A Kiss in the Dark

by Karen Foley

  While she’d truly wanted to ride in a Coyote, the reality was she couldn’t handle it. She’d been fooling herself to think she could. The Coyote was sleek and beautiful and powerful, and completely out of her league.

  Just like the man who piloted it.

  “Okay, Flygirl.” His deep, warm voice penetrated her thoughts. “We’ll head back home now. A hard brake to slow us down and put us into landing pattern, and then we’ll be on the ground.”

  Sedona fought to maintain consciousness as the braking maneuver exerted yet more g-forces on her already exhausted body. She hardly felt the wheels touch the ground, and closed her eyes with a grateful sigh. Finally, they drew to a stop and a half dozen or more of the maintenance crew immediately converged upon the jet. The canopy opened over her head, and Crew Chief Nelson’s smiling face appeared over the edge of the cockpit.

  “Welcome back, ma’am.” He grinned down at her. “Have a good flight?”

  Casting him a baleful look, Sedona reached up with trembling fingers and fumbled with the fastening of her helmet. Nelson brushed her hands aside and with deft movements, removed the helmet and released the safety harness.

  “Easy,” he said as she pushed herself to a standing position.

  Sedona swayed. Her legs wobbled and her head floated about two feet above her shoulders. She flung out an arm to support herself, and the crew chief gripped her firmly by one arm and helped her out of the cockpit and down the ladder.

  “Easy does it.” He looked sharply at her. “You okay? Maybe you want to go sit down somewhere.” Without waiting for a response, he turned to a nearby crew member. “Heilmuller!” he barked. “Accompany Ms. Stewart to the ladies’ room, please.”

  Suppressing a groan, Sedona looked up to see the perky maintenance officer standing to one side as she prepared to help shut down the Coyote.

  “Not feeling well?” Heilmuller asked sweetly, her eyes dancing with devilry. “Well, it just goes to show, you really do need the right stuff in order to sit in one of these babies.” She extended an arm to Sedona. “I’ll walk with you to the hangar. There’s a couch in the bathroom where you can lie down for a few minutes and get your land legs back under you.”

  “No, thanks.” Sedona ignored her arm. “I’ll be fine, I just need a minute.” No way was she going to toss her cookies in front of the sweetly smug petty officer.

  “Okay,” Heilmuller said, stepping back. “Have it your way.”

  She turned away, but not before Sedona saw the speculative gleam in her blue eyes. She was only vaguely aware of Angel pulling himself out of the jet and speaking briefly with the crew members. She didn’t wait for him, but instead forced herself to walk toward the hangar. Her legs felt like Jell-O, and she was just barely keeping her stomach in check when Angel fell into step beside her.

  Sedona cast him one sideways glance. He had his helmet tucked beneath his arm, and his face bore an expression of both satisfaction and pride. Sunlight glinted off his black hair, and she could see her reflection in the mirrored lenses of his aviator sunglasses. His flight suit, with its bulky survival vest, made him seem even bigger, if possible. He looked incredibly handsome. He could have been on the cover of Life magazine as the epitome of the all-American hero.

  Swallowing hard, she ducked her head and continued walking.

  “Hey, hold up a minute.” He caught her by the arm and drew her to a halt on the tarmac. “You okay?”

  Sedona tipped her head back to look at him. “Yes, thanks. It—it was a great ride. Thrilling. Really.” She laughed weakly and held up the air-sickness bag. “I even have a souvenir.”

  She would have pulled away from him, but he refused to let her go. He yanked his sunglasses off, his dark eyes reflecting both concern and bemusement. “Listen, getting sick isn’t uncommon. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I just—I’m not feeling well.”

  “That’s normal, mina. Your body isn’t accustomed to the stresses of a flight like that. But you did great.”

  “Yeah. Sure.”

  Angel blew out his breath in exasperation. “What the hell is it, Sedona? Were you expecting something less intense? Was it too much for you?” He spread his free hand in a gesture of apology. “I’m sorry. Maybe I got a little carried away. It’s just that you seemed to be doing so well back there. I didn’t realize you weren’t enjoying yourself.”

  Sedona felt a tightness in her throat and chest. She had to say it and be quick, before she started to cry. “That’s just it, don’t you see?”

  “See what?” He was clearly puzzled.

  Sedona spread her arms. “I’m completely out of my element here. I thought I really wanted to go up in that Coyote, and I appreciate you making it happen for me, I really do. But the truth is, I hated it. It was too intense. It was more than I could handle.”

  “Okay,” he said, and he smiled at her, a smile that was tender. “So it was a little more extreme than you were prepared for. It’s no big deal. It typically takes months of training to be able to do what you just did.” He tipped his head down so that he was at eye level with her. “You. Did. Great.”

  Sedona made a sound of frustration and pulled her arm free. She began walking toward the hangar again, with Angel striding alongside. “I can’t do this, Angel.”

  “What can’t you do?”

  “Any of it. All of it. Us. You.”

  “Now hold on just a damn minute.” This time there was no escaping his grip as he caught her by the wrist and spun her around. “How is this about us? I thought we were talking about the Coyote ride.”

  Sedona stared at him, feeling a familiar burning sensation behind her eyes. “We were. But don’t you see? Being up there just made me realize what it is you do for a living. Guys like you—you’re not normal.” She gestured jerkily toward the jet, where Petty Officer Heilmuller’s derriere was displayed to full advantage as she leaned deeply into the cockpit of the Coyote to secure the ejection seats. “You’re better suited to somebody like her.”

  “What?” His voice was incredulous and there was no more tenderness in his expression, only bewilderment and the beginning of what might have been anger.

  “Don’t you understand?” Sedona searched his eyes. “I can’t be with a guy who takes the kind of risks you take on a daily basis, Angel. That little jaunt through the clouds scared the hell out of me. Maybe right now you’re just doing test flights, but at some point you’re going to be recalled to combat duty, and I don’t know if I can handle that. Just the thought of you doing that…with the enemy firing at you…”

  Sedona turned away abruptly and swiped at her eyes.

  When Angel finally spoke, his voice was hard and rough, and his accent more pronounced. “So what are you saying, mina? We’re through?”

  She shrugged, not looking at him. “I think it’s for the best, don’t you? I think we both knew this was going to happen eventually. I mean, how long do you think you’d be happy with someone like me?” She laughed humorlessly, recalling Mike Sullivan’s mocking words when she’d first discovered the existence of the Membership. “After all, my idea of excitement is finding a mint on my hotel pillow.”

  “Sedona.” He placed his helmet on the ground beside them and moved forward to grip both her shoulders in his hands, turning her to face him and searching her eyes with an intensity that left her breathless. “Christ. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but if you think you can’t make me happy, you’re wrong. You do make me happy.”

  “Angel—”

  “I’ll admit,” he rushed on, “when I first saw you in the workout room, my intentions were, well, less than honorable. I figured we could have a good time together while we were here, and then go our separate ways after the inspections were done.” His hands tightened on her shoulders. “I swore I wouldn’t commit myself to a woman while I was still on active duty. But you know what? I like being with you.” He chuckled ruefully. “Okay, I love being with you. I can’t wa
it until the day’s over so I can be with you again. Doesn’t that mean anything?”

  Sedona’s gaze slid from his face and fastened on the zipper of his flight suit. She couldn’t meet his eyes, not when his expression was so earnest. “It’s just lust, Angel. That and convenience. I mean, look at you. You could have any woman you want. You’re only with me right now because I came on to you pretty strong.” She wet her lips nervously. “I didn’t give you much choice in the matter.”

  “Oh, come on, Sedona.” His voice was full of contempt. “Is that really what you believe? That this—this thing we have is nothing more than lust?”

  She forced herself to meet his eyes without flinching. “Yes. Because one day you’re going to look at me and wonder what the hell it was you ever saw in me. This isn’t real, Angel. It’s like—like a fairy tale or something. It’s better to just end it now, while we’re still feeling good about each other.”

  Angel let his hands drop to his sides and took a step back from her, looking at her as if he had no idea who she was.

  “You’re wrong,” he finally told her. “I think you’re an amazing woman. You’re beautiful and brilliant, and I think we’re good together.” He rubbed a hand over his head. “Hell, we’re great together, and what’s more, you know we are.”

  Sedona shook her head. “It would never work, and you know it. You’re like that jet you fly—more than most people can handle and best appreciated from a distance.” She shrugged helplessly. “I realize…you and the Coyote are a package deal. It’s the price of admission, but you know what? I can’t afford it.”

  She turned away, wanting only to escape before she said or did something really stupid. Like throw herself at him and tell him she was completely, foolishly, head over heels in love with him. He tried to forestall her with a hand on her arm, but she pulled away, refusing to look at him, and continued to walk toward the hangar.

  “You know what the problem is, Sedona?” he snarled softly. “You’re a coward. You’re afraid to take risks, afraid to reach out and grab your dreams with both hands and make them come true. Like that sketchbook of yours, you hide them away and hope nobody finds out about them.”

  Sedona’s step faltered and she stopped for just a moment, but she didn’t turn around. Her heart was thudding hot and loud in her ears, but not enough to drown out the painful truth of his words. After a second, she started walking again, determined this time not to stop. Not to listen.

  “But you know what, mina?” His voice was low and bitter. “Those drawings of me won’t keep you warm at night. Go ahead and carry them around with you, but they’re not me. They’re nothing but a flat caricature of the real thing. Kinda like you.”

  She made it maybe another dozen steps before she stopped and turned around. Angel was striding away from her, back toward the Coyote and the maintenance crew, and the other two pilots who had landed behind them. His steps were hard and the set of his broad shoulders was rigid with anger.

  For an instant, she almost called his name. She wanted to run after him and tell him…what? That she’d just made a huge mistake, and of course she was the right woman for him? A frown hitched between her brows and she chewed her lower lip. Better to let him go now than to see him grow bored and turn away from her later. And he would. Eventually, he’d need more excitement than she’d be able to provide. Guys like Angel Torres didn’t live happily ever after with plain-Jane engineers like herself.

  She turned away, his words repeating themselves in her head. You’re a coward…a flat caricature of the real thing…afraid to take risks.

  She was going to be sick.

  She ran the last few yards to the hangar and barely made it to the ladies’ room before she began retching. But there was nothing left in her stomach and after a few minutes she collapsed, weak and gasping, onto the sofa in the small, adjoining room. She swiped at the tears that blurred her vision, and sniffed loudly, staring up at the ceiling.

  Her entire body ached. She felt nauseous and dizzy. Her head hurt. But even those physical discomforts didn’t match the gnawing ache that had settled in the center of her chest. With a small moan of distress, she curled onto her side.

  You’re a coward.

  The words mocked her, taunted her. Made her want to shrivel up and die of shame.

  Angel was right. She was a coward, and in more ways than he knew. If she was honest with herself—and the cowardly part of her didn’t want to be honest—she’d been a complete wimp for most of her life.

  All her life, really. For as far back as she could remember, she’d done things to make others happy. Never once had she stood up and done something to please herself. As a teenager, she’d been too afraid of defying her father to pursue a career in the arts. She’d been too afraid of his censure to purchase those fabulously feminine outfits with the short skirts and matching pumps. And she’d been too afraid of failure to try to make a go of a relationship with Angel.

  She’d been too afraid for too long.

  For a brief instant, she saw her entire life stretched out before her, filled with all the wrong choices she would make because of her own cowardice. Oh, she’d do okay. She’d have a good career and a nice place to live. But she’d be miserable and unfulfilled. Empty.

  Like she felt right now.

  With a groan of self-disgust, she swung her legs off the sofa and sat up, scrubbing her hands over her face. Even her decision to leave the agency was based on her own cowardice, because she didn’t have the guts to do what was required to expose the Membership.

  Well, no more. God, she’d been such a moron.

  She might not have the courage to make her relationship with Angel work, but that didn’t mean she had to be a coward in every other aspect of her life. It was time she took control, and she knew just where to start.

  15

  “HEY, STEWART, YOU have a call on line three.”

  Sedona turned away from the glass window that separated the calibration room from the test cell, where she’d been watching two of the maintenance crew prepare an engine for testing.

  “Okay, thanks.” She acknowledged the engineering technician with a brief smile and picked up the receiver.

  “Miss Stewart?” It was a deep, male voice and for just an instant, her heart leaped, until she realized that, of course, it wasn’t Angel. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since their ugly confrontation four days earlier.

  Her entire body ached with longing for him.

  “Yes, this is Stewart.”

  “Ma’am, this is Senior Chief Hamlin over in Hangar 74. We’re conducting an engine teardown, and you asked me to contact you if I found anything…interesting.”

  Sedona’s breath caught. “Yes? What did you find?”

  There was a brief pause. “Maybe you’d better come over and check it out for yourself.”

  “I’m on my way. Who else have you contacted?”

  “Captain Dawson came over with a couple of his guys and took a look. He’s gone now, but he was pretty pissed. He’s called for a full investigation and is sending over a security unit. My guess is they’ll cordon off this hangar once they see what I’ve found. I’d hurry if I were you.”

  “I’ll be right there.”

  She replaced the receiver and turned to the engineering technician. “I have to go over to Hangar 74. Give Ken Larson a call and ask him to come up and oversee this test.” She gave him an apologetic smile. “I’d do it myself, but I’m in a hurry.”

  He shrugged. “No problem, ma’am. I’ll call him right now.”

  Sedona hurried from the test cell, wincing as she stepped outside into a blinding rainstorm. The sullen clouds, clustered on the horizon all morning, had finally moved directly overhead, drenching the air base with sheeting rain. The dismal weather completely matched her mood.

  She hadn’t seen Angel during the four days since their confrontation on the flight line. He’d even packed his gear and moved out of his hotel room and into the Bachelor Office Quarters on
base. Not that she blamed him. She’d been a complete bitch, taking all her fear and insecurities out on him.

  She didn’t know how long she would have been able to resist him had he remained in the room next to hers. She’d picked up her cell phone more than a dozen times, intending to apologize and beg his forgiveness—anything to have him back in her life. But each time, she remembered his expression of contempt as he accused her of being a coward. He was right. She’d put the phone away without hitting the send button.

  She bent her head, bracing herself against the soaking onslaught of rain. Wind howled across the open space, and through the downpour, Sedona could see the Coyotes sitting on the flight line, their profiles blurred by the spray of water.

  Was Angel flying in this weather? She told herself it didn’t matter; he’d fly well above the cloud bank and would hardly be affected by the storm.

  Shielding her eyes against the stinging rain, she skirted the far side of the building where Ken Larson was overseeing the removal of a Coyote engine. The last thing she wanted was to run into him. He’d demand to know where she was going, and there was no way she wanted him tagging along.

  She entered Hangar 74 and paused for a moment to swipe at the rain that still dripped from her hair and down her face. As she did so, the sound of low, angry voices drifted toward her from the other side of a large compressor.

  Cautiously, she peered around the edge of the machine. Airman Laudano, his face drawn in harsh lines, had Airman Wheeler shoved up against the wall of the hangar as he spoke in hushed, fierce tones to the other man.

  “You say my sister means everything to you. Well, now’s the time to prove it. You screw this up and you’ll never see her again.” He gave Wheeler a brief, hard shake. “You have my promise on that.”

  He let go of the other man, taking a moment to smooth the fabric of Wheeler’s flight suit where he’d had it bunched in his hand. Then he turned and walked away.