A Good Night for Shooting Zombies

by Jaco Jacobs

  5. The time when Byron, the white rooster, died, and Dad and I buried him in the moonlight under the willow tree.

  6. The time when I showered with him and we sang old folk songs until Mum complained that she’d get a migraine if we didn’t stop right away.

  7. His English Leather aftershave.

  8. The time he scolded Cindy and me after we pinched his mobile phone and called all the numbers on it to congratulate people on winning a camel. (That was Cindy’s idea. Only one person had been interested in the camel.)

  9. His hands.

  10. How he taught me to do long division sums when I was only in Grade Two.

  It was late. I’d heard Mum switch off the TV and brush her teeth more than an hour ago.

  It was weird, but I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about everything that had happened that day.

  Vusi and his zombies.

  Chris who had kissed me.

  The fight at the table.

  In a way I just felt… flat. Like a can of soft drink that had been shaken and then left open.

  I wasn’t really used to having friends. It was weird how things had worked out. If Cheetah hadn’t bitten and killed Kathleen, I would never have walked over to knock on Vusi’s door. And if Vusi hadn’t found out that Mum used to be an actress ages ago, I wouldn’t have punched him. And if I hadn’t punched him, I’d never have been forced to go and apologize, and then we’d never have started to shoot the movie. And if we hadn’t been shooting a movie, Chris would never have ridden on my bicycle.

  It was almost like maths, as if someone was working on a complicated sum in which I was one of the numbers.

  Maybe the movie was part of the sum. I didn’t really know why Vusi was so keen to make it, and I didn’t really understand what the story was about. But I knew it was something Vusi simply had to do. The same way I had to count the number of peas on my plate. Maybe it helped him to forget about his disease. Maybe pretending to shoot and kill zombies made him less scared of dying.

  My tummy growled; I was desperately hungry. I sat up in my bed and rummaged through the drawer of my bedside table. Under a pile of papers I found a few old toffees.

  Where on earth were we going to find a horde of zombies for the movie’s final scene?

  At the exact moment I bit into a toffee, a brilliant idea came to me.

  Vusi’s Mum

  I waited at the post office counter for the lady to bring the photocopies. She’d already finished a while back, but she was standing with them in her hand and chatting to one of her colleagues. Vusi would be at my house in a couple of minutes. My eyes were burning after an almost sleepless night, but still, I was really chuffed with my plan.

  ‘There you are,’ the woman finally said and placed the pile of papers on the counter. When she spoke, you could see the chewing gum in her mouth.

  I quickly paid and put the photocopies in my backpack.

  Outside the post office I unlocked the chain on my bike and rushed home.

  There was just enough time to hide the wad of papers under my bed before Vusi’s mum drove up to the house. The other times she had simply dropped him off and left, but this Saturday afternoon she switched off the engine and got out of the car.

  ‘Good afternoon… Clucky,’ she greeted. I could hear that she didn’t like using my nickname.

  ‘Afternoon, ma’am.’

  ‘Is your mum home?’

  Vusi gave me an apologetic look.

  ‘Unfortunately she’s sleeping,’ I said. Ten to one that was the truth – my mum often slept away the afternoon after watching TV almost right through the night.

  ‘Oh… erm… well, that’s a pity. Then I’ll come and speak to her some other time.’

  ‘Mum!’ said Vusi, sounding annoyed.

  His mum zipped up his jacket and straightened the collar. ‘Take care, Vusi. Remember what the doctor said.’ She turned to me. ‘Clucky, please don’t play any rough games. Vusi went to the specialist today and–’

  ‘He said I’m doing better!’ Vusi interrupted her. ‘He said if things go on like this, I might not need chemo again.’

  His mum nodded. ‘That’s right. But it means we have to be even more careful. You can’t afford a setback now.’

  ‘Ye-e-e-es, Mum!’ said Vusi.

  She unlocked the car. ‘Well then, I’ll fetch you at five again.’

  ‘That’s good news,’ I said as his mum drove out of the gate.

  Vusi pretended not to hear me. ‘C’mon, Chris must be waiting for us.’

  When he said her name, I felt something stir in my tummy.

  What if she acted weird after the kiss yesterday?

  What if she thought I was weird after everything I had said on the cycle ride home?

  What if…?

  ‘Clucky, move it!’ Vusi called.

  I sighed and got on Uncle Hendrik’s bicycle.

  An Unpleasant Surprise

  ‘What d’you think? Where did the zombies come from?’ Chris asked the camera.

  I was peeping at them through a crack in the old cupboard door. It was difficult to peek through a cupboard door, and even more so when you were trying to see through two holes in a zombie mask. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the cupboard was dusty and I was trying my best not to sneeze.

  Vusi looked lost in thought and then slowly shook his head. When he spoke, it was in the deep voice that he used every time he was in front of the camera. His Brad voice. ‘Who knows? Maybe some science experiment went horribly wrong. Maybe it was a radioactive spillage. Maybe it was some alien virus from space. I only know one thing: I don’t want to become one of them.’

  Vusi looked at Chris impatiently. ‘I said, I definitely don’t want to become one of them,’ he repeated.

  At last Chris realized that it was her cue to say something. ‘Erm… er… shush!’ She put her finger in front of her mouth. ‘I think I hear something!’

  Both of them froze.

  Vusi scanned the semi-dark shed with his camera. ‘I don’t see anything,’ he said. ‘Maybe it was your imagina—’

  ‘ARRRRGGGGHHHH!’ I burst out of the cupboard.

  Vusi and Chris screamed.

  I limped towards them. ‘ARRRGGGHHH-tishoo!’ I couldn’t hold in the sneeze any longer.

  Fortunately Vusi hadn’t heard it, otherwise he would’ve stopped and started again from the beginning. He grabbed the spade that was leaning against the wall and lunged at me.

  ‘Take that, you piece of zombie junk!’ he yelled.

  I ducked instinctively when he raised the spade, even though I knew he was only pretending to hit me.

  ‘Shush!’ Chris called out anxiously. ‘I hear something!’

  Vusi lowered the spade. ‘Dammit, Chris, you’ve already said those words.’

  Suddenly there was a grinding sound as the shed door was pushed open. A block of bright sunlight appeared on the cement floor. Vusi, Chris and I were petrified.

  ‘Well, well, well… What do we have here? Guys, come and check this out.’

  The voice sounded vaguely familiar.

  I shot Chris and Vusi a horrified look. Three men were walking into the shed. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the sharp light. But when he spoke again, I recognized the one who was in front.

  ‘What the hell are you doing here?’

  Bruce.

  ‘Have you been messing with our stuff?’ one of the other guys asked. He was a tall, skinny man with a shaved head.

  Chris stepped forward. ‘This is my brother’s place,’ she said. ‘He rents it. What are you guys doing here?’

  Her voice was so angry that I got a bit of a fright. Had I been those three guys, I would’ve scrammed right away. But it didn’t scare them off.

  ‘Your brother’s place?’ Bruce laughed. ‘Your brother’s in jail, Blondie – have you forgotten? And while he’s locked up, we’re looking after his business. Right, guys?’

  The other two closed in on us with a menacing look on their
faces.

  I swallowed. It was unfair that Chris had to do all the talking.

  ‘I… we’re sorry…’ I stammered. ‘We haven’t touched your things, honest.’

  ‘Is it stolen stuff?’ Vusi asked out of the blue. He sounded like one of those stupid TV detectives who’d just unravelled a big secret. If there’d been a competition for the dumbest question on earth, Vusi would have won hands down.

  Bruce moved surprisingly fast for someone so big. The next thing we knew, Vusi’s neck was in a vice-like grip. ‘You’re a little know-it-all, eh, Baldy?’ he sneered.

  ‘Check it out, Bruce,’ said the third guy, running his hand through his dark hair. ‘They have a video camera. They’ve been filming everything. If the cops get hold of that video we’ll be done for. It’s evidence.’

  ‘Shut up,’ said Bruce. He yanked the camera from Vusi’s hands.

  Vusi only managed one single groan. Something was shining against his neck. A knife.

  I lunged forward. ‘Please!’ I begged. ‘He’s sick. He has Hodgkin’s disease and it’s a kind of cancer. I read on the internet that the author Jane Austen died of it, and the guy who discovered Tutankhamen’s grave, and… and the doctor said if something happened to him now, it could get worse again. We really didn’t know about your stuff and I swear we won’t say anything!’ My chest was burning and it felt as if I couldn’t breathe.

  All three guys laughed.

  ‘Take off that mask,’ said Bruce.

  I felt like an idiot as I pulled off the zombie mask. I’d forgotten that it was still on my head.

  ‘Clucky!’ said Bruce, surprised. He relaxed his grip on Vusi’s neck.

  ‘Hey, Bruce, it’s your chick’s little brother,’ said the dark-haired man, suddenly amused. ‘That weird kid who’s always riding around on his bike peddling eggs!’

  For a moment there was silence. The only sound was Bruce’s knife clicking open and shut. He seemed to be trying to decide what to do. Then he shoved the video camera into Vusi’s hand. ‘Take the video out.’

  ‘It doesn’t work with a video,’ said Vusi curtly. ‘Only old-fashioned video cameras still use a video. This one has a memory card and–’

  ‘Just take the damn thing out!’ Bruce growled and jabbed him in the back.

  Vusi removed the memory card and Bruce grabbed it from him. When Bruce crushed the memory card between his fingers, Chris gasped.

  ‘No!’ shouted Vusi. ‘Our movie! Please… please… That’s our movie… The End of the World… It’s about zombies and… and we won’t tell anyone about–’

  With a sharp click the card snapped in two.

  Vusi froze.

  Without thinking about it, I stepped closer to Chris and put my arm around her.

  ‘That’ll teach you to stay away from places where you don’t belong,’ said Bruce with a grin. He took the video camera from Vusi and threw it to the dark-haired guy. ‘We’ll keep the camera, thanks a lot. If it’s as new as you say, we’ll get a couple of bucks for it. And if one of you breathes so much as a word about this, there’ll be hell to pay…’

  Bruce walked right up to us and grinned with his face almost against mine. ‘Clucky, you don’t want anything to happen to your pretty sis now, do you?’ He snatched the zombie mask out of my hand and slashed the rubber open, from the one eye to the gaping mouth.

  I felt the blade of his knife against my throat and swallowed drily. Slowly I shook my head, careful not to let the knife draw blood.

  Then Bruce turned to Chris. He gently stroked her chin with his forefinger, the way you do with a puppy. ‘And you, girly, if you make waves, things will get even tougher for your brother. If the cops find out that he’s still operating from inside prison, he’s going to be behind bars for many more years. And trust me, your big brother won’t be pleased when he hears that his little sis has been poking her nose into his business.’ He took a step back and ran his fingers through his peroxide hair. ‘Get lost – off you go. And don’t let me catch any of you anywhere near here again.’

  I pulled Vusi’s sleeve and at last he moved.

  As we headed out, Bruce grabbed Chris by the arm. ‘Not so fast, Blondie. The key?’

  Without a word, Chris dropped the key for the padlock into his hand.

  A Conversation with Some Chickens

  ‘Three point one four one five nine two six five three five eight nine seven nine three two three eight four six two six four three three eight three two seven nine five zero two eight eight four… erm… one nine seven… erm…’

  I sighed and gave up.

  Isaiah shot me a sideways look and gave such a big chicken yawn that the white membranes slid over his eyes. Then he scratched his head and shook his feathers. Lizzie clucked while scratching the ground with her chicks.

  From the house I vaguely heard the theme song of The Bold and the Beautiful.

  Not even the value of pi could make me forget what had happened earlier that afternoon.

  On the way home I had tried to speak to Vusi, but he hadn’t been interested in anything I had to say. The entire movie was on the memory card that Bruce had snapped in two.

  Vusi had even ignored me when I offered to use my egg money to buy a new video camera. I didn’t know what he would tell his parents when they found out that the camera was gone.

  But the worst thing had been Chris. She was furious when we got outside. Actually, Vusi and I should have been angry at her – it had been her idea to use the shed. How were we supposed to know that her brother’s mates were using it to store stolen goods?

  Her cheeks were flaming red as she threw her hair over her shoulder. ‘Cancer! Vusi, you have cancer and no one told me about it. When were you planning to tell me?’

  I was worried that she would burst into tears because I had no idea what I’d do then.

  But she didn’t cry. She gave Uncle Hendrik’s bicycle a kick. ‘You and your stupid movie!’ And then she stomped off down the road. After a couple of steps, she shouted over her shoulder, ‘I never want to see you guys again, OK!’

  I knew that that was impossible. She would obviously see me on the bus and at school. But I decided that it wasn’t a good idea to tell her that at that specific moment. Besides, I understood what she meant when she said she didn’t want to have anything to do with us again. It meant I wouldn’t be able to tell her that I’d read on Wikipedia that the singer Kate Bush had written a song that consisted mostly of the numbers of pi. And that 14 March was International Pi Day.

  ‘Three point one four one five nine two six five three five eight nine seven nine three two three eight four six two six four three three eight three two seven nine five zero two eight… eight…’

  I had to do something.

  Vusi was miserable.

  Chris was furious.

  Neither of them was even going to attempt to make a plan.

  ‘I have to do something, Isaiah,’ I said out loud to the chicken.

  He woke with a startled clucking sound and threw me a suspicious look.

  Riding a Bicycle in the Moonlight

  Unfortunately, luck wasn’t on my side. After supper Mum headed for the lounge with a box of tissues and a small box of Quality Street. That meant she was going to watch some Saturday night chick flick on TV and wouldn’t go to bed early.

  On the other hand, I was lucky in one respect: Cindy had called to let us know that she was going to sleep at a friend’s house because they had to study together for a test the following week. I didn’t know whether that was the truth; Cindy often lied to my mum when she and Bruce wanted to go to some wild party. But that meant that I wouldn’t have to face Bruce that evening. When I closed my eyes I could still see his face, and feel the cold steel of his knife against my throat. Had he really meant what he said? Would he really hurt Cindy?

  Before Dad had died, she had always been full of jokes, and even though we had sometimes fought, we had got along well. She and Mum never quarrelled that often; they used to
love doing things together. On Saturdays they went shopping and Dad would complain that they were going to bankrupt him.

  Lying in the dark, I stared at the slowly changing electronic digits of my alarm clock, thinking about everything that had happened over the past few days. Everyone had been talking so much about the gang, the one that had broken into Safraaz’s dad’s shop. By now I was convinced Bruce and his friends were the culprits. They were probably using the storage space rented by Chris’s mum to keep the stolen goods until they could sell them. I clenched my teeth. How much would they get for Vusi’s video camera?

  23:03.

  22 + 32 + 02 + 32 = 20

  22 + 02 = 4

  42 = 16

  12 + 62 = 37

  32 + 72 = 58

  52 + 82 = 89

  82 + 92 = 145

  12 + 42 + 52 = 42

  42 + 22 = 20

  So 2,303 wasn’t a happy number.

  When the alarm clock changed to 23:04, I saw the sliver of light that had been shining from the lounge under my door go out.

  At last.

  I lay in bed, listening to Mum brushing her teeth in the bathroom and drinking water in the kitchen. The couch in the lounge squeaked when she lay down on it. Then the house became quiet. To make sure that the coast was clear, I lay waiting for another ten minutes.

  At exactly 23:46, I threw the duvet aside and got out of bed. My sneakers and backpack were ready and waiting. I tiptoed through the dark house in my socks. In the kitchen the fridge was purring like a sleeping cat. I made sure the keys didn’t make a noise when I unlocked the door.

  It was freezing outside. Everything seemed to be glowing faintly in the bright moonlight. I put my sneakers on. My bike was under the saltbush where I’d hidden it earlier that evening. One of the hens made a sleepy sound as if she wanted to ask me what I was up to, but then all was quiet again.

  My sneakers and the wheels of the bike crunched on the gravel, and the key and chain on the front gate jingled when I unlocked it. But fortunately the house remained dark. Only when I was outside the gate did I get on my bicycle.