Rocky Mountain Mayhem

by Joan Rylen

  It was just dark enough that Vivian felt fairly confident in her body. She’d been going to the gym and working hard to get her pre-twins figure back. She still had a way to go, but the darkness provided enough cover that she kicked off her shoes, threw off her clothes except for her bra and panties, and jumped on the Christmas-light bed.

  Eric followed, smoothly slipping next to her. “Aren’t you a spunky little thing?” he murmured, his lips already to her neck, wrapping his arms around her.

  “That I am.”

  ***

  Vivian quietly closed the door to the apartment and slipped her shoes on. Freakin’ walk of shame, she thought as she looked around. She adjusted her clothes, then dug into her purse, pulling out an ink pen. She twisted her curly hair around and then stuck the pen so that it stayed up off her neck. She clicked her purse closed and cursed to herself. She hadn’t found her new, hot-pink bra in the darkness and didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but that sucker cost $40.

  She walked to the road and turned north, toward the hotel. Eric had offered to accompany her but she had insisted, no, it wasn’t necessary. It was only a few blocks.

  She hugged her arms close to her body. The temperature had dropped several degrees and she was chilled. She heard a noise to her left and looked that way. All she saw was a trash can.

  Shit. Bears. Do bears eat at night? Probably. Oh my god, I probably smell good to a bear.

  Pheromones. Sweat. Sex.

  Holy crap, I’m going to be a sauced-up, sex-sauced, tasty bear snack!

  She picked up the pace, looking around. It was close to 4 a.m., and the streets were desolate. One block down, one to go.

  Vivian’s purse popped open and her phone dropped to the ground. She stopped to pick it up, and again she heard something. Her breath was loud in her ears, her heart pounding. She heard a shuffling to her left and then a weird click.

  Fuck it.

  She wrapped one arm around her boobs and ran.

  14

  Day 3

  UGHHHHHHHHHH.”

  Vivian stirred on the couch. Then she heard it again.

  “Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

  She opened her eyes and looked toward the groan. It was Lucy.

  “Are you okay?”

  Lucy just “ughed” again.

  Vivian got up, went to the bathroom and brought Lucy a glass of water.

  “There’s ibuprofen in my purse,” Wendy said quietly. “Give her some. Dammit. Give me some, too.”

  “Why did y’all let me drink so much wine?” Lucy whimpered.

  Kate kicked her covers off. “It wasn’t the wine, it was the bombers. I’m dying, too.”

  Vivian handed Kate three ibuprofen as well.

  “You don’t seem like you’re hurting too much, Viv,” Wendy said. “Did Eric sober you up?”

  Vivian shook her head. “Not hardly.”

  Kate tisked. “Well, that’s what you get for being semi-slu—”

  Vivian cut her off, pointing at her. “I am not slutty, I’m opportunistic. There’s a difference. But oh my god, it was…awful. Horrific. Terrible. And I had such high hopes.”

  “He was so cute,” Wendy said. “Was it his equipment?”

  “No, the equipment was fine. He got all ‘sweet’ on me.”

  “Sweet?” Kate asked.

  “Yep. And cuddly. He wanted to spoon.”

  “Before or after you did the nasty?” Wendy asked.

  “Both.”

  “Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh.” Lucy groaned again.

  “Such a waste of what I thought was going to be fantastic. He had the ultimate bachelor pad. Mirror on the wall, twinkly lights casting a naughty glow on the bed. I thought it was going to be amazing. But nope. He became all ‘sweet.’ Disgustingly so.”

  “Bummer.” Wendy got up and started brewing some coffee. “And your first one-nighter since the divorce. Crappy start.”

  Lucy jumped up and ran to the bathroom.

  “She thinks so, too,” Kate said.

  Retching sounds emanated from behind the closed door.

  “Poor thing,” Wendy said. She knocked on the door and let herself in, taking her bag of remedies with her.

  A few minutes later they emerged and Lucy lay down.

  “I’m going to hop in the shower,” Vivian said, reaching for a change of clothes. “Oh crap, I forgot.”

  “What?” Wendy asked.

  “I couldn’t find my bra last night when I fled from Eric’s apartment. I’ve got to go back and get it. It’s brand new and cost me forty smackers.”

  “I want to see his apartment,” Kate said.

  “I’ll go, too,” Wendy said. “Let’s get cleaned up, grab some breakfast and then we’ll go. Do you remember where he lives?”

  “I think I can find it.”

  They took turns getting ready. Lucy went last, somewhat recovered after napping for 45 minutes. They grabbed a quick breakfast at a coffee shop a few doors from the hotel and made their way to Eric’s.

  The bad replica of an alpine chalet complex was vintage 60s and was laid out like a motor lodge, with the doors opening right onto the parking lot. Upstairs, a balcony ran end to end with a thin metal railing supported by oversized faux beams.

  Vivian headed up the stairs, the girls marching behind her. “I hope I can remember which apartment is his.” She stopped in front of 4B and knocked. She glanced down and saw a flowerpot and said, “No, not it.”

  She looked in the window to 5B. “This is it. There’s the mirror and Christmas lights.”

  “I’ve got to see this,” Kate said and pulled out her camera.

  Vivian rapped lightly on the door. “I kinda hope he’s not here.”

  Lucy giggled. “An awkward morning is better than a boring night.”

  “Yeah, but it turned out to be a boring night, so if I see him now, it’s going to be both.” Vivian tapped on the door again.

  Eric wasn’t home. “Thank god! But how am I gonna get my bra?”

  “Try the door,” Wendy said. “Maybe he left it unlocked.”

  “Is that breaking and entering?”

  “Technically, but we’re not breaking.”

  Vivian turned the knob and looked at Wendy. “It’s unlocked.”

  “Great, but we need lookouts. Lucy, let’s go downstairs and watch for him. Vivian, if we see him, we’ll use code word ‘ice cream.’ It saved us in Playa del Carmen, it can save us again.”

  Vivian waited for Wendy and Lucy to walk downstairs and get into position. Kate snapped a picture of Vivian opening the door.

  She walked in and immediately noticed the dishes still piled in the sink.

  “Definitely the right place.”

  Kate took a picture.

  Vivian kicked around a pile of clothes that were by the bed but didn’t see her bra.

  “Did you leave it in the bathroom?” Kate asked, taking a picture of the bed, mirror and lights.

  “No, I only went once and left there with my clothes still on.”

  “Check the bed.”

  Vivian grabbed the navy and white striped comforter and threw it back.

  Perfectly placed in the middle bed was her hot pink bra. Kate took a picture. Vivian picked it up and Kate snapped another.

  “Hooray!” Kate cheered.

  “Let’s get the hell outta here.”

  They left the apartment, closing the door behind them, and heard Wendy and Lucy faintly talking about ice cream.

  “Oh no! He’s coming! Let’s go down the other side and sneak around the back.”

  The metal stairs threatened to give away their presence and they moved along the back of the building, passing a laundry room that would have given Lucy the shudders. Kate stuck her head around the corner and saw Wendy and Lucy talking to Eric, whose back was to her. She waved her arms, and Wendy glanced in her direction and gave a slight nod. Kate saw them give him a hug, then he turned and went up the stairs toward his apartment.

  Wendy and L
ucy started down the street, meeting up with Vivian and Kate, and they all hustled back toward the hotel.

  “It was about right here that I thought I was going to be bear food,” Vivian announced as she passed a bear-proof trash can.

  “What are you talking about?” Wendy asked.

  “Seriously. I heard a noise over by the trash can and got to thinking about bears eating at night and that I probably smelled yummy to them. After-sex smell, ya know?”

  “Viv, bear sex probably smells a lot different from human sex, so bears wouldn’t have been after you because of that,” Lucy said. “They’d just eat you because you were readily available, walking down the street in the middle of the night.”

  “That makes me feel so much better!”

  “Speaking of death, to stall Eric, we asked him about the accident at the hotel yesterday,” Wendy said. “Turns out, they think that guy might have been murdered. Eric said the room had been trashed and looked like there had been a struggle.”

  “How creepy. And it was on our floor,” Kate said.

  They went through the front entrance of the hotel and Vivian couldn’t help but look toward where the guy had fallen.

  Getting on the elevator, Lucy asked, “Did you find your bra at least?”

  Vivian whipped it out of her purse and waved it in the air. “Ta-da!”

  This brought a barrage of laughter.

  Back in the room, Vivian said, “I don’t know about y’all, but I’m ready to get out of Aspen. I’ve had my fill of this town for now.”

  “I’m ready to get to Vail!” Kate said.

  “Me, too!” Wendy said. “Let’s pack it up and move it out.”

  The girls packed, then called the bellman to get their luggage. Vivian checked them out of the hotel while the girls waited out front.

  The reception clerk handed her an envelope with a Yellow Aspen Hotel emblem on it. “This was left for Vivian Taylor.”

  Vivian glanced at it. Great, probably Eric leaving me a sweet note and his number. Blah. She shoved it into her purse.

  She met the girls out front with the car, which was already loaded up with the bellman’s help, and they zoomed out of Aspen.

  15

  ON the drive to Vail, Lucy noticed a big section of dead trees and explained the cause. “Pine beetle. It’s devastating groves and groves of pine trees. It’s horrible. Researchers are working to figure out how to get it under control, but right now there’s not a lot that can be done.”

  They rounded a bend on the downhill stretch. The brake pedal didn’t feel quite right under Lucy’s foot. The road flattened out and she dismissed it.

  “I hope they figure out how to save the trees,” Kate said.

  “Yeah, apparently it takes something like six straight days of below-freezing temperatures to kill the beetles. We get cold weather, but we don’t stay below freezing for that long.”

  The road started descending again, and Lucy tapped the brakes going around a bend. “My brakes feel funny,” she said. The road straightened out, and she kept her foot off the gas.

  “What do you mean, funny?” Wendy asked.

  “There’s less resistance on the pedal.” Lucy tried again. “My foot is practically to the floor.”

  “That’s not good,” Wendy said.

  “They felt fine on the way here.”

  “Pull over!” Kate said.

  “Can’t until we get down the pass.” The speedometer crept over 60, even though Lucy kept her foot on the brake pedal.

  “Try pumping them,” Wendy said, leaning over the seat. “Build up pressure.”

  They passed a 6 percent downhill grade sign. Lucy rapidly pumped the brakes, but no response.

  “Oh my god, we have no brakes!”

  As the road quickly descended, the speedometer zoomed past 80. Lucy swerved into the left lane to avoid an RV that crept along in the right. The old man gave them a dirty look as they flew past.

  “I’m too young to die!” Kate wailed. “And I might be pregnant!”

  “Let’s not panic,” Wendy said, sounding a little panicked. “Pump them again.”

  Pump, pump pumppumppumppump.

  “Nothing,” Lucy said but kept the pedal to the floor anyway.

  “We’re going way too fast!” Vivian said.

  They soared past a couple of cars and an 18-wheeler and were rapidly approaching a blue and silver pickup ahead.

  “He’s gotta move,” Wendy said. “Honk!”

  Lucy laid on the horn and flashed her lights. The truck swerved out of the way with inches to spare.

  “Ahhh! That was too close!” Vivian said, gripping the oh-shit handle.

  Reading the sign in front of her, Lucy swerved into the right lane and clicked on the hazard lights. “Buckle up!”

  “Oh god, are we…?” Kate said, as Lucy drove straight ahead rather than taking the bend in the road.

  Lucy gripped the steering wheel, gaze intense, barreling toward a runaway truck ramp. “Hang on, ladies!”

  They all screamed as the tires spewed gravel as the SUV ran up the incline. Snow and slush flew everywhere, covering the windshield as they careened halfway up the ramp. Lucy mashed the emergency brake pedal and they jerked to a stop. “Aye carumba!”

  Vivian slapped her hands on the dashboard as the momentum carried her forward, then slammed her back into her seat. She blinked and stared through the windshield covered in dirty snow, and up at the mountain looming before her.

  “Holy fuckbuckets, Lucy. Good thinking.”

  “Thank god. We’re alive!” Kate yelled.

  “Jesus,” Wendy said and let out a sigh. “Way to go, Danica Patrick.”

  “I can’t believe it,” Lucy said, releasing the wheel. “I finally got to experience a runaway truck ramp, not just see it. They really work!”

  “Amen to that!” Wendy said.

  The snow surrounded the vehicle so the girls had to shove on the doors to get them open. Vivian slipped on the ice a little, before catching herself on Kate’s passenger door. “Whoa! Looks like we’re going to need some help getting out of here.”

  “Do you need some help getting out of here?” Kate asked.

  Though Vivian’s knees were a little weak, she wasn’t about to admit it. “Nope, I’m fine, but Big Bertha here isn’t.” She slapped the roof. “And good grief this thing is filthy now.”

  Big Bertha was now covered in muddy grime.

  “Let’s just hope some 18-wheeler doesn’t fly down the mountain and need this ramp right now.” Lucy blew out a sigh and kicked at the bank of snow. “I guess we need a tow truck.”

  They walked down the ramp while Lucy called a wrecker service. She gave their location and was told it’d be at least 45 minutes.

  “I need a drink,” Vivian said. “I’m gonna hit the back seat bar. Anybody want anything?”

  Everyone nodded, even Kate.

  “I’ll come help you,” Wendy said.

  A few minutes later, Vivian and Wendy walked back down the ramp with four margaritas. “I mixed ’em up good, ladies,” Wendy said. “Enjoy.”

  They found a few boulders and sat down, drinking their margaritas while they waited. It ended up being a two-margarita wait. Kate took pictures to document the moment and her near-death experience. She also called Shaun and told him how much she loved him and the dogs.

  Lucy posted a picture to Facebook with the caption, “It’s not just for trucks anymore!” which received numerous comments and “likes.” She also received a very worried call from her mother.

  “That’s why I ignored my mother’s Facebook request,” Wendy said.

  “I can relate,” Vivian said. “I tried, but she called and said I was the only one who had not accepted her friend request. I claimed ignorance, but that only got me so far.”

  “Y’all are awful,” Lucy said. “Your mothers are so sweet.”

  “I didn’t let my mom know what crazy things I was up to in high school or college, Lucy; I’m not sure I wa
nt her to know what craziness I’m up to now,” Wendy said. “I’m not ready to admit ‘The Boat.’ ”

  “The Jack Daniel’s incident?” Vivian asked.

  “Yep.”

  A toothless tow truck driver arrived and hooked up the SUV. All four girls piled into his wrecker and he towed them down the mountain. He dropped them off in El Jebel at the closest garage.

  The girls waited in a coffee shop across the street while the mechanic worked on Lucy’s SUV.

  Vivian went to pay for her snack and saw that Yellow Aspen Hotel envelope in her purse. “I forgot all about this.”

  “About what?” Kate asked.

  “The front-desk guy said this was left for me. I’m sure it’s from Eric, his phone number or something.”

  “Ooooh, let’s read it,” Kate said. “See what your sweetie-pie said.”

  The bell above the door chimed, and the mechanic walked in and approached their table.

  “Yer all set. The brake valves over both front tires was loose, fluid sprayed damn near everywhere. The reservoir didn’t have no fluid left, which is why yer brakes didn’t work.”

  “That’s weird,” Lucy said. “Why would the valves be loose?”

  “Did ya have ’em serviced lately? Cuz a bad mechanic coulda forgotten to tighten ’em.”

  “No. I just had the oil changed, but they didn’t mess with the brakes, only checked the fluid.”

  He scratched his chin. “It’s kinda squirrely that both of ’em was loose.”

  “Could they have worked themselves loose from general wear and tear?” Wendy asked.

  “You do go off-roading a lot,” Vivian said.

  The mechanic shrugged and handed her a bill. “It’d take some doing.” He left them to their thoughts.

  Vivian still held the hotel envelope. She opened it. “What the hell is this?” She threw a picture of herself down on the table for the girls to see.

  “That’s what you wore last night,” Lucy said.

  “Yeah, but I’m by myself and, if you notice, I’m not wearing a bra,” Vivian said. “That means it was taken after I left Eric’s.”