Cassie cleared her throat, and turned to look out over the ocean. “Kyle, when Maggy died, I know you thought your life was over. We were all devastated. You know that.”
“Yes, I do. She’d been a part of our lives for so long. I know I didn’t have the corner on being devastated. And I don’t know what I would have done if you all hadn’t been there for me.” He pulled his baseball cap on as he cast his gaze down to the sand.
Cassie turned toward him, lifting her hand up to his chin and pulling it up upward so that she could look into his eyes. “Kyle, there’s been nothing after Maggy. Well, college and medical school, yes, but no one after her.”
“That’s not true. I dated a couple of times,” he said, feeling his muscles tighten as he became defensive.
Cassie laughed, tapping her hand on his shoulder. “Two coffee dates in that many years doesn’t count. I can certainly appreciate that you wouldn’t want to be hurt again like that, but you’ve got to take your armor off, Kyle. I’ve seen how you look at this girl, Jessica. Why not give it a chance and see what happens?”
He drew in a sharp breath. Was he really that transparent? He shook his head quickly. A deep sigh left his lips as he turned toward Cassie. Her brown eyes had never left his face, and when he looked at her, he saw sorrow and hope both.
“When Maggy died, you know I vowed never to put myself or anyone else in such a dangerous situation, Cassie. Even though I loved riding as much as she did — our whole family, really — I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Yeah, medical school took up all my time, but even if I’d had all the time in the world, I wouldn’t have been able to ride again. I don’t even go over the speed limit. Not ever.”
As they sat side by side, looking out at the sanctuary, his elbows rested on his knees. His head dropped into his hands, and he felt Cassie’s warm touch on his shoulder. She leaned forward and rested her forehead on the top of his head, silent, as he tried to form his thoughts into words. “I like her very much. I really do. She’s smart, funny, adventurous, gorgeous, although a little stubborn, maybe. You weren’t wrong about that.”
Cassie stroked Kyle’s hair as she listened. “I suppose it’s ironic, then, that she’s a racer. What are the odds of that?”
She smiled a little as he turned again to face her. “Maybe she’s willing to stop,” she said, shrugging her shoulders, the look on her face telling him that even she didn’t believe that would be possible.
“Ironic doesn’t begin to describe it,” he said, his fist hitting his knee. “No, she’s driven to win, this race in particular, and I just can’t let myself get caught up in it. Yes, it’s a shame. But I just can’t put myself back into that situation. Not even remotely, Cass.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything, but I’ve also noticed how she looks at you. Maybe just wait a while and see what happens?”
Kyle took in a deep breath and stood, offering his hand to Cassie and helping her up. He gathered her up into a hug, lifting her off the ground as she giggled and hugged him back tightly. “You are the most optimistic, ridiculous person I know. Look, there’s no decision to be made, nothing to worry about. We’re just hanging out, keeping her busy and letting her heal. I promised her dad I’d stick it out, and I will. But don’t get your hopes up about anything further. I’m definitely not,” he said, as he headed toward his car, waving goodbye as he drove back down the beach.
As he passed by the campos, he thought about what Cassie had said. He’d done his best to ignore her, ignore Jessica, and treat her just as another person he was helping. But in the last few days, he’d come to respect her more, thinking maybe there was something a little more to her, that she understood the dangers of her racing, and that she might agree to be a little less reckless. Maybe even stop racing altogether.
As he passed by Jessica’s campo, he turned the wheel sharply and headed up the dune and onto the campo road. He slowed as he neared, intending to stop and see how she was. As he rounded the corner, his foot slammed on the brake and dust plumed around him as the car slid to a stop on the dirt.
There, next to the garage, were Jessica and Cade, all fitted out in their riding gear. As he sat in the car behind them, he watched as Cade took off first, leaving in a plume of dust. His heart skipped a beat as he watched her rev the quad, her leather boots tapping at the gear shift as she took off behind her brother.
He sat and watched until their dust trails faded and they became small specks in the distance. He rested his head for a brief moment on the steering wheel, his knuckles white as he gripped it. He exhaled loudly, realizing he’d been holding his breath. His head shook slowly as he turned the car back toward the beach, and headed toward his own house, Jessica and Cade far behind him.
Chapter 17
Jess wiggled her fingers as she gripped the black Velcro. She pulled it tightly around the brace, securing her wrist, remembering her promise to Kyle that she’d leave it on, even if her wrist felt better. She’d tried to get her boots on before now, without the brace, and finally had to admit to herself that it still hurt.
“You ready, Jess?” She heard Cade out in the kitchen and knew he was waiting for her. As she walked toward him, she saw the inquisitive look on his face and turned away.
“What?” she said as she reached for her helmet with her good hand. “I have to try, Cade. You know I do. Don’t look at me like that.”
“I’m not looking at you like anything. I told you I’d help, and I will. The bike’s all ready, and I thought we’d just go around here for a while, see how the wrist holds up. Yes?”
She sat on the kitchen chair and finished buckling her boots, easier now with her brace on. “Sure. Fine. Let’s go.”
Striding to the door without looking back, she headed for the quad. It’d been days since she’d been on a ride, and she was looking forward to it. Grabbing her hair and trying to wrestle it into a pony tail, she walked into the garage.
“Hey, Jess, you ready?” her father asked as he pushed the quad back out of the garage, turning the handlebars so it was pointing the way she would be heading.
“Dad, I’m fine.” She hoped she’d said it loud enough and that they’d quit asking her. Worse than the asking was the way they looked at her. She’d seen him look away when she came in, trying to hide the concern in his eyes. It was almost worse than having them laugh at her, but not much. No pity for me, please, she thought. I’m on it.
She and Cade had agreed that he’d lead and she’d follow, without a crew, just for a little trip around the local desert. They wouldn’t be making the trip to the race course until they knew if she could handle herself.
The quad was idling for her, waiting and ready. She climbed on, gingerly testing her fingers and thumb on the throttle, her right hand wrapped in the brace that Kyle had insisted she still wear. She wasn’t sure if it would be a hindrance, or cramp her style, but if it did, she wondered if she was willing to take it off and throw it aside, even though she’d promised Kyle she’d leave it on, no matter what.
Cade had hopped on his quad and turned around, his red helmet on and tightened. His quad was bigger than hers, which suited him as he was taller and she saw his head nod, asking if she was ready.
She nodded back and he took off on the course he’d chosen, expecting her to follow. She saw him look back as she took a deep breath and decided she was ready, hitting the throttle and taking off behind him.
She followed Cade a bit behind, allowing for enough distance between them so the dust could settle. Her accident had been caused by the inability to see and nothing else, and she didn’t want to take that chance again as she gave her wrist a workout.
She gripped the handlebars of the quad tightly as she sped over the dirt roads, standing when she needed to when the bumps got too close together. She felt the familiar rush of speed that she always did when she rushed past the tall saguaro cactus, the pink elephant trees and those deadly cholla cactus. She didn’t know much about the vegetation in Baja — she’d never
paid attention — but she did know that those were to be avoided.
They’d been riding for over an hour, and the tenderness in her wrist was creeping back. She’d felt great for the past few days, and was disappointed that it was sore at all.
She’d been enjoying the ride, checking out the status of the bike and her muscles, so she and Cade hadn’t talked much through their in-helmet radio. Just as she thought she might need a little break, she heard her twin say, “Hey, Jess. How about a break?”
She smiled as she saw him up ahead starting to slow and marveled again at how twins just “knew” what the other was thinking or needing. She and Cade had been close growing up, although they’d had very different personalities, and she was grateful that they had had so much time together as adults, too.
She slowed to a stop beside him, making sure she was downwind and the dust from her quad didn’t envelop him. They’d done that to each other on purpose as kids, but now it wasn’t quite as amusing — it may have been to her, but she was trying to get through this.
“Power bar?” he said, holding out a nutrition bar that he’d gotten from the saddlebags he carried. He made sure he always had her favorite, taking his job as support crew very seriously. They’d both been wearing Camelback water reservoirs on their backs, drinking from the tubes secured to their helmets, so she didn’t feel thirsty.
She unbuckled her helmet with her left hand and lifted it off, dabbing at the sweat on her forehead with a red handkerchief she kept in the pocket of her riding pants.
“What?” she said, looking over to Cade. He had eaten his power bar and was sitting sideways on his quad, watching her every move.
“So, when are you going to tell me how you really feel?” He rolled up the wrapper of his bar and slid it into the saddlebags, turning away from her for a moment. She heard him sigh deeply as he took a pack of chocolate chip cookies out of his bag and tossed it toward her.
“Aw, my favorite,” she said, as she started to open the package, the fingers of her braced hand not cooperating. She tried for a minute longer, eventually opening the package with her teeth and her good hand, looking up as she finally was able to eat a cookie to see her brother staring at her still. His expression was blank as he sat on his quad, his elbows on his knees.
“I will assume, then, that you’re still having some trouble with your wrist,” he said, his eyebrows rising as he plopped his chin in one of his hands. “You couldn’t even open the cookies.”
She frowned, her eyes narrowing as she met his gaze. “I’m fine, Cade. It’s all fine. The brace is in the way, that’s all. Hard to manage with it on.”
“Didn’t Kyle say you had to wear it, to make sure it wasn’t injured more?” he said, reaching for the cookie wrapper and putting it in his bag as she handed it to him.
“Yes, he did, but he’s not my boss. Not yours either.” Her chin tilted upward, a defiant gesture she’d had since she was a little girl.
“Ah, there’s the chin-raise,” Cade said, shaking his head slowly. “Jess, do you really know why you’re doing this? Have you ever thought about why this is so important to you?”
“You know, I haven’t until now. I just haven’t. I’ve done what I thought I should do, one foot after the other, for Dad, for the team. I’ve just ‘done’ it. And it’s been good for all of us, hasn’t it?” she said, her eyes softening as she leaned up against her brother’s quad next to him.
Cade was silent for a while as he stared off toward the ocean. He’d always done this when he was thinking, and she’d learned not to interrupt him and his thoughts, that he’d come out with it as soon as he was ready. She followed his gaze, noticing once again the sparkles on the water and wondered why she’d never noticed them before this week.
Cade ran his hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck. “Jess, you’ve been racing since before Mom died. Even as a little girl. Remember when she watched us race? She was so excited.”
Jess’s memories of her mother were getting dimmer with time, but she’d only been ten when she’d died, at least fifteen years ago. “I do, but it’s more just a feeling than a memory. She’s been gone longer than she was alive, Cade. I don’t remember much.
“Well, I was the same age, but I remember her and Dad being so excited that you were racing and winning even in your age class, and I’ve often thought maybe that’s why you hit it so hard after she died.”
She turned to him, her brow furrowing as she tried to understand what he was getting at. “I don’t know what you mean.”
She felt his hand on her chin as he tilted her face toward his. “This little stubborn chin, and this stubborn girl. You and your racing has held this family together, given us something to rally around, kept us focused. It certainly kept Dad from crumbling when Mom died. But, Jess, we are not your responsibility. You know that. It’s not right for you to risk your health — or your happiness for us and the team.”
She gasped, her hand on her chest as her heartbeat quickened. She’d never thought about why she wanted to race so badly, she’d just followed along.
“It was good for all of us, right?” she said. “Dad’s been into it since the beginning.”
“Yes, he has, and he’s been very supportive. But I’ve seen you this past week, with your time off, and I think there are lots of things you might rather do than race. You’ve actually worn something besides race gear and put on makeup. You’re beautiful, by the way, when you look like a girl,” he said, laughing and nudging her with his shoulder.
She felt the heat rise in her cheeks at the compliment — she’d always been a tomboy and not had much use for those kinds of things. “Cade—“
“Before you say anything, let me finish. I might lose the nerve, as you’ve been head of the pack for a long time.” He smiled at her and continued. “I’ve also seen you have fun with a man who seems to really like you. And you can say what you want, but it looks to me as if you like him, too. I’ve only ever seen you with a random pit crew guy for a short period of time before we travel on. Have you ever thought about having a life? A family?”
She hopped off the quad, pacing back and forth on the dirt road in front of them. The sun had set behind the mountains, and dusk was quickly moving toward twilight, the clouds ablaze in orange and pink.
She stopped and turned toward the clouds, her head tilted upward. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly as the warm wind blew through her hair. “Look at that. Isn’t it beautiful,” she said, taking her hair out of the pony-tail and shaking it in the breeze.
“What? What’s beautiful?” her brother said, looking around.
She laughed and raised her hand, pointing to the glowing clouds. “That, silly.”
Cade turned to look at the clouds, turning slowly back to his sister. His eyes narrowed as he watched her. “Who are you? You’ve never noticed a cloud in your life — that I’ve noticed, anyway.”
She tried to give him her best dirty look as she said, “I do want a life, Cade. I’ve never known it until now because I’ve been happy racing. It’s all I’ve known — racing and my family. But this week has been interesting for me. I didn’t think anyone would notice, but I guess I should have known you would.”
Cade smiled as he hopped off the quad and threw his arm over Jess’s shoulder. “I know you’ve got a big decision to make, and I’m here if you need to talk. I don’t want to interfere, and I know there’s lots to consider. Have you talked to Dad yet?”
“No, I haven’t. Not sure yet what I want to say. I know that things feel different somehow, but not sure now to make it work or what to do.”
“Well, if you don’t know, you’d better figure it out. And quick. Race is coming up, and you’re running out of time.”
“Yeah, I know,” she said under her breath as she tore herself away from the pinks, yellows and oranges that shifted into the deep blue of the sky as it darkened. She noticed the twinkling light of the first star, and she took in a deep breath, putting her hel
met back on and hopping on the quad. “Race you home,” she said to her brother as her tires spun and she took off toward the beach.
Chapter 18
She pulled the quad into the garage slowly as she returned from her ride with Cade. All the way back, she’d thought about what he’d asked her. Did she really want to do this? Was it worth an injured arm? She wasn’t sure of the answer to that, or any of the other questions floating around in her head. Her conversation with Kyle the day before still haunted her. Was there more to life than racing?
“Looks like the bike held up,” Cade said with a smile as he took his helmet off and reached out his hand for Jessica’s. She tossed it to him and took off her gloves, sliding off the quad and looking at it closely.
“Sure seems that way. I’d say you did a fine job, even if I wasn’t here to supervise.” She nudged him with her elbow while she massaged her wrist. It had hurt a bit on the way back, but she wasn’t sure if it was her wrist or the brace. As she rubbed the feeling back into her fingers, she spotted her father over by the house as he strode toward the garage.
“I heard you guys come back. How’d it go?” He walked immediately to the quad, taking out his flashlight and peering into the engine. “How’d she ride?”
“It was great, Dad. Not a problem at all. Right, Cade?” she said, turning to Cade as he walked into the garage.
“Well, seems like the quad was holding up okay. I didn’t see any glitches or notice anything, and Jess says it rode as good as ever.” He picked up a gas can, unscrewed the cap to the gas tank and topped off the gas in it. “Looks like it’s using fuel the way it should. Not too much.”
Mr. McNally set his flashlight on the work bench, leaning up against it and folding his arms over his chest. He turned toward Jessica, who had sat back down on the quad after her brother had finished topping it off. She heard Cade behind her head back outside to his quad, getting it situated as well.
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