Rapid Response

by Jennifer Taylor

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘OK. But you are all right?’ she insisted, because she needed to be sure. Maybe she shouldn’t care how he felt but it simply wasn’t possible to remain completely detached.

  ‘I’m fine. Really. It’s been one heck of a day, hasn’t it?’

  ‘It has,’ she agreed, even though she doubted it was the pressure of work that had upset him. Ben was used to working long hours and dealing with the most traumatic incidents, too, but she’d never seen him so emotional before…

  Apart from when he’d told her he was leaving her, of course.

  Holly frowned as the memory surfaced with a rush. She rarely thought about that day because it was too painful, yet now she found herself wondering why Ben had appeared so distraught at the time. He’d taken the day off work because he’d had an appointment so she hadn’t seen him since breakfast. He had been waiting for her when she’d got home after work and she’d known immediately that something had been wrong when he’d led her into the sitting room and asked her to sit down.

  He had told her simply that he’d met someone else and that he was leaving her. He hadn’t given her any details about the other woman, just said that he was sorry and that he’d never meant to hurt her. He’d been extremely tense and obviously worried when she hadn’t said anything but at the time Holly had been too shocked to speak. She had never expected that Ben would leave her and had just sat there while her world had collapsed.

  ‘So I’m really sorry, Holly, because I didn’t bring you in here to start an argument.’

  She jumped when she realised he’d been speaking. She quickly backtracked over what had happened and blushed when it struck her how childishly she’d behaved. The problem was that Ben had always managed to arouse her, and not only her temper either.

  ‘And I’m sorry for the way I behaved just now,’ she said swiftly, closing her mind to the thought because she couldn’t deal with the memory of how wonderful their love-making had been. ‘It was silly of me to get so het up.’

  ‘So that makes it one apology apiece, discounting all my minor ones, of course. Do you want to go first and make it two, or shall I do the honours?’

  Ben cocked his head on one side and regarded her quizzically. A tiny smile tugged at the corners of her mouth when she saw the laughter in his eyes.

  ‘Oh, you can go first. After all, you probably have a lot more to apologise for than I do.’

  ‘Oh, nice one! That slid very smoothly between the ribs.’

  He grinned and Holly felt her pulse perform a determined little hiccup as she received the full benefit of the smile. It was hard to hide her dismay because she was no longer interested in Ben that way. She’d filed him under H for history just a few short hours ago and she wasn’t about to have second thoughts because her hormones were playing up. So maybe he was the most handsome man she had ever met, and she was prepared to admit that, but she wasn’t prepared to put her heart through the mincer a second time!

  ‘I owe you an apology for the way I spoke about Josh this morning. I had no right to comment on your relationship.’

  ‘Josh and I don’t have a relationship,’ she replied without thinking. The fact that she wasn’t one-hundred per cent certain that Ben couldn’t hurt her again had to be faced. It would be both foolish and dangerous to dismiss the idea, as she’d done before.

  ‘You don’t? But why not? Sorry! It’s none of my business, is it?’ Ben sighed. ‘That makes it three apologies to me and one to you.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Holly assured him, because she certainly didn’t want to make an issue out of it. Maybe it was silly but she felt uncomfortable about discussing her love life—or lack of one—with Ben. ‘Josh and I are good friends but that’s all. He’s a really nice person and we get on extremely well but we aren’t romantically involved.’

  ‘Not yet.’ Ben smiled but she could see a muscle in his jaw beating away, as though it was an effort for him to appear so upbeat at the prospect of her and Josh becoming an item in the future.

  ‘No, not yet.’ Her smile was a little too bright but she didn’t want to think about why Ben should dislike the idea. As he’d said, it wasn’t his business…

  But? a small voice interjected. Because there’d been a definite but wriggling about on the end of that sentence.

  Holly quickly dismissed the thought. There were no ‘buts’ in this situation. Getting hung up on the idea that Ben might care about her would be a mistake and she didn’t intend to fall into that trap again.

  ‘Sounds as though you have plans,’ Ben observed with a laugh.

  ‘Could be. Anyway, now that we’ve got the prickly bits over and done with, what did you want to say to me?’ She quickly returned the conversation to the relatively safe topic of why he had seen fit to hijack her in the first place. She frowned when he didn’t answer. ‘Come on, Ben. Out with it.’

  ‘I wanted to sort out a few things but I don’t really think it’s necessary now.’

  ‘A few things? Like what? Whether or not I’ve got over you? Is that what you mean?’

  ‘Mmm.’ He grimaced. ‘How big-headed can you get? I mean, why on earth would you still be pining for me, Holly? I bet you’ve had dozens of boyfriends in the last couple of years.’

  ‘I’ve been out with a few people,’ she replied coolly, because she had no intention of admitting that the ‘few’ added up to just two and that neither of them had been a proper relationship. Ben had been the first and the only man she’d ever slept with, although a team of mounties on horseback wouldn’t have dragged that confession from her.

  ‘Of course you have,’ he agreed, obviously unperturbed by the idea of legions of men lining up to take her out.

  It just went to prove how wrong she’d been to imagine he cared about her seeing Josh, Holly thought darkly. If Ben could handle the thought of her dating dozens of different men then one more wouldn’t make a scrap of difference to him! The thought stung so much that it was an effort to appear calm when he continued.

  ‘It’s a weight off my mind, anyway.’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘The fact that you’ve moved on. I’ve been racking my brain to think of a way to…well, smooth things over between us, but obviously there’s no need to worry. What happened in the past is all over and done with, isn’t it, Holly?’

  ‘Not quite.’ His arrogance had almost left her speechless with shock. Almost, but not quite. She stood up straighter, not even trying to hide her contempt. Maybe he hadn’t enjoyed upsetting her two years ago but he’d still gone ahead and dumped her, reneged on all those promises he’d made, broken her heart, and nothing he said or did now could change all of that.

  ‘Yes, I’m over you, Ben, and, no, I am not still pining for you. However, if you seriously think I’ve forgiven you for the way you treated me then think again.’ She laughed, relishing the expression of dismay that crossed his handsome face.

  ‘But you said this morning that you were grateful to me?’ he pointed out, and she consciously hardened her heart when she heard the consternation in his voice. All Ben really cared about was himself and she must never forget that. He didn’t like to think that anyone thought badly of him.

  ‘I know what I said and I meant it, too. However, that doesn’t make up for the fact that you hurt me, Ben. You hurt me more than anyone will ever hurt me again because I shall never, ever let myself love anyone else as much as I loved you.’

  ‘I don’t know what to say…’

  ‘There’s nothing to say. That’s just the way it is. I can live with the situation so that’s the end of the matter as far as I’m concerned.’

  She pushed past him but he caught hold of her arm and swung her round to face him. His eyes were filled with such pain that she almost weakened but she couldn’t afford to worry about his feelings.

  ‘I’m sorry, Holly. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I’m truly sorry for what I did.’

  ‘Apology accepted. That makes five,
by my reckoning. I don’t think I can match that, Ben, so I declare you the winner.’

  His face closed up when he heard the mockery in her voice. He didn’t say anything else as he let her go. Holly left Resus and went to the staffroom for her bag. Nicky and Josh were there, along with a couple of the A and E staff. They were all going for a drink to celebrate their first day and Holly immediately agreed to go with them. It would be better to sit in a noisy pub than be on her own in the flat with only her thoughts for company.

  When Josh put his arm around her shoulders she didn’t protest and even managed a grin when Nicky winked at her. There was nothing to stop her seeing Josh—nothing and no one. Ben was just leaving Resus and he stopped to let them pass, making some excuse when Nicky invited him to join them.

  Holly felt his eyes burning into her back as she and Josh followed the others but she didn’t look back because looking back wasn’t on her agenda. It was the future that mattered, what she did with the rest of her life. Falling in love with Ben might have been a painful episode but she’d learned a valuable lesson from it. No man would ever have the power to hurt her like that again.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  BY EIGHT o’clock that night Ben felt as though he would go mad if he didn’t get out of his flat. The incessant thud of rock music thundering through the ceiling from the room above was making his head ache. He grabbed a sweater then ran downstairs and let himself out, breathing a sigh of relief when he was greeted by silence. He would have to find some place else to live if he intended to stay in Dalverston.

  He sighed as he made his way along the road. He’d only just started the job and here he was thinking about leaving. Oh, he didn’t want to leave because the job promised to be everything he’d hoped it would be. However, the cost of working in Dalverston might be too high. For him and for Holly. Holly had made it clear that she would never forgive him for the way he’d treated her and the thought of causing her any more distress was more than he could bear.

  He reached the end of the road and stopped while he tried to decide which way to go. He’d had no chance to explore yet so wasn’t familiar with the area. To his left all he could see was a road full of houses but when he looked to his right he spotted the river. The thought of a quiet stroll along the riverbank was definitely more appealing so he headed that way.

  The sun was just dipping below the horizon when he reached the river. There were still a few people walking their dogs and he stopped to watch a handsome golden retriever jump into the water and fetch a stick its owner had thrown for it. He’d always fancied owning a dog like that, Ben thought as he watched the animal swimming back to the bank. It had been part of his dream for the future, along with a clutch of happy children and a cottage in the country. He and Holly had often talked about the family they would have and had decided that three would be the perfect number and that it wouldn’t matter if they were girls or boys. It was unlikely that he would ever have a family now.

  The thought caught him unawares and Ben had to breathe deeply as the enormity of it hit him. There’d be no children now, no dog or cottage in the country. There wouldn’t be Holly either, and that was the worst thought of all. He’d sworn that he wouldn’t allow himself to grow bitter about what had happened to him but it was hard, very hard indeed, to think about all that he’d lost through no fault of his own.

  ‘Ben, are you OK?’

  Holly’s voice came floating towards him and Ben blinked. It was like a rerun of what had happened in Resus that afternoon so that for a moment he couldn’t make sense of what was going on. And then he saw Holly walking purposefully towards him and stifled a groan as everything slotted back into its rightful sequence. Please, don’t let this be round two in the beat-Ben-with-a-big-stick-for-his-past-transgressions routine, he thought desperately. He really didn’t think he could handle another session like the last one.

  ‘I’m fine,’ he declared robustly, hoping that he might be able to deflect her. He pulled a wry face. ‘Ever had the feeling that we’ve been here before?’

  ‘Been here before?’ she repeated, then suddenly laughed. ‘Oh, I see! Well, don’t worry because I promise not to make a habit of asking if you’re all right. You are, though, aren’t you?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ he reiterated, realising in surprise that it was true. Had it been that laugh which had worked its magic? The laugh allied to the thought that Holly might have softened just a little towards him since their last frosty encounter? He had no proof of that, of course, but it was better than having no hope at all of them ever finding peace.

  ‘So what are you doing here? I thought you’d gone for a drink with the others,’ he asked carefully, knowing he could be stepping onto dangerous ground. Even though he longed to know why Holly wasn’t spending the evening with Josh, he didn’t intend to risk disturbing their new-found harmony by asking her directly.

  ‘I did but the pub was packed.’ She shrugged. ‘I had one drink then decided I needed some peace and quiet so left everyone to it and came down here instead.’

  She started walking and, after a moment, Ben followed her. She didn’t seem to dislike the idea of him accompanying her and that tiny seed of hope sprouted its first tender shoot. He racked his brain for something else to say that wouldn’t cause offence but it was difficult to think of anything apart from the weather.

  ‘It’s a lovely evening—’

  ‘It’s really warm tonight—’

  They both spoke at once and both stopped. Ben hid his smile because it was obvious that Holly was having as much trouble as he was in finding common ground. ‘Ladies first,’ he said with a heavy-handed gallantry which earned him a speaking look.

  ‘I was just going to say how warm it is tonight.’

  ‘It is. It’s a really beautiful evening,’ he replied, completely deadpan. They carried on walking and he could almost hear the cogs whirring as both he and Holly tried to come up with some more innocuous comments. Was she as worried about causing an argument as he was? he wondered, and felt his heart fill with tenderness at the thought.

  ‘Do you live near here?’ she asked at last.

  ‘About five minutes away. Priory Lane—d’you know it?’ he responded politely.

  ‘I’m not sure…Is it where they’re building those new flats?’

  ‘I’ve no idea. I only arrived on Sunday night so I haven’t had much of a chance to explore. I know where the local shops are so I can buy a loaf of bread and a newspaper but that’s about it. I’m renting a bedsit in one of those old terraced houses, if that’s any help.’

  ‘A bedsit?’ She stopped and stared at him and he could see the surprise in her eyes. ‘Don’t you find it rather cramped?’

  ‘Cosy is how the estate agent described it when he showed me round,’ he told her, his eyes twinkling with laughter. ‘As he pointed out, there’s less to clean with me having just the one room.’

  ‘It sounds almost as bad as that flat we went to see when we were looking for a place in London. Do you remember that awful woman telling us that it was classed as a bijou residence?’ She laughed and Ben felt his insides curl into knots of delight when he heard the amusement in her voice. It was so wonderful to know that she could find something good about their past life together.

  ‘She opened what we thought was a cupboard and there was the bathroom.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘It was so tiny that you had to stand sideways because your shoulders wouldn’t fit!’

  ‘I remember all right. I would never have believed you could fit a living-room, a kitchen and a bathroom into a room that was ten feet long by ten feet wide if I hadn’t seen it with my very own eyes.’

  ‘It was incredible! And it wasn’t as though it was cheap either. The monthly rent was almost as much as our combined salaries.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t know why I stayed in London for so long when I compare the price of accommodation there to what I’m paying now. Nicky and I share this beautiful flat and it doesn’t cost a fraction of what I used to pay.’
/>
  ‘I’m hoping to find a decent place just as soon as I have the time to look around. It was all rather a rush when Sean phoned to tell me that I had the job so I settled for the first place the estate agent offered me.’ He grimaced. ‘I shall be a lot more choosy next time, believe me.’

  ‘Well, you shouldn’t have too much difficulty finding the ideal bachelor pad,’ she said coolly. ‘There’s some new flats been built to cater for the staff working at the new business park and I believe they’re very swish—lots of chrome and glass, that kind of thing.’

  ‘Hmm, I’m not sure if that’s what I’m after. What I’d really like is something with a bit of character for a change.’

  ‘Low beams and roses round the door?’ she suggested dryly.

  ‘Something like that,’ Ben replied, then briskly changed the subject because he wasn’t comfortable with the turn the conversation had taken. It was barely five minutes since he’d been thinking about the rose-covered cottage he and Holly had once dreamed of owning and he didn’t want to be reminded of that again. ‘So what did you think of our first day? On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate it?’

  ‘Oh, I’ll have to think about that.’

  She turned to stare across the river and Ben felt his pulse leap when he saw her lips purse as she considered his question. How many times had he seen her do that? he wondered, his stomach knotting painfully because he knew it was foolish to keep looking back. There was no point thinking about the past and wishing that things had turned out differently. He had to play the hand he’d been dealt and make the best of it.

  ‘It has to be a definite ten for how interesting the day was,’ she said at last. ‘And ten again for the fact that I learnt such a lot. Then there’s the excitement factor—that rush of adrenaline you get when you have to drop everything to go and save a life. That’s another ten.’

  ‘Sounds like high marks all round,’ he observed softly, hoping she couldn’t tell how difficult he was finding it to maintain his composure around her.