‘Please.’ He sank down onto a chair and groaned. ‘What a start to the day! It was pretty hairy at times, wasn’t it?’
‘It was,’ she agreed, adding milk and two spoons of sugar to one of the mugs. She gave Ben the mug then leant against the sink while she drank her own coffee because there was no way that she was going to risk sitting next to him while her emotions were in such turmoil.
‘Mmm, I really need this.’ He took an appreciative sip of the drink then grinned at her. ‘Just the way I like it, too.’
Holly flushed when she realised that she’d automatically added both milk and sugar to his coffee. She hadn’t needed to ask because she knew that Ben liked his coffee white and sweet, just as she knew that he liked his steak rare. All the little details that came from living together had been stored in her memory bank, ready to pop out the moment she needed them. It just seemed to prove what a fool she’d been to imagine she was over him.
‘Sorry. Was that the wrong thing to say again?’
She looked up with a frown. ‘Pardon?’
‘Shouldn’t I have mentioned that you know how I like my coffee?’ He sighed heavily. ‘To be honest, Holly, it’s really difficult to know what’s on and what’s off limits. I always seem to end up by putting my foot in it whenever we talk.’
‘I shouldn’t worry too much,’ she said lightly, because she didn’t want him making an issue out of it. ‘We can’t ignore the fact that we used to know each other extremely well.’
‘Not just used to either. Not after last night.’
‘Last night was a one-off and you know why it happened,’ she countered, her heart hammering because it wasn’t easy to talk about what they’d done.
‘Meaning there’s not going to be a repeat performance?’
‘No. I made that clear at the time. I…I just wanted to draw a line under the past. That’s all.’
‘Then let’s hope it worked.’ He gave her a tight smile then downed his coffee in a single gulp and stood up. ‘Anyway, I’d better get a move on. Sean has arranged for me to go out with Nicky and Josh today. Apparently, you all spent a day on the road with the paramedics during your training and Sean wants to bring me up to speed. I’ll see you later…always assuming I survive, of course!’
‘I’m sure Nicky will take good care of you,’ she responded, adopting a deliberately upbeat tone.
She carried on drinking her coffee after he left but for some reason it tasted horribly bitter all of a sudden. She tipped it down the sink and rinsed her mug then fetched Ben’s mug to wash it as well. There was some coffee still left in the bottom and on a sudden impulse she drank it. It tasted deliciously sweet after her own drink and she savoured it for a moment before it struck her that her lips were touching the exact same spot that Ben’s had touched just moments before.
Holly closed her eyes, feeling the tremor that was working its way through her body as she recalled how Ben’s lips had felt the previous night. He’d always been a wonderfully tender lover but last night they had seemed to reach new heights together. Every touch of his hands had been a delight, every kiss a blessing, and when they had finally joined….
‘RTA on its way!’ Lara announced, bursting into the staffroom.
Holly jumped as she was rudely brought back to earth with a bump and she saw Lara grimace.
‘Sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you. It’s just that Sean’s in Resus and Ben’s gone swanning off so everyone’s in a mad panic out there.’
‘Don’t worry. It was my own fault for standing here daydreaming,’ Holly explained rather shakily as she put the cup in the sink.
‘Oh, I see! I wonder what you were daydreaming about. It wouldn’t have anything to do with a tall, dark, handsome specialist registrar, by any chance?’ Lara grinned at her. ‘And before you deny it, Holly, I should warn you that I’ve heard all about Ben following you into the ladies’ loo the other day.’
Lara’s face was a picture of curiosity but there was no way that Holly was going to admit that she had been thinking about Ben. ‘I’ll go and wait for the ambulance to arrive,’ she told the young nurse with as much dignity as she could muster. ‘Warn Sean that I’ll be bringing another patient into Resus, will you?’
‘Will do.’
Lara must have realised there was no point pursuing the subject and didn’t say anything else before she hurried away. However, Holly knew it wouldn’t be as easy to stop the gossip that was already circulating and sighed as she made her way to the ambulance bay. She could do without folk speculating about her and Ben. Maybe it was time to nip this in the bud by giving them something else to talk about? Josh was off duty that night so she could ask him if he fancied going for a pizza after work. It should put a stop to any rumours about her and Ben, even though she felt a bit mean about using Josh that way…although there was no reason why Josh should be just a decoy, of course. There was nothing to stop her going out with him for real if she wanted to. In fact, it might be the best thing to do because it would show Ben that she’d meant what she’d said about last night being a one-off, never-to-be-repeated experience. If there was someone else on the scene then Ben would have to believe she’d meant it.
As it turned out, Holly didn’t get a chance to speak to Josh until almost the end of her shift. Although the paramedics were in and out of the A and E department all day long, they were all far too busy to chat. It wasn’t until she was asked to attend an accident at Dalverston Lake that she found the right moment to broach the subject.
Once again she used the motorbike to respond to the call. The evening rush hour was under way but the satellite navigation system helped her find a back route so she got to the lake in very good time. A small crowd of teenagers was gathered on the shore when she arrived and Holly hurried straight over to them, kneeling down on the shingle while she examined the boy. He’d been on a canoeing expedition organised by the local high school and had hit his head on a rock when his canoe had rolled over. Fortunately, the teacher in charge of the group had basic first-aid skills so he’d been able to give the boy CPR.
‘How long was he underwater?’ Holly asked, checking the boy’s pulse. It was very faint and thready but at least he had a pulse.
‘About two minutes. A couple of the other lads dived in and managed to turn his canoe over,’ the teacher explained anxiously.
‘Was he breathing when you got him ashore?’ Holly continued, checking the boy’s eyes. His right pupil was fixed and dilated—a sign that he had suffered a head injury.
‘Not at first but I managed to start him breathing on his own again after about five minutes or so.’
‘Well done! It isn’t easy to put the theory into practice and not everyone can do it when the time comes.’
‘I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right,’ the man admitted. ‘It’s rather different when you practise on one of those dummies that have a light attached to them. There was no green light to tell me if Mike was getting any of the oxygen I was trying to pump into him!’
‘It’s a shame we don’t all have one of those little lights but you did extremely well without it.’ Holly laughed as she deftly fitted the boy with a cervical collar to protect his neck. She looked round when she heard a siren. ‘Here’s the ambulance. We’ll take him straight back to the hospital so can you let his parents know that’s where he’ll be. He’s suffered a head injury from the look of it so we’ll need to get a CT scan done as soon as we get him there.’
‘He will be all right, though?’ the teacher demanded anxiously.
‘Let’s hope so.’
Holly didn’t say anything else because it wasn’t possible to give a definite answer at that stage. She got up when Josh and Ben appeared with a stretcher. Nicky was backing the ambulance onto the shore so they moved the boy onto the stretcher and strapped him in.
‘I’ll meet you back at the hospital,’ Holly told them. ‘He needs a CT scan so I’ll get it organised ready for when you arrive. He’ll probably need surgery, too, so
I’ll warn Max to stand by.’
‘Thanks.’ Ben grabbed one end of the stretcher while Josh took the other and between them they managed to carry the teenager over the shingle and load him into the ambulance. Nicky opted to ride in the back with the boy so Ben closed the rear doors.
‘We’ll see you later,’ he said, turning to Holly. ‘Drive carefully.’
‘I always do,’ she replied lightly, because she didn’t want him to guess how much the words had touched her….
She took a deep breath because she had to stop this nonsense. If Ben had really cared about her, he would never have left her. Her heart felt like lead as she turned to Josh but she knew it was the best thing to do.
‘Do you fancy going out for a pizza after work tonight?’
‘I’d love to!’ Josh replied eagerly. ‘I’ll meet you in the staff car park after we finish. OK?’
‘Fine.’ Holly avoided looking at Ben as the two men climbed into the cab. However, she couldn’t help noticing that, although Josh waved as they drove away, Ben didn’t even glance at her.
She sighed as she went back to the motorbike. If Ben had a problem about her seeing Josh then it was up to him to deal with it. She’d made it perfectly clear that last night had been just a means to an end so there was no reason for her to feel guilty because she was going out with someone else…
Only she couldn’t help it. It felt as though she was letting Ben down and the idea scared her. How could she hope to make this work if she couldn’t free herself from the ties that still bound her to Ben?
It was after seven by the time Ben got home that night. It was his own fault because he’d hung around waiting for news of Mike Parker, the boy who’d been injured in the canoeing accident. The CT scans had shown a subdural haemorrhage—bleeding into the space between the outer and middle layers of tissue that covered the brain—and Max had decided to operate to remove the blood clot. Thankfully, the operation had gone well and Ben had been able to break the good news to Mike’s parents before he’d left. It had been the one bright spot at the end of what had turned out to be an extremely stressful day.
He let himself into the flat and sank down on the bed. He felt completely worn out and it wasn’t just because the day had been so hectic either. How on earth was he expected to deal with the thought of Holly spending the evening with Josh when he wanted to be the one taking her out for a pizza, the one seeing her home afterwards, the one who would be invited in for coffee and…
‘Hell!’ He shot to his feet. He would drive himself crazy if he sat there all night thinking things like that. He needed to do something to take his mind off what might be happening. He’d passed the cinema on his way home so he’d go there and watch a film.
He chose an all-action thriller but the plot was so ludicrous that it failed to hold his attention. His mind kept drifting this way and that, always coming back to the one subject guaranteed to cause him grief: Holly and Josh. In the end, Ben admitted defeat and left. Nothing was going to stop him thinking about Holly so he may as well go home.
He bought fish and chips on the way and ate them out of the paper. It was a beautiful night, a bright silvery moon lighting up the whole town. It seemed a shame to spend the evening in the cramped confines of his bedsit so he carried on walking and ended up at a park close to the river. There was a children’s playground sectioned off from the main area so he sat on one of the swings while he finished his supper. He still didn’t feel like going home after he’d eaten the last chip, mainly because there was nobody to go home to. And that thought, naturally, led him right back to where he’d started. Holly.
He took a deep breath because there was no point lying to himself. He was still in love with Holly. Now that he’d admitted it, he needed to take steps to ensure she never found out and the best way of doing that was by accepting that she had her own life to lead. He mustn’t say or do anything to make her suspect how he felt about her seeing Josh. It wouldn’t be fair. He’d ruined her life once already and he wasn’t going to ruin it a second time.
He tossed the chip paper into the bin and stood up. He either had to learn to live with the situation or he would have to leave Dalverston, and he couldn’t face the thought of cutting himself off completely. Maybe he could only watch over Holly from the sidelines from now on but it would be better than nothing.
CHAPTER EIGHT
‘SO HOW was your evening? You shot out of the flat so fast this morning that I never got the chance to ask. Although, from the smile on Josh’s face, I’d hazard a guess that it went extremely well!’
Holly bit back a sigh when Nicky waylaid her in the corridor as she was coming out of the treatment room. She’d left home early that morning to avoid any awkward questions, but it had soon become apparent that it had been a waste of time. It wasn’t just Nicky who was interested in her date with Josh—the whole department seemed to know that she’d been out with him and she’d done nothing but field questions ever since she’d arrived at work. Her little ploy to divert attention away from her and Ben had been remarkably successful, in fact.
‘It was fine, thank you very much,’ she replied, trying to control the pang of guilt that assailed her again. Even though nothing had happened, apart from her spending a pleasant couple of hours with Josh, it still felt as though she’d done something wrong.
‘Great! So when are you going out with him again?’ Nicky fell into step beside her. ‘I tried prising all the gory details out of Josh but he was like the proverbial clam and wouldn’t tell me a thing.’
‘That’s because there’s nothing to tell,’ Holly retorted tartly, taking a file out of the tray. It had been another busy morning and the information board above the Reception desk was warning people there would be a two-hour delay before they could be seen.
‘You mean he didn’t ask you out again!’ Nicky exclaimed in dismay. ‘I shall have to have a serious word with him. Fancy letting an opportunity like that slip through his fingers…’
‘We’re probably going to the cinema next week,’ Holly put in quickly, because she knew what Nicky was like once she got a bee in her bonnet. ‘Josh needs to check when he’s working before we can make any definite arrangements. Sean’s altering the shifts because he’s taken on another paramedic and he wants Josh to supervise the new man for a few days.’
‘Oh, I see!’ Nicky beamed with delight. ‘You had me worried for a moment. I think it’s really brilliant that you two have got together at last. Josh has been driving me mad, going on and on about how gorgeous you are. The poor guy’s totally smitten.’
‘Is he?’ Holly summoned a smile but her stomach had sunk on hearing that. She liked Josh but she knew in her heart that they would never be anything more than friends. There simply wasn’t that kind of a spark between them, and definitely nothing that resembled the attraction she’d felt for Ben.
‘Uh-huh. I told you I could hear wedding bells, didn’t I?’
‘Then I’m afraid your hearing must be faulty.’ Holly knew her friend was only teasing but she hated to think that Josh might get the wrong idea if he overheard comments like that. ‘I like Josh but the truth is that I’m not interested in a long-term relationship at the moment.’
‘Oh, dear.’ Nicky grimaced. ‘I’m really sorry, Holly. I didn’t mean to cause any problems.’
‘What do you mean?’ Holly demanded when she saw the stricken expression on Nicky’s face.
‘Just that I might have, well…hinted to Josh that you were rather keen on him, too.’
‘You didn’t?’ She sighed when Nicky nodded. ‘Why on earth did you do something so stupid?’
‘Because I hate seeing Josh looking so fed up. He was getting very downhearted because you never seemed to notice him.’
‘That’s all well and good but I wish you hadn’t said anything,’ she protested. ‘I know you meant well, Nicky, but it’s not fair on Josh. He’s just a friend and that’s all he’ll ever be, I’m afraid.’
‘I’m really sorry,
Holly. Maybe I should have another word with him and explain that I got it wrong,’ Nicky offered, but Holly shook her head.
‘No, just leave things as they are. Josh will only be embarrassed if you say anything and I certainly don’t want to make things awkward when we have to work together.’
She glanced round when the office phone rang. When Sean appeared and beckoned to her it was a relief because she really didn’t want to continue the conversation. If she’d realised the problems it was going to cause then she would never have suggested to Josh that they go out for that pizza.
‘That’s me out of here,’ she said, dropping the file back into the tray. ‘I’ll see you later.’
‘Yep. And I really am sorry, Holly. Next time I’ll keep my big mouth shut!’
Holly didn’t reply as she hurried along the corridor. With a bit of luck it would all blow over in a few days although she would need to rethink her plans about seeing Josh again. It wouldn’t be fair to lead him on when nothing would come of it.
She grimaced because there was no point pretending why she was so sure that she and Josh didn’t have a future together. It was all down to Ben and to the fact that she couldn’t imagine loving any man again the way she’d loved him. She had to get over it, though. Ben Carlisle couldn’t be the only man on the planet who could make her hormones run riot!
Sean was on the phone when she reached the office and he waved her towards a chair. He must have summoned Ben as well because he arrived a few seconds later and sat down next to her while they waited for Sean to finish his call.
‘We’ve got a light aircraft that’s crashed in woodland close to the motorway,’ Sean explained as he hung up. ‘Ambulance Control has no idea how many casualties but they want us to respond. They’ll be sending ambulances once they know exactly what we’re dealing with.’
‘What’s the access to the site like?’ Ben asked, frowning.
‘Not good from what I can gather, which is why they’ve asked us to attend. You’ll need to use the four-wheel-drive. Apparently, the plane came down in the middle of the woods so the police are going to meet you at the motorway junction and show you the way from there. I’m not sure what you’re going to find but there’s bound to be a lot of high-octane aviation fuel about so you’ll need to be extremely careful what you’re doing.’
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