6 Dirty Secrets: A Tease Novel

by Alexis Anne

  “I didn’t think men spent time contemplating the love lives of others,” I joked, but he didn’t smile.

  “You do that quite frequently, you know that?”

  I flicked my eyes up to meet his. “Do what?”

  He held my gaze for a moment, studying me. “A dishonorable man has been cruel to you. Hasn’t he?”

  I suddenly felt very naked. “Excuse me?”

  He pressed on, refusing to look away. “You make condescending comments about men every time we speak,” he shook his head and frowned, “about things only assholes would do to the people around them, but you say it as if all men behave this way.” Then he jerked his chin toward the painting behind me. “You paint very heartbreaking, dark things and all I am left to conclude is that at some point in your life you were consumed by a very dark man who destroyed you, made you believe that all men are evil.”

  I sat there blinking at Dominic, my mouth hanging open.

  “Dom!” Jenni shushed him. “Stop.”

  He held me captive in his gaze, his eyes saying so much more than words ever could: we’re not all bad.

  But the one thing Dominic didn’t know was that all it took was one very bad man to ruin everything.

  And just like that my freshly beating heart cracked open, bleeding all over my soul. It hurt like hell and I think they both saw it because Jenni’s eyes went wide and Dominic’s frown deepened.

  “Oh honey,” she whispered. “Did Darcy do this?”

  That snapped me back. I shook my head. “Darcy didn’t do anything.”

  “Don’t punish him for someone else’s mistakes,” Dominic warned.

  I cut him a look that told him he had no idea what he was talking about and he immediately had the good sense to look chastened. And that gave me a little bit of confidence to say something I really needed to let out.

  “I’m jealous. Of the two of you.” I waved my hand at them, my voice not much more than a whisper. My emotions were choking me. “You love each other and you’re allowed to love each other. So for me, please, just be happy. Love each other completely and enjoy the time you have together.”

  The night was completely ruined after that. They didn’t press me for more but based on the look in their eyes as they said their good nights, they understood the basics.

  Instead of feeling better, that knowledge made me sad. So sad. I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn’t come. I wandered over to their painting—my guys would install it for them in their flat next week—and picked it up. The love it represented was beautiful and it hurt to look at. I set it aside and instead dug for a different painting I kept hidden under layers of half-finished canvases.

  The moment my hand touched the edge my heart took off in anticipation of seeing it again. I only took it out when I really wanted to rip out my heart and make myself cry. I needed this and yet…I dreaded it at the same time.

  I set it on the easel and took four large steps back so I could take the whole thing in at once. Thirty-six inches of pain—that’s what I’d painted. Okay technically there wasn’t a damn thing about it that was painful other than the fact I couldn’t have what it represented.

  I wrapped my arms around my body, giving myself the only hug I would get, as I let my eyes wander over the lines. After Father had my painting shredded in Darcy’s apartment I’d vowed to paint another, except that I couldn’t. No matter how many times I tried I couldn’t get past the beginning. It wasn’t that I couldn’t recreate at least some semblance of the same work; it was that I couldn’t make my hands do it. They trembled and shook until the brushes fell from my hands and the crying would become so unbearable it broke me.

  So I gave up the dream of ever having that painting back.

  Instead I drew with charcoal the only image I had in my mind. It was a drawing of Darcy’s hand resting over my heart.

  And just like every other time, the tears hit hard and fast until I had no choice but to curl into a ball on the floor. I cried and cried for the love I couldn’t have. No matter how I spun it there was no formula that led my life back to Darcy. I loved him too much to be with him. He deserved someone who could build him up—I was never going to be strong enough to give him that. I needed him. I needed him so desperately I’d destroy him in the process of my survival. He’d give and give and I’d take and take until there was nothing left of Darcy.

  He needed a woman who could love him completely. I would always be looking over my shoulder, doubting everything, expecting it all to end.

  And most importantly of all, he needed someone who would never hurt him the way his mother did.

  That’s when my eyes fell on the box.

  The one from my mother. Ever since she came to London she’d been trying to start a relationship with me. Apparently the words “too late” didn’t mean a whole lot to her. She kept sending boxes and I kept calling Theo to come open them. Sometimes we looked through it together and he calmed me down while I spun out of control, other times he opened the box, took one look at it and sealed it back up. He never told me what was in those boxes and I never asked.

  I’d already reminded him three times I had another box but he kept putting me off.

  And now…now I was angry.

  This woman left me behind to rot in her prison. I had a man who loved me—a really good man—and I couldn’t love him because of her!

  I shot up off the floor and grabbed my phone. “What?” Theo gritted, clearly not in a mood to talk to me.

  But I was in no mood to think or act sanely. “I need you to come get that box.”

  “Nicki, I am not doing this again.” He sounded tired and just…done.

  So was I. “Come get the fucking box, Theo. I need it out of my flat. Now.”

  “No. I. Am. Not. Doing. This,” he growled. It was so out of character it threw me a little. “You can either grow up or run away. I’m not saving you anymore.”

  “Theo!” I was desperate and more than a little bit freaked out. “I can’t do this! I can’t do this…”

  My stupid heart was feeling things. So many things. Too many things.

  “Goodbye Nicki. This is life, you need to learn to accept it.” And then he hung up on me.

  I stared at the silent phone, completely shocked. Theo never hung up on me.

  * * *

  “It’s fucking perfect, Theo. Stop being such an ass,” Margaret whined dramatically with a glass of red wine in her hand. A glass that was suspiciously close to winding up on my rug.

  I leaned forward and tilted the glass back upright. She mouthed an apology, then went right back to glaring at my brother who didn’t seem to notice anything. After his uncharacteristic phone call the other night he’d come over and we’d worked things out, but it was clear Theo was in a strange place. He was overworked, exhausted, and rumpled. Two out of three were normal, but the rumpled part was new.

  And was that…no. Was it? “Theo Sutherland. Is that lipstick on your neck?”

  His eyes shot open as he sat bolt upright, wiping at his throat. “No.”

  “Then what is it?”

  I was pretty focused on Theo, but I still noticed Margaret’s eyes narrow and I swear my brother blushed. “It’s nothing.”

  I leaned closer and tried to reach for his collar but he batted my hand away. “Stop it. It’s nothing.”

  “It is not nothing if it’s lipstick.”

  He frowned. “It is nothing.”

  “Spill!” I howled, feeling like we were kids again.

  “Please, please telling me you’re not fucking her,” Margaret sighed.

  His eyes narrowed on mine in what used to be our super secret signal to act cool so I immediately stopped teasing him and went along with his lead. “Fucking who?” I asked innocently as I could muster.

  “Margaret has gotten it into her head that I’m pursuing one of her employees. I’m not.” He glared at her.

  She did not look convinced.

  So I tried to help. Try being the operative w
ord. “Then why do you have lipstick on your neck when we all know you haven’t been seeing anyone?”

  He shifted uncomfortably. “I like Higgins’ new club. I’ve been going there more and meeting people.”

  “Meeting people?” We both said in unison. Theo had become the reclusive billionaire bachelor. All of London wanted to fix him up but since he never stopped working and he never bothered to smile, his legend had started to grow and Theo had retreated further from the possibility of dating.

  Until now, apparently. My curiosity was certainly piqued.

  “Higgins’ new club? That speakeasy he opened?”

  Theo nodded.

  “You’ve patched things up?”

  “We never fell out like you two did.” His eyes followed me carefully. “We’re on good terms.”

  “What on earth does that mean?”

  “It means we speak when we need to speak, we share information when we need to share information, and we drink when we need to drink. We do not talk about you and we do not watch football together.” He sighed and leaned back on the sofa. “We may never be friends again, but we’re brothers until the end.”

  My heart ached for our real brother. Michael had completely withdrawn and rarely answered the phone. I could get him to respond to my emails, especially if I asked about photography or had questions about art. Other than that, it was almost as if we’d never had an older brother at all.

  But I understood what Theo meant. He and Higgins were bonded in that same way and they always would be. They might not be best friends anymore but he’d never be out of Theo’s life.

  “I ran into him the other day.”

  That got my brother’s interest. “And?”

  “He said something about trouble with Dan Christie.”

  Margaret sat forward and slammed down her wine glass, somehow managing to not break it. “You need to do something about this. It’s been years and you two are still living with this stupid bounty on your heads. It’s ridiculous.”

  And my brother didn’t like hearing her opinion one little bit. “You don’t just fix something like this.”

  “The building keeps going into lockdown. Your security is fucking everywhere, Theo.”

  “Is this true?” I whispered. Had things gotten this much worse? “At the iON Building?” It was Theo’s fortress.

  He slid his hand over mine. “It’s fine. That building is so secure they could never do anything. It’s when I leave the building…”

  Margaret shook her head. “That’s why Martin is posted outside. That’s why Tad never leaves your side. It’s a fucking mess.”

  And, I realized, I was back in the dark again. The girl who was too emotionally unstable to keep up with the big boys.

  I hated being in the dark—Theo knew that.

  “It happened fast, Nicki. I was going to tell you tonight.”

  Right… “So instead I hear it from Darcy Higgins. Nice, Theo.”

  At least he didn’t draw things out or throw me bullshit apologies. He jumped right in without any preamble. “Toni’s out.”

  I shot up off the sofa and started pacing. Darcy hadn’t been exaggerating. Shit really was about to get real and his paranoia was legitimate. Toni was Dan Christie’s right hand man. If anyone was going to seek revenge, it was him.

  I stopped and stared down at him. “What are you going to do?”

  He shrugged. “There’s not a whole lot I can do.”

  Margaret shot to her feet. “It’s not good for my blood pressure to be here for this.” She kissed me on the cheek then looked over at Theo. “I’ll see you at the meeting. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.” She started for the door. “And stop looking at Allison like that.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Like what?”

  She shot him a look. “Like you know what she looks like naked. Don’t tell her, but she’s the best fucking architect in my shop. If you run her off I’ll remove your balls.”

  I showed Margaret to the door, kind of wishing I’d developed her hardened exterior, then ran back to the living room to find out what was really going on with Theo.

  “Who is Allison?” I slid onto the coffee table and tucked my legs up, leaning forward.

  He blushed again—a sure sign my brother had fallen hard for this woman. “I’m not lying. I really did meet her at Higgins’ club.”

  “Dancing?” If there was one thing I loved about growing up it was the dancing. My father loved it and we all had lesson after lesson after lesson in ballroom dancing. Theo had loved swing dancing the most and I used to dance with him for what felt like hours. It was one of the few times I felt free.

  He swirled his scotch. “Yeah.”

  “She dances?”

  “Yeah.”

  Oh…my… “And the two of you dance well together, I take it?”

  This time I only got a nod. “Theo, speak to me with words not just nods!”

  He set his glass down on the table and scrubbed his scruffy face. “Fuck, Nicki. I don’t even know how this happened. One night I was drinking with Higgins and he asked me to live a little, so I came back. Because, you know, it was actually kind of fun. And there she was. I’ve never met anyone like her. She doesn’t want anything from me. She doesn’t need anything from me.”

  That was an interesting statement. “What do mean?”

  He shook his head, his eyes dark and confused. “She’s confident as fuck. She loves sex and doesn’t want,” he waved his hands around, searching for the word.

  “A relationship?”

  He pointed at me. “That. She’s got a great job working for Margaret, she’s fucking brilliant at it—”

  “And you know this how?”

  This time he went pale. An odd reaction. “I hired Margaret to renovate a building for me. New division needs new space,” he waved it off. “Anyway it’s historic and she needed someone with the right skills to blend preservation and new construction. That’s Allison.”

  And the way he was babbling? My brother was seriously smitten. Completely impressed with every single thing about this mysterious woman.

  “She doesn’t care that you sit up in that penthouse ruling the world all alone?”

  A look flashed through his eyes. “No. She um…she doesn’t. No.”

  Another bizarre response. “Tell me something about her.”

  “She’s the heir to Riley Cosmetics.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Not what I meant.”

  He frowned, his eyes unfocusing as his mind drifted somewhere else. “She calms me down. Like she has this sixth sense for when I get crazed and she just…focuses me. Calms me down.”

  He was in love.

  “I’m happy for you.”

  He shrugged. “It won’t last.”

  “Why not?”

  He gave me a look. “Why aren’t you with Higgins? Because we’re not good for the people around us. We don’t have relationships. Even if we kept seeing each other, it could never be more than sex.”

  Because how do you explain to someone you love that they’ll always be in danger for knowing you? How do you live with yourself knowing that your love will eventually hurt them? Get them killed?

  Darcy knew. I never once had to hide my life from him. I used to think that was what would save us.

  “What’s that?” Theo thrust his chin out toward the covered canvas.

  “It’s a painting…”

  He rolled his eyes. “Why is it covered?”

  “Because it’s a gift for Jenni and Dominic.”

  “You’re not going to the wedding, are you?”

  I shook my head. A small piece of me wanted to go. I missed getting dressed up for parties and dancing. But mostly I dreaded the idea of being out there, vulnerable and alone.

  “I could be your date.”

  Because going to a wedding with your brother wasn’t pathetic at all.

  “You’ve got to start living, Nik. There’s more to life than misery.”

&nbs
p; I shot him a look. “Says the man who just informed me he can’t love the woman he obviously loves.”

  He frowned. “Fuck, Father screwed us over royally, didn’t he?”

  I nodded.

  “Can I say something that will surely get me kicked out?”

  Was I allowed to say no? Probably not. Knowing Theo he’d just speak over me as I screamed and shoved him out the door. “Get it over with.”

  Every once in a while my brother surprised me. He took my face in his hands and tilted it up so I had nowhere to look but into his soft eyes. “He really and truly thought he was doing the right thing.”

  I flinched but Theo refused to let me go, and even though I screwed my eyes shut, he kept talking.

  “He loves you, Nik. He loves you so much, please don’t punish him for wanting to help us out.”

  The guilt pressed in on me until I thought I was going to crack. “Aren’t you supposed to scare off all the men who want your little sister?”

  He kissed my forehead. “No. I’m supposed to scare off all the jerks. Higgins isn’t one of them. He’s the best man I’ve ever known and I think he’s the best man for you, if you’ll give him a second chance.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t deserve a second chance.”

  He jerked back in surprise. “You?”

  I nodded slowly. “I hurt him, Theo. And you know…being with me will be more of that.”

  His eyes raked over me, understanding dawning in his eyes. In this moment we were mirror images of each other. Two stubborn cows refusing to move. “I’d be a hypocrite if I told you to stop being afraid of the future. I get it. From my perspective you’re dead wrong and should stop holding back, but when I put myself in your shoes I know I wouldn’t do anything different.”

  “I don’t want to see him again. I don’t think I can handle it.”

  He frowned. “I can’t guarantee what the next few months will hold for us but I know the past is done and buried. Everyone deserves a second chance, Nik.” Then he pulled me into his chest for a bear hug. “Well, except maybe Father.”

  And then that guilt I carried inside me turned into a seed, sprouting roots and leaves. Some people were too evil to love.

  19