Humbugged

by Pippa Grant

  “Maybe he really is from the North Pole,” Cassie offers, and all three of us giggle.

  Olivia joins us with Clover, whose cheeks are red. I can only imagine how cold she might be, but so far, she seems really happy. “Noelle, could Clover and I stop by Second Chance tomorrow morning? I’d like to try to talk to the ghost. See if he can tell us anything about the message he left you.”

  “Of course.” I still don’t know how I feel about “the ghost,” but it can’t hurt for Olivia to talk to it.

  If it exists.

  I realize the men have gathered around Clint and our snowman, and I wonder if he’s getting the same grilling as I am. Blake leans in and pokes at our snowman, and the next thing I know, all three of Clint’s older brothers are pretzeled in the snow.

  “Stand there and look proud,” I call as I race through the snow, pulling out my phone to snap a picture.

  “Yes! A new meme!” Cassie exclaims.

  “Thanks, babe,” Ryan grunts. “This kinda hurts.”

  “So does being eighty million months pregnant with your baby, honey.”

  “The yoga’s helping, isn’t it?” Olivia says to Jace.

  He winces but nods. “Yeah. This definitely hurts less than last time.”

  “I told you not to bait him.” Hope’s laughing as she, too, reaches the men and starts to untangle Blake. “Lifting goats isn’t building your reflexes as much as your muscles.”

  “You got the picture?” Clint’s standing with his chest puffed, fists on his hips in a total Superman pose.

  It’s adorable and hilarious and I don’t think I could love him any more than I—oh, shit.

  Shit.

  Love him…

  I do.

  I love him.

  I swallow hard, because I know firsthand what loving a military man means. But I can’t help myself. He’s strong and brave and down-to-earth and fun—all at the same time. And he’s been here for me in a way so few people in my life ever have.

  How could I not fall in love with him?

  But that doesn’t mean I have to act on that love. Sometimes the head has to be in charge, no matter how much the heart wants what it wants.

  “Cupcake?”

  It’s like he can see the inner turmoil. So I force a smile, which he can probably also tell is forced, but I need to do this. For him.

  “Yes, I got the picture.” I add a finger waggle, because it’s easier to tease and chastise him than it is to contemplate what falling in love means. “Also, I like my contests fair, Mr. Meme. It’s not right to physically eliminate the competition.”

  He holds his hands up in a gesture of innocence. “They knew what they were getting into when they started this fight. Back when I was a toddler and could still kick their asses.”

  And now I’m laughing again, because his parents are laughing, and even his pretzeled brothers are laughing too.

  “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s good to have you home,” Jace says as he flops free in the trampled snow.

  A shadow falls over Clint’s face so fast I decide I must have imagined it, because when I blink, he’s laughing and helping Jace to his feet. “Yeah. And it’s good to have easy targets.”

  Blake, too, flops back onto the ground. “We’re only easy because we’re unsuspecting.”

  “Speak for yourself.” Ryan grunts while he climbs to his feet. “I’m always suspecting. I’m just occasionally distracted.”

  As if to demonstrate why he might be distracted, George Cooney suddenly dashes into the backyard with two of his kits on his heels. The three of them leap onto the cookie table and are gone with their haul before Cassie and Hope can finish yelling the raccoon’s name.

  Ryan shakes his head and sighs.

  Jace, Blake, and Clint all double over laughing.

  Mr. and Mrs. O’Dell toast with their hot cocoa mugs. “To spoiled grandbabies!” they exclaim together, which makes all the rest of us crack up too.

  The O’Dells are such a lovely family.

  And I think I’ve been lucky enough to score the best of the bunch.

  At least until Valentine’s Day.

  Better to have loved and lost and all that.

  I can’t make it work with a man who will always belong to his unit, and his country, more than he’ll belong to me. I just can’t…

  Right?

  Twenty-One

  Clint

  Snowmen After Dark might be my favorite family tradition. It sucks the years I miss it, but that’s one of the sacrifices I knew I was making when I signed on to become a Marine.

  It also means I appreciate every year I am here all the more.

  But this year?

  This holiday is special, and it’s not just because my brothers are all living their best lives, or because I have three awesome sisters-in-law, a new niece, and another niece or nephew on the way.

  It’s because the family finally feels complete. Now that she’s here.

  Noelle.

  Just her name is enough to make my heart do one-armed push-ups in my chest.

  I don’t want to think about doing this without her. Or the chances that I’ll be half a world away during the holidays next year, unable to get leave from whatever duties I’ll be assigned when I reach my new post.

  I push the thoughts away, concentrating on the perfect present instead of the shitty, Cupcake-less future waiting around the corner. I learned to compartmentalize a long time ago. It’s the only way to keep the ugly things I’ve seen from bleeding into the happy times here at home.

  And I want more happy times with Noelle. I want to soak up every sweet moment so I’ll have lots of memories to keep me warm when she’s moved on with that mystery man who’s going to come along and check all her boxes.

  Fuck.

  Don’t want to think about that asshole either.

  Noelle’s so short she can’t reach the top of our massive snowman, so I boost her up onto my shoulders to grant her easier access. She gives him two coal eyes, a carrot nose, and a top hat. And then, together, we shove a pair of stuffed snow pants with shoes sewn on into his mouth—making it look like he’s devouring a skier unfortunate enough to get lost in the woods—and declare him perfect.

  “Creepy,” she says, clearly delighted by our creation.

  “So creepy. And perfect.”

  “Agreed.” She pats my head, but I don’t want to put her down. I like having her legs around me, no matter where they are on my body.

  But if my brothers are going to play their part tonight, and act like they don’t suspect there’s something More Than Friends going on between Noelle and me, then I need to do my part as well.

  “He needs a name,” I say, setting her down on the snow-dusted grass.

  “Snowlock Holmes?”

  “Frostbert Einstein?”

  “Snowy and the Bandit He Had for Dinner?”

  “That’s a strong contender,” I say, shooting side-eye to our left. “Maybe too strong for the lackluster competition.”

  We both glance over at Hope and Blake’s snowman, which looks about as solid an effort as you’d expect from two people who’ve spent most of their time building a temporary wall to make out behind.

  “Twinkle McSnowballs?” Noelle says.

  I crack up. “Perfect, Cupcake.”

  I check my watch before turning to my family and clapping loudly. “Two-minute warning!” Clover’s getting fussy, Cassie looks tired, and Blake and Hope are clearly a lost cause—as are my parents, who have spent most of their build time protecting the snack table from further scavenging.

  It’s time to shut this part of the party down.

  “In a hurry to lose?” Ryan asks, but I know he’s noticed the way Cassie yawns as she leans into him.

  “Just watching out for you, bro.”

  Hope claps too, but she’s not calling for everyone’s attention.

  Nope, my sister-in-law is excited about something.

  “I know I’m new to t
his tradition,” she says, bouncing in her snow boots, “but I thought it would be fun to make the judging completely impartial this year.”

  “That’s because your snowman’s crooked,” Jace says.

  Blake stiffens. “Don’t insult my wife, asshole.”

  “You’re married to the snowman now?” Ryan asks.

  “Crooked isn’t an insult.” Leave it to the ever-calm Olivia to break the tension. I’m so glad Jace found a soul mate who evens out his temper. “Crooked can be very attractive. You just have to look beneath the surface.”

  We all stare at Blake and Hope’s very crooked, very not-attractive snowman.

  “He looks like he’s suffering from a few slipped discs,” Noelle whispers.

  I snicker in agreement, taking advantage of the opportunity to put my arm around her waist, dip my head closer to hers and whisper back, “His skills have improved. You should have seen last year’s effort.”

  Noelle laughs again, and that lighthearted, happy feeling that’s been growing in my heart takes wings. I’d die a happy man if I could spend my life listening to that laughter.

  “Anyway,” Hope continues, “as I was saying, we brought an impartial judge.”

  Ryan suddenly straightens. “Tell me you don’t have Chewpaca stashed in the shed.”

  “Better!” She dashes to the shed where Ryan keeps his welding tools, flings open the door, and there’s Don Juan, munching on a bale of hay. He lifts his furry snout and grunts at us all.

  “This is impartial?” Jace shakes his head. “Nuh-uh. That reindeer knows where he gets his oats.”

  Hope rolls her eyes. “He loves Clint the best. If he’s biased, it’s not toward me.”

  “So now we’re speculating about the reindeer’s mental state,” Ryan jokes.

  Hope unties Don Juan, and the reindeer stares at all of us like we’re nuts.

  But only for a minute. He really is a lover, and soon he’s nuzzling Hope. Then he steps out of the shed to lick one of Ryan’s statues before meandering over to give Clover a kiss, and Olivia too. He makes his rounds until he stops in front of Noelle and dips his head to nibble the buttons on her coat.

  She smiles at him. “Aww, you’re such a sweet boy. I’m sorry I was afraid of you that first night. I was afraid of a lot of things back then.”

  And I’m suddenly jealous of a reindeer.

  He looks at me and snorts, which makes Noelle peal with laughter. And Noelle laughing makes Don Juan rub his cheek against her arm, nudging her closer to our snowman.

  “Hey, there, Mr. Romance.” I tug lightly at his harness. “Step off. You’re a lot bigger than she is.”

  “That’s what she said,” Blake whispers loudly, and my entire family cracks up.

  Don Juan shakes me off and nuzzles Noelle harder, sending her tumbling into the waiting arms of our snowman.

  Except Twinkle McSnowballs doesn’t have arms and packed snow isn’t indestructible.

  Our snowman is already toppling sideways as Hope and I both try to pull Don Juan away from Noelle before she bites the dust. I’m torn between helping her and not wanting to let go of the reindeer, but Noelle doesn’t seem bothered by the destruction of our masterpiece or the fact that she’s about to tip over what’s left of our snowman.

  “Hey, boy. Stop!” Hope says.

  “It’s fine, no worries.” Noelle rolls off the snowman with a laugh, ducking behind me as Don Juan twists, straining for her over my shoulder.

  “C’mon, Don.” Blake joins us with a bag of carrots and manages to distract the reindeer enough to pull him away from Noelle.

  My mom’s beaming. “Animal lovers. All of you. I’m so proud.”

  “Oof, oh, wow,” Cassie suddenly says.

  All of us turn as one.

  My sister-in-law is bent double, blowing out short breaths while she grasps Ryan’s arm.

  He squats to look her in the face. “Cass? You okay? Breathe, baby. Just breathe.”

  “I am…breathing,” she grits out.

  “I know. You’re breathing like a champ. You got this.”

  After a few seconds, she takes a deep breath and straightens. “Whoa.”

  “Is that normal?” Noelle asks me quietly.

  “You mean for labor?”

  “Yeah.”

  “No idea. Everything I know about pregnancy, I learned from watching Grey’s Anatomy.”

  Ryan checks his watch. “First one?” he asks Cassie.

  She shakes her head. “No, but the strongest one, for sure. They’ve been coming off and on since about two.”

  Ryan’s eyes go wide. “This afternoon?”

  “This morning.”

  His eyes attempt to leap out of his face. “This morning?”

  “Yes, but I’m not due-due yet,” Cassie says. “It’s just false—aaaah!”

  “Two minutes,” Ryan breathes. “Two minutes. They’re two minutes apart!”

  “Cool your jets and get your truck, dude,” Jace says. “You two have this.”

  “I’m not in la-aaaaah!” Cassie moans as she bends over again.

  “We’re going to the hospital, babe,” Ryan announces.

  “No, we’re noooooooot.”

  “Afraid we are. Even if they agree it’s false labor, you’re getting checked out.”

  “He’s not going to faint, is he?” Blake asks from beside me.

  I shake my head. “Doesn’t look like.”

  “Damn. And here I let you talk me into that bet.”

  I grin at him. “Sucker. Hey, Ry! How many babies have you delivered on duty?”

  “Three,” he calls over his shoulder as he carries Cassie toward the house. “Lock up when you’re done. We’ll call from the hospital.”

  “I’m not in labor!” Cassie yells.

  They disappear around the side of the house, and a minute later, we hear Cassie moan again.

  “Maybe we should follow them,” Mom says to Dad.

  He nods. “Or at least make sure we’re close by if we’re needed.”

  The hospital is only seven minutes away. But none of us remind them of that, just like none of us reminded them when Olivia went into labor with Clover.

  Soon they’re dashing to the front yard too, with George, Sticky Fingers, and the crew waddling behind them, all of them chittering up a storm at seeing their humans in distress.

  “George!” Hope cries. “George, wait. I have cookies!”

  George clucks over his shoulder.

  Noelle cocks her head. “Did he just ask how she can think of cookies at a time like this?”

  “If she can understand George, she’s family, dude.” Blake punches me in the shoulder and heads toward the raccoons. “George. Penis pops?”

  That gets the raccoon’s attention. He wavers, glancing between the front yard and Blake, clearly conflicted.

  God, I love my family and their menageries, and I can’t wait to welcome my new niece or nephew very soon.

  “It’s so nice that everyone tied for best snowman,” Olivia says. “Jace, will you hold Clover? Someone needs to put the cookies and hot chocolate away so Ryan and Cassie and the baby don’t come home to a mess.”

  Hope leads Don Juan past all the snowmen so he can eat their carrot noses. Blake hands out penis-shaped lollipops to the rattled raccoons. And Noelle doesn’t hesitate to jump in and help Olivia pick up.

  I frown at Jace. “Hey, you have two hands, and only one is occupied. Don’t stand there and let the women do all the clean-up.”

  “And what are you doing?” he asks.

  I grin. “Hounding you until we both go help.”

  “Don’t lie. You’re checking out Noelle’s ass.”

  Okay, yeah, that too. But I am going to help.

  As we join the women putting things away in the kitchen, I catch bits of their conversation, and I realize Olivia’s asking about the ghost again. Sounds like Noelle has filled her in on most of what went on last night with the flour bomb and Reindeer written in the dust.


  “Have you asked Don Juan about it?” Olivia asks.

  “I don’t speak reindeer,” Noelle says, adding with a laugh, “At least not yet.”

  “Well, he did appear about the same time you started having ghostly troubles. And he is a reindeer. I’ll go talk to Hope. Maybe we should bring Don Juan to the bakery tomorrow.”

  Noelle clears her throat. “Um, I’d usually say yes, but I’m not sure I can clear that with the health department.”

  Olivia smiles. “He can stay outside. That’ll be close enough. He might know something about the reindeer in the basement.”

  I pause with the urn of hot chocolate. “The bakery has a basement?” If it does, I haven’t seen the cops search it at all.

  Noelle finishes wrapping the cookie platter with foil. “It does, but I haven’t had the mental fortitude to tackle the piles of stuff down there from the previous owner yet.”

  “And it has a dead reindeer in it?”

  She laughs. “No. A fake reindeer. Like for a Christmas float.”

  Ah.

  Jace shoots me a look like he’s daring me to say something rude about his woo-woo-believing wife, but hey. It’s not for me to judge someone’s beliefs. I had some weird hallucinations myself right after I got struck by lightning.

  Either way, it can’t hurt to hear a different perspective.

  Clover starts fussing harder, and I shoo Jace and Olivia out of the house. “Go on. Put her to bed. We’ll finish.”

  I don’t mind finishing the clean-up alone.

  Especially if I’m alone with Noelle.

  As soon as my brothers and their families—and animals—take their leave, and there’s no one watching, I wrap my arms around her and kiss her like I’ve wanted to all night.

  I boost her up onto the counter, her legs go around my waist, and she dives into the kiss like a fish denied water for too long.

  Or an elf denied Christmas.

  I stroke her back while I kiss her deep, but when she reaches to pull my shirt out of my jeans, I remember that we’re in Ryan and Cassie’s kitchen. I definitely want her—so fucking much—but not here.