Tucked Away

by Jennie Marts

  He leaned his forehead against hers. “I haven’t felt like this in a long time. It scares me to death. I haven’t put my faith in a woman in years. I feel like I’m already in over my head and I’m terrified that you aren’t feeling the same way. Or that you’re gonna get tired of this country boy and pack up to head back to the city.”

  She placed her free hand against his cheek. “I’m terrified, as well. Every man I have put my faith in has let me down. But you make me feel safe. Like I can trust you with my heart. And I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You can trust me, babe. I won’t hurt you. Everything is happening so fast, but it’s also exciting and thrilling. I can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning so I can call you or find some stupid excuse to drop by over here. I’m in this thing.”

  “Okay.” She whispered the word and closed her eyes, taking a giant internal leap of faith. “I’m in this thing, too.”

  He leaned down and kissed her lightly. Sweetly, but with an undercurrent of desire. “There’s something special about you, Charlie. Something about you pulls me in and makes me want to protect you and rip your clothes off at the same time.”

  “Is that okay? You make that sound like a bad thing.”

  “I’m a respectable member of the community. I’m thirty-five years old. I have a teenage daughter, and you make me feel like I’m a teenager again.” He squeezed her bottom, pulling her tighter to him and gave her a naughty grin. “And a horny teenager, as well. I think about you all the time. And, I mean, I think about you and how great you are. But I also think about you and what I want to do to you and how I can get you naked and under me.”

  Her muscles clenched with desire in response to his wanton words. He made her feel like a teenager, too. With a school girl crush on the star football player. And like she had just made the astonishing discovery that he liked her back.

  All the words she wanted to say were stuck behind the lump of emotion in her throat. She tried to convey her feelings through her eyes and through the passion of the kiss she now ravaged his mouth with.

  Pressing her body to his, she couldn’t get close enough to him. She gasped as his hands slid under her shirt, caressing her bare skin. He slid his fingers along her stomach then cupped her breasts, now tight and aching with desire.

  She wanted this man, and she wanted him NOW. Everything else in the world slid away, except for Zack. Time stood still as she reveled in his touch, his hunger for her. No one had ever made her feel this needed, this excited.

  She was ready to yank off her clothes and let him have her, up against the rough timber of the barn wall or on the floor in a pile of hay. Who cared? As long as he didn’t stop touching her. She was bursting with passion and terrified as hell.

  “Zack. Charlie. Steaks are on.” Cash’s voice hollered at them from the yard.

  Zack took a step back, taking his warmth and most of her breath with him. She stood against the wall, panting as if she had just run a marathon. A sexy doctor marathon.

  She worked to catch her breath as she smoothed down her hair. “They’re going to wonder what happened to us.”

  Adjusting his jeans, Zack grinned at her. “I’m wondering what’s happening to us. Geez, you’re turning me into a sex-starved maniac.”

  “Good. Then my evil plan is working. Step one, move to a farm in Montana. Step two, find a handsome cowboy and turn him into my sex slave.”

  He laughed. “I like the sound of that.” He took her hand and pulled her from the wall. “Come on, let’s go get some supper.”

  She squeezed his hand and followed him into the sunshine of the yard, blinking against the light. “I’m starving. I think I could eat a whole cow.”

  “Great. That’s probably how much steak Cash grilled up.”

  Holding hands, they crossed the yard and climbed the steps of the porch. Before they went in, he leaned down and dropped one quick peck on her kiss-bruised lips. “So, do you really think I’m handsome?”

  …

  “Pass the corn.”

  Charlie blew out her breath as she passed the platter of corn-on-the-cob to Zack. “I am so full. I couldn’t eat another bite.”

  “He must have worked up an appetite this afternoon.” Cash flashed her a wicked grin then grunted at the not-so-subtle kick he received under the table from Zack.

  “As a matter of fact, I did.” Zack took another ear of corn from the platter and hoisted it at Charlie’s mom. “Everything is delicious, Liz. Thank you for putting this all together.”

  Elizabeth waved away the praise and smiled at Sophie. “I was glad to do it. I don’t often have a houseful to cook for, and I had fun doing this. I haven’t gotten to plan a birthday dinner in a long time.”

  What the heck was happening? Charlie barely recognized her mother. As far as she knew, her mom had never had a houseful of people to cook for, and she couldn’t remember a single birthday dinner that had ever been made. The only thing Elizabeth Ryan had ever made were reservations at a restaurant.

  Charlie eyed the shoulder-length blond hair, now loose instead of wrapped in the normal chignon. The standard ring of pearls still peeked from the neck of the perfectly-pressed button-down shirt, but her sleeves were rolled up, she wore jeans instead of slacks, and her feet were bare. After a week of wandering the pastures of Tucked Away, her mom had the healthy glow of sun and exercise.

  No one had ever called her mother anything but Elizabeth. It seemed strange to hear the folks around the table speaking to her with an easy familiarity, calling her “Liz” and “darlin’”. And Charlie couldn’t get over the case of giggles that overtook her every time Buckshot called her “Lizzie Jean”.

  Maybe she didn’t recognize this new look on Elizabeth because she looked so happy. A wave of sadness hit her in the chest as she thought of the last few years in New York. When’s the last time Mom ever genuinely laughed?

  Was she so used to her mom’s condescending and snide attitude that she didn’t recognize it as unusual until she witnessed the contrast of happiness now evident in her? And why did her mom’s current easy laughter with these people now make her almost angry? Maybe it was jealousy on her own part that a group of cowboys and a teenage girl could make Lizzie Jean seem so happy when she herself had never been able to.

  She watched her mom now and tried to process all she had learned about her and this new history of growing up in a small town with a single parent herself. Maybe this recent version of Liz could be the mother that she desperately ached for. If she could stop judging her mom’s every move and just give her a chance to be this new woman in a new setting, maybe they could have that relationship Charlie felt was lacking from her life.

  Resolved to give her a chance, she pushed back from her chair and walked around to put her arms around her mom’s shoulder, giving her an awkward hug. “Thanks, Mom. Everything was wonderful.”

  “Well, thank you, Charlie.” Elizabeth seemed flustered by the unusual display of affection from her daughter and patted her hand. “But we still have dessert.”

  Amidst groans of fullness, Elizabeth stepped into the kitchen and quickly lit the candles on the cake she’d had sitting prepared on the counter. Holding the blazing dessert aloft, she sang in a clear voice, “Happy Birthday to you…”

  The whole group chimed in as Elizabeth set the cake in front of Sophie. The teenager’s face split with a grin from ear to ear. She looked over the glowing candles at her dad, and her eyes filled with happy tears. “I don’t know what to wish for. I got everything I could possibly want today.”

  Zack winked at his daughter. “Then just blow out the candles and save your wish for when you need it.”

  Sophie smiled, took a deep breath, and blew out all fourteen candles. Cheers and applause erupted around the table.

  Charlie had returned to her chair and now felt Zack take her hand under the table. He leaned close to whisper in her ear. “I sure hope that’s chocolate, because I have been crazy for chocolate cake lately.”

/>   A ripple of desire ran through her at his double meaning, and she squeezed his hand back. “Me, too. Montana seems to have the best chocolate cake I have ever tasted.”

  Their flirting was interrupted as Liz passed plates of cake around the table. She had outdone herself with the cake, and she basked in the groans of pleasure emanating from around the table as everyone scooped bites of moist cake with glistening frosting into their mouths.

  “This is the best cake of my life, Liz,” Sophie said, with her usual enthusiastic zeal.

  “I’m glad I didn’t miss the cake. It looks delicious.” All eyes turned to the man standing in the doorway of Gigi’s house.

  Charlie heard her mother gasp as the fork slipped from her hands and clattered to the floor. The only sound in the room was the click of Joy’s toenails as the dog crossed the room to investigate.

  Liz’s face was ghostly pale, and her voice was barely above a whisper. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  Chapter Nine

  Dead silence changed to pandemonium as chairs were pushed back, and Buckshot and Cash rose to their feet. Zack stood and took a protective stance shielding Charlie, while Liz sat in a dumbfounded stupor.

  The man looked to be in his mid-fifties, his hair still thick and holding its dark blond color. He was handsome in a rugged Marlboro Man kind of way, dressed in jeans, cowboy boots, and a light blue western shirt. His face carried the stubble of a five o’clock shadow, and he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of Elizabeth. “Lizzie, is that really you? I had no idea that you would be here.”

  “Will somebody tell me what’s going on? Who is this guy?” Charlie asked. “Mom?”

  The older cowboy’s head jerked from Liz to Charlie and back. He dropped the worn leather duffle bag he held in his hand. “Mom? Is this…?”

  Elizabeth shook her head and took a deep breath, as if trying to regain control of the situation. “Yes, this is her.” She looked back to her daughter’s confused face. “Charlie, meet your father, Ryan Charles Tucker.”

  It was her turn to drop something, but since her hands were empty, her jaw had to suffice. She couldn’t believe it. It was as if her tears earlier today had somehow conjured him to life. All the times she had hoped and prayed to meet him, and now he stood before her. She remained frozen in place, not even able to close her mouth.

  “Charlie?” The man’s head continued to ping-pong back and forth between Liz and his daughter. “You named her Charlie? After me?”

  “No. After Charlie, the garbage man,” Liz said, with the familiar sarcasm that Charlie recognized. Now she sounded more like her mom.

  Charlie blinked. “You named me after him?”

  “Oh, brother. I’m surrounded by detectives. This is not a difficult case to solve. His name is Ryan Charles, your name is Charlie Ryan. It’s a pretty safe bet you were named after him.”

  She tried to process this new information. Her mother had never told her the name of the man who had abandoned her as a baby. “But why? After he left us?”

  “Left you?” Ryan looked at Liz in confusion. “I didn’t leave you. You ran out in the middle of the night, and I never saw you again.”

  His words hit Charlie like a physical punch to the gut. She reached for Zack’s hand and took comfort in the solid feel of his hand on her back, offering her silent support.

  She didn’t know what to believe anymore. Everything in her world had seemed to turn upside down. Everyone that she trusted seemed to lie or deceive her. Suddenly Zack’s hand on her back felt intrusive, and she let go of their joined fingers, pulling her hand to her chest. “Mom? Is this true?”

  Elizabeth waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Oh, that was a long time ago. Who even remembers?”

  “I do.” Ryan’s voice was soft, but he had the attention of everyone in the room, especially hers. “Lizzie, you took everything from me that night. You broke my heart. AND my collarbone.”

  “You did that to yourself.” Liz spat the words at him.

  “I don’t recall hitting myself over the head with a skillet.”

  Charlie gasped. “You did what?”

  Liz looked around at the faces in the room, her hard demeanor crumbling at the judgment she saw. “Look, I barely hit him. And he deserved it. He was cheating on me. I knew what men were like, and I was getting out of there.”

  “I made a stupid mistake, once. I was young and an idiot.” Ryan sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Every person in the room was watching him, but he only had eyes for Elizabeth. “But we could have worked it out. I married you. I was ready to have a family. I wanted to grow old with you. And you took that chance away from us by running away.”

  Elizabeth sat still in her chair, staring at her half-finished piece of cake. She picked at a piece of chocolate frosting on the tablecloth. “I had spent my life watching my father disregard my mother. He cheated and lied, and if she didn’t like it, he beat her black and blue. I had thought you were different. I’d thought you could save me. When I saw you with that girl, it shattered every dream I had. I saw my life as a repeat of my mother’s, and I couldn’t let that happen.”

  The room was silent as Elizabeth looked up at Ryan, tears rolling down her face. “That life killed my mother before she even turned forty years old. I couldn’t let that happen to me and to my baby. I loved you too much. I knew you would eventually break my heart. And I couldn’t bear that. It was easier to leave you first and spend my life without a man than wait around for you to take off on me.”

  Charlie had never seen her mother share such a raw display of emotion. The times when she was young that she’d brought up her father were met with such bitterness and sorrow, that eventually she stopped bringing him up. Even small conversations about why she didn’t have a daddy could send Elizabeth into days-long depression. So she’d learned to avoid talking about him.

  She had taken the fragments of information she’d learned and pieced together her own reality of a man who had walked out on his family and abandoned his daughter. It was like she had this completed puzzle in her mind of what had happened, and her mother had just handed her six new pieces to try to fit in.

  As angry and confused as she was, Charlie’s heart broke for her mother. The things she had learned about Elizabeth Ryan (if that was even her actual last name) since she had been in Montana changed the entire picture she’d always had of who her mother was.

  She could see now that Liz’s sarcasm and indifference were more likely defense mechanisms to protect herself against the pain of letting old memories in. Making a clean break and never looking back could carry an anguish all its own, filled with doubt and questions of what if.

  All of these thoughts tumbled together in her mind as she watched the reunion between her mother and father. She wanted to go to her mom now, but she seemed rooted in place, her hand still clutched against her chest.

  Before she could take a step, she watched her father cross the room and kneel in front of the chair where her mother sat. He put his arms around Elizabeth and pulled her into his lap on the floor as she threw her arms around his neck and collapsed into heart-wrenching sobs.

  Ryan ran his hand through Liz’s hair and rocked her gently back and forth as if she were a child. “Elizabeth, I was not your father. I was a kid. We both were.” He took her chin and tipped her head up to look into her eyes. “My collarbone healed, but my heart never did.”

  “Oh, Ryan.” Elizabeth tried to catch her breath. “I can’t change what I did. And I can’t look back with regret. I have wanted to come back so many times. To find you. To see Gigi. But I knew this town would never forgive me for taking Charlie away, and the more years went by, the easier it was to put you behind me and to forget that I ever loved you.”

  “I don’t give a rat’s ass about this town or what anyone would think. We were kids. We were young and made stupid choices. But I loved you, Lizzie. And I would’ve forgiven you.” He held her face in his hand, using his thumb to brush away her tea
rs. “I do forgive you.”

  “Thank you,” Elizabeth whispered, then buried her face in his shoulder and let loose a fresh wave of sobs.

  Ryan seemed oblivious to the audience in the room watching their drama unfold. All of his attention remained on Elizabeth as he held her and let her cry herself out.

  When her crying jag finished, Charlie moved to her mother, crouching on the floor beside her. “It’s okay, Mom. Why don’t I take you upstairs to lie down for a bit?”

  Elizabeth stood up and put her arm around her daughter’s shoulder. “Yes, that would probably be a good idea.” She raised her tear-stained eyes to Sophie. “I’m so sorry that I ruined your beautiful birthday dinner.”

  Sophie shrugged. “You didn’t ruin anything for me. My birthday is never this exciting. Last year we just got a pizza and rented a movie.”

  Liz gave the girl a thankful smile and turned to the stairway, still leaning heavily on Charlie. They crossed the room and disappeared from view into the stairwell before she stopped to face Charlie. “I’m really sorry to you as well, honey. You must hate me right now.”

  She let out a sigh. “Honestly, Mom, I don’t know what I feel right now. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. But I am confused and finding it hard to sort out my actual feelings. I’m in shock that my father just suddenly showed up out of nowhere. And I think I’m pretty angry at you for not telling me the truth and letting me spend my whole life believing that my dad was the one who left and that he never wanted me.”

  “I know. You have every right to be mad. Although, I never exactly told you that he left us.”

  She shook her head as they ascended the stairs. “No, maybe you didn’t. But I am coming to see that you are the queen of omission. You may not have said it, but you let me believe it.”

  “Of course I let you believe it. You lived with me. He was gone. Why would I let you see him as some kind of hero in your life? I was the one who got us away, who changed our names and started a new life for us.”