Uncle John’s Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader

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Uncle John’s Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader Page 58

by Bathroom Readers' Institute


  14. d) 180 degrees—it’s an imaginary north-south line in the Pacific Ocean, the place where the date is one day earlier east of the line than west of the line. 0 degrees is the Prime Meridian, located in Greenwich, England, the place where longitude lines begin. (There is nothing significant about 45 and 90 degrees.)

  15. a) Wyoming. It has a population of 450,000 (California’s population is 30 million).

  16. c) Sapporo. It’s the name of a city in Hokkaido, the northern-most island (and the name of a Japanese beer). Kyushu is the fourth and southernmost island of Japan.

  17. b) Seasons. The sun’s rays hit the northern and southern hemispheres unequally—when direct rays hit one hemisphere (making it summer), diffused rays hit the other (making it winter). Fall and spring occur as the rays change hemispheres.

  18. a) Pretoria. South Africa isn’t the only country with more than one capital. Bolivia has two capitals: Sucre and La Paz.

  19. a) Nauru. This Pacific island nation gained its independence from UN Trusteeship status in 1968. It’s also the smallest independent nation in the world.

  Humans consume about 3 billion pounds of chocolate annually.

  20. c) Esperanto. Despite being taught in universities around the world even into the 20th century, Esperanto has never been accepted as an international language.

  OL’ JAY’S BRAINTEASERS

  Answers for page 166

  GRANDMA CELIA,

  1. The cup was filled with dry, ground coffee.

  2. Sam’s father was 50 when he married. His bride was 25; her father was 45. When Sam was born a year later, his father was 51 and his grandfather on his mother’s side was 46.

  3. A goose.

  4. David (“D” is the Roman numeral for 500, “V” is the Roman numeral for 5, “a” is the first letter of the alphabet, and “I” is the first person.)

  5. Boxing.

  6. A relationship.

  7. A mirror.

  8. To cover cows.

  9. He’s a barber.

  10. An egg.

  11. A snake.

  12. They’re all abbreviations of U.S. states:

  HI: Hawaii

  MA: Massachusetts

  PA: Pennsylvania

  ME: Maine

  ID: Idaho

  IN: Indiana

  OR: Oregon

  13. They’re the kings in a deck of cards.

  14. The moon.

  CARD SHARK

  Answers for page 357

  SPLIT PERSONALITY. “Dave had 7 cards to start with,” Grandma Celia explained. “Half of 7 is 3-1/2, so when Dave gave the oldest brother ‘half the cards plus half a card,’ he gave him 3-1/2 cards plus half a card, or 4 cards.”

  •“He had 3 cards left, and gave half of these cards plus half a card (1-1/2 plus 1/2) or 2 cards to the middle brother.”

  That’s surreal: Salvador Dali wore a homemade perfume of fish glue and cow dung.

  •“He had 1 card left, so when he gave the youngest brother half his remaining cards plus half a card (1/2 plus 1/2), he had 0 cards left.”

  BY THE NUMBERS. Grandma Celia always picks a 3. Whatever numbered card the other person picks (if they do the math right), the digits on their card, plus the 3 on her card, will form the answer—if they pick a 4, the answer will be 43; if they pick a nine, the answer will be 93, and so on.

  TURNING 30. Grandma Celia knew that as long as she picked up the 9th card, the 16th card, and the 23rd card, she was guaranteed to win. She kept a running total of how many cards were picked up, and adjusted her picks accordingly. It didn’t matter if she went first or second—when she went first, she only picked up 2 cards. That way no matter how many cards I picked up on my first turn, she could pick up as few or as many cards as she needed to pick up the 9th card. She did the same thing to get to the 16th, the 23rd, and the 30th cards. (Once I knew the secret, I was able to beat her once in a while.)

  ELEVENSES. As long as Grandma Celia picked cards between 2 and 9 (or even aces if you count them as 1s), and the first card and the third card add up to the value of the middle card, the 3-digit number they form will always be divisible by 11.

  THE ZOMBIE QUIZ

  Answers for page 233

  1. d) There really is a rum-soaked tropical drink called a zombie, but that’s got nothing to do with real zombies.

  2. c) You can also get infected if a zombie rubs up against an open cut or wound.

  3. d) Zombies live off the liquid in the flesh they eat.

  4. b) We know that zombies have some rudimentary form of intelligence, because they can tell humans from zombies, and they tend to congregate in places they frequented when they were alive.

  5. c) Zombies are still dead, after all, and they’re still decomposing, although at a much slower rate. Only a very young, very well-preserved corpse will last beyond five years.

  Australia has 200,000,000 rabbits. They’re all descended from 12 original breeding pairs.

  6. b) A zombie’s strength peaks early, then declines as it decomposes.

  7. b) You must destroy the brain, or at the very least remove the brain from the rest of the body, so that even if the zombie is still “alive,” it can’t harm you.

  8. c) Watch your step! Zombies have a mean bite.

  9. d) A hand grenade sends shrapnel and ripped chunks of zombie meat flying in every direction, and anyone who gets hit by the zombie-soaked shrapnel will become a zombie. Using a hatchet puts you too close to the zombie for comfort, and if you use a flamethrower, the burning zombie will stumble around for a while before going down, creating a significant fire hazard. A rifle or shotgun lets you shoot the thing from a safe distance, with minimal risk of collateral damage.

  10. d) But it wouldn’t be a bad idea to teach your dog the “get away from that zombie” trick...just in case.

  UNCLE JOHN’S PUZZLERS

  Answers for page 301

  1. UND, to form underground.

  2. a.Michael Jordan

  b.Geraldo Rivera

  c.Madonna

  d.Bill Gates

  e.Tony Blair

  f.Keanu Reeves

  g.Uncle John

  3. The answer is 3. The series shows the number of letters in the words o-n-e, t-w-o, t-h-r-e-e, etc.)

  4. The answer is not 25. If you divide 30 by 1/2, you get 60. Add 10 and the answer is 70.

  5. The answer is 36. Add up the value of all the letters in the names (1=a, 2=b. etc.)

  6. PAS

  Riveting fact: There are an estimated 2,500,000 rivets in the Eiffel Tower.

  7. (18 × 8 – 2) ÷ 2 = 71

  8. TYPEWRITER

  9. Dwell, dwindle, dweeb, dwarf.

  PALINDROMIA

  Answers for page 420

  1. Otto

  2. kayak

  3. Yo, Banana Boy

  4. Ed, a general, a renegade

  5. race car

  6. a Toyota

  7. Wow

  8. If I had a hi-fi

  9. DVD

  10. Pull up, pull up

  11. L.A. Ocelots Stole Coal

  12. King Ognik

  13. Eye

  14. Was it a rat I saw

  15. Ed is on no side

  16. oozy rat in a sanitary zoo

  17. Otto made Ed a motto

  18. Now, sir, a war is won

  19. step on no pets

  20. gnu dung

  21. lonely Tylenol

  22. senile felines

  23. bird rib

  24. llama mall

  25. laminated E.T. animal

  26. DNA Land

  27. stack cats

  28. Aha

  29. ewe

  30. bar crab

  31. Strapgod’s Dog Parts

  32. swap for I a pair of paws

  33. borrow or rob

  34. lion oil

  35. Miss Sim

  36. peep

  37. Tangy Gnat

  38. Dammit, I’m mad

  39. top spot

  40.
tons o’ snot

  41. TNT

  42. not a ton

  43. go deliver a dare, vile dog

  44. deified

  45. live forever of evil

  46. party booby-trap

  47. poop

  48. maps, DNA, and spam

  49. He did, eh

  50. name no one man

  51. civic

  52. Yreka Bakery

  King Louis XIV had 264 personal chamberpots in and around the Palace of Versailles.

  THE LAST PAGE

  FELLOW BATHROOM READERS:

  The fight for good bathroom reading should never be taken loosely—we must do our duty and sit firmly for what we believe in, even while the rest of the world is taking pot shots at us.

  We’ll be brief: now that we’ve proven we’re not simply a flush-inthe-pan, we invite you to take the plunge: Sit Down and Be Counted! Become a member of the Bathroom Readers’ Institute. Log on to our Web site, www.bathroomreader.com, and place your first order at our online store, or, if you don’t want to buy anything, send a self-addressed, stamped, business-sized envelope to: BRI, PO Box 1117, Ashland, Oregon 97520. You’ll receive your free membership card, plus discounts when ordering directly through the BRI, and you’ll earn a permanent spot on the BRI honor roll!

  If you like reading our books...

  VISIT THE BRI’S WEBSITE!

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  Well, we’re out of space, and when you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go. Tanks for all your support. Hope to hear from you soon. Meanwhile, remember:

  Keep on flushin’!

 

 

 


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