She took a deep breath. “I’m sure you have already noticed, but I want to start a new life—far away from my old life. I like North Devon very much, and I’ve been seriously thinking of staying here, which means I don’t want to do anything to make these people think ill of me.”
Nic took her hands in his and leaned against the wall. “Will you tell me something, my lovely?”
She cocked her head suspiciously. “What do you want me to tell you?”
“Why are you starting a new life?” His thumbs rubbed against her knuckles gently. “You’re not a servant any longer, and I’m wondering why. Have you saved enough money to live on your own? Did Diana lend you some money to begin anew? Or, do you have a distant relative who left you an inheritance?” His gaze swept over her attire quickly before he met her stare again. “Your clothes are more expensive now than when you dressed as Diana’s maid, so it makes me wonder what has happened in your life to make you this way?”
Her heart sank as dread passed through her. This wasn’t something she was ready to share. Not with Nic. Not with anyone. The truth about her parentage still left a bitter taste in her mouth and the realization of who she really was burned her to the core.
“All I can tell you is that I’m no longer a servant,” she snipped and yanked her hands away. In haste, she finished putting herself together in preparation to leave into the rainy weather.
“Will you tell me why you’re not a servant?”
“No.” She marched toward the door, but he was right behind her. As she reached for the knob, he pressed his palm against the hard wood, keeping her from leaving.
“Tabitha, please don’t leave upset at me. I was just curious to your new lifestyle.”
“Lord Hawthorne, I don’t believe that’s any of your business,” she said between clenched teeth. “Now please let me pass.”
He clutched her shoulders and with gentle care, turned her to face him. Worried lines marred his forehead, around his eyes and mouth. She wished he wouldn’t look at her this way—as if he was really concerned.
“Tabitha, what has you so upset? I don’t want you mad at me.”
“There are just some things in my life that I don’t want to discuss. This is one of them. So if you don’t mind, I insist we drop the matter altogether.”
He nodded. “If you wish.”
“I do.”
He stroked her cheek affectionately. “Forgive me for upsetting you.”
Her chest wrenched with heartache. She wished she wasn’t so confused. Why couldn’t he just remain the selfish rogue she’d always known him to be? It would be easier to dislike him that way. Then she could just dismiss his endearing words, and not think about what those words did to her insides.
“I thank you,” she said softly. “I’m just out of sorts today, and I fear I have much on my mind.”
She’d realized, after saying it, that it wasn’t just an excuse. Nic’s attitude had caused a lot of confusion, and she didn’t know what to think. Her heart didn’t want to believe he’d changed. She reminded herself that he only acted this way because he was in disguise. Not only that, he acted this way because he wasn’t around his friends. Nobody knew Lord Hawthorne here. A feeling of dread closed around her when she realized he would certainly turn back into the man she had known when they first met. Once he returns to his home, he would be the accomplished rogue, Lord Hawthorne.
Tears burned in her eyes, and she knew if she didn’t leave now, she’d end up crying in front of him. She couldn’t do that. She must remain strong and appear unaffected. Even though her heart was breaking, she couldn’t let him see.
She forced herself to smile as she touched his arm. “I really must leave now. I shall see you later. I’m certain my aunt will have you over for dinner very soon.”
He leaned toward her as his focus dropped to her mouth. She knew what he wanted…but she couldn’t give it to him.
“Have a pleasant day, my lord,” she said quickly as she pushed him aside and exited out the front door.
The rain still fell heavily, and she popped up the umbrella to help shield the water from slapping her face. Although the umbrella was helpful, it couldn’t keep the tears from coursing down her cheeks as she hurried back to her aunt’s house.
Chapter Fourteen
“May I compliment the cook?” Nic asked as he swallowed a mouthful of the scrumptious broiled filet. “I don’t think I have ever tasted anything so satisfying in my life.”
Miss Talbot’s face reddened, but her twinkling eyes stayed on him. “My sister and I do our own cooking,” she said. “We enjoy our food better this way since we know all that goes into the meal.”
Sitting beside Miss Talbot, her sister elbowed her in the arm. “Mildred, he knows this. We’ve told him plenty of times already.”
Nic chuckled, playing along. “I certainly enjoy teasing the two of you. Of course I know you cook your own food, and once again, I’m surprised how tasty it is.”
Mildred threw a quick glare at her sister before returning a much calmer gaze to Nic. “You are such a kind man, Mr. Woodland. We so much appreciate your company for dinner.”
He lifted his wine glass in a salute. “Just as much as I appreciate being invited.”
He sipped the liquid as he studied the two women. They were quite odd, in his opinion. Of course, he figured it was because they were such busybodies and always sticking their noses where they don’t belong. Mildred still appeared to have tender feelings for the clergyman, but now Nic hesitated on trying to encourage her—for his cousin, of course. If the clergyman was going to start showing more affection toward Tabitha, he didn’t want to lead Miss Talbot to believe her attention was warranted.
Mrs. Smythe offered a polite smile. “We are just so happy that your health has improved. It’s so nice to see you back to mingling with the town once again.”
“I’m very happy to be back and visiting once again with God’s children.”
“Oh, for certain.” Mrs. Smythe nodded and frowned. “Especially during such tragic times such as these. It was such a shock to have one of our own murdered. Such a terrible loss.”
“Yes, it was a shock,” Nic agreed.
“He was such a kind boy,” Mildred added. “Although, I think he might have been leading the McFadden girl to believe he wanted marriage.”
Mrs. Smythe’s eyes enlarged. “Mildred! Surely you jest.”
“Not at all. Don’t you recall how I’d mentioned last month, seeing him spending time with the Johnson girl…what’s her name…”
“I believe her name is Dawn,” Mrs. Smythe supplied for her sister.
The younger woman out of the two nodded, her ringlets bouncing in rhythm. “Yes, it is. Anyway, as I was returning from the market, I spotted Mr. Griffin in an alleyway standing scandalously close to Miss Johnson. They didn’t see me, of course, but I could tell they were becoming very intimate.”
Although Nic didn’t want to hear the latest gossip, especially about a dead man, he still wondered who would want to kill David and bury him in the sand. “If you don’t mind me asking, what does this have to do with the McFadden girl?”
“Well, you see,” Mrs. Smythe said, “David and Sarah have been making doe eyes at each other for the past few years. Everyone in town knows it, and we all expected them to marry.”
“Ah,” Nic nodded, “I understand now.”
“So naturally,” Mildred continued in a forlorn voice, “since he was spotted with Miss Johnson, I’m certain that Miss McFadden was hurt deeply.”
Nic opened his mouth to speak, but Mrs. Smythe’s comment overrode his.
“But of course Miss McFadden was hurt. Mildred, you of all people know the way a woman’s heart breaks when the man she loves is seen intimately with another woman. One never lives down that kind of scandal.”
Once again, Miss Talbot’s face reddened, but this time she lowered her gaze to her lap. “If you don’t mind, dear sister, I would rather not talk about that tim
e in my life.”
Now Nic was beginning to understand the older—single—woman better. This was probably the reason she hadn’t married. In an instant, memories flashed through his head of all the women he’d hurt over the years. He had made many women happy…yet at the same time, he broke their hearts. Back then, he really hadn’t cared. He knew they would find another man to love eventually. Now he wished he would have been more kind and understanding.
No wonder he had such a disreputable reputation.
And it was no wonder Tabitha was having such a hard time trusting him. If he were in her shoes, he’d have the same concerns.
It was obvious yesterday while she was at his house, that she couldn’t resist his charm. She felt something for him other than loathing, for which he was grateful. But it was also clear that she struggled with herself to embrace her new feelings for him. As much as he had tried to tell her how he’d changed, his words weren’t enough for her. Somehow, he needed to show her. Evidently, playing his cousin’s part as the clergyman wasn’t enough to convince her.
Perhaps his next course of action should be wooing her like most women wanted to be courted. He also needed to prove to her that he wasn’t a bad man, even if his morals had been in question most of his life. Time had changed him. Meeting Tabitha had only changed him for the better.
“Don’t you agree, Mr. Woodland?”
He was pulled out of his thoughts by Mildred’s question. What was he supposed to agree on? Good grief, he should have listened closer instead of thinking about Tabitha…again.
“Uh, well of course,” he stated, hoping it was what the two women wanted to hear.
Miss Talbot beamed and then focused her attention to her sister. Lifting her chin in defiance, she said, “I told you. Most men know how wrong it is to let a woman go on believing they love them even when they don’t.”
Inwardly, he groaned. He sincerely hoped his true identity didn’t come out. For certain, he’d have these two women hating him for the rest of his life. “I think,” he said quickly, “that all men and women should be totally honest with the people they care about. After all, that’s how God wants His children to act. Love thy neighbor as thyself. Correct?”
Both women smiled and nodded.
Nic now wondered if playing the clergyman role had changed the way he looked at women. Well, if it hadn’t before, it definitely had now. Perhaps this switch with his cousin was fate trying to tell him something…
“And what about you, Mr. Woodland?” Mrs. Smythe asked, leaning closer to him. “May I be so bold to ask when you will start looking for a wife?”
Indeed, the older woman was quite bold to be asking that. Then again, it was high time Frederick wed again. Nic took a quick glance at Mildred. Her eyes were large, anticipating his answer. Her older sister kept switching her gaze between him and Mildred. It was obvious what these two matchmakers were up to.
Feeling uncomfortable, he chuckled. “I must admit, Mrs. Smythe, your question has caught me off guard, and I fear I don’t know how to answer.”
“It’s quite simple,” she said. “Do you think you will be looking for a wife soon?”
He wished it were that simple. As long as he played his cousin, he couldn’t let anyone know his interest was in Tabitha Paget. “I haven’t thought of it, Mrs. Smythe. Perhaps I shall turn to God and see what He wants me to do.”
Both women nodded with broad smiles. “Good answer,” Mrs. Smythe replied.
“Are we ready for pie yet?” Mildred asked. “I made the most delicious pie you have ever tasted.”
Nic patted his stomach. “Give me another minute and I shall be ready. It would be a sin to turn down anything you cook, Miss Talbot.”
She giggled like a young girl as her face flamed red. He needed to remember that he couldn’t let her believe he was interested in her. He must pass out compliments to other single women, especially when Mildred was around and could hear. Maybe then she wouldn’t get the wrong idea.
An hour—and a full stomach—later, Nic left the older women’s house and strode toward the church. Although Frederick was keeping a close eye on the building in case of anymore thefts, Nic needed to act as if he spent a lot of time there. His cousin would have, so Nic must follow in his cousin’s daily routine.
He walked inside. A few lanterns had been lit, and closer to the chapel, some candles were lit. Thankfully, Frederick did this every day because Nic would never remember.
He shrugged off his cloak and hung it on a peg by the front double doors. Silence stretched through the air, bringing peace to Nic’s heart and mind. Strange to think he’d long for this solitude after the kind of life he’d led. He could only pray God had forgiven him from all of his wrongdoings.
As he neared the clergyman’s private chambers, the shuffling of feet disturbed the stillness. He stopped and swung around. A young woman in a hooded cloak hurried toward him. At first, he didn’t recognize her, but the closer she came, the more he realized who she was. This was the McFadden girl.
“Forgive me for startling you, Mr. Woodland, but it’s important I speak with you.”
She stopped in front of him and dropped her hood. Her blonde ringlets weren’t wound as tight as he figured they should be. In fact, her whole appearance looked downtrodden. Sad brown eyes stared up at him, silently begging for attention.
“Why of course, Miss McFadden.” He motioned his hand toward the benches. “Would you like to sit and talk?”
“Yes, that would be good.”
Once they sat, she heaved a deep sigh. “Mr. Woodland, I have been completely devastated since David’s death, and I needed to talk to someone.”
“You know I’m always here for my parishioners.”
“Yes, I know. I should have come earlier, if only to ease my sorrow, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you…”A sob broke from her throat as she covered her hands over her face. “Oh, forgive me, for I have sinned.”
Nic hitched a breath. Sinned? He wasn’t prepared—or ordained—to help anyone who had sinned. Now what was he going to do?
“See here, Miss McFadden,” he patted her shoulder lightly. “I’m sure it’s not that bad. You have always been a kind-hearted, God-fearing young woman.”
Slowly, her hands fell away from her face and she stared at him with wet eyes. Tears continued to fall down her freckled cheeks. “Yes, I have, but…but this time anger drove me to act out on my feelings.”
A lump formed in his throat. Many thoughts swam in his head, none of which he wanted to believe. Instead, he’d be patient and wait for her to tell him her crime. “Go on.”
“Well, you see, a few months ago, David Griffin and I had been talking about marriage.” She wiped her eyes. “I truly believed he loved me, but several weeks ago, I saw him with Miss Johnson. I noticed the way he gazed upon her was the same way he used to look upon me. Suddenly, he was going out of his way to do things for her instead of me.”
He nodded as his heart beat in a panicked rhythm. He prayed she wasn’t going to confess what he thought…
“It hurt me, Mr. Woodland. David had broken my heart, but as much as I wanted to hate him, I still wanted to marry him. I would do anything to make him love me again.”
“Yes, I understand.” He nodded.
She licked her lips and wiped at her moist eyes again. “Anyway, I decided to confront him about his feelings for Miss Johnson. I followed him one evening and knew he left the house, so I waited for him in his barn. I knew he’d be bringing back the horse.” Her shaky hand lifted to her throat. “When he returned, I stopped him. He appeared startled to see me. I could smell another woman’s perfume on him, and I didn’t need to ask where he’d been. I knew. Yet,” she paused as a small sob released from her throat, “I still wanted him to love me and only me.” She sniffed. “So I acted out of desperation.” Her tears fell faster as her voice broke. “I threw myself at him, Mr. Woodland. I acted like a harlot, and…and he didn’t stop me. I gave him my innocence, an
d he didn’t try to stop me, even though he didn’t love me.”
Inwardly, Nic groaned. Frederick…where are you? I can’t help this young girl! “Oh, dear,” he said softly, only because he didn’t know what else to say.
“When I left the barn, I wasn’t ashamed of what we had done. At the time, I felt that David would do the right thing and marry me. I waited three weeks to hear from him, and when I didn’t, I feared the worst. Yet, just the other day he sent me a missive, wanting to meet me in his barn at night. I thought for sure he was going to tell me that he wanted to marry me.” Her lips quivered and she cried, covering her face with her hands. “But he wasn’t there. It was the next day when you had found his body buried in the sand.”
Nic held his breath… So Miss McFadden hadn’t killed him? Or, had she just skipped over that part? “When you went to the barn, you didn’t see him at all?”
She lowered her hands again. Tears pooled in her eyes and streaked down her face. “No. I hadn’t seen him before that, either. I only received his missive.”
“Why then, are you so upset? Do you think you know who killed him?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know who killed him. The reason why I’m so upset is because…because…I’m with child!”
Groaning, Nic scrubbed his palms over his face. Good grief, he hadn’t seen that coming. There was no way he could help this young woman. He didn’t even know where to begin. Frederick would, though. The real clergyman was needed now!
“Oh, Miss McFadden. This is not good.” He shook his head.
“I know.” She tugged on his sleeve jacket. “That’s why I’m here. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.”
“Yes, yes, of course, my child.” He took her hand and squeezed it. “But what I need for you to do is return home and pray. I will pray tonight as well, and I shall have an answer for you tomorrow.” At least he hoped he’d one. Frederick better know what to do in this situation!
“I will.” She nodded. “I thank you, Mr. Woodland.” She stood and lifted the hood back over her head before leaving the church.
The Sweetest Secret Page 14