by Joya Ryan
“No afterward,” I cut in.
“Excuse me?” He took a step closer and I held my feet still, but my knees trembled. Not in fear of Jack, in fear of the future. Of the decisions I’d made and was set to make. Of the reality that the clock was ticking down and this feeling of Jack’s presences engulfing me with every step would end.
“After the bank, I’m going my own way.”
“And what way would that be?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “But the money for my house should be in. I’ll stay in a hotel until I find a place or—”
“You tried that already,” Jack argued.
“Yes, and my plans were interrupted when you—”
“Stepped in because I was concerned about your safety? Took you away from that place after you and Bea were in an accident.” He took another step. “That was me interrupting your plans, was it?”
“I know you’re helping and care about my safety. And I’ve been scared, but I can handle it now.”
“That’s not all I care about, Lana,” he said with a fierce tinge to his words. He looked at me like he was going to elaborate. I used that single second to pray to whatever power in the universe that he would. Instead, he cleared his throat and crossed his arms. “Nothing changes after the bank. You’re still in danger.”
“I think that everything will clear up after the company is sold.”
“You’re naïve.”
That made ice prick my veins like freezing sharp points. “I’m not naïve. Eventually, I’ll get in front of the judge with Brock. I just want my life back. I can’t stay here for the rest of my days, trying to avoid you and Cal.”
“First,” he said, dropping his chin to look at me from beneath those dark brows. “You shouldn’t be avoiding me. Cal, I’m fine with you avoiding, but not me.” There was that cocky swagger I missed. “Second, I want you to have a life to go back to, which is why you’ll stay with me.”
“Jack, that’s not going to happen.”
“Give me a reason why.”
“Because it’d kill me. Just this past week has been so hard. And I need to deal with things on my own. I appreciate everything you’ve done. I also don’t appreciate a lot of things you’ve done, but this has an end date.”
His eyes flared and I almost covered my mouth when my own words hit me.
This has an end date…
Jack had said something similar to me right before he left me. Crushing my world. What was worse was the expression on his face. Dark, dangerous, and pained.
“And you’ve had this end date in mind from the beginning?” he asked. And that was the blade in my gut that twisted. I may not have come up with the hard date until recently, but I’d known from the start this would all end. How things had changed. It was Jack on the other side of this conversation this time. I had to stand there and tell him…
“Yes. I’ve known from the beginning that this won’t work.” But last night confirmed it.
The ache redoubled, and I wondered for a moment if he felt this kind of stab when he’d said the same thing to me all those months ago. Did it matter? Maybe. Because this feeling was gutting. Especially when I had to stare down the man that had my heart and tell him I was walking away.
It’s for the best.
Suddenly, my argument didn’t hold water. Jack had said once that timing was everything. And I would have given everything for him to have stayed. Now, I was the one pulling away and all the reasons seemed second in comparison to remaining in his life, his arms, forever.
But I love Cal too…
I shook my head. Strength. Any of it I could call on, I did. I needed that will power now more than ever.
“Once the company is sold, there will be no more ties to Anita or Brock,” I said. Despite Jack’s words, I wasn’t naïve enough to think that the fire to my house or my father’s death didn’t matter and those two VanBurens didn’t know something about either. Hopefully, they’d be happy to have nothing between us, and while I waited for the burden of proof to show up, I’d have to be okay with taking care of myself. Now I just had to convey that to Jack.
“I’ll be okay. I’ll find a place, have an alarm installed. School starts soon, and that will keep me busy.”
I was listing things like it was necessary to convince myself, and Jack, why this was going to happen. But the excuses fell short. The truth was, it didn’t have anything to do with my safety. It had to do with Jack and Cal.
“I won’t allow this,” Jack said in a deep, menacing voice.
“You don’t have a choice. It’s what I’m doing.”
He grinned, but there was nothing light about it. “Oh, I have a choice,” he said with salt. “Just like you have a choice to carry out this little plan of yours. You want your life back? Fine. Have it. But don’t think I won’t be there.” Another step. “Because you are my life, Lana. And I want it back too.”
My chest snapped in half like a wooden pencil. My ribs couldn’t handle the pressure his words delivered.
He stopped so close that all I saw was his chest. He gathered my hair in his hand, wrapped some of it in his fist, and yanked enough to bring my chin up to have my gaze meet his. The slight sting of his grip sent shivers to every part of my body. His touch, his pull, was perfection. Even when he was right in front of me, I craved more.
“Cal got to touch your hair, so I assume this doesn’t violate your rules,” he rasped. That sneaky man. He’d must have seen Cal and me in the kitchen, then purposefully went back to his office to call me.
I narrowed my glare on him. He obviously knew I’d figured out his maneuver. My gaze went from his eyes to his mouth, and I was going to give in any second. I needed to get away. I needed to stay.
I couldn’t do either.
“I need…” I looked into his eyes again, and wanted to finish that sentence in so many ways. Instead, I went with, “paper.”
He frowned and took a step back. Letting my hair fall from his fist.
I righted myself on a shaky breath and clarified. “And a pen please.”
Jack walked to his desk and gave me a legal pad and pen. I grabbed them quickly and left.
It was time I followed through.
Chapter 19
He makes me feel confident…
He makes me feel strong…
He makes me feel safe…
He makes me feel seen…
“Damn it,” I muttered, and scribbled another line on the legal pad. I’d spent the last day locked away in my room, writing. Lists. Ideas. Pros and cons. Nothing was getting me anywhere.
I looked at the pages and pages of my thoughts on paper, and one stood out and almost hurt to look at:
Jack vs. Cal.
They each had a column. Despite my best efforts and all the differences that were evitable between them, I was stuck, a dead line down the middle, neither of them edging in front.
There was no choice to make.
I knew it. Had known it the whole time. But I’d tried in every way I knew how—right down to listing their attributes—to see if there was any hope. All that’d been accomplished was making the obvious more clear. And the one thing I’d known all along remained: I can’t choose.
I tossed the legal pad on the bed next to me and let out a long breath. It was New Year’s Eve, the brink of a fresh start, and yet I felt anything but relieved. Yes, this year was almost done, and what a year it’d been. And with the new beginning ringing in at midnight, that fresh start I was counting on was daunting. Because I’d be facing every day after with the realization of what love, lust, and happiness were, but not have them.
I looked around the four walls that had been my hiding place. Maybe Cal was right. Maybe this was a lair. But it was time to get out of it. The running shoes Cal had gotten me sat on the chair in the far corner. It was time for a different approach, time to get out of the corner and run.
Quickly throwing on leggings and a sweatshirt, I tied the sneakers and walked into the
front room, where I was greeted by two large men.
“Going somewhere?” Cal asked, taking in my attire.
“The answer should be no,” Jack said, keeping his eyes on me.
“Actually, I was going to go for a jog.”
“No,” Jack said again, only more slowly this time, like it was the only word in his vocabulary.
“You can’t keep me here,” I said, and his dark eyes lit up as if excited for a challenge.
But Cal stood up and smiled.
“Can too,” Cal said with a grin and held out his arms. “Look how big I am.”
Jack didn’t seem amused, but I kind of was. Cal broke the tension and I headed toward the door.
“The sun is already setting,” Jack said.
“Then I better hurry if I’m to make my curfew,” I replied with mock politeness.
“If you think that mouth of yours and this challenging disposition isn’t going to come back to bite you, you’re sorely mistaken,” Jack said and got really, really close. “And I will bite you, baby. And I’ll enjoy every minute.”
That made my breath stall.
When he stood to his full height, I saw Cal right behind him, slipping his shoes on.
“What are you doing?”
“Going for a run with you.” He tossed me a smile. “Jack will be happy that you’re not out alone, and I will be happy because our runs through the woods typically turn eventful.”
“Oh, no, no way,” I said. “I’m going to get some air and some space, and you two are just going to sit here and deal with it.”
Cal frowned. “You can’t go by yourself. It’s dangerous.”
Good Lord, there was no winning. “I was going to go along the road.” Which had no cars, since we were in the middle of nowhere, but I could keep track of where I was and how to get back. Not that I was going to throw them a bone.
“If you don’t want Cal to go with you, I will,” Jack said.
“I want to go by myself.”
They both looked at me like they didn’t understand the word, and part of my heart drooped a little. Every expression that hit Cal’s face was a battle. His body was practically humming to chase me. I saw it from the glint in his eyes to the disappointment set in his mouth. Because, yeah, our runs did turn eventful. Something I couldn’t get out of my memory, even if I wanted to. But I needed to think, an honest deep breath, and last ditch effort to decide how to spend what would be a brand new year come a few hours from now.
Jack just looked pissed. Not that I was being challenging, but because he held his tongue and didn’t challenge back. He looked like he was…stuck. Stuck in his mind. Stuck trying to figure out the best way to handle this situation.
“You’ll come back,” he said. But if I wasn’t paying attention, it almost sounded like a question. Jack’s eyes held a hint of fear that I may just not.
“Yes,” I said softly. “I’m coming back. I just need some air.”
“Okay.”
My eyes shot up. Okay? Jack looked tortured, but he uttered the one word he seemed disgusted with.
“You make it seem like I’m asking for a lot. I’m just taking a short jog.”
Jack nodded once. “I know. But watching you walk away is asking me to handle a lot.”
I swallowed hard. “Trust me, I know the feeling.”
That may have been a cheap shot, and it showed on the harsh plains of Jack’s brow. I wish I could pull it back, but it was said. The truth. Watching him leave that day had changed everything. And it hurt. He’d walked out on me, I’d walked out on Cal, and now I was running from both of them. But there was one thing that was different.
“I’ll be back shortly,” I whispered, and Jack’s eyes met mine. I looked at him for a moment, then turned to Cal who seemed just as uneasy as Jack.
With that, I opened the door, and walked out.
~
The snow crunched beneath my feet. I’d decided that a brisk walk was more in line than a jog. Running in snow was tricky and I’d almost slipped twice. But I was heading back up the road now and toward the cabin.
The last signs of the sun were diminishing quickly, and the night was graying by the second. The air did nothing for my mind. The New Year would be ushered in tonight, and with that the promise of the future I had no clue about. It was like starting over in the dark after experiencing the light.
My breath fogged around me and the cabin came into view as I wound around the small road.
A loud shot fired and I jumped. Several birds flew to the sky in a scattered cluster.
A gunshot…
It fired again, this time closer.
I screamed. Bone chilling fear slapped my body all at once. They’d found me. Wanted me dead. I should have known better. I was easy pickings, just like I had been when I was young. Brock sitting back and waiting, keeping me on the verge of fear until he decided to attack.
I ran as fast as I could, my heart beating so loud it was pounding in my ears like a drumline. I sprinted faster, not caring that the snow was getting thicker as I got near the edge of the road.
Another shot rang out.
I tried to stay focused and just run. The snow around my ankles got thicker and gripped me like the cold terror surging through my blood. I kept my eyes on the front door. Almost there…
Jack and Cal both rushed out of the cabin, and I saw them both see me just as I came up on the house. Jack’s eyes met mine for a brief moment. “Are you hurt?” he yelled loudly.
“No.” I was just terrified.
He then he took off running in the direction I’d come from, right as I launched myself into Cal’s open arms.
“Gunshots,” I said against his warm chest. “Don’t,” I called after Jack, realizing he was bounding toward the danger. I tried to stop Jack, but Cal was pushing and pulling at my clothing.
“Are you hit?” he asked frantically.
“I’m fine,” I told him, but he kept searching my entire body, as if he had to see for himself that I was really okay.
“I’m just scared.”
That got through to him and his hands slowed. He wrapped me in his strong arms and pulled me closer. He kissed me hard. His eyes were squeezed shut with worry. He pulled away to whisper, “Come on, let’s get you inside.”
I shook my head and yanked away. “Not without Jack. What is he doing? Jack!” I called again. But he was already around the corner and out of sight.
“He’s going to find who shot the gun,” Cal said, keeping his big body in front of mine as if he were my own personal shield.
“They have a gun! He could get killed!”
I stepped Jack’s direction, trying to get around Cal, but he wouldn’t let me. “He’ll be fine. Inside, Lana.”
Cal looked like he was about to throw me over his shoulder himself and haul me in when Jack reappeared around the corner and bounded toward us.
“Hunters,” he breathed hard, not slowing his stride or taking his eyes off me. “Saw them over the ridge.”
I swallowed hard. “S-so I’m safe?”
Jack’s dark eyes turned fierce. “Not from me.”
He didn’t stop until his body was against mine. Cupping my face, he kissed me hard, and I felt all the tension and relief surge through him. The same emotions hit me. Fear and happiness. I was so scared. And I’d run. Not just away, but toward the two men I loved.
“I was so scared,” I said against Jack’s mouth.
“So was I, baby,” he kissed me hard, sucking my bottom lip between his to pull me even closer and devour my mouth like I was his own personal oxygen source. I squeezed my eyes tight. Every rule, every reasonable thought, faded away.
Keeping his demanding mouth on mine, he backed me up until I hit a large, warm wall of muscle. Cal. He was right behind me. He was comforting and safe and right there with me. They both were.
I tried to match Jack’s powerful mouth. Using all the adrenaline I had, I wove my tongue with his while reaching back for Cal. I neede
d to feel him too. Thankfully, he didn’t pull away, his big hands cupped my hips and pulled me back against his chest further. Surrounded. I was completely caged by the two men that drove me to the brink of insanity.
Pure instinct drove every short-circuiting nerve ending.
I broke from Jack long enough for Cal to turn me in his arms and take my mouth with his.
“I won’t let anyone hurt you,” he whispered, then kissed me deeply. I couldn’t find my feet because both men, both kisses, felt right.
Cal was just as commanding, but with deliberate slowness. Taking an extra second in every move of his strong jaw. Like he was crazed, yet savoring every taste. He took me through the doorway and Jack was at my back. The door shut behind us and the warmth of indoors hit my body hard.
The sound of fire crackling in the hearth and heat radiating only grew, as Cal and Jack seamlessly worked together to maneuver me in front of the fireplace. I felt them both. Hands and mouths brushing over my whole body until I felt touched everywhere at the same time.
Cal continued to ravage my mouth, surging his tongue deep the way he would make love to me, and I was lost to it.
Then, Jack’s hand was at my back, lifting my shirt to my shoulders and kissing along my lower back. Hot hands, mouths, were everywhere and I couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. Just wanted to get lost. To feel their love.
When Cal leaned back, releasing my lips, I had one second to take in air. Jack took the opportunity to lift my shirt over my head so fast I barely registered it happened. With a snap of his wrist, by bra was undone and sliding down my arms, ready to fall.
There wasn’t time to think, all I could do was feel, and this felt right. Deep down in my heart and soul, this felt so incredibly right I felt everything else slide away. All of the fears and the past and the choices disappeared and left this one moment.
These two men.
And I was a goner. My body relaxed like a weight was physically being lifted from it. Fear and stress were replaced with a sense of need. The need to stay. With them.
Jack kissed my lips softer than he ever had and a spark hit my stomach. But before it flared into full ignition, he pulled back. With a tight grip on my hips, he spun me back to face Cal.