by Lee, Miranda
He’d paced the rain-soaked terraces, staring out at the storm and worrying his guts out that she’d been one of the many people already involved in car accidents that night. He’d been on the verge of ringing all the hospitals when she’d finally arrived.
There had been an accident. In the harbour tunnel. She’d been caught right in the middle at the deepest part and her mobile simply wouldn’t work.
Jason recalled feeling physically ill with relief, then being overcome with the need to hold her and make love to her. He’d dragged her down on to the nearest rug and ravaged her, right then and there. He hadn’t even bothered to use a condom. Afterwards, when Leah said she’d have to get a morning-after pill, he hadn’t wanted her to.
But he’d made no objections at the time.
He’d felt frustrated afterwards because he’d used sex to express his love instead of saying it. He still used sex to express his love.
But Leah didn’t seem to want anything else from him!
Karen had told him that one day he’d fall in love again. He hadn’t believed her at the time. But Karen had been a very wise woman. She knew time would heal his grief.
How much time did Leah need, Jason wondered, to heal her grief? How long could he bear loving her and not being loved back? It was becoming increasingly difficult, especially when he saw the way people in love acted together.
Bob and Trish could not stop touching each other, and looking at each other, their eyes full of love, their talk full of plans.
Leah didn’t want to talk about the future at all. She just lived for the day. If he didn’t know the good work she did at that hospital every week, he might have thought she’d become very selfish.
‘We should toast the happy couple,’ Jason proposed. ‘To Bob and Trish.’
‘And to love,’ Trish added, clinking her glass against Bob’s.
Jason saw Leah’s reaction. Instantly negative.
It was another defining moment in Jason’s life, the moment he decided that he could not go on with this relationship. Not the way it was.
Something had to give. He hoped that something would be Leah.
He’s going to break up with me, Leah realised when their eyes met.
Her heart recoiled. So did her stomach.
‘I’m sorry, everyone,’ she said, and swiftly put her glass down. ‘But I…I have to go to the bathroom.’
Leah fairly raced for the guest powder room, only just reaching it before her stomach heaved. It wasn’t the first time that day. Or that week.
A pregnancy test this afternoon had confirmed her fear.
She was going to have Jason’s baby.
Leah knew exactly when it had happened. The night of the storm. She should have gone to the doctor the very next morning. But she hadn’t. She just couldn’t.
And now here she was, having Jason’s child. And he didn’t want her any more.
‘Are you all right, Leah?’ Jason asked from the other idea of the door.
Leah leant a clammy cheek against the cubicle wall. ‘Yes, I…er…must have eaten something that didn’t agree with me. Sorry. I’ll be out in a minute.’
‘Bob and Trish have a booking for seven.’
‘Tell them to go. Please. I might be longer here than a minute.’
‘Will do.’
Leah stayed in the powder room for five more minutes, not emerging till she knew the coast was clear. The apartment was deathly quiet as she returned to the living room. Jason was standing at one of the largest of the plate-glass windows, his hands in his trousers pockets, his back to her. He could have been just standing there, watching the city lights, but Leah knew he wasn’t. He was trying to find the right words to say to her.
Leah decided to help him out.
‘It’s all right, Jason,’ she said tautly. ‘You can just say it. I won’t make a scene.’
He turned slowly, his handsome face more bleak than she’d even seen it. ‘Say what, exactly?’
‘That we’re finished.’
‘Is that what you want me to say, Leah?’
She could not stop the shudder from running down her spine. ‘No!’
His expression startled her, because it carried surprise. ‘You don’t?’
Leah found her insides dissolving, along with the façade she’d carried all these
months. ‘Why on earth would I want you to say that?’ she threw at him. ‘I love you, Jason. I’ve loved you all this time.’
Jason could not believe how angry her declaration made him.
‘Love me?’ he threw back at her. ‘You don’t honestly expect me to believe that, do you? I know what it feels like when a woman loves me, and it isn’t what I feel when I’m with you, madam. You don’t really talk to me, even when we’re together. All you want from me is what we share in bed.’
‘That’s because that’s all you offered me!’ she countered, startling him with her anger. ‘If you think I’ve enjoyed this past six months with you, Jason, then you can think again. It’s been hell, I tell you, pretending not to love you. If you don’t believe me, then I’ve got something I think you should read.’
Read? ‘What?’
‘This.’
He watched in total confusion whilst she walked over and pulled a small black book from her handbag. He almost dropped it when she tossed it at him from a distance.
He stared at the cover. ‘It’s a diary.’
‘Yes. Mine. I wrote in it whenever the pretence became too much for me.’
‘But why in heaven’s name would you think you had to pretend?’ he asked.
She shook her head in a highly agitated fashion. ‘And I thought you were an intelligent man. Because you told me right at the beginning that you couldn’t possibly love me back, that’s why!’
‘Yes, I did, didn’t I?’ he murmured, his heart catching as he read the first entry. It was dated back in February.
I must remember never to tell Jason that I love him. He’ll break up with me if I do. But I can tell you. I love him. I love him. I love him. Now I must go. He’ll be here shortly for dinner. I can’t wait.
Those last three words touched Jason the most. He flicked on through the pages, searching for last month’s entries, knowing that she was sure to have written something about that night as well.
Yes! There it was.
Dreadfully late getting to Jason’s place tonight. Traffic accident in the tunnel. At first I thought he was genuinely worried about me. That maybe he loved me. But that wasn’t it. He just wanted sex, as usual. On the floor, no less. Without using protection. I wanted to cry afterwards. I almost did when he agreed with my suggestion that I go to the doctor for the morning-after pill. I don’t want to go, but I guess I will. Dear God, it’s cruel to love someone like this… He looked up, his heart filled to overflowing with regret, and sadness. If only he’d known…
Slowly, however, the realisation of Leah’s love sank in, and an unbelievable joy blossomed in Jason’s chest.
‘She really loves me, Karen,’ he whispered.
Yes, my dearest, he thought he heard her reply.
Undoubtedly, it was only his imagination speaking to him.
But that didn’t matter, because Jason knew Karen would be genuinely happy for him. A generous woman, Karen. A lovely, brave, generous woman.
‘What did you say?’ Leah asked, her eyes widening.
Jason walked slowly towards her. ‘I said I love you, too.’
She blinked. ‘You do?’
‘I do,’ he repeated.
‘Then why on earth didn’t you say so?’
‘For the same reasons you didn’t,’ he explained, cupping her face and looking deep into her frustrated green eyes. ‘I thought you didn’t want me to love you.
I thought you still loved your first husband.’
‘But I don’t. And I didn’t say that I did. I just said people usually marry for love. But you, Jason, you definitely said you were still in love with your wife.’
‘
I do still love her. But that hasn’t stopped me falling in love with you, Leah.
Karen told me before she died that I would find someone else, someone special, someone more my age who would love me and give me children. Karen couldn’t have children, you see. She’d had cancer of the cervix when she was younger.’
‘Oh. But that’s so sad. I didn’t realise she’d had cancer before. The poor woman.’
‘She was an amazing woman. And I did love her. But you are even more amazing, Leah, and I love you madly. Will you marry me and have my children?’
‘Well…yes, of course I will. But…’
‘But what?’
‘Oh, dear. I hope you’re not going to be cross with me.’
‘Out with it, girl.’
‘That night of the storm,’ she blurted out.
‘Yes, I just read that bit.’
‘I…er…I didn’t go to the doctor the next day.’
‘And?’
‘I took a pregnancy test today, and it was positive.’
Once Jason got his head around the fact that he was already a father, he could not contain his delight.
‘Leah, that’s fantastic!’ he cried, hugging her to him. ‘I couldn’t be happier.
A baby. Already.’ He pulled back to hold her by the shoulders. ‘We’ll get married as soon as possible. And we’ll go house hunting. I know how much you hate this place.’
‘It’s not so bad,’ she said. ‘I’ve gotten used to it. But not quite the place to raise children. You don’t just want one baby, do you, Jason? I want at least two.’
‘Have as many as you like.’
Tears filled Leah’s eyes. ‘I can’t believe everything has turned out all right,’ she said, still half-fearful of such happiness. ‘I thought tonight was going to be the end.’
‘Never. I was going to make you marry me, whether you loved me or not.’
Leah blinked back her tears. ‘Really? How?’
‘I have no idea. Bribery and corruption. No, probably persuasion and negotiation. That’s what I’m best at. I would have worked out what you wanted more than me and given it to you in exchange for a ring on your finger. Which reminds me. First thing tomorrow we’re going ring shopping. And I’m going to buy the biggest, flashiest, most expensive diamond ring in Sydney.’
Leah laughed. ‘Has it been very hard on you, my telling you not to buy me anything over a hundred dollars?’
‘Extremely. Now that I’ve been let off the hook, I’m going to go crazy, buying you things.’
‘There is something which you could buy me. Two things, actually…’
‘I’ll get them for you tomorrow. Tell me.’
Leah smiled. Buying her mother’s house would not be achieved in a day. But Leah was sure her father would sell it to them, along with the boat in the boathouse.
How wonderful it would be to raise her family there with Jason by her side as her husband. A real husband this time. A man she could depend on. A man who loved her as much as she loved him.
‘It’s going to cost you a lot of money,’ she said teasingly, knowing her father would drive a hard bargain.
‘Leah, I am a seriously rich man. There’s nothing I can’t buy.’
Except love, Jason realised. That was never for sale. Not true love.
‘You’re going to have to deal with a ruthless negotiator,’ she warned him.
‘I can be pretty ruthless myself. Look, just tell me who you’re talking about and what it is you want.’
When Leah told him, Jason tried not to smile. Joachim had already expressed the wish on a recent visit to the penthouse that he’d love to live in a place just like it. Clearly, his future father-in-law was ready for a change.
‘Piece of cake, my darling,’ he said, his face breaking into a broad smile.
‘Piece of cake.’
Chapter 17
Joachim knelt down to put the champagne-coloured roses in the vase built into Isabel’s marble gravestone. She’d loved that colour of rose, ever since she’d had them in her wedding bouquet.
‘Well, my darling,’ he murmured. ‘I did what you wanted and you were right. He was the man for our Leah.’
Joachim fell silent for a few moments, thinking of all the times during their marriage that Isabel had cleverly got her point across, softly, subtly, without nagging. People often thought he wore the pants in their family. He would once have thought so, too.
But he wasn’t so sure now. It wasn’t till after Isabel had died that he realised how much he’d relied on her advice. And her very wise ways. She was an extremely intuitive woman. Especially about people.
Of course, being a very egotistical man, Joachim hadn’t always agreed with Isabel.
‘You never did like Carl, did you?’ he went on softly. ‘You said as much the day Leah married him, but I didn’t listen to you. I listened to you this time, didn’t I? They were married yesterday, at home. Their home, now. A quiet ceremony with Mrs B. doing the catering. She’s staying on with them, by the way.
Oh, and I bought Jason’s penthouse. I needed to finally move on, Isabel. I hope you understand.’
Joachim smiled. ‘I dare say you already know about the baby. And that it’s going to be a boy. He and I are going to be great mates. We’ll go sailing together, and camping, and fishing. Yes, Isabel, I happen to like camping and fishing. You don’t know everything about me. I’ll bet you never imagined I’d be talking to you like this. You always called me an old sceptic about God and heaven and the afterlife.’
Joachim stood up, stroking the grass from his trousers. ‘Of course, I know you’re probably not still actually here, my darling. But you’re somewhere nearby, aren’t you, still looking over me and Leah.’
Tears pricked at Joachim’s eyes. Enough, he told himself, and blinked them away.
Life went on.
‘I must go, Isabel. I have lots to do. I have to buy a four-wheel drive, for one thing. And lots of fishing and camping gear. Yes, you’re right again. I have no idea how to do either, but I can learn.’
As Joachim swung away, his attention was caught by the name on the headstone next to Isabel’s.
POLLACK.
He hadn’t noticed it before. He frowned as he stared down at the simple inscription.
‘Karen Pollack,’ he read aloud. ‘Beloved wife of Jason Pollack. A lovely, brave, generous woman.’
Joachim stared at it for a very long time, then he smiled and walked slowly away.