The Sweetest Secret

by Marie Higgins

  She finally arrived at his house, and quickly knocked on the door. When Nic opened it, his eyes widened in disbelief. Within seconds, he scanned the street in front of the house before, gesturing with his hand for her to enter. Once inside, he closed the door behind her.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked as he took the umbrella from her and hung it next to the fireplace.

  “I needed to talk to you about something important.” She handed her raincoat to him and he hung it next to his. She glanced around the room, listening for anymore voices. “Is your cousin here?”

  “Yes, but he’s upstairs in his room resting.”

  His gaze moved to her bonnet, and he touched the brim of the hat. “Why don’t you remove this and I’ll sit it on the hearth. It looks a little damp.”

  “Yes, it is.” She loosened the ribbons and lifted it off her head. “The rain fell at an angle today and I almost couldn’t keep it off my face even with the umbrella’s help.”

  He took the hat from her and placed it where he had promised. When he faced her again, his attention moved over her pelisse and lavender dress. The color of his eyes softened quite a bit and a relaxed smile touched his face. As always when he did this, her heart reacted, fluttering in her chest.

  Scowling, she pointed her finger at him. “This is the reason I need to talk to you.”

  His forehead creased in confusion. “Because of your finger?”

  “No, because of the way you look at me.”

  The lines smoothed out in his expression. “Pardon me? You want to talk to me because of the way I look at you?”

  “Yes.” She nodded once. “People are noticing, my lord. They see that you’re looking at me differently than you do other women.”

  Chuckling, he folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the hearth. Curse him for looking so handsome…and desirable. Obviously, this was something he had practiced often, knowing it would make women take notice. Just for once, she wished he’d be clumsy or so he didn’t appear so perfect in her eyes. Inwardly, she grumbled and reminded herself that he was not perfect.

  “Tabitha, how am I looking at you differently?”

  Oh, she wanted to slap him. He really wanted her to say it? Of course he did. Men like him needed their ego stroked quite often. “Lord Hawthorne, you know exactly how you’re looking at me.”

  “Humor me.”

  “My aunt and her church friends can see it as well. They say your eyes twinkle, and…um, you grin more.”

  His smile stretched, just as she knew it would.

  “That’s what they say, do they? But tell me, Tabitha, what do you think?”

  He moved away from the fireplace, slowly coming toward her. The beat of her heart quickened and her throat turned dry. Blast it all, he’s doing it again!

  “My lord, this is the very reason I’m so upset.” Yet, her voice certainly hadn’t sounded upset just then. In fact, the volume had deepened quite a bit. “I don’t need the whole town wondering why you look at me in such a tender way. You’re a clergyman, for heaven’s sake.”

  “And clergymen can’t be attracted to single women?” He stopped in front of her. Slowly, his gaze moved over her face, coming to rest on her mouth. “It’s hard not to look at you differently, you know.” He stroked her cheek with gentleness. “Because I’ve been attracted to you since the first time we met.”

  His words, coupled with the strange feelings rushing through her, confused her greatly, and made it hard to stay mad at him. But she must. She grasped his hand, trying to move it away from her face, but either she wasn’t trying hard enough or he was just too strong. Yet, his fingers were lightly touching her face. Now she knew what her problem was. She lacked the willpower.

  “Nic, please,” she said softly.

  “I love it when you say my name.” His other hand joined the first, cupping her face. “There is a reason I look at you differently, Tabitha. I’m not at all embarrassed by the way I feel whenever you are near. In fact, I delight in the feelings pulsating through me.”

  “Nic, I don’t want…this.”

  “Oh, but I think differently.” His voice deepened. “I see a certain spark of light in your eyes whenever you look at me. My hands feel the soft quiver of your body whenever I touch you. I hear the catch in your breath whenever I’m too close.”

  Gently, his thumb stroked her lips. She wanted to sigh, close her eyes, and enjoy the sensations flowing through her—the ones that make her body come alive with awareness. No other man could do this to her. At least she hadn’t met one, yet.

  “Regardless, this isn’t going to happen between us, Nic.” She swallowed hard. “You are wasting your breath on me—you’re wasting your charm.”

  “Oh, my lovely. Why do you not believe me?” He lowered his lips to hers and softly brushed them against her mouth. “I assure you, my feelings for you are real. I have never felt this way about any other woman.”

  She wanted to believe him, but it was so hard. Were those not the very words rogues used to get what they wanted from a woman? “No…that cannot be.”

  “Then let me show you.”

  His mouth covered hers just as his hands moved down her neck and around her shoulders as he pulled her into his embrace. A part of her wanted to fight him all the way, but that part of her seemed to have disappeared, because it surely wasn’t standing in his hold right now. Against her will, she wrapped her arms around his waist as she moved her mouth seductively with his.

  His lips were so very gentle, as were the stroke of his palms on her back. The warmth from his kiss shot heat flowing through her, making her heart hammer faster and her breaths quicken. The softness of his beard rubbed against her face, igniting more awareness inside of her body. Her legs threatened to crumble beneath her, so she clutched the back of his jacket. He must have suspected, because his arms tightened around her.

  A sigh of delight rattled through her throat unexpectedly. He responded by releasing a groan and deepening the kiss. He kissed like a man starved for affection, and heaven help her, she answered back just as urgently.

  She didn’t know where the voices in her head had disappeared to, but no longer were they telling her to run away from him as fast as her legs would carry her. Instead, the voices inside of her mind were reminding her how lonely she’d been, and how she had longed to be kissed in such a passionate way that made her feel…complete.

  His mouth left hers, but only to travel down her neck, leaving kisses along the way. His whiskers brushed softly against her skin. A different kind of excitement flowed through her now—one that she never wanted to end. She enjoyed the way he kissed her so passionately, she couldn’t breathe, and she loved the way the palms of his hands slid over her back as if trying to enfold her tighter against his hard frame.

  “Oh, Tabitha,” he mumbled in between kisses, “I can’t believe this is finally real.” He lifted his head long enough to meet her gaze. “You don’t know how long I have wanted to kiss you…hold you. You are flawless, my lovely.” He placed his mouth back over hers.

  Her heart soared with happiness. She wanted so badly to believe he was telling the truth. It must be because she was weak right now, but she desperately wanted his acceptance and his love. She wanted him to be the man of her dreams who would sweep her away to a world where she couldn’t remember her past and where it would never harm her again.

  The wild kiss sent her to that place, even if she didn’t think it would be for very long. But suddenly, her limbs were weightless as if she floated on a cloud. It was then when she realized he had picked her up and carried her to the sofa. When he sat, she was still in his arms and on his lap, but their mouths had not broken apart at all.

  Ahh, heaven. Could he indeed take her to a place she’d never want to leave? If Nic could erase all the pain from her past, she would do anything to keep him in her arms forever.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Nic kept waiting for her to stop him, since that had been her habit every
time he’d gotten close. But so far, she hadn’t acted as if she wanted to end their passionate kiss. Indeed, this must be a dream, but he would relish in this fantasy for as long as he could.

  He’d seduced many women throughout the years, and he thought himself quite good at it. Yet not once with all those others had his heart ever burst with excitement. Not once had he just wanted to hold a woman, kiss her, and…yes, even cuddle. Never had he tried so hard at getting a woman to like him as he had with Tabitha.

  Several months ago she’d accused him of being after one thing…that a man of his status would never sink so low as to want a wife who was a lowly servant. He no longer thought of her in such a way. She was a woman who had been on his mind constantly. She’d been terribly abused by Lord Elliot, and Nic was determined to show her that all men were not like her former employer. Nic would shower her with love and attention, and make her feel like the most special woman alive.

  As for her being his wife—he’d have to think more on that subject—but for now, he wanted her to know that he was very different from other men.

  As much as he wanted to start doing all of that to her now, he also knew Tabitha, and taking it slowly was the best course of action. The wait would be worth it.

  Breaking the kiss, he leaned his forehead against hers and sighed heavily. A quiver shook her body, but she still didn’t pull away. When he finally opened his eyes and peered into hers, confusion clouded her expression. He could tell she was very leery about his next move.

  “Oh, my lovely,” he said softly. “I didn’t want to stop. I still don’t want to.”

  “Then why did you?” she asked, stroking his facial hair with the tips of her fingers.

  He chuckled and straightened, but still kept his arms around her as she sat on his lap. “Because you had mentioned we needed to talk. Do you still feel that way?”

  “Uh…talk?” Tabitha blinked in confusion. “Oh, yes…um, talk. We indeed need to discuss some things.”

  She wiggled in his arms, trying to move off his lap, but he held tight, and kept her there. “Please don’t move. It feels so nice—so perfect. I don’t want you to leave.”

  Her cheeks blossomed with color, and she shyly glanced at his chest. He wasn’t used to seeing her this way. Using his knuckles, he tilted her chin up until she met his stare. He smiled and said, “Much better. Don’t you agree?”

  Slowly, she nodded. “I do, but it’s hard to believe you share my thoughts.”

  As he gazed into her eyes, he realized he could stare at them forever. Whether they were lit up due to her temper or because of passion, they were still amazing, and every expressive, eyes. “So please tell me what you came to talk to me about this afternoon.”

  She chuckled and shook her head. “This. Us. What other people will see and what they have seen already.” She took a deep breath. “Nic, if you continue to look at me in such a manner, people will suspect that you have feelings for me.”

  “But my lovely, Tabitha—I do have feelings for you.”

  The color of her cheeks darkened. “Yes, but they will think the clergyman is the one having these feelings. Unless you want the town pushing your cousin to court me…I think you need to stop this immediately.”

  His smile widened. “Tell me, Tabitha, are you more worried that I show my feelings or that they come from someone who is dressed as a clergyman?”

  She rolled her eyes. “I’m more concerned that my aunt’s friends are going to see me spending time with this clergyman, only to break his heart once you and your cousin switch roles.” She took a breath. “I know the townsfolk won’t like me after that.”

  “Ah, I see your point.” Nic touched the middle of her chin. “You want to make certain people believe you are the endearing, sweet woman I know you to be.”

  She remained silent for a few awkward moments as her gaze slowly narrowed on him. He wasn’t sure he liked her hesitation. In the past, that always meant trouble.

  “Nic, I’m curious about something.”

  Oh, no…here it comes!

  * * * *

  Although Tabitha enjoyed the way desire hummed through her body, and the way Nic’s touch and kiss could bring such havoc to her mind and soul, she wasn’t foolish enough to believe any of this was real. It would eventually end. Nic would soon realize that he was just saying this to her because he was swept up in the moment. Soon, he’d find some excuse to why he had momentarily lost his head and couldn’t control the flowery words exiting his mouth.

  “What are you curious about, my lovely?” he asked.

  “Mainly, I wonder about your actions.”

  He arched a quizzical eyebrow. “My actions? Whatever for?”

  “I cannot fathom why you are like this—so charming and caring, and saying words you don’t mean.” He opened his mouth to speak, so she lifted a hand. “Let me continue, please.” He nodded. “Nic, I’ve known you were a rogue even before we were introduced. You have a reputation that even servants have heard about. So I prepared myself for whatever came out of your mouth, knowing it would be a lie. Granted, you have shown me a different man since we’ve been in North Devon, but I’m still hesitant to believe you’re sincere, since everything you do is only for your gain. Yet, just a moment ago when you could have had your wicked way with me…you stopped and wanted to talk. Now you’re saying that I’m endearing and sweet, and everyone knows this. Needless to say, I’m very confused now.”

  He remained silent for a few more minutes before he took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “I must admit it hurts me to hear that you don’t believe me. However, I’m encouraged that you are aware of how much I’ve changed.” He twined his fingers with hers, resting on her lap. “But I promise not to stop showing you how much I care about you.”

  Staring at their hands, she shook her head. “I don’t understand why you care so much? I haven’t done anything that leads you to think I’m at all interested in you.”

  Once more, his eyebrow lifted. “Nothing at all? The kiss you’d shared with me while at Lady Diana’s cottage that one evening several months past was my first indication of your interest. And just a few moments ago you kissed me with so much passion that I didn’t have a sensible thought in my head. And let’s not forget,” he moved his hand up to cup her face, “the time you helped me sing that song for your aunt on her birthday. Then you helped me when I was trying to give the townsfolk some comfort a few days ago.” He smiled tenderly. “Forgive me, my lovely, but all of that tells me that you are interested in me.”

  Drat! He wasn’t supposed to bring up those times! She released a defeated sigh. He was still missing the point to all of this—she didn’t want to give her heart to a man who would certainly break it. Wasn’t it bad enough that he thought of her as a servant? If he ever found out she was the illegitimate daughter of a nobleman, Nic would certainly not be able to handle a scandal like that. She couldn’t even handle it. One way or another, she couldn’t allow flirtation—or whatever this was that they were doing—to go any further. It must end now!

  “Fine,” she said. “You make a good argument, but no matter, we cannot let others notice we act this way around each other. I would rather not have gossip going around about the clergyman and Clara’s grand-niece.”

  “Then I shall try my best to treat you as I treat other single ladies. But it will be hard.” His thumb stroked her jaw. “You are so easy on the eyes and such a delight to watch.”

  “Please, Nic.” She chuckled. “I’m no different from the other women.”

  “I beg to differ. They don’t have your boldness.” He winked as his adorable eyes twinkled again. “I don’t know what other men think, but I enjoy that in a woman—mainly you.”

  “Yes, it’s one of my worst faults.”

  “I think not, my dear. I don’t ever want you to lose it.”

  She studied his eyes, and really couldn’t believe how sincere he appeared. But instinct told her that this was all a front. He was in a different part of
England, playing a different role. He had more freedom to act this way. If he were back home around his friends and acquaintances, he would turn into the rogue she’d heard so much about.

  A portion of her heart twisted from that thought. Although she knew what kind of man Hawthorne was, a part of her wanted him to change. She wanted to be that woman who made him want to change.

  When her emotions began to rise to the surface—a place they could not be—she forced herself to chuckle as she removed his arms still around her and lifted off his lap. Once on her feet, she smoothed out her dress. He still remained on the chair, appearing relaxed and satisfied. The gleam in his eyes and smirk to his mouth hadn’t left as he watched her closely.

  “Nic, I believe you shall get your wish, because I honestly don’t think I will ever be anything but bold.” She straightened and arched her eyebrow. “And I’ll always be a stubborn woman. That being said, I must leave now. I’ve been here entirely too long.”

  He opened his mouth to speak and reached out to try and grab her, but she moved away from him quickly, going toward the hearth where her bonnet, raincoat, and umbrella were located. As she placed the bonnet on her head, Nic came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

  “I want us to meet in private again. Soon,” he whispered in her ear.

  As much as she wanted to give in, she couldn’t. It was bad enough her heart was starting to become affected by his charm. She couldn’t allow this to go on any further. For certain, in the end, Nic would abandon her and return to his normal life. Then where would she be? She’d be a lonely woman with a shattered heart.

  Once again, she pulled out of his embrace as she shrugged on the raincoat. “I really don’t think that’s a good idea. The more we meet, the more chance we have to get caught. This is a very small town, and I don’t want any gossip. I want to finally live in a place where people can get to know the real me and appreciate me as a person.”

  Confusion clouded his expression and he narrowed his gaze on her. “Tabitha, what are you talking about? Sometimes your words are so perplexing.”