by Simone Elise
Every night a rush would come over me when I reached this point. I just couldn’t wait any longer. It was as if all my built up need to see her exploded here.
***
I locked my car and walked along the side of the pack house. I was grateful that Chloe lived in a pack house. My scent blended with all the others. Climbing up the tree, I pulled my body to the top, and once there, looked through her window.
To find her bed empty.
The room was dark. That wasn’t a surprise. It was middle of the night. I was expecting to find her sleeping. But her bed was empty. Where was she?
Groaning, I jumped to the ground, not caring about the impact on my knees. A low growl snarled through my lips. I had a hunch as to where she was and it angered me to no end.
***
I crept along Daniel’s yard and, closing my eyes, searched for my pull to Chloe. She was here and I couldn’t stop the snarl from escaping.
He had slept with her once and I wouldn’t let it happen again. She was not his. He was not hers! They weren’t meant to be together.
SHE WAS MINE!
I growled as I climbed up a large oak tree. It was hard to get a grip around its thick branches. I felt like a stalker. This is pathetic, Xavier, stalking your mate.
Groaning, I looked through the window and my eyes narrowed. There she lay in his arms, in his bed. I wanted to scream. I wanted to break through his window and rip her from his arms. I wanted to take my anger out on him. I wanted to kill him.
I thought about the situation again. Stalking your mate. This was pathetic. I was pathetic. Dan pulled my Chloe closer. I watched her snuggle into his side.
This was my fault. What had I expected? I had denied her. I had ignored her. For what? For Emily? For my children?
I could use those excuses. But there was only one thing that kept me from Chloe and that was my own fear of her and what us mating could mean for me.
I would be forced to face what I hid from.
***
The bell rang and all the students rose from their seats and began to gather their things.
“Chloe, can I speak to you for a moment?” I said out loud, as I watched Dan hover next to her.
He was like her personal lapdog and it was pissing me off. The fact that I didn’t sleep at all last night didn’t help. I couldn’t shut my eyes when I returned home. I had to speak to her.
“I can wait if you want, Chloe?” Dan said softly. I walked around to my seat, trying to put more distance between him and me, before I lashed out.
“You can wait outside, Daniel. Make sure to close the door please,” I ordered.
He whispered something in Chloe’s ear before he walked away, and his glare caught me by surprise. Had she told him?
Daniel slammed the door harder than needed. I turned my attention to Chloe. She looked unhappy and it was my fault.
“What do you want, Xavier?” She sighed and wouldn’t look up from the floor.
“I wanted to talk to you about your grade.”
Chloe’s face remained expressionless, but I noticed her eyes now glared at the floor. “What about it?”
“I wanted to know if you would like some help pulling them back up? You’re really close to failing, Chloe, and I would hate to see you waste your future because of me.”
“Because of you.” Her head snapped up and her eyes landed on mine. “Don’t. Just don’t, Xavier. You’re killing me silently.”
I saw the pain in her eyes. Without thinking twice, I was up from my chair and standing in front of her. “Chloe. I…I.”
“You what, Xavier? Is it your hobby to play with my emotions?” She lifted her head up to look me in the eye. “Tell me, Xavier, how do you sleep at night? Knowing what you are doing to me?”
I don’t sleep at night. Every night I drive across town to stare in your window. Every night. Just like a peeping Tom. People go to jail for what I do every night. Every night I lie down next to a woman I wish was you. Every night I ache for you, but can’t bring myself to accept you.
“Let me guess. You sleep peacefully with your wife in your arms.” The disgust was her eyes, but I knew under that thin layer of disgust was her endless hurt and pain caused by me.
“Let me help you.” I tried to hide my desperation. It was my excuse to be near her. “Please, Chloe.”
“I don’t want your help. When are you going to get it, Xavier, I am doing everything in my power to forget you!”
“You can’t forget me. I’m a part of you.” I stepped closer and placed my hand on her cheek, making her met my eye. “Chloe, please let me help you.”
“Can’t you see what you are doing to me?” she choked. “Can’t you see the pain? It’s so powerful I can’t hide it!”
Her eyes were killing me, the sadness in them. I dropped my hand from her cheek and stepped away from her. She was right. I was silently killing her and I was too selfish to stop myself from doing it.
I loved her. She was mine, yet I couldn’t have her till I’d overcome my own past.
“Also you should know that I won’t need your help.” She clenched her textbooks tighter to her chest. They were another sign she was trying to distance herself from me. She used to always borrow mine.
“Why? Get a better offer?” I stuffed my hands in my pockets.
“Yeah, I did actually. From someone who isn’t twisting my emotions for their own enjoyment.”
“Let me guess. Good old Dan to the rescue?” I rolled my eyes. “You know he is only going to hurt you.”
“He can’t hurt me anymore than you have,” she shot at me before moving in the direction of the door. “Also I am asking all my teachers to tell me what work I need to complete to catch up fully. So could you do that by the end of the day?”
I let my eyes float to the ground, to keep her from seeing the hurt about her decision to choose Dan’s help over mine.
“Why? I can tell you tomorrow,” I replied coolly, hiding my pain as I watched her walk from me.
“I am going away with Dan’s family. They decided to leave early.”
“You aren’t going away with them. Didn’t you speak to your parents?” My chest rose in anger. I couldn’t let her go away from him. It killed me when I didn’t see her for a day. I struggled to make it through to the night.
“I don’t have to explain myself to you.” Her hand was on the door ready to slide it open. “Just have the work ready.”
“How long will you be gone for?”
Her eyes met mine, locking firmly. “I don’t have to tell you anything, Xavier. I despise you. And when it comes down to it, it’s not any of your business.”
She slid the door open and left. Just like that, she left. For once I felt how she felt. She was choosing Dan over me.
***
“Want to talk about it?” Emily said softly, as she placed a hand on my shoulder. I twisted my head around to look up at her. She was standing behind the couch.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Xavier, you have been staring blankly at the TV for the last half hour.” Emily frowned. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I…nothing.” I turned back around on the couch and stared at the TV, which I wasn’t really watching. What was I meant to say? I was sitting here pining for Chloe, thinking about her, wondering about her. I was trying to come up with an excuse to run over and stop her before she left with him.
“Xavier?”
“Chloe, I said I don’t want to talk about it.”
My eyes went wide as soon as I heard the words come out of my lips. Turning around quickly, I saw Emily’s stunned face.
“Xavier, is there something you aren’t telling me?”
Yes.
“No.”
“Why did you call me Chloe?” Her face went tight as she spoke. “Are you having some sort of a relationship with her, Xavier?”
“No.” I stood up from the couch to face her.
“Nothing is going on.”
“Xavier, you mutter her name in your sleep. That is, when you sleep here.” She crossed her arms. “Are you having an affair?”
“What do you mean when I sleep here?” I was sure my face was showing the warning signs of panic because I felt it begin to bubble in my chest.
“I wake up in the middle of the night and you’re gone. Are you having an affair?”
“I said no already. I am not having a relationship with Chloe or anyone. She’s my student, Emily.” I kept my face calm, but I saw the disbelief in her eyes.
“Perhaps that is what makes her so interesting. Wanting what you can’t have.” Her voice was cold.
“I am married to you, Emily. You know me.” I hoped that that would be enough because I knew if she kept pushing me, I wouldn’t fight for her. Not when I felt this pull to Chloe, not when I knew I wanted to be with her.
“No, Xavier, I knew you.” She turned her back on me and began to walk away before stopping in the doorway. “I washed your clothes and put them back on top of the dryer for you.”
Saying that over her shoulder, she walked away and I heard her soft padding as she stormed up the stairs.
What did I do? What should I do?
I walked into our foyer, looking up the stairs. I should go up there and tell her I loved her, tell her she meant to world to me. I should lie. For the boys’ sake, for my own sake. She would believe me. It was Emily, and she always saw the best in people.
But instead I turned the doorknob and walked out. I knew there was only one person I wanted to talk to and only one person I wanted to say I love you too and she wasn’t upstairs sobbing with a heart full of hurt.
***
“Is Chloe home?”
Chad looked at me with curious eyes as he held the door open. I wasn’t going to lie and make an excuse to talk to her. I had to talk to her. That was enough for me to come here.
“Yeah, she’s up stairs packing.” Chad eyed me carefully. “Does she know you are coming around?”
“Yes,” I lied, losing my self-confidence. He was after all still her brother. He would protect her from me if needed.
Chad cracked the door open wider and I swiftly slid through. “Thanks, Chad.”
He nodded his head, still watching me, as I turned my back on him and walked up the stairs. I kept my heartbeat normal, not letting my nerves control it.
I had to tell Chloe the truth, or at the very least convince her that I cared for her. I tapped lightly on her door and then opened it, not waiting for her to answer. I didn’t want to have this conversation in the hall.
Chloe looked up from her bed as I closed the door. Her packed suitcase was already on the ground. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at me.
“What are you doing here?” Her voice betrayed bitterness. She stood up.
“Seeing you,” I replied calmly while walking towards her. “You’re packed then?”
“Yes.” She crossed her arms. “Yes, I am.”
I didn’t want her to go. I knew she would be coming back. But more time away from me would only cause more damage. “I’ll miss you.”
“Don’t, Xavier. Don’t do this to me. Just say whatever it is you came here to say and then leave.” Her voice was strong, but I noticed her hands shaking.
“I came here to tell you that. I am going to miss you.” I exhaled sharply and then took a step to stand in front of her and inhaled slowly. “I love you.”
She shook her head and shut her eyes. “Please stop.”
“I need to tell you something.”
My body flooded with fear as I thought about mentioning this subject to her. I was about to tell her why I couldn’t be with her or why it would nearly kill me to be with her. I had pretended for so long it didn’t happen. I had turned my back on my past but now I knew I had to face it. If I wanted to keep her, I had to face it.
“I don’t want to hear it,” she quickly snapped and took a step away from me. “I don’t want this. I don’t want to feel anything for you anymore.”
“Just let me explain and then you can choose.”
“You’ve said that before. You lost your change to explain.” She put her hands up.
“Emily isn’t the one stopping me from being with you. She’s just an excuse. Let me explain.”
“What a surprise. Another lie.” She brought her hands down and placed them on her hips “Leave, Xavier. I don’t want to hear it.”
I clenched my fists tight by my side. “Please Chloe. I need to tell you.”
“When are you going to get it, Xavier? I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want you as my mate.” I heard the words from her lips, but her heart and her eyes were telling me otherwise.
“I know you want me. Because I want you. You’re mine and that is how it is meant to be.” I kept my eyes locked with hers. “If you let me tell you why, then you will know that I didn’t deny you because of Emily, or because I didn’t want you.”
“Xavier, there is nothing you can say that will make me want to be with you. My emotions may be subject to your pull. But my heart knows that all you will do is lie and twist it until you break it further. Now get out!”
I wasn’t going to believe her. I wasn’t going to let this happen. I just had to tell her no matter how much she said she didn’t want to hear it.
“I use to be—”
“GET OUT!” she roared, pointing a finger to the door behind me. “Or I will call my brother to throw you out.”
“Chloe—”
“I’m moving on, Xavier. I won’t let you pull me back in.” She stood firm and her eyes were empty of emotion, cutting off her soul to me. “Get out.”
“Just let me say what I need to say.”
“And you think you deserve the right? I don’t want to hear your story. Not now, not ever!” Her chest heaved up and down as she studied my reaction to her words, but my reaction was delayed. Half of me couldn’t believe that my Chloe had grown so strong, that she really was trying her best to lead a life without me.
“Get out, Xavier.”
I took a few stumbled steps backwards and then stopped.
“I love you, Chloe. I’m sorry.”
Her eyes snapped close and her face twisted in pain as she attempted to ignore the nagging pain that I knew was flowing through her veins.
“CHAD!” she bellowed, her hands curled into tight fists. “CHAD!”
“Fine. I’m leaving. You proved your point,” I snapped as the door flung open. I shot Chad an annoyed glance over my shoulder as he scanned the room for danger. I didn’t take it as an insult when his eyes narrowed on me.
“Everything ok, Cho?” Chad asked, keeping his eyes on me.
“Get him out.” She muttered under her breath and slowly opened her eyes but kept them locked on her brother.
“I thought you wanted to talk to him.” Chad frowned.
“I never want to speak to him,” she scoffed, shooting me a pointed look. “He doesn’t deserve my attention.”
My body crumbled in hurt as she whipped those words across my chest. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I turned my back on her, pushing pass Chad in the doorway.
“Bye, Xavier. Hope I don’t see you soon,” she sung to my back as I stormed off down the hall.
My Chloe was sweet. My Chloe was funny. My Chloe wasn’t cold or withdrawn. The woman I’d just spoken to wasn’t my Chloe.
It occurred to me then, perhaps I had killed the Chloe I loved, through my rejection. I had created that woman in there who couldn’t stand the sight of me. She didn’t want to hear what I had to say and in some ways I couldn’t fault her for it.
This was my fault. I had twisted her to the point that she reached. I had dug the bottomless pit of hatred she had developed for me.
Chapter 12
Xavier
I stayed in the shadows of the trees watching Dan load Chloe’s bags into his sedan. My fists clenched at my
side as I noticed Dan run his hand over her back.
He was my replacement. But as I watched her loose curls blow in the wind, as she walked to her side of the car, I realized, I didn’t want to be replaced.
Chloe’s POV
“That’s it. I give up.”
Ace threw the textbook down on to the kitchen table and ran a hand over his head, clearly stressed.
I dropped the pen down to the paper and glared across the table at him. “I never said I was smart.”
Ace scoffed. “Smart? HA!”
“What are you saying, Ace?”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Don’t call me that.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Don’t mimic me.”
“Don’t mimic me.”
“DAN!” Ace yelled. “DAN!”
“DAN! DAN!” I used a high girly pitch.
Dan walked into the room, his eyes flicking from me to Ace. This wasn’t the first time he’d been called to separate us.
“Chloe is showing signs of stupidity again,” Ace grunted and crossed his arms. “I give up.”
“Fine, give up!” I shot at him. “AGAIN!”
“See this.” Ace pointed at me. “This is what I have to put up with!”
I scoffed loudly. “Whatever!”
“Alec, Chloe. Stop.” Dan held his hands up. “Maybe you guys need a break.”
“Chloe needs a break from anything that involves education or using higher thinking power.” Ace glanced at me.
“Maybe you are just a bad teacher,” I sneered.
“Chloe, I have dumbed it down to the point that a four-year-old could understand it!” He pushed himself from the table. “I’m going for a smoke.”
I grunted. “It’s not my fault I don’t get it!” I threw my hands in the air. “Who the hell needs algebra anyway?”
“You do.” He shot over his shoulder as he slid the long glass door open and stepped out into the beautiful sunny day.
“Come on, Cho. Maybe you need a break,” Dan said softly to me.
My eyes scanned the beach view. We were on a tropical island and for the last three days the boys had taken it in turns to ‘teach’ me. I sighed slowly. “Yeah, maybe.”
I pushed myself away from the table and looked at Dan’s small smile. His hair was brushed across his face and his t-shirt clung to his defined upper arms.