick to Eddie, then back to her. ‘I’m Sid Carter,’ he said, dipping his head uncertainly as if wondering whether she would recognise the name.
‘Oh! You’re Milly’s—’