I looked at him hard. Was he blushing?
“Poor choice of words. Why don’t you just admit that you’re the worst kind of person to be giving advice about romance?”
It was time to put an end to this. Dropping my toiletries on the dresser, I whirled around and poked him in his hard chest. “First of all, I’m not giving advice. I’m helping two of your employees sort through their problems, and if you think that those problems aren’t affecting their work, then you’re blind. Secondly, how dare you judge the way I’ve lived my life! You left eight years ago, and you don’t get to talk to me about how I’ve spent it! What do you care anyway? Are you just angry because you don’t have any kind of power over me anymore?!”
“Power? I never wanted power over you, Jillian!”
“Right, so your attempt at seducing me a week ago wasn’t about power? Trying to make me feel insecure?”
His jaw dropped open, and he stared at me. “Power? You think that’s the only reason I want you? Jillian, we might have had a lot of problems, but manipulation was never one of them. How could you even think that?”
I didn’t think that. Not at the beginning, but by the end of our marriage, we were barely speaking, and I just knew that he hated me. That he blamed me. What better way to get back at me than to prove that I would always want him?
“I shouldn’t have said that,” I apologized softly. “I’m sorry.”
He pushed his hat back from his forehead and scratched at his scalp, his face redder than I’d ever seen it. “Jillian, I kiss you because I want to kiss you. Because I enjoy kissing you. Very much,” he murmured as he stepped a little closer to me. “Because I’ve missed kissing you.”
God knows that I’ve missed kissing him.
The atmosphere was shifting toward a very dangerous direction, and gravity felt heavier and more consuming the longer I was quiet. “Okay.” My voice shook just a little bit.
“I touch you because I want to touch you. Because I enjoy touching you. Very much.” He kept moving toward me. “Because—”
“Because you missed touching me?” I finished hesitantly. I should have stepped away from him. Stopped him. All I had to do was say no, and he would leave me alone. I just needed to say it.
“Do you know what else I want to do? What else I enjoyed doing? Very much?” His eyes darkened as his hands circled my waist. My hem lifted, and his calloused thumb caressed my bare skin.
Shivering, I lifted my face toward him. “What’s that?”
“Kiss me, and I’ll show you.”
It was an invitation. A challenge. For him or for me, I didn’t even know, and I didn’t care.
Was it really such a terrible idea to enjoy each other physically while we played at being man and wife? Maybe it would help with our act. Maybe it would help put the past in the past.
Screw it. I was just justifying.
And I didn’t care.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I lifted up on my toes, knocked off his hat, and pressed my lips to his.
“Finally,” he moaned as he picked me up. His mouth devoured mine as he kicked the bedroom door closed with his foot and walked me over to the bed. We bounced as we fell, and I wasted no time. Grabbing at his t-shirt, I pulled it over his head and reveled in the warm muscles that rippled under my touch. God, he’d always had an amazing body, and his time on the ranch had only improved it.
Desire licked at my skin as his lips moved down my throat and over my chest. Arching my back, I ran my hands through his hair as he slid my tank top up and over my bra. Before I finished getting the top over my head, he’d already undone my bra and was tugging it over my arms.
“Some things haven’t changed,” I gasped as the cool air touched my nipples. He chuckled as he caressed and pinched at them.
“I’m hoping that if I get you naked fast enough, you won’t disappear on me,” Brendan admitted as he slid his tongue down my abdomen to my jeans.
“I’m not going anywhere as long as you promise to fuck me hard and fast,” I moaned as I lifted my hips. What the hell was wrong with me? I hadn’t talked like that in a long time, but I was crazed. I needed him inside of me more than I needed to breathe.
He unsnapped my jeans, and as he tugged them over my hips, he dug his fingers into my skin. “That won’t be a problem. God, I’ve missed this, Jillian. The way you moved under me. The way you moaned.” Pulling the jeans off, he spread my legs and stared at me with a dangerous glint in his eye. “The way you tasted.”
“Please. Please,” I whispered as I squirmed under his examination.
“Simple white cotton. I didn’t think I’d ever live to see the day you’d wear something like that, and yet it’s strangely hot,” he muttered as he tugged my panties down my legs.
Hell, I’d wear cotton every day if it turned him on. Leaning back over me, he kissed me long and deep. “I’ve dreamed of this every night that you’ve been here, Jillian. Fantasies of having you in this bed. Memories.” As he slid his finger over my lips, I quickly took it in my mouth and wet it with my tongue.
Groaning, he pulled back and stroked his wet finger between my legs. The closer he got to my most sensitive part, the crazier I felt.
“Like the time you took me on a midnight picnic and fucked me in the middle of the woods,” I gasped as I tried to wiggle my hips so he was touching me in the right place. His finger danced away, and I groaned in frustration.
“More like that vacation we took to Vegas right after graduation.” He grinned wickedly, and I knew just the memory that he was recalling. We were on the balcony of our hotel room, and he’d slipped his hands down my skirt and cupped me between my legs and…
Suddenly, his lips were on me, and I knew nothing else but the pleasure of his tongue. With a cry, I surrendered to the magic of his talents. He teased and probed and then he attacked until I could barely breathe. I was wound up so tight that I nearly lifted right off the bed when the orgasm exploded inside me. I didn’t even realize how loud I was being until he quickly slid up my body and pressed his mouth to mine.
I could still taste me on his lips, and all it did was stroke the dying embers inside me. Wrapping my legs around him, I rubbed myself against the hardness pressing inside his jeans. The rough fabric against my wetness was driving me insane.
More. I needed more. I needed him.
“Naked. Now,” I moaned as I tried to push at his jeans. He immediately rolled off me and stood. As he unsnapped his jeans, I pushed myself up to my knees and scooted to the edge of the bed to help. Licking his chest, I unzipped him, pushed the pants down, and circled my fists around his pulsing cock.
God, I’d missed this.
“Keep doing that, and it’ll be over before it begins,” he growled as he pushed me back down on the bed and climbed over me.
Just like so many other times before, he slid inside me without a thought. I waited for the fear to hit. The worry that the pill wouldn’t be enough, that I’d conceive and fail once again, but there was only him inside me, and I pushed the thoughts away. He stretched and filled me, bringing me that type of pleasure that I’d long since forgotten.
He stilled, froze, his head falling until his forehead pressed against mine. “Shit.”
“What’s wrong?”
He lifted his head until he could look into my eyes. “Condom. I forgot. I thought it was like before.”
It was like before, so much so I wondered if this was a dream, but reality refused to go away.
“I’m on the pill. I…” I swallowed hard. “I haven’t missed a single one since…”
He pressed his lips to mine, the kiss so gentle tears pricked at my eyes.
“I’m clean, Jillian. I’m not quite the manwhore I used to be, and I’m always safe. I’ve never been bare with anyone but you.”
I should have stopped this. For more than one reason, I knew. But I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to be the old Jillian who followed her heart, who took risks and loved full-on.
H
olding his face in my hands, I kissed him this time, lifting my hips so that he angled deeper into my body. He’d always been the perfect fit for me, and even now, when I was so unused to another man, it was nothing but bliss.
The inhibitions were down, and I was freer than I’d ever been before. He gave me everything that he promised, hard and fast. I couldn’t even take a breath without a sound of pleasure escaping, and once again, he muffled me with his lips and tongue.
Time slowed, and I lost myself around him. He drove me higher and higher until I snapped with a lustful cry. When I scored my nails down his back, he lost control and drove into me until he found his own wild release.
When it was over, I was too tired to be ashamed. Too tired for regret. The sun was just starting to set, and I curled up around him as he slumped over next to me.
“Dinner,” I whispered.
“My sister has a date tonight, so I told Janice not to fix us anything. If you’re hungry, I can go down and grab something.”
“No, I’m okay,” I murmured. I lifted my head and stared at the closed door. “I should go.”
“You don’t look like you’re going anywhere.” He pulled me tighter against him. “And I’m not nearly done with you for tonight. Stay with me, Jillian. Just for tonight.”
Just for tonight.
Sated and tired, I agreed. When I started to lay back down, he grabbed me and pulled me over top of him. As I rested my head against his chest, I relaxed just enough to feel a fleeting nostalgia and the love that we used to share.
***
I woke up feeling warm and oddly content. For the first time in a long time, I wanted to lounge in bed and just relax. It wasn’t until I started to move that I realized there was a heavy arm wrapped around me, and I froze.
Memories of everything that we’d done last night, and I mean everything came flooding back, and I slowly exhaled.
I couldn’t even go one month without crawling into bed with Brendan. Was I that sex-deprived? Or sex-crazed? Or both?
He was still asleep. I could tell from his even breathing. It would be dangerous to still be here when he woke up. I remembered all too well how good morning sex was with him, and I’d already proven how weak I was yesterday.
Luckily, Brendan was a heavy sleeper. I gently lifted his arm and squirmed out from under him. Picking up my discarded clothes, I hurriedly dressed. I was dying for a shower, but there was no way in hell that I was going to take one here and risk waking him up.
Praying that Kim would still be asleep and that I wouldn’t see her during my quick walk of shame, I eased the door open and crept out. The stairs creaked as I tiptoed down, and when I reached the bottom, a figure came around the corner.
Gasping, I stood toe-to-toe with Janice, the cook. Her eyes swept over my outfit, and she deliberately looked around me and up the stairs. “It’s awfully early for you to be up and dressed, Ms. Quinn. Is there something that you need?”
“Uh, no. No, I don’t need anything. I really wanted to check on Silva today… and I was going to take a shower… because you know that the guest bathroom shower is broken, so I was going to use Brendan’s shower… and that’s okay, he’s already told me that’s okay, but he’s still sleeping, and I didn’t want to wake him, so I just dressed up there and I can take a shower later. I’m sure Silva doesn’t care what I smell like.” I laughed nervously, and it came out like a squeak.
Her eyebrow had lifted by degrees as I’d spewed everything out. When I was finished, she asked, “Where are your pajamas? Should I add them to the laundry?”
From her smirk, I could tell that she didn’t give a damn about the laundry. “Thank you for the offer, but that won’t be necessary,” I said as I stepped around her.
“I made coffee if you’d like a cup before you go out. Since you’re in such a hurry.”
I nodded. “Yes. Coffee. That sounds good. I just need to stop by my room and…” change my clothes… “get my bag because I want to work on my dissertation while I talk to the stallion. He’s been doing really well, if you’re wondering. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
The woman muttered something under her breath as I slipped around her and hurried to my room. Immediately, I stripped off my shirt and exchanged it for a clean one. Peeking out to make sure that Janice wasn’t waiting to ambush me, I grabbed my things, poured a cup of coffee, snagged two apples, and headed to the stalls.
I did check on Silva. In the past few days, I’d grown increasingly fond of him, and I was relieved that he was eating. He had his eyes on Darling, and I could feel the romance in the air.
Or at least lust, and there was more than enough of that going around.
The problem was that I couldn’t stay with Silva, at least not alone. Brendan would probably seek me out, and it would be a lot easier to dodge him if I wasn’t alone.
“Good morning, buddy,” I said softly as I walked into the stables. Silva’s head immediately popped over the door, and he nosed my clothes when I approached. “You know that you’re not going to get treats every time, right? Now that you’re eating better, you won’t need all these apples.” I relinquished the treat and tossed the other one in Darling’s stall. The mare snorted her thanks as she picked it up.
“You know, I thought that it was insane that Brendan wanted you to keep Silva company, but apparently it was a good idea after all,” Kim said as she walked into the stable.
I turned and lifted my eyebrows. It was no wonder that I didn’t see her in the house. I wasn’t the only one doing the walk of shame. She was dressed in a cute but very short pink dress and heels.
Since I was guilty of the very same thing, I didn’t call her out on it. Besides, this was the only time that Kim had actually initiated a conversation with me. “I thought that it was a little insane too. I didn’t realize that I could bond with a horse.”
“Horses are good at picking out good souls. I guess he thinks that you’re a good soul.” She stopped and reached out to pat Silva’s head. “I’m sort of hiding from my brother. He was in the kitchen when I came in, so I couldn’t sneak in to change.”
“I won’t say a word,” I grinned. “I do love the dress.”
She looked down at herself and shrugged. “It didn’t really do the trick though. I’ve been seeing this great guy for a few weeks now, but when I went home with him, he passed out as soon as we got to his place, and I couldn’t get a ride home until this morning.” She wrinkled her nose. “You’re good at the advice thing. Should I cut my losses? I mean, something’s wrong when I can’t get the guy into bed, right?”
“Trust me, I’m not the woman to go to for relationship advice,” I murmured as I rubbed my temples.
“Man troubles of your own?” Her jaw dropped. “Oh my god, do you have a boyfriend? Is that why you’re fighting for a divorce?”
“No.” I knew I had to be careful. This was Brendan’s sister, after all. “I’m fighting for a divorce because my marriage was over years ago. I don’t need a boyfriend to validate that reason.”
“You were younger than me when you got married. I can’t even imagine myself being a wife.” She pressed her hands down the front of her dress, smoothing out the wrinkles. “I don’t think that I’d be very good at it.”
“I wasn’t very good at it, but it wasn’t because of my age.” Regret and grief of what could have been settled around my shoulders, and I needed to shake it off. “Anyway, I don’t really want to get into that. As for your guy, just ask him what he’s feeling. If he keeps going out with you, he’s interested in something. Ask him what that is, and then decide for yourself if you want the relationship to move forward.” I looked past her just in time to see a familiar hat peeking over the hill. “Oh, Brendan is coming. Go hide! Actually, crap. Don’t hide. Stay with me.”
“Damn it. I don’t need another one of his lectures,” Kim growled as she ducked into the far empty stall.
“But I don’t want to talk to him either!” I grabbed my bag, but there was no esca
pe for me. He entered the stables just as I was trying to walk out. Shit. I couldn’t just run. “Brendan,” I said so brightly I made myself cringe. “Good morning. I was just checking on Silva, and now I’m leaving because I’ve got a million things to do today.”
He quickly grabbed my arm to stop me. “You’ve never been one to run away, Jillian,” he said in a low voice. “Don’t tell me that you’re about to start now.”
“I’m not running away,” I lied. “I have a dissertation to write and—”
“A conversation to have. Jillian, we need to talk about last night.”
I was all too aware of Kim hiding in the back. “We really don’t. At least not right now. Maybe over lunch. Or dinner. Tomorrow might be better.”
“Are you ashamed?” His eyes studied me intently. “Technically, we’re married, and we’ve never had any issues in the sex department.”
There was no way that Kim didn’t hear that. I sighed and closed my eyes. “This wasn’t supposed to happen, Brendan. It complicates things, and I don’t want things complicated.”
“It’s just sex, Jillian. It doesn’t have to complicate anything. It’s not like we plan to actually pursue this marriage. You just need to lighten up a little bit.”
Pain shot through me. I’d been preparing for some sort of conversation about how good we were together. Not a play for us being fuck buddies, and it hurt more than I wanted to admit. “I’ve got things to do, Brendan. I’ll see you later, okay?”
He let me go. “Okay. I just want to make sure that we’re on the same page.”
“Yup. Same page. Bye.” He walked away, and the stall door at the end opened, the hinges giving a creepy sounding creak.
Before I even looked, I could feel Kim’s angry glare. “Seriously? You want a divorce but you’re already fucking my brother. You really are a crazy bitch.”
I opened my mouth. “But—”
Kim’s lip curled into a snarl. “But nothing. Why sleep with him? Just because you could, or is it the money?” She shook her head. “I can’t believe I thought I was wrong about you.”
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