Rocky Mountain Mayhem

by Joan Rylen

As Buck dug a fire pit, he said, “I’m not going to light the fire today, but your best bet is to carry waterproof matches with you. In the event you don’t have a 21st century method for lighting fire, do it caveman style by using two sticks together in the bow-drill method or finding flint rock which can create a spark.”

  Kate coughed and Wendy elbowed her in the ribs. “He’s not talking about that kind of caveman style.”

  “I don’t even know what that would be, it just sounded funny.”

  “I think it would involve a lot of ughaaa wughaaa, ughaaa—”

  Kate and Vivian started full-out laughing, and Lucy gave them a look.

  Buck, ignoring them, threw the tinder and kindling into the pit and then used the kindling and logs to assemble the four types of fire. He concluded with the signaling fire. “Make a tripod frame over the tinder and kindling and tie the branches together with wire or evergreen branches. Light the fire and drape green leafy branches from the top of the tripod. Smoke will billow high into the sky, enabling a rescue team to find you.”

  “Are there smoke signals we should do?” Lucy asked.

  Buck grinned. “No, the smoke is a signal itself, but if possible, light more than one of these, and make caveman sounds while you do it.” Putting on a straight face, he said to the group, “Who wants to try?”

  Overeager water guy was all over this, too, and stepped right up, cutting Lucy off. She went about gathering her own tinder, kindling and logs with the girls’ help, and she made a bigger signaling fire than he did.

  Buck gave her an approving glance, then turned his attention to the group. “Time for lunch. I brought my favorite survival snacks; hope you’re hungry.” He pulled a bag of dried fruit out of his backpack. “Feel free to use the water filter in the lake if you’re thirsty.”

  Wendy put her hands on her hips. “He wasn’t kidding when he named this course ‘primitive.’ ”

  This was not the lunch Vivian had envisioned. Lucy’s going to have to make up for this.

  She did, by whipping out the Ritz Crackers and Easy Cheese from her backpack. “Am I good or what?”

  Vivian drew an A+ on a cracker and handed it to Lucy. “Way to keep me alive in the wilderness!”

  A quick lunch out of the way, Buck began teaching the basics of scouting and tracking, starting with natural camouflage.

  “You have to blend into your surroundings,” he said as he rubbed mud all over his face, then took a bit of the tinder from the fire pit and stuck it on his cheeks. He walked to the tree line and worked a small evergreen branch into a circle and strategically placed it on his head. “Move with the landscape and observe nature.” He clapped his hands, and birds flew from the trees. “What are they flying away from?”

  “A predator,” Overeager said.

  Duh, Vivian thought.

  Buck instructed the group to join him in the woods. “Observation and reconnaissance are critical.” He pointed out a set of tracks and pine tree branch with the bark rubbed off. “Deer tracks, a buck. And he rubbed his antlers on this branch, leaving his scent.” He walked deeper into the woods, away from the lake and any semblance of a trail. “Here’s the scat.”

  He kept walking, the group behind him. “Keep your head up and look forward as much as possible. Look for the probable path the animal, or human, took.”

  “Is this how you were able to find us?” Kate asked.

  Buck kept walking and said over his shoulder, “I saw some tracks from you, and where the ground was too hard I noticed decompressions in the leaves. Someone snagged her clothing on a branch and left a trace of red thread.” He looked at Wendy.

  She inspected her jacket. “I sure did.”

  “I also smelled the human scent. Vivian’s perfume or lotion, I believe.”

  Damn, he was observant!

  He crouched down and showed them smaller animal tracks. “See how these meander? Skunk. They don’t have many natural predators and amble along without much concern.” He stood up. “Let’s see if we can sniff him out.”

  “Is that such a good idea?” Lucy asked.

  Buck silently walked through the forest, and the group sounded like a stampede in comparison. They came to the trail leading back to the cars but Buck kept going, in pursuit of his varmint. A few feet later he slowed and then stopped.

  “See that?” He pointed to a fallen, hollow tree trunk. “That’s the skunk’s den. The family is probably in there, as they’re nocturnal animals.”

  Chris picked up a pebble and tossed it inside the trunk. Nothing happened, so he went to do it again. The girls backed away a few steps.

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Buck said, also backing up.

  Chris did it anyway, and a madder ‘n’ hell skunk emerged. It hissed and stamped its feet, raising its tail to defend its territory.

  “She’s protecting her young,” Buck said. “Back away slowly. No sudden movements.”

  The girls and two of the guys complied. Chris, on the other hand, turned to run and the skunk chased after him. Chris tried to climb a tree and escape, but she turned, lifted her tail and sprayed, then casually walked back into the den.

  Vivian and the girls doubled over laughing and ran back to the trail, trying to outdistance the smell.

  Buck followed them. “Some people never learn.”

  Wiping a tear from her eye, Vivian asked, “Do you have a course in skunk spray removal?”

  After everyone quit laughing, the girls said goodbye to Buck at the trail. He was staying with the guys and giving Chris pointers in how to deal with the smell. He went over directions and made sure everyone knew how to get back to the car.

  “We’re good,” Vivian said and gave him a wave as he walked off. She watched his backside for a moment.

  Lucy tugged a strand of her hair. “Come on, sex fiend. Let’s go.”

  10

  THE girls were still laughing about the skunk incident as Lucy pulled out of the trailhead parking lot. “Can you believe that guy?” she said, shaking her head.

  “He totally deserved it for messing with that momma,” Vivian said and cracked the window. Though they didn’t get sprayed, a slight hint of skunkiness clung in the air.

  Wendy’s laugh quieted and she made an abrupt announcement. “I’ve decided, when I get back, I’m breaking up with Jake. That’s it. It’s over.”

  That shut the other girls up.

  A few beats later they all spoke at once. “You sure, he’s a nice one?” “That’s a big decision.” “But I like him.”

  “I know. I know all of that. But I don’t think he’s ready to commit and I just can’t move to North Carolina without a commitment. This long distance thing sucks.”

  Vivian turned around from the passenger’s seat and looked her in the eye. “You would move to North Carolina for him? Have you ever even been there?”

  “I would move if we were engaged, but I don’t see that happening at this point. And yes, I’ve been there. I went out for Thanksgiving last year and met his family. They’re all very nice and normal. They’d make great in-laws.”

  “Wow.” Lucy looked at her in the rearview mirror. “You sure you’re ready to call it quits?”

  “Yes. I have to admit, I’m a little mad at him. We’ve talked about marriage, seemed like things were leading up to that before he moved.” She fidgeted with the cup holder in the backseat. “We went to Washington, D.C., for New Year’s, and no proposal. I kinda thought there would be.”

  “Well, who wouldn’t?” Vivian insisted.

  “That sucks,” Lucy said.

  “Yeah, tell me about it,” Wendy continued. “Then Valentine’s came, he flew out to see me, and again, nothing.”

  “Stupid Valentine’s Day,” Vivian remarked. “The last Valentine’s Rick and I were together he gave me, and you aren’t going to believe this, a JOHN DENVER CD!”

  “Shut up!” Lucy said.

  “John Denver?” Kate asked.

  “Yep. I should have known th
e end was near.”

  Wendy shook her head. “So now, here it is, May, and we haven’t talked about it since. He must not love me enough to commit, so screw it. I’m done.”

  “Boys are dumb-asses,” Vivian said. “Stay strong, sister!”

  Kate patted her knee. “I like Jake, but I hear ya. You can’t wait around forever.”

  Lucy pulled up to the valet, and Vivian was thankful to be back in civilization. She’d had enough playing in the woods for one day. Kate went back to the room to call Shaun while Lucy, Vivian and Wendy headed for the Yellow Aspen’s locker room in the fitness center. They changed out of their hiking gear, then Wendy ventured off to the steam room and Vivian and Lucy checked in for racquetball.

  They were assigned the middle of three white-walled courts. The back Plexiglas wall looked onto the adjacent basketball courts and locker rooms across the hall.

  Vivian reached for the flush-mounted, chrome door handle but couldn’t figure out how to open it.

  “What is it with you and opening things on this trip?” Lucy joked.

  “It’s designed weird,” Vivian said. “We need Kate to figure this thing out!”

  After several tries, she popped up the flush handle, rotated it and unlatched the door. Lucy started warming up and hit the ball a few times. Vivian watched it bounce around.

  “You have to hit it before it bounces twice,” Lucy said.

  “I’m trying to!” Vivian said, but she honestly didn’t realize Lucy was serious and ready to start playing.

  Lucy explained the rules. “You stand in that box to serve. Then it’s in play as long as it lands here.” She pointed to the box in front of her. She looked at Vivian, who was giggling. “What?”

  “You said box.”

  “OMG. Grow up! I’m not talking about your girl parts, I’m trying to exercise here!”

  “I’m already sweating,” Vivian whined.

  “You haven’t even done anything yet. We’ve only been in here five minutes.”

  They “played” for about 30 minutes before Kate walked up to the glass door carrying a large cup of coffee. Lucy hit the racquetball and it bounced off the back wall, right in front of Kate’s face. Startled, she threw her arms in the air, along with her coffee. Java flew everywhere. All over the glass, her, the floor.

  Kate stood still for a second, then wiped off her face with her shirt. She didn’t appear to be scalded, and she frowned into the empty cup. Lucy and Vivian were doubled over, laughing hysterically. She glared at them and then walked away.

  “I couldn’t repeat that if I tried,” Lucy said after she had semi-recovered.

  “I think I’m done,” Vivian said, wiping tears from her eyes.

  “We still have 20 minutes on the court.”

  “I suck and I’m suckin’ wind, especially after witnessing that.”

  “So what! Move your ass around and burn some calories.”

  Vivian wasn’t pleased with the comment, but her competitive spirit insisted that she keep going. Twenty minutes later, she noticed two guys standing near the court door.

  “I think they’re waiting.”

  “We have a few minutes left,” Lucy said, wiping her brow with her towel. “You’re just looking for an excuse.”

  “Okay, I admit it. I’m ready to get the hell outta here. I’ve burned more calories in the past hour than I’ve burned in my last three rounds of sexercise.”

  “Don’t say stuff like that around me!” Lucy smacked the ball super hard against the wall. “You know what my life’s been like.”

  Vivian watched the ball relay around the court several times before she was able to hit it. “Speaking of that, I noticed you fidgeting with your nonexistent wedding ring last night while you were flirting heavily with Rock-Ola.”

  “I wasn’t flirting heavily.” Lucy slammed the ball again.

  “Okay, you were flirting lightly, but you were flirting,” Vivian said and hit the ball after two bounces. “Your cheeks were rosy pink, as were the tops of your breastabules.”

  “He was cute.” Smack. “I was titillated.” The ball bounced directly back to her. Smack. “I used that word just for you, by the way.”

  “Yeah, I figured.” Vivian swung and missed.

  “Time’s up.” Lucy snatched the ball as it passed near her.

  Vivian didn’t argue, and they gathered their things. She noticed someone pass behind the two guys who were waiting. That someone looked like Craig, her ex.

  Lucy tossed the ball in the air. “You know, if you’d practice, you could be pretty good. You have good hand-eye coordination.”

  Vivian dropped her racquet. “Uh, yeah.”

  Lucy it picked up, and one of the waiting guys opened the door. Vivian looked around the basketball court but didn’t see anyone resembling Craig.

  Where did he go? Then she saw the exit door close and walked toward it.

  “Viv, where are you going?”

  “I thought I saw…”

  Lucy looked around. “What?”

  “Oh, nothing. I think I’m too hot. I’m seeing things.”

  “There’s a water cooler. I recommend you use it.”

  Kate walked up with a fresh cup of coffee and a clean shirt. Wendy came down the hall glowing pink.

  “I recommend the steam sauna,” Wendy said, looking relaxed. “Twenty minutes in there and a cool shower, and the toxins are gone. I feel invigorated!”

  “I prefer to detox without feeling like I’m in Pasadena in July,” Vivian said.

  Lucy checked her watch. “My appetite has been invigorated and I’m ready for dinner.”

  Vivian’s stomach rumbled on cue. “There’s my vote for food. Let’s go get ready.”

  They walked into the hotel and Vivian saw Eric behind the bar. She fluffed her sweaty curls and told the girls she’d meet them in the room.

  “But you stink,” Lucy said.

  “I won’t get too close, and I won’t be long.”

  She went to the far end of the bar and called, “Hey, cowboy.” Exaggerated Texas accent. “How are things in these here parts?”

  “Hey, there, little lassie,” Eric said, pretending to tip an invisible cowboy hat in her direction. “I’m doin’ mighty fine. Looks like you are, too. Have a good day?”

  “Sure did. Now it’s time for dinner.”

  He looked her up and down. “Hope you’re planning on meeting me for SIN later.” His tone got serious. “I know a great spot for dessert.”

  Vivian winked at him, turned and walked out of the bar.

  11

  VIVIAN got into the elevator, her cheeks blushing. She fanned herself. Damn, Eric is hot!

  A man in his mid-40s stuck his arm in the doors just as they were closing; they opened and he got on.

  “That was a close one,” he said.

  “You can say that again,” Vivian said, pushing the 6. “What floor?”

  “Same, thanks.”

  “So what’s going on in Aspen tonight?” he asked.

  “Night out with the girls for me,” she said. “We tend to make trouble wherever we go.”

  The doors opened and she stepped off.

  “Be careful out there,” he called, walking the opposite way.

  She let herself into the room where the girls were in full swing getting ready. Lucy was in the middle of opening a bottle of wine, Kate slaved away over an ironing board and Wendy was wrapped in a towel heading to the shower. She stopped.

  “Did Mr. Buttery Nipple butter you all up?” she joked.

  “That stick of butter is still in its package, thank you very much,” Vivian replied, placing her purse on the entry table. “But he reminded me about SIN night. We are so going!”

  At that moment Lucy’s wine cork pulled free. “I’m in!” she said with a laugh. “Who wants a glass?”

  Two “me’s” chimed in unison.

  Lucy poured three, small plastic cups with pinot noir and handed them out. Wendy took hers, held it up and said cheers, t
hen shut the bathroom door.

  Vivian turned her head and sniffed the air. “I smell it again.”

  Kate stopped ironing for a second. “Smell what?”

  “I swear it smells like cologne. Craig’s cologne.”

  Lucy swirled the wine glass. “The only thing I smell is this fine bouquet emitting from my glass.”

  Vivian walked around the room. “Remember when we came in earlier, I thought it smelled like cologne then, too?”

  “I only smell the heat from the iron,” Kate said. “But I didn’t really notice anything before.”

  Lucy ran the straightening iron through her hair. “What’s wrong, Viv? You missin’ a man’s scent already?”

  “Hardly! I don’t need no stinkin’ or sexy smellin’ man! They’re just nice to have around occasionally for—”

  “Yeah, yeah, we know,” Lucy huffed.

  They continued to get ready, primping, straightening, perfuming. Vivian put her final touches of lipstick on and looked at her ears. Earrings. She picked through her jewelry satchel for the silver and turquoise dangle earrings Kate had bought her in Playa Del Carmen. They went perfectly with her black and turquoise, tight, v-neck wrap shirt and blue jean mini-skirt, but they didn’t go so well with her bumblebee pendant. Craig had given her the necklace for their three month anniversary and in honor of Audrey starting school next year as a Libby B. Staten Bumblebee. Though she didn’t care for costume jewelry, or really any jewelry other than earrings, she had taken to wearing the piece often.

  “Y’all about ready?” Lucy asked. “I’m hungry.” She buckled her red, sling-back FMPs that provided the perfect accent to her clingy black, scoop-neck dress.

  Wendy and Kate were both wearing jeans. Kate had ironed a crisp white cotton blouse, and Wendy sported a sleeveless black silk blouse with hints of deep purple and teal.

  Vivian heard sirens and walked toward the window overlooking the main street. Two police cars, a fire truck and ambulance screeched to a stop in front of the hotel about the same time.

  “What the hell’s going on?” Lucy asked, joining Vivian at the window.

  Wendy and Kate walked over too.

  “Dunno. Fire alarm isn’t going off. Probably some medical emergency.”