The Fear That Divides Us

by M. N. Forgy

  ***

  I sit at the club waiting for Bull to tell us the fate of Bobby’s future. My mother called this morning and said she spoke to as many people as she could in their circle. They had caught a break. Apparently, my dad actually pulled a bullet out of the chief of police in Nevada two months ago and is repaying the favor to my father by contacting the chief of police here, who will pull some strings for Bobby. Several hours later, Bull called with the verdict from the lawyer.

  Bull scratches his head of dark hair, before resting his arms on the table sighing heavily. His hesitance makes me nervous.

  “Bobby is getting off with self-defense with Grant, but due to his history and assaulting Skeeter, he is serving three months in jail, then released on probation after that,” Bull informs the table. “He’s lucky, someone is looking out for him; that’s for sure,” Bull adds, looking directly at me.

  “Lucky fucker,” Lip clips, smiling. I laugh, grateful it’s months and not years in jail. I can do three months. I can’t do three years. I’d go insane missing him, and knowing he was behind bars because of me would kill me.

  The guys start hooting and hollering over the news as I get up, and walk out of the room. I smile and laugh, relieved Bobby will be out soon.

  Bright, hot sun beats down at me when I leave the clubhouse; sweat beads and trickles down my back. A familiar motor roaring draws my attention across the courtyard.

  Bobby’s blue truck pulls into the parking lot, the loud motor vibrating off the club as Shadow drives it into the garage, turning the engine off. He climbs out at the same time Dani is getting out of the passenger side.

  “It’s nice, but I like your mustang better, babe,” Dani flatters Shadow, rounding the back of the truck.

  “Hey, Doc,” Shadow greets, sliding his hand along the bed of Bobby’s truck.

  “Hey,” I reply, eyeing Bobby’s truck. The last time I saw it was when it was wrapped up in caution tape at the crime scene.

  “It was released from evidence this morning,” Shadow answers my unasked question. I walk around him and open the truck door, the smell of Bobby greeting me. I see Bobby’s cut sitting on the seat, and I reach over and grab it, lifting it to my face. But it doesn’t smell like Bobby; it smells of fresh leather. I unfold the cut and notice the back of it says Property of Bobby. I gasp and eye it. Was this meant for me?

  “He was going to ask you to be his ol’ lady,” Dani says, now standing beside me.

  I look at her, her green eyes vibrant with excitement, before looking back at the cut.

  “It’s a privilege, ya know. Taking that cut makes you our family, and we do anything for family,” she smiles, trailing her finger along the patches stitched into the leather.

  “But if you take that cut, you are Bobby’s. Don’t put that jacket on, Doc, if you’re second-guessing that,” Shadow instructs, his tone serious. I look at Dani to see if he is joking.

  She nods at his words. “True, but I’m pretty sure you’re already Bobby’s anyway. You’re just not wearing the property patch yet,” she smiles, making me laugh. She’s right. I was Bobby’s the day he laid eyes on me. He even said that himself. Whether I wear this cut or not, it wouldn’t stop him from claiming me as his. It would just make him happy to show his world I’m his woman.

  Bobby

  I get out in a month. I have been counting the day leading up to three fucking months. Jessica’s visited a couple of times, and I’ve received letters that smell of her, but it’s not enough. I’ve jacked off so many times since being in here; I don’t remember what a real pussy feels like anymore.

  “Is that a fight?” Yuki asks, walking up to the gilded bars that contain us like we’re animals. Yuki is a short fucker, with tattoos snaking up his neck. He hasn’t been half bad as a cellmate.

  We watch Geo and Sandler wrestle in their cell across from us. They’re always arguing, bitching at each other. It can be good entertainment, but it’s fucking annoying in the middle of the night. That is what we do for a majority of our time in here: watch others fuck up and fight over petty crap. So far, I haven’t had any run-ins with anyone, but that’s because I’m in the county jail and not prison. Most of the people who would want to fuck with me are in prison, not in county.

  Sandler lands on his back when Geo flips him over. Giving Geo the advantage, he climbs on Sandler and punches him hard in the face. Both Yuki and I both wince with that one.

  “Bet?” Yuki suggests. You want things in here, the best way to get them is by winning bets. That’s how the trade of the world is in here. I’ve scored a lot of shit winning bets. I should go to Vegas when I get out; try my luck with actual cash instead of cigarette, playboy, and pills.

  I eye Geo, deliberating his pros and cons. He’s huge, like a sumo wrestler, his fat making him strong, but his large size makes him slow. Sandler is tall and skinny, making him an easy target, but he has muscle in his arms, and he’s quick. If he’s quick enough, he could win easily.

  “Yeah, I got two packs of cigs that Sandler wins,” I bet.

  “Oh, dumb move, brother,” Yuki laughs, clearly happy with gambling on Geo.

  Sandler wraps his arms around Geo and pulls him downward, wrapping his legs around Geo’s upper body. Geo stands up, slamming into the back of the wall and falling on his back, giving Sandler his opportunity. Sandler grabs Geo by his head and bashes it into the concrete floor, causing Geo to go limp.

  “Pay up, bitch,” I remark arrogantly, holding my hand out for payment.

  “Fuck, I didn’t see that coming,” Yuki mutters, shaking his head.

  “Break it up!” a guard yells, banging his nightstick against the bars.

  “Fucking pigs,” Yuki curses, turning back to his bunk.

  “Four more weeks,” I grumble, pushing away from the steel bars.

  Jessica

  I lay on my surfboard and stare up at the bright blue sky, the sun casting heat on my sweaty body as the waves slowly take me back to shore. One more week and Bobby will be home. Hell, I feel like I’m in prison too. All I want is to touch the scruff on his face, run my hands through his blond hair, and hear the nonsense from his cocky mouth. Never having Bobby not there for me before is hard. It was easier to walk away from him before as I knew he would always be there when I needed him. Having him in jail, however, and away from me 24/7 is torture. I’m going insane.

  To admit I have given love a second chance, to put myself out there deliberately, knowing fate could terminate my scarred barrier of strength, causes me to take a sudden breath, shock riddling through my core. I don’t know if I’m stupid to allow myself to become so vulnerable, or if I’m simply along for the ride. My impending future now out of my control.

  In the last three months, I have accepted the club as family and taken Addie to meet everyone. I can still see Bull and Shadow’s stunned face when I pulled up to the club, Addie riding with me in my Jeep.

  “Bull, Shadow, this is Addie, my daughter,” I explained, running my hand down Addie’s long blonde hair.

  Bull’s eyes were so wide, his eyebrows nearly met his hairline. Shadow just stared at her with his mouth apart in awe. They were both shocked I had brought Addie to them. I thought I was protecting her, keeping our distance, but really I was keeping a family that would go to the end of the earth for her, at arm’s length because of my own selfish fears.

  “Nice to meet you,” Addie said sweetly, holding her hand out to shake. Her white sundress flapped in the wind as she looked up at the two burly men.

  “Well, hello there, darlin’,” Bull greeted, shaking her hand. He squatted down, getting eye level with Addie and beamed one of the most sincere smiles I have seen on Bull.

  “Hi,” Shadow responded, shaking Addie’s hand. His face was tense, looking between Addie and me like he couldn’t believe I’d actually brought Addie to the club.

  “My have you grown,” Bull muttered, eyeing Addie intently. Addie smiled and swayed back and forth as both Shadow and Bull stared at her.<
br />
  A wave pushes me with force, forcing me to open my eyes from the memory and cling to the sides of my board.

  I was surprised with Addie’s confidence when she met Bull and Shadow. I thought she would be nervous meeting a bunch of rugged bikers, but actually, Bull and Shadow seemed more nervous than she did.

  Every one of the ol’ ladies took to Addie quickly, going on and on about how much she looked like me, and if I’m not mistaken, I think Dani’s son, Zane, already has a crush on her. Thank goodness, their age gap will never let that go any further than a crush. Dani encouraged me to bring Addie by her dance studio for ballet, and of course, Addie was more than willing to take her up on that offer.

  I sit up on my board lazily and see I’m only feet from the shore. Members of the club are standing around and talking, some of them around the grill cooking and laughing. This is the first get together I brought Addie to, and so far she seems to be loving it.

  Wading out of the water, I tuck my board under my arm, and head along the beach to the group.

  “I can give you something to ride, hot momma.” I look over my shoulder and spot a pack of guys with their surfboards staring at me hungrily. Their bodies are tanned beyond healthy, and their hair is bleached from the sun and ocean.

  “Keep talking and your mother is going to be riding to your funeral,” I sass, shifting my board under my arm, glaring at them. They stop laughing, looking at me as if I’ve clearly lost my mind. To be honest, I have. Waiting for Bobby to get out has been torture all on its own.

  “You heard her. Now get steppin’,” Lip orders, throwing his tattooed arm around my neck.

  The bunch of surfers grumble under their breath and head for the parking lot.

  “I think I had that covered,” I laugh.

  “Yeah, I know you did. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t go nuts. Bobby has told me you can be crazy,” Lip informs seriously.

  “He said that?” I question, pulling back and trying to act offended. But I can’t mask the smile creeping on my face; it sounds just like something Bobby would say about me.

  Lip laughs, and runs his hand up his chest. His pierced nipple catching my eye. Damn that looks like it hurt; it’s making my nipple ache just by looking at it, and not in a good way.

  “I think Dani said dinner is ready. If you want to scoop up Addie and Zane from their intense sandcastle building and then grab a plate,” he informs, tugging on my neck with the crook of his arm.

  I walk over to Cherry, Zane, and Addie, all building a huge sandcastle. Cherry is wearing a skimpy yellow bikini and is covered in sand from head to toe. Addie and Zane don’t look much better with all the sand that is covering them as well.

  Crap. That sand is going to be a nightmare to get out of Addie’s hair.

  “Hey, let’s go grab something to eat and take a break,” I suggest, holding my hand out to Addie.

  “Oh, come on, Mom, we’re almost done,” Addie whines, filling a bucket with sand.

  Zane stands up from sitting on his knees and points at me, “No, no!” he yells, making me laugh.

  “Seriously, five more minutes. This is the sandcastle of all sandcastles,” Cherry begs, a green bucket in her hand filled with sand. I can’t help but giggle at her desperate plea to play in the sand with the kids. It reminds me of something Bobby would do.

  “Jesus, Cherry, really?” Lip laughs, shaking his head.

  “Hey, this is kick-ass, buddy,” Cherry says seriously, scratching a circle around the castle with both of her hands, imitating a moat.

  “You sure you don’t want to run, Doc, because now’s your chance,” Lip laughs, crossing his arms, a toothpick sticking out of his mouth.

  “You’re a good girl, now, but you stick around, who knows what you’ll become,” he continues, eyeing Cherry.

  I smirk, grabbing the toothpick out of his mouth.

  “I wasn’t that much of a good girl to begin with anyway,” I respond, sticking the toothpick at the very top of the castle.

  “Oh man, that was the perfect touch, Doc!” Cherry yells, standing up to eye the tooth pick.

  “I don’t even know what to say,” Lip laughs, walking the other way.

  Bobby

  “You’re getting out today, brother,” Yuki observes, looking at the calendar on the wall.

  “Yep,” I reply.

  “You guys get some yard time. Let’s go!” a guard hollers, his voice echoing throughout the cell. I lower my feet from the sink, and pull myself up from reclining on the bottom bunk.

  The guard eyes me as I walk past him.

  Yuki hands me a cig and I take it; tapping it against my palm.

  “What will you not miss the most about jail?” Yuki asks, scratching the back of his neck, making small talk.

  “No more shitty food, and no more yard work,” I laugh, placing a cigarette between my teeth to light.

  “Five more months and I’m out,” Yuki replies, leaning up against the fence. Yuki got caught dealing drugs, landing him in here. His dumbass sold weed right to an undercover cop. Lucky for him, it’s his first offense and he’s got a hell of a lawyer.

  “So what are you going to do when you get out?” Yuki asks, interlocking his fingers into the fence and looking out.

  “Fuck my girl,” I reply quickly, making Yuki laugh. That is the one thing I miss for sure, sex. Over the last three months, I have wondered if Jessica reverted to her fears and old ways, and has run home locking herself behind closed doors. Sure, I have letters and talk to her on the phone here and there, but that don’t mean shit. Time apart changes people. I have seen enough inmates raging through the jailhouse ‘cause their wife or girlfriend got tired of waiting for them and fucked the neighbor, or family talked them into finding a better man.

  After seeing it daily in here the last three months, I can admit; I’m fucking nervous.

  “What are you going to do when you get out?” I ask, taking a drag of my cigarette.

  “Back to dealing,” he mutters, exasperated.

  “Seriously?” I question. Why the fuck would he do that? He’s not a top-notch dealer. He’s not in a gang or brotherhood so I’m confused why he would go back to slinging shitty drugs just to land up back in here.

  “Money is too good to walk away from,” he responds, shrugging. “My mother is in a nursing home, my wife is diabetic. Those bills don’t pay themselves, man,” Yuki continues.

  “Bobby, let’s go,” Officer Smith yells from the door.

  “That’s me,” I mumble, exhaling smoke.

  I give Yuki a slap on the back and hand him my half-smoked cigarette.

  “See you on the other side, man,” Yuki smiles, giving my back a slap.

  I head toward the locked door that leads me out of this hellhole, passing pissed-off guards along the way. Impatiently, I lean against the door waiting for one of them to unlock it.

  I get my civilian clothes back, along with my leather cut. I instantly shrug it on, the feeling of its worn leather comforting on my back.

  “See you soon, Bobby,” Officer Smith mutters, knowing I’ll be back. I probably will.

  “Keep my bunk warm,” I reply, walking toward the locked door.

  It buzzes and I push it open. Closing my eyes, I inhale the satisfying smell of freedom, so much sweeter on this side of the fence, and the sun hotter from this side of the jailhouse.

  “Bobby!” My eyes jump open. Waiting for me is my crew, who are all sitting at the end of the parking lot. Motorcycles, from one end to the other, and my blue Chevy parked beside them all. I smile and jog toward them, ready to get the fuck away from here as quickly as I can. The truck door opens and Jessica flies out, running toward me. Spotting her, I run faster.

  She plows into me, her lips smashing onto mine aggressively. I grab her by the hips and pick her up, and her legs wrap around my waist. My hands clenching her back, pulling her closer to me. The smell of her, the feel of her, fucking pure bliss. I grasp her back harder and feel leather under my
palms. I pull back, and look her over, noticing she’s wearing a leather cut.

  “You’re wearing my property patch,” I whisper in disbelief.

  “I am,” she responds, smiling. I smirk, and narrow my eyebrows at her.

  “You know that means you’re mine. Forever now,” I growl, leaning in and nipping her bottom lip.

  “Yeah, I think I was yours from the beginning,” she laughs.

  “Yeah, you were,” I agree. “I need five minutes alone with you, wearing nothing but this,” I whisper to Jessica, the idea of her in nothing but a leather cut hardens my dick painfully.

  “Just five minutes?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

  “What can I say? I’ve been locked up, baby. Five minutes is over achieving.”

  Epilogue

  Jessica

  I sit at the bar watching Addie play with Zane.

  “He is such a ladies’ man,” Shadow remarks, handing me a beer. I laugh, seeing Zane blush as he laughs at Addie’s silly faces.

  “Just like his Uncle Bobby,” Bobby insists, stretching his arms above his head nonchalantly, making his shirt ride up revealing his tattooed abs.

  “Yeah, something like that,” Shadow chuckles, lifting his beer to his lips.

  I walk in the kitchen to get a plate of food for Addie, before all the burley men eat it all.

  “Your daughter is beautiful,” Cherry compliments, cutting up meat from behind the kitchen counter. She has her strawberry-colored hair pulled up into a sloppy ponytail, and is wearing a green shiny top I can just barely see over the counter.

  “Thank you,” I reply, taking a paper plate off the counter. “Do you need any help in here?” I ask, watching her manhandle a slab of meat with a butcher knife.

  “Oh, no, I got it,” she replies, looking up at me with a big smile.

  “Addie can be a handful, but I suppose most kids are,” I state, digging some fruit from a bowl.

  “Don’t I know it,” Cherry laughs, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand.