As soon as she was out of the church, Nic leaned his forehead against the bench in front of him. Frederick had said them switching roles would be easy. He’d said that nothing would go wrong.
Frederick was very wrong!
Another noise disturbed his thoughts and he jerked up, listening closer. It sounded more like footsteps, but they were coming from the clergyman’s private chambers. He jumped to his feet and hurried toward the room. It’d better be his cousin, because he was not in the mood to meet up with any thieves right now.
Chapter Fifteen
Nic threw open the door and barged inside. The woman standing by the desk froze. In her hand was a piece of paper. Wide, frightened eyes stared at him. Within seconds, she sighed in relief, placing her hand on her bosom.
“Oh, Nic. Why did you frighten me so?” Tabitha asked.
His body relaxed and he breathed a heavy sigh. Happiness welled inside him, erasing all the confusion he’d felt only moments ago. She looked so lovely in her beige dress with white over-lace. Her hair was in ringlets today, and he wished he could stroke her curls as he kissed her passionately. With any luck, he’d get his wish.
Quickly, he stepped inside and closed the door. “You don’t know how pleased I am to see you.”
“Yes, well…you could have shown it differently instead of bolting in here like you had fire on your heels.”
He chuckled and moved closer to her, but she stepped back around the desk, keeping it between them. “I thought you were a thief.” He shrugged. “I didn’t know what else to think of the noise inside this private chamber.”
“Oh, that.” She placed the paper on his desk. “Well, I didn’t want to interrupt the meeting you had with Miss McFadden.” She arched an eyebrow. “Shame on you, Nic, for making that girl think you could help her.”
“You heard?” His hopes lifted.
“That was not my intention. I had come to see you, and I figured this room would be the best place we could talk. But then Miss McFadden arrived before I could make my presence known. I was just about to leave you a note.” She pointed to the paper. “I’m sorry I overheard her confession, but really, it was unavoidable.”
“That’s very understandable. Let me reassure you, I don’t plan on taking care of this. I’m not qualified to act as a clergyman. This is Frederick’s job, and I will relate Miss McFadden’s story to him and encourage him to take care of the poor young woman.”
She nodded. “That is a very unfortunate thing that happened to her. My heart goes out to her.”
Although he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and kiss her, it was obvious she was keeping her distance from him for a reason. So he must not act like the overeager lover. Casually, he sat on the edge of the desk and gently swung his leg.
“My heart goes out to her, as well. I cannot even comprehend what must be going through her mind right now. I wouldn’t know what kind of advice to give her.”
Tabitha folded her arms and leaned against the wall. “Really, there’s not much that can be done. If she stays here to have her child, her family will be embarrassed and greatly shamed. If that happens, she’ll be shunned by society. If she wants to continue to live a normal life, she can either find another man to marry, or she can have her family send her to the countryside someplace out of the way to have the baby. If Frederick knows of any childless couples, he can arrange an adoption that way. If not, the child will have to go to an orphanage.”
“You are very knowledgeable on the subject. I’m sure you have known other young girls who were in the family way without a husband.”
Irritation creased Tabitha’s face and she curled her lip in distain. “Lord Elliot had impregnated many of his servants, that’s how I know. In fact, Sally was one of them.”
Nic gasped and rose to his feet. “Sally?”
“She was pregnant when Lord Elliot nearly beat her to death. We thought she might lose the baby, but she didn’t. She delivered two months ago and gave her child to a couple who couldn’t have children. Servants don’t have to suffer being shunned from society, but we still are shamed beyond belief. Sally is taking this very well, and has seemed to flourish here in North Devon. I think it’s because nobody knows her.”
He moved slowly toward Tabitha. Thankfully, she didn’t try to get away. Sadness clouded her pretty face, and he would do anything to remove it. When he stood in front of her, he lifted her hand to his mouth and brushed his lips over her knuckles. “Please forgive me for making you relive a time in your life you’d rather forget.”
She released a slow breath of air. “I wish it had never happened, but it’s part of my past whether I want it to be or not. However, being in North Devon, I have felt a sense of freedom I thought I’d never have. Sometimes I actually feel normal.”
“No, my lovely.” He shook his head and cupped her face. “You’re far from normal. You’re exceptional…an astonishing woman that lights up a room just by entering. Don’t ever forget that.”
The corner of her mouth quirked up in a grin. “As always, Lord Hawthorne, you’re saying words I don’t know if I can believe.”
“You can believe them.” He winked.
As much as he wanted to kiss her right now, he found the courage to step back. It was hard, but it must be done. He needed her to make the next step in their relationship. How else would he know when she was ready to love him and give him her heart? “So tell me, what brings you to my office today?”
She appeared bewildered for a moment, but then blinked and shook her head. “Oh yes, I remember now. I wanted to talk to you before you come to have lunch with my aunt tomorrow afternoon.”
“Is something amiss?”
Chuckling, she rolled her eyes. “I would think it was, considering both Aunt Clara and Mrs. Stiles are playing matchmaker. I warned you about this, remember?”
He grinned. “Yes, you did. So what do you want me to do about it?”
“I want you to convince them that we don’t suit. Somehow, you need to make them believe that you don’t find me interesting in the least.”
“Oh, my lovely Tabitha.” He laughed. “It would take a true performer to pull that off. Even a blind person would be able to tell how much I care about you, because I’m sure they’d hear it in my voice.”
“Please, Nic.” She walked to him and laid her hand on his arm. “We must do something to stop them. Have you forgotten our talk yesterday?”
“No. I’ll never forget the times we spend together or what was said.”
“Then you see why we need to do this.”
“Yes, but I’m just saying that it’s going to be hard.”
She nodded. “I understand, but I want you to try, anyway.”
“Of course, my lovely. I’ll do anything for you.”
She tilted her head, studying him for a few moments. He hoped it didn’t take her long before she realized he was being truthful.
With a nod, she stepped away from him and breathed a heavy sigh. “Well then, now that I have said what I came to say, I’ll be leaving.”
She lifted her cloak off the chair and proceeded to wrap it around her shoulders. He moved closer and assisted. Once she had her bonnet on, she strode toward the door.
“Wait,” he called out, stopping her. “Let me go out to see if anyone is out there. We don’t want anyone witnessing you leaving my private chambers.”
“Oh, yes. Thank you for remembering.”
As he passed her, the urge to take her in his arms and hold her was strong. But unwavering, he walked out of the room without touching her. He gazed around the chapel area and couldn’t see anyone. Still, he felt she shouldn’t leave out the front doors. She’d been seen right away.
“Tabitha,” he said softly. “Why don’t you use the back door? That way nobody will see you. The thicket of trees out back should block you from being seen leaving the church altogether.”
“That is very wise. Thank you, Nic.” She moved passed him, then slowed down her st
eps as she peeked at him over her shoulder. “I shall see you tomorrow afternoon. Don’t forget to be on your best behavior.”
“I shall do my best.” He winked.
He watched her leave with a grin. He would do his best, but he feared the evidence of his feelings would be seen through his eyes when he gazed upon her, and in his voice whenever he spoke to her. Truly, Aunt Clara and Mrs. Stiles would have to be blind not to notice.
* * * *
Tabitha didn’t believe him one bit. He’d do his best? She highly doubted he knew what that meant.
Grumbling, she made her way through the thicket of trees before finding the path leading to the main road. When she reached it, she slowed her steps and smoothed out her cloak. She didn’t want anyone to think she was in a hurry. If they noticed her, she prayed they would think she was doing her daily walking.
But walking made her think, and she couldn’t believe the conversation with Nic, or his actions. Not once did he try to kiss her. Although, when he’d cupped her face, she wondered if he was thinking about it then. Yet, he never did. He never even said anything along those lines, either. He still hinted about his feelings for her, but for some reason, it was different this time. The Nic she knew always wanted to convince her of his affections by using his mouth in a wild kiss.
Not this time.
Dare she hope he was having second thoughts, just as she knew he would eventually?
As soon as she thought it, her chest grew heavy with sorrow. She didn’t like the fact that she enjoyed his attention, and especially that she enjoyed his kisses. She even hated the fact that he made her feel so special. But what she hated even more was feeling sad with the mere idea of him giving up on her.
She shook the thought from her head. No, he must give up on her. They were not meant to be together. He was a marquis, and she just a lowly woman who’d been a servant for most of her life until recently. Her world was far different from Nic’s, and because of that, they could never be together.
Perhaps in a small way Nic had come to realize this as well. That could have been the reason why he didn’t try harder to steal a kiss or to wrap his arms around her. Dare she hope that he finally realized his mistake in saying those words to her? Had he come to realize their worlds were too different, too?
Taking a big breath of courage, she held her shoulders straight, continuing toward her aunt’s house. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Mr. Jacobs and his daughter coming from down the street. He still leaned heavily on a cane as his daughter skipped around him, laughing.
When they noticed her, he raised his hand in greeting. Tabitha waved back. Little Joanna squealed and ran toward Tabitha. Her heart grew warm from the girl’s endearing response.
“Miss Paget,” Joanna said out of breath, “it’s so nice to see you again.”
Tabitha smiled as she tapped her finger on the girl’s nose. “And I’m happy to see you, too.”
“Would you like to join my father and me for a walk?”
Tabitha lifted her gaze as Mr. Jacobs neared. He gave her a nod as his eyes gleamed with excitement.
“Good day, Miss Paget.”
“Indeed, it’s a very pleasant day, and now that I have seen the two of you, my day is much brighter.”
Joanna clasped her father’s hand. “Papa? I asked Miss Paget to join us in our walk.”
He bobbed his head. “Yes, that would be very enjoyable.”
Although Tabitha really should accept their offer—mainly to keep her mind off Nic—she really wanted to be alone right now. “As thrilling as that sounds, I’m actually on my way back home. I’ve done my walking this morning and I find myself exhausted.”
Mr. Jacobs’ smile waned. “I understand. Perhaps another time.”
“Yes, that would be wonderful, thank you.”
He nodded again. “Then I wish you a good day.” Taking his daughter’s hand, he turned and limped away.
Guilt gnawed at her gut, and she felt sorry for turning him down. He might not be the man who’d take away the memories of Nic, but what if no man could do that? If that’s the case, then maybe she should give Mr. Jacobs a chance. From what she knew about him, he seemed genuinely nice. He wasn’t bad on the eyes, either.
“Mr. Jacobs,” she called out, stopping him. “I was wondering…my aunt is having a luncheon tomorrow and I would like for you and Joanna to join us.”
Happiness brightened his face once more and he nodded. “We would be delighted to come.”
“Splendid. I shall inform my aunt. The two of you will be my special guests.”
Joanna bounced. “Thank you, Miss Paget. I cannot wait.”
Tabitha smiled at the little girl. “Neither can I. The luncheon is at one o’clock.”
“We shall be there,” he announced with much enthusiasm.
As Tabitha headed back to her aunt’s house, she realized she’d been inspired to invite Mr. Jacobs. Now Aunt Clara and Mrs. Stiles would release the silly notion of getting Tabitha and Mr. Woodland together. When they saw how sweet Mr. Jacobs was on Tabitha—and she would do her best to be just as nice in return—the two old ladies would finally know that Tabitha and the clergyman would never be together.
It hurt to admit that to herself. Dominic Lawrence would have been very loving and attentive, she was sure. Well…for as long as she kept his interest, anyway. But in the short time they’ve been together in North Devon, he had showered her with affection and kindness…even if they were not going to last. Never in her life had she experienced such feelings. She prayed there would be another man out there who would show her half of what Nic had shown her. Maybe then, she could convince herself that it would be enough.
Lord Hawthorne would always be that one man she could never have. As long as she held the memories close, she was sure it would help her survive when she had to go through life without him.
It didn’t take her long to reach Aunt Clara’s house. Once inside, she went straight to the older woman’s bedroom. Aunt Clara was propped up in bed with pillows stuffed behind her, assisting her to sit up. Mrs. Stiles sat in the chair next to the bed, reading aloud from a book. When Tabitha entered, they both lifted their gazed to her.
“Did you have a nice walk, my dear?” Aunt Clara asked.
“Yes, I did. I saw Mr. Jacobs and his darling daughter on the way, and I stopped and chatted with them for a minute.”
Mrs. Stiles smiled. “He’s such a nice man.”
Tabitha nodded. “I agree, which is why I invited him and his daughter to the luncheon tomorrow.”
Both women gasped and their eyes widened. Aunt Clara slowly shook her head. “Why did you do that when you knew Mr. Woodland was coming?”
“Because I knew you wouldn’t mind.” Tabitha challenged sweetly. “Two more people for the luncheon will not make that big of difference. Besides,” she quickly continued before her aunt or the companion could interrupt, “Mr. Jacobs is a lonely man. He’s been cooped up in his home far too long without company. All I wanted to do was give him and his daughter a well-deserved outing. Is that so much to ask?”
Mrs. Stiles swung her head toward Aunt Clara as if waiting for the other woman to say something first. Tabitha could tell the companion wanted to talk, but hesitated.
Aunt Clara licked her dry lips and swallowed hard. “You have such a kind heart, Tabitha. Indeed, it’s not too much to ask. Mr. Jacobs and his daughter may come.” She met Mrs. Stiles’ gaze. “Will you make sure to add more food to our list? I’m sure it won’t be much trouble.”
“Uh…none at all, Clara.”
“I thank you, Aunt Clara.” Tabitha grinned. “I shall find Sally and she’ll be delighted to help you with the luncheon.”
Tabitha turned and hurried out of the room, not giving the ladies any opportunity to stop her. However, she did hear them chatting in low voices, but knew not what they were saying. Tabitha chuckled. Actually, she could guess what they were saying, and she’d be correct, too. The two meddlesome old women were
probably not very happy that Tabitha had ruined their matchmaking plans for tomorrow.
After looking throughout the house and not finding Sally, Tabitha wandered out back. Sally stood by the gate, gazing at the sea in the distance. She held a red tulip and twirled the stem between her finger and thumb. The closer Tabitha came to her friend, she suspected something was bothering Sally. Her shoulders were drooped, and from her profile, Tabitha noticed a frown marring her face.
Stopping beside her, Tabitha leaned against the gate. Sally straightened as if she tried not to let her see how sad Sally had been.
“Gazing at the ocean,” Sally said, “is very soothing, I think. I could become very attached to feeling this relaxed.”
Tabitha nodded. “As could I.” She turned her head and looked at her friend. “Is something amiss, Sally?”
Her maid chuckled and shook her head. “What could possibly be wrong with staring at the calming sea?”
“Sally,” Tabitha said in a motherly tone, “you know what I’m talking about, so don’t play coy with me.” She bumped her elbow against Sally’s. “I’ve known you long enough to know when something is wrong.”
The maid released a heavy sigh which brought a frown with it. “I’m just feeling melancholic. I suppose I’m a little jealous of your life. I wish I could find something to make my life happy.”
“Pardon me?” Tabitha’s voice lifted as she grasped Sally’s arm and turned her. As she studied the other woman’s eyes, she could see sadness. “You think my life is happy?”
Sally shrugged. “Things seem to be going well for you. Because your half-brothers are accepting you, they have helped you to become a better person. You will never have to be a servant again.”
Tabitha nodded, her heart aching for her friend. “I must admit, I never thought this would happen to me.”
“And now you have a handsome, wealthy man who adores you. The way I see it, you are on your way to having a happy life.”
“What are you talking about, Sally?” Tabitha shook her head. “I do not have a handsome, wealthy man who adores me.”
The Sweetest Secret Page 15