She

by J. S. Cooper

  “Don’t worry about it.” He grinned. “I’ll think of a way.”

  “If anyone can do it, you can,” Larry said loyally.

  “That is true.” Jeremiah sat back and grinned to himself. I stared at him in silence and wondered what was going through his brain. Many times I’d stared at Jeremiah and wondered exactly who he was. I didn’t think even Larry knew the real Jeremiah. Jeremiah Bradley was an enigma. But if there was anyone that could find a way to live forever, it would be him.

  six

  Bianca London

  Present Day

  There’s a French movie called Jules et Jim. It was a hard movie for me to follow when I first watched it, but the story was so delicately complex that I watched it a second time. And I realized for all its simplicity, it was a touching and crazy roller-coaster ride. The story is an emotional tale of love, lust, friendship, betrayal, and hurt, and ultimately when it ends, it leaves you wondering what just happened. On a very base level, it’s a movie about two best friends who fall in love with the same girl. On a much deeper level, it’s about the things we do to keep the ones we love.

  The first time I watched the movie, I was annoyed, because to me everything in life is black-and-white. You either love someone or you don’t. And if you love someone, that’s it. That was your one true love, that was your soul mate. There were no shades of gray, no in-between. No “he might be the one or he might not be.” And certainly there was no loving two men at the same time. It just wasn’t possible. But now—now I know that everything in life isn’t black-and-white. Falling in love and loving someone aren’t the be-all and end-all of life either. The idea of having one true love is something we tell ourselves to make our lives easier. Soul mates and destinies are the things of fairy tales. Unfortunately, I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t believe in Prince Charming and riding off into the sunset. I’m a much more practical girl. Being in love with someone doesn’t always mean letting down your guard 100 percent.

  “Where were you?” Jakob’s voice was accusing as I let myself into his apartment. His eyes looked worried, and my heart stilled for a few seconds as I took in his appearance. He rushed over to me, his eyes searching mine. His hair was messy, and his hands were clenched as I looked up at him with a weak smile. His eyes narrowed as he surveyed my face and he pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my forehead tenderly. “I was worried about you, Bianca. I thought someone had come and taken you.”

  “I was out,” I said lightly, not wanting to get into a long, drawn-out conversation. And not wanting to give him a reason to tell me I was stupid to have gone out by myself without telling him. I knew I was lucky that Steve and Rosie had let me go, but I was too tired and confused to talk about it right now. I just needed time to think and sort things out in my mind before talking more to Jakob. My meeting with Blake hadn’t happened. I’d waited at the coffee shop for about thirty minutes before he’d called me and told me he couldn’t come. I’d asked him what it was he’d wanted to tell me, but he’d said he couldn’t tell me over the phone. I was worried that someone had gotten to him, but hadn’t known what else to do. He’d said to keep my phone close to me and he’d call me again later.

  “Out where?” He walked toward me and grabbed my hands. “I’ve been worried out of my mind. You didn’t answer my calls.”

  “Sorry, I was otherwise engaged.” I sighed, sat down on his couch, and leaned back and rubbed my forehead to try to get rid of the dull headache that had taken over my head.

  “Doing what?” He sat down next to me, and I looked up into his eyes. He looked stressed out, and I realized how selfish I had been by not calling him back when I’d gone to meet Blake.

  “I was watching a video of you, actually,” I said softly, and grimaced slightly as I recalled the video of Jakob and his brother. I’d almost forgotten about that, what with Steve and Rosie showing up.

  “A video of me?” His dark blue eyes narrowed, and something flashed across his face as he gazed at me. “What was I doing in the video?”

  “What do you think you were doing?” I pursed my lips and sighed as I gazed up at him. “What’s going on, Jakob? What was David talking about when you had him ti—” I said, and he cut me off before I could finish talking.

  “So I’ve been condemned before trial?” His voice was rough as he looked at me sadly. “Are you playing judge, jury, and executioner?”

  “Jakob, you’re misunderstanding me. You don’t even know what I saw.” I placed a hand on his shoulder.

  “I don’t care what you saw.” He shrugged my hand off him. “At this point in our relationship, it doesn’t matter. At this point in our relationship, there shouldn’t be anything I have to worry about or anything you have to worry about. If we see or hear something that looks crazy, we shouldn’t automatically judge the other person and think that they are in the wrong.” He was getting angrier as he spoke. “There are two feelings you can live your life by, Bianca: love or fear. What’s it going to be?” Jakob’s tone was intense as he stared at me. “Am I constantly going to have to worry that you’re not going to trust me, and you’ll question me and judge me based on every little thing you see and hear?”

  “I think one should use common sense as well,” I said lightly, and stood up. “Sometimes we can go with love, but other times we have to listen to that fear in our brains. That fear is healthy. That fear can prevent us from entering into situations we shouldn’t.” I placed my hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes, allowing him to see that I was holding nothing back.

  “So which one of those emotions do you feel when you think of me?” he asked me softly and searchingly. I knew that our entire relationship and future, if there was to be a future, depended on my answer now. “And are those feelings now based on a video you saw of me doing heaven knows what?”

  “The question should really be which one of those feelings I’m going to go with, as I feel both of them,” I said with a small smile, trying to defuse the situation. “Jakob, smile, you’re making me feel like Meryl Streep in Sophie’s Choice.” I shook him gently, and he frowned.

  “Are you choosing between me and another man?” His eyes darkened. “Is your decision so difficult that you liken it to the Holocaust? Are you so scared and fearful of me? Have I really given you that much reason to distrust me?”

  “Of course I don’t think this is like the Holocaust.” I frowned as I stared at him. His voice was no longer nonchalant, and I could feel my stomach churning in worry. “You have to understand where I’m coming from.”

  “Bianca, what do you think of me?” His melancholy tone pierced my heart.

  “Oh, Jakob.” I grabbed his face and pulled it toward me. “Is there any doubt in your mind? I love you and trust you. From the depths of my heart I trust you. Yes, there are times I don’t know what’s going on or who you are, but ultimately I don’t believe that you’re going to harm me or trick me.”

  “Good.” He kissed me hard. “You had me worried there.”

  “When I was saying ‘What’s going on?’ I wasn’t talking about with you.” I sighed and shook my head. “There’s a lot that’s happened since I last saw you.”

  “Same.” He squeezed my hand. “I went to see David.”

  “I figured.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Did you torture him?”

  “That was what you saw in the video?” He looked at me carefully and nodded his head. “I should have known.”

  “Known what?”

  “It was a setup.” He sighed. “David texted that he needed to see me urgently. When I arrived, he said that Steve had gone rogue and tied him up, but that he’d left his cell phone on the table. When I arrived, he started shouting at me.” He shook his head. “And yes, I did get angry with him.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I didn’t kill him,” Jakob joked, but I wasn’t laughing. “Bianca, what are you thinking?”

  “Let me explain,” I said, sitting next to him on the couch. “I saw St
eve and Rosie.”

  “Together?” Jakob frowned. “Where were you?”

  “I went to see David. I thought if I spoke to him by himself, he might tell me something.” I held my hand up, as I could see that Jakob was starting to look angry. “I think he has a soft spot for me. I know you don’t think so, but he does.”

  “Are you fucking joking, Bianca?” Jakob exploded, and he looked at me like I was crazy. “Do you really think David cares what happens to you? How could you go and try to speak to him without telling me? What were you thinking?”

  “I don't think he’s dumb enough to let something slip if it was you and me. However, if it was just me, well, I thought I'd have a chance. I really think I could have gotten more information.” I took a deep breath. “I’m tired, Jakob. I’m tired. I’m scared. I don’t know what’s going to happen from day to day. I just want my life to go back to normal.”

  “I understand that,” he said softly. “But you can’t just go off without me.”

  “You mean like you did to me?” I retorted, and he clenched his fists.

  “What did Steve and Rosie want?” He sat down on the couch. “Why were they together, and why were they in David’s apartment?”

  “I don’t know.” I pursed my lips. “I don’t have many answers, but we’re going to get them soon.”

  “What do you mean?” He grabbed my hands. His fingers ran across my palms and up my wrists. He stroked my skin softly, and I shifted so that I was leaning into him and our thighs were pressed into each other.

  “I love you, Jakob. I love you and I trust you.” I looked at him and reached up and stroked the side of his face. “I want you to know that. I want you to know that I’m going with love. When it comes to you, I’m going with love.”

  “Are you sure?” he said, his eyes searching mine. “Is love enough? After everything we’ve been through? Are you sure that’s enough for you?”

  “When I was growing up, my dad used to tell me that he loved my mother more than anything. He gave up everything for my mother. He said he never regretted it. He said that he would have done anything for love. He said that he’d have gone to the ends of the earth for one more day with her.” My eyes glazed over as I thought about the passion my father’s voice always had when he talked about my mom. “He loved her so much. He said that sometimes he couldn’t believe how lucky he’d been that she’d chosen him.”

  “What was her name?”

  “Angelina,” I said, and then looked at him. “What was your mom’s name?”

  “Joanie.” He said it proudly. “Never Joan. Always Joanie.”

  “I like Joanie,” I said, and then my heart started pounding. “I know this is going to sound crazy, but I feel like I recognize the name Joanie.”

  “Oh?” He looked at me closely. “What do you recognize about it?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t remember. It just rings a bell.” I sighed. “I’m not really sure why.”

  “Oh, okay.” Jakob nodded, but I could see from his face that he was disappointed.

  “I’m sorry. I wish we had this all figured out already.” I sighed loudly, feeling the annoyance and frustration throughout my body. “I wish I had gotten to meet your mother. To know the person who could raise a son like you and write such beautiful poems.” I reached up and stroked the side of his face. “Why don’t you read me another one of her poems?”

  “I don’t want to depress you.”

  “They don’t depress me. They’re beautiful. Love is beautiful; heartbreaking at times, yes, but still beautiful.”

  “How I love you, Bianca. You do know that, right?”

  “Yes.” I nodded, and my heart filled with joy at the love in his eyes. “I know that.”

  “So what else happened? How did you get away from that bastard Steve and Rosie?”

  “It was thanks to you, actually. When you kept calling me, I could see that they were getting anxious. So I played upon their anxiety. That’s when they decided to let me go and let both of us come to the ball.”

  “Hmm,” Jakob said, and I stared at his face. He looked at me, unconvinced, and I sighed.

  “What?” I said, and tried to guess what he was thinking.

  “Do you think they really let you go just because I was calling?” He shook his head. “Steve is a bloody maniac, and I doubt he’s scared of me, and while I don’t know Rosie well, she doesn’t seem the sort to be scared of a couple of missed calls either.”

  “So you think they wanted both of us to come?”

  “Yes.” He nodded. “Though I don’t know why they wouldn’t have just asked that of us. Why set me up with David, and why ambush you at David’s apartment?”

  “I don’t know.” I chewed on my lower lip nervously. “Do you think we should skip the ball?”

  “No way,” he said instantly. “However, we will ask Blake to come with us.”

  “With us? Is that a good idea?”

  “Not with us, with us. I’ll get him onto the invite list and he can arrive separately. I have an idea.”

  “What idea?”

  “It’ll be easier to explain when Blake is here. Unless you don’t want him to be involved anymore?”

  “No, he can help us,” I said, and made a small face. “Actually, he was meant to meet me today, but he never showed up, so he said he’d call me later.”

  “You were going to meet up with him?” Jakob sounded jealous, but I could tell he was trying to play it off.

  “He’s helping us, Jakob. He’s a good resource. We weren’t meeting for a midafternoon hookup.” I tried to joke, but he didn’t smile.

  “Not funny, Bianca.” He shook his head. “From here on out, please let me know where you’re going and what you’re planning. I think it will be safer for both of us to know what the other is up to.” He gave me a hard stare. “I can’t protect you if I don’t know where you are.”

  “Jakob, I don’t need you to protect me.” I rolled my eyes at him, but inside I felt a wave of warmth toward him. How could I ever doubt this man? “And if we’re going to be straightforward from here on out, tell me your idea.” I raised an eyebrow at him and gave him a hard stare back.

  “We’ll discuss it when Blake calls you. I need to go over some things first. Now, go and have a shower.” He winked at me, and my face heated as I glared at him for blowing me off.

  “A shower?” I frowned. “We have so much to figure out. I don’t want to shower now.”

  “Bianca, take a shower. Cool down. Calm down. Then we’ll talk. Right now you’re still reeling from what just happened. I want us both to have fresh minds when we talk.”

  “Fine.” I rolled my eyes and turned away from him. “Bossy boots.”

  “I can be bossy if you want me to be.”

  “I don’t want you to be,” I muttered under my breath.

  “Beautiful as a rose, fragile as a butterfly. I watch her in my window with every sunrise.”

  “Your mom wrote that as well?” I looked at him in surprise.

  “No.” He smiled as he gazed at me tenderly. “Those words are my own. I guess I inherited my mother’s love of poetry now that I have my own muse.”

  “You love making me blush.”

  “Not really.” He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me into him. “What I love doing,” he spoke gently into my ear, “is making you come.”

  “Do you trust me?” Jakob walked toward me with a pair of gold handcuffs in his hand and watched me as I dried my hair with one of his plush white towels. There was a sly smile on his face and a question in his eyes.

  “Should I trust you?” I raised an eyebrow in a deliberately seductive way, picking up a brush and combing my hair.

  “Maybe. Maybe not.” He grabbed my right wrist and pulled me toward him. His fingers gripped my skin tightly, and I swallowed hard as I looked into his eyes. They were full of danger and mischief.

  “That’s not a very good answer,” I said softly, and before he knew what was happening, I
grabbed the handcuffs from his hand and held them next to my body.

  “What are you going to do?” he growled as he let go of my wrist.

  “This,” I said with a small smile as I grabbed his left wrist and cuffed it.

  “Am I under arrest?” he asked with a mischievious smirk on his face.

  “Should you be?” I said, not smiling back. I gave him my sternest look, though it took everything in me to not start giggling. How I wanted this man. How I wanted to show him that I just wasn’t some submissive little girl he could boss around. I wanted to show him that I could give him as good as he gave.

  “Maybe,” he said again, and I could see his chest rising quickly. I hid a smile. He was as excited as I was, and maybe even a little intrigued as to what I was going to do next.

  “Take off your pants,” I commanded him, my eyes dropping to the front of his jeans.

  He looked back at me with laughing eyes, and I squeezed the cuff over his wrist. “Now,” I said, and stepped back.

  “Shouldn’t you cuff us together or cuff me to something?” He cocked his head as he stared at me. “Don’t you want to make sure that I don’t run away and escape?”

  “I don’t think you’re going to run away,” I said lightly, and ran my hands down the front of my body and slowly across my breasts. I saw his eyes narrow as he followed the path of my fingers. “Are you?” I said as I pushed my hand up and squeezed my breasts together.

  “No,” he agreed, his eyes darker now and no longer laughing. I watched as he reached down and unbuckled his jeans and pulled them off with one hand. He stood there in front of me in a pair of white Calvin Klein briefs and a white shirt. It took everything in me not to reach over, unbutton his shirt, and then pull his hardening cock out.

  “Take your shirt off now,” I said, and this time I hardened my voice. I was playing a role now, and he had to know I meant business. “Hurry!” I snapped as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. “I don’t have all day.”

  “Neither do I,” he said, and I frowned at his tone. Jakob still thought he was calling the shots here. I smiled to myself as I realized how quickly I was going to show him he was wrong.