“Well?” her dad asked as she rested, her elbows on her knees. “What about your wrist? Did it hurt? You okay to race?”
She leaned forward, feeling the cool leather covering her knees. The buckles of her riding boots popped as she released them, using her good hand to do it. It was always a nice sensation getting her boots loosened and she silently cursed her braced hand as the fingers slowly came back from numb.
“Dad, why did I start racing when I was little. Do you remember?” she asked, still looking at her boots as her father started to pace.
“What do you mean, why did you start racing? You wanted to. You were hell-bent on racing, and after winning your first one, there was no stopping you.”
She smiled at the memory. She remembered her mother on the sidelines, her smile wide, whistling as she cheered her on. One of her clearest memories of her mother, which was strange to her, was that she could whistle very loudly, her fingers between her teeth. Jessica had always listened for it at the end of a race, and sometimes could even hear it over the screaming quad engines.
“The doctor says I shouldn’t race, especially without the brace. But the brace is going to slow me down, Dad.” She tossed her gloves on the work bench, reaching over to rub her wrist again.
“Jessica, you were born to ride. It’s what you do. It’s what our family does. What would we do without this?” he said, turning to look out the window at the Sea of Cortez. It was almost dark now, and stars were popping out all over the sky, like sparks of steel, as the sky darkened.
“Is this all there is, Dad? Have you seen the sparkles on the water? Had your toes in the sand?” Her voice was quiet. She came behind her father as he gazed out the window and put her arm through his. “I love you, Dad, and I’ve always wanted to keep the family together. But is this the only way?”
He turned to her, his brows furrowed in confusion. “I know I was worried about you, and said some things. But seeing you on that quad today—you’re a natural. A winner. This is all you’ve ever wanted to do. To hell with that doctor. Wear the brace. See if you can win. Don’t throw it all away at this point. You win this, you’ll be set for life with sponsors. This is what we’ve — what you’ve — worked for all this time. You can’t quit now. He said you could race with the brace?”
“Well, not exactly. He doesn’t want me to race at all. Says it could be bad if I fall,” she said, watching her father’s face and noticing the flutter in her chest as her heartbeat quickened.
“And just as easily, nothing could happen. You’ve always been a risk-taker. Don’t stop now. Without the brace, you could still win. It’s in you, Jess, and the quad is in tip top shape. Do it for the team. Do it for your mother. Do it for Cade.”
“Hey, wait a minute. Don’t involve me in this,” Cade said as he walked back into the garage, pushing his quad to the side of Jess’s.”
“Not you, too, Cade. I thought you had a better head on your shoulders than that. I don’t know what’s gotten into the two of you,” Mr. McNally said as he slammed the door behind him, storming into the house.
“I guess he told us,” Cade said, shaking his head as the sound of the slamming door reverberated through the garage. “He seems really upset.”
“I certainly didn’t mean to upset him. Just last week he was worried about my health long term, so I don’t know what’s changed. I guess I’m just thinking about all of this in kind of a new way.”
“I know, Jess. We’ve just been ‘doing’ it this way for so long, nobody’s stopped and taken any time at all to see if we’re really having fun.” Cade leaned up against the bench where their father had been moments ago and crossed his arms over his chest. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but couldn’t help but hear part of that. Mom’s been gone for over fifteen years. We can’t live for her ... or for Dad, for that matter. I think you owe it to yourself to do some real soul-searching about this. Beyond the risk of hurting yourself, I think it truly has been a lesson that has lots of fall-out. If you hadn’t gotten injured, we could have been doing this blindly for another decade. But it sounds like you may be re-thinking.”
Jessica sat back down on her quad, her hands running over the cool leather of the seat. She had always loved the smell of a quad — its grease and gas smells wafting in her nostrils and making her feel comforted, like things were familiar. After her mother died, it had become the only comfort she’d known — racing for her dad and brother, and feeling safe that way. They were all together, as a family. At least as much as they could be with Mom gone.
“What would you do if I stop, Cade? You’re a part of this, too.” She walked over to him, gently putting her arm through his. Although they were identical twins, he was much taller, and she rested her head on his shoulder, something she’d done since they were little.
“Jessica McNally, you don’t owe me a living. Besides, there aren’t too many single girls on the race circuit. And even if there were, we’d be trying to beat them,” he said, laughing lightly. It’s not like I’m going to find love on the race courses, either, and moving around so much doesn’t exactly say, ‘perfect boyfriend’ in neon in my forehead.”
She squeezed his arm. “I can’t believe we’ve never had this conversation before, Cade. Was it just Dad’s dream?”
“Don’t go there, Jess. He’s just always tried to do what he thought we wanted, for one thing, and what he thought Mom wanted for another. And honestly, I’m not sure he’s ever grieved Mom’s death. We’ve kept him pretty busy, between the race circuit and McNally Tires. Maybe that’s just how he needed it to be.”
“I suppose it’s the way we all needed it to be. And maybe we still do. I still want to ride, Cade. There’s no reason I can’t.”
Cade lifted his fist to his mouth and pretended to cough in it. “Excuse me, yes, there is a reason. Permanent injury? Pain? Doctor’s orders?”
Jess’s face clouded and she frowned. “He’s just a new doctor. In a foreign country. What does he know, anyway?”
Cade’s mouth fell open as he stared at his sister, and once he clapped it shut it turned into a big grin.
“Look, you can’t fool me. He’s a doctor, he’s telling you the truth, and I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. I don’t think he’s just saying that. If I were a betting man, I’d bet money on the fact that he actually likes you. Beats me why,” he said, immediately ducking away from Jessica’s hand that struck out at him. “Ha. I knew that was coming.”
“That’s because you deserved it. He doesn’t even notice me. He’s just doing his job as Dad asked him to. He had a very bad racing experience once, and has no interest in racing, or even going over fifty-five miles an hour, for goodness sake.”
“It might do you some good to slow down a little, Sis. See the sights. Meet a guy. See how you like the normal life.” Cade took hold of her shoulders and turned her to face him. “There’s nothing wrong with normal.”
She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling him give her a big hug. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, brother.”
“I know you’re just thinking things through, but I’m here if you need me. And know that I will respect and support whatever decision you make. I do have an opinion, but I’ll keep it to myself. You don’t need me to tell you what to do,” he said, smiling and moving away. “It’s late, and I’ll see you in the morning. You coming in?”
“Thanks, but I’ll be right behind you. Going to sit out for a little bit.”
Cade bent and kissed her on the forehead. “Why don’t you go out front by the water, and I’ll lock up in here. I’ll see you inside.”
“Thanks, Cade,” she said as she waved, heading out the door. The warm, soft breeze caressed her face as she made her way around the house and onto the patio that overlooked the sea. She walked slowly, her mind flooded with memories of when she started racing. She smiled at the memory of that first trophy. The thrill of standing on the winner’s podium — with boys to her right and left in second
and third place — had been exhilarating. As she thought more about it, she realized that maybe it had been the best one ever, and none after that had ever felt quite so good. And she’d built a life around it, to the exclusion of just about everything. She was beginning to realize what she’d missed.
As she rounded the corner to the patio overlooking the ocean, the smell of sea spray hit her at the same time that she heard the crashing of the waves as they almost reached high tide. The sky was completely dark, but the full moon was beginning to rise, its glow starting to appear on the horizon to the east. As it started to come up, it looked huge, and she stared, almost as if in a trance, at its orange beams shining on the water, reaching out almost as if they were beckoning her to come toward it. It looked like a stairway to the moon, she thought, and felt a shiver run through her as she realized that, although she’d had ample opportunity in the last decade to see this spectacular sight, she’d never noticed.
She sat there for what seemed like an hour, she thought, watching the moon change from orange to yellow to almost white as it reached higher in the sky. She shook her head, realizing she needed to head for bed, and wondered what other spectacular sights she’d been missing.
Chapter 19
Two rapid knocks on her bedroom door drug Jess from sleep to consciousness. She’d fallen into bed late after watching the moon rise and her dreamless sleep had been a blessing.
She slowly took in her surroundings and her mouth salivated at the smell of bacon. Cade must be up early, she thought, as she heard the pop of the bacon sizzling in the kitchen, the smell helping her wake up with the added possibility of coffee.
“Jessica, you awake?” Her father slowly opened the door a crack and she smiled, thinking of all the times he’d knocked loudly on her door to wake her up, then seemed surprised that he had.
“I am now, Dad,” she said, sitting up as she noticed the lines etched in her father’s face. The sight of the dark circles under his eyes made her heart skip, and she managed a weak smile as she waved him in, sitting up and scooting a pillow behind her back as she leaned against the wall.
He smiled weakly at her response, one she’d made what seemed to her at least a million times before. As he sat down at the foot of the bed, she reached out and squeezed his hand. “What’s up? You guys are up early,” she said as she leaned back against the pillows again.
He stood, walking over to the window that looked out over the ocean. One hand rubbed his wrist as he seemed to be fumbling over his words. Jessica’s heart tugged — this wasn’t normal behavior from her father, and she wasn’t quite sure how to help.
“Didn’t sleep much last night, Jess. And when I did, I dreamt of your mother.” His hands reached for the windowsill and he unlatched the window, throwing it open to the morning air. He rubbed the back of his neck, and said, “You and Cade made some sense last night, and I just couldn’t get it out of my head.”
“About what, Dad? Which part?” she asked slowly, not taking her eyes off of him. He’d always been her rock, her go-to guy, and her heart felt heavy as he turned toward her and she saw the pain in his eyes.
“You know, the whole time you guys were growing up, after your mom died, I just wanted everybody to be happy. I know I worked a lot at the tire store, but you guys had Maria to look after you at home, and we had races most every weekend.”
She nodded slowly, wondering what had made him so sad suddenly. She hadn’t thought of Maria in ages and smiled, remembering the woman who’d come to live with them and look after them. She’d tried to teach Jessica Spanish, but she was never able to keep Jessica from the race track or the garage long enough to do it.
“It was fine, Dad. We were — are happy.”
He crossed the room slowly, sitting down with a sigh at the edge of the bed again. ‘You know, Jess, I just realized last night, while I couldn’t sleep, that we’ve all just gone ahead at a hundred miles an hour, just keeping busy, just racing. This past week, Cade and I did the same, but I saw you slow down for the first time ever, I think. I always thought you were made for speed, but I’m thinking maybe I was wrong.”
“Dad, I’m fine and I intend to win this race,” she said, her eyes narrowing as she looked at her father.
His eyes widened and he held his hands up toward her. “Whoa, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean you couldn’t do it, just maybe thinking you shouldn’t do it.”
“Okay, now who’s talking crazy, Dad?” She threw the covers off of her and stood up, grabbing some clothes to change into from her pajamas. She tossed several things on the bed before she decided what she wanted to wear — her last clean sundress.
“See, even there you’ve changed. Before this week, I don’t remember ever seeing you look so lovely. Like a girl.”
She stopped in mid-stride and looked at him quickly, her face changing quickly into a frown. “Um, thanks a lot.”
He shook his head as a grin began to spread across his lips. “Okay, I’m making a mess of this. Let me start over. What I really wanted to say was that I’ve seen a side to you this week that I’ve not seen before. Maybe I hadn’t been looking, but it’s new to me. Your brother kicked me in the head with it earlier, too.”
She smiled, wondering what Cade had said to bring about such a change in her father.
“Between talking to him and you last night, dreaming about your mother, and getting it again from him this morning, I just feel like I need to tell you something.” She’d sat back down on the bed and was listening intently, her eyes cast down to her hands, which she noticed were clenched together in her lap. He reached for her chin and pulled her face toward his, meeting her eyes with his own.
“Jessica, all I really want is for you to be happy. Yes, we’re a team, the three of us and the guys, but your happiness is really what I want most. And if you decide not to race, you have my support. The pit crew will likely be disappointed, but nothing a cold case of beer can’t cure.” He smiled at her as he squeezed her chin a little and pulled her into a hug. “My beautiful daughter needs to decide what she wants for herself. It’s about time, Jessica. Maybe this injury was just your mom’s way of getting us to notice.”
Jessica turned her head as she saw Cade poke his eyes around the corner of the door, his face filled with interest. She smiled at him, and he let out a sigh, sounding relieved.
“Breakfast is ready, you two,” he said, squaring his shoulders and walking into the room.
Mr. McNally turned to his son and smiled, extending his hand. Cade took it and pulled him into a hug, slapping his father on the back and holding on a little longer than usual.
“I’ll go get washed up and meet you in the kitchen,” their dad said, his gravelly voice betraying his emotion as he left the room.
Cade turned to his sister and said, “Went well?”
She nodded slowly. “I guess so. It was strange, but I’m grateful. To him, and to you for your help,” she said.
He patted her on the shoulder as he tousled her hair. “Yeah, now comes the hard part. You have to decide what you’re going to do.”
Chapter 20
She was surprised that her wrist felt much better this morning, making her decision even more difficult. She could actually pull on her clothes without wincing and wield a fork like it was an ordinary day. But if she moved it in a certain way, she still felt the piercing tingles in her wrist that hadn’t gone away completely.
I need to clear my head and make a decision, she thought as she finished the breakfast dishes and grabbed her flip-flops, wanting to head down to the beach for a few moments. Over breakfast, the three of them had talked over the pros and cons on going ahead with the race, everyone weighing in like the team that they were.
By the end of the discussion, she was as confused as she had been in the beginning, realizing that ultimately the decision was hers and hers alone. As would be the consequences of whatever choice she made.
She knew that she would have a hard time winning if she wore the bra
ce. It had hindered her ability to drive aggressively when she’d ridden with Cade the day before, and it would be a slam dunk for her to win, given the competition this year, without it on. She’d left it at home for her walk, and she circled her wrist and winced as the pain shot up to her elbow. It didn’t hurt now with the brace on, but she was certain that she wouldn’t win the race with it inhibiting her wrist movement.
As she threw off her shoes and waded into the cool water, she thought of pain in Kyle’s eyes as he recounted the story of Maggy. He’d never told her who she was to him. A friend? A girlfriend? Either way, the memory still gave him a great deal of pain.
She wondered why she even cared. Clearly, with her chosen life and lifestyle, there could never be anything between them. He had been kind to her out of duty, and she understood that he didn’t respect her choices. He’d even laughed at her — something no one had done to her before.
She plopped down onto the sand, wriggling in to get more comfortable and leaned back, the warm sun spilling over her. She closed her eyes for what seemed like a second until she suddenly felt cool water splashing on her legs. Sitting bolt upright, she was met with Kyle’s wide grin as he splashed her once again.
“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” he said as she laughed, shaking the water out of her brown curls.
“What was that for? I was perfectly content.” She laid back down, looking up at the sky as the butterflies came back once again. She clasped her hands over her stomach, hoping that would make them stop.
“Just taking a walk and saw you here,” he said, lying down in the sand, the top of his head to hers. She knew he was behind her, and the butterflies started to really flutter now. At least he couldn’t see her as he gazed at the sky, both of them lying on their backs, and she hoped he hadn’t noticed the color she could feel creeping into her cheeks. “I noticed you and Cade went out riding yesterday. How was the wrist?”
As Blue as the Sky Page 9