If You See Her

by Shiloh Walker

  CHAPTER

  SIXTEEN

  WAKING UP WRAPPED IN A MAN’S ARMS WAS … SOMETHING.

  Hope woke up with her back pressed against Remy’s front, his arm snug around her waist, and his erection prodding her in the rump.

  He also had his hand between her thighs.

  As he rubbed his finger over her clit, she groaned and instinctively rocked against him.

  “Morning,” he whispered against her ear.

  She blinked sleepy eyes, staring blearily at the window. Yes … it was morning. Then he made another slow circle with his finger and pushed it inside her. Anything she might have tried to say died before it had a chance to fully form.

  He pushed her left leg forward, leaning over her. Hope shuddered as he pressed against her from behind, slowly easing his way inside her. She started to shift, but Remy pressed a hand to her belly. “Easy … just lie there, angel,” he whispered.

  She rolled her head on the pillow, staring up at him. She could have fallen into that gaze of his … just fallen. Fallen into it, lost herself in it.

  As he slowly pushed inside, she groaned and arched her back. But when she started to close her eyes, Remy reached up and feathered his fingers over her brow. “Don’t. I want to see you.”

  There was something unbelievably intimate, she realized, about this. The way their gazes locked, held. The way he moved inside her, so slow and easy as the early morning light fell over them like gold.

  Intimate. And heartrending. She could taste tears burning the back of her throat, wrenching in her heart. It ended far too soon and she lay there, her heart racing, while he climbed out of bed. She rolled over and watched him slip out of the bedroom, listened to him moving around in the bathroom. She glanced at the table and saw a condom wrapper. Blushing, she realized what he was doing and then she felt foolish for blushing.

  Groaning, she rolled to her belly and pressed her face against the pillow.

  You just had sex with him, so he’s throwing away a rubber—why blush over that?

  The bed gave next to her and she shot him a look. His gilt-golden hair was rumpled, his blue eyes sleepy and sated, smiling. “How long have you been awake?” she asked, trying to pretend she wasn’t still beet-red.

  “Never really went back to sleep,” he said, shrugging absently. “I’m okay, though. Used to getting by on not a lot of sleep. I need to get moving anyway. Have to get to the office—too much work to get done.”

  She reached over, touched a finger to his mouth. “You’re behind from spending the day with me. I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not.” He gave her a decidedly wolfish smile and lifted his head, caught her mouth in a quick, hot kiss. “Was worth every last second I’ll have to bust my as … ah … butt for the next few days.”

  Hope lifted a brow at him. “You know, you didn’t have any problem cussing around me last night.”

  He snorted and rolled out of bed. “There’s a difference between cussing and talking dirty. And my mother would have my hide for cussing around a lady.”

  “But not talking dirty?”

  “Well, I don’t see you telling her.” Then he shot her a grin over his shoulder. “But she raised me not to swear around ladies, just like she raised me to treat a lady right. And I think you like dirty talk.”

  Hope blushed painfully red and he chuckled as he slipped out of the bedroom. She buried her face back in the pillow.

  “I can’t drive your car.”

  “Why not?”

  Hope looked at the keys, looked at Remy, and then stared at the silver Jaguar parked in the garage.

  “I just can’t.”

  “Not a good enough reason.” Remy reached down and caught her wrist. “Look at it this way—it’s doing me a favor. After all, I’m running behind, right? And you are capable of driving it.”

  “But what if I wreck it?” Her heart banged against her ribs and she could feel the panic trying to work its dark, ugly claws inside her, just thinking about it. “What if I get a ticket or something?”

  Remy started to laugh. “I’d be surprised as hell if you even knew how to drive fast enough for a ticket.” Then he dipped his head and nuzzled her neck. “And look at it this way … it will give you a very good reason to come back into town later. I’ll need my car back. And you’ll have to bring it back, right?”

  She gulped and looked back at the shiny silver car. Drive that? Hell, that thing cost as much as some houses. As that thought circled through her mind, she looked back at him and blurted that very fact out.

  Remy skimmed a hand down her back. “I’m not asking you to drive a house. Look, it’s insured. You’re not going to wreck it. But if you’re that afraid …”

  She narrowed her eyes.

  “Fine.” Clenching the keys in her hand, she stared at the car. She could drive the damn car, right?

  “Besides, just think,” he pointed out. “If you don’t feel like hanging around, now you’ve got a legitimate reason to leave. Just tell Law you promised you’d get the car back to me early.”

  He pressed his hand against her belly. “And maybe you can bring some clothes … spend the night again.”

  “Hmmm.” Her knees wanted to melt. But this was going way, way too fast. “That’s a good point … but maybe not just yet.”

  “So, are you driving it?”

  Turning around in his arms, she met his gaze. “Looks like I am. Since you seem to trust me with it.”

  He grinned at her.

  “When do you think you’ll be done at work?”

  His grin turned into a grimace. “Beats the hell out of me. I’ll probably have to work late, but I can just run you back home. I’ll need to stop for a while and get some dinner or I’ll end up turning into a mindless, drooling freak around nine.”

  “Ahh … nice image.” She smirked.

  “You haven’t seen me when I’m forced to go without meals. Why don’t you just plan on heading back around seven and we can eat, then I’ll run you home? Unless you decide you do want to stay the night? If you do, I can always work from home for a while.”

  She licked her lips. “Um. I … I don’t …”

  He smiled. “Too fast?” Cupping her chin, he angled her face up. “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. We’ll just do dinner, and plan for something this weekend after I unbury myself.”

  “Okay.” The nervous knot in her belly slowly loosened. As much as she’d love the idea of staying over with Remy again, Hope was still too nervous about all of this. Way too nervous.

  Of course, when he lowered his head and kissed her, she totally forgot about being nervous. She forgot they were standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Granted, it was in the back of his condo, which wasn’t completely public, but it wasn’t exactly private either.

  When he touched her, she forgot everything …

  “See you tonight,” he murmured.

  “Tonight.”

  It wasn’t until she was nearly at Law’s drive that Hope realized Remy might have had an ulterior motive for lending her his car. He probably knew she wouldn’t let him come in and be a buffer—she and Law needed to work this out, just them.

  And he probably knew just thinking about it would have her stomach in knots.

  But thanks to the fricking expensive car he’d placed in her hands, she was so panicky about it, she barely thought about anything on the drive. She was less than two minutes away before she even gave much thought to anything other than … holyshitwhatifIwreckthedamnthing …

  It made it a little bit easier, she realized, to park Remy’s sleek, silver Jaguar and climb out of the car. Staring up at Law’s house, she took a deep breath.

  They were best friends. They could get past this, right? After all, friends had fights.

  “But we haven’t,” she whispered to herself. “Not ever.”

  They hadn’t once had a fight. Not really.

  Resting a hand on her belly, she swallowed and told herself she was not going to bolt for the
car and drive back into town. Although she had to admit, for the first time in forever, it felt … amazing … to have someplace else to go.

  Law had always been there. Always. And she knew, no matter what happened today, she knew deep inside, they’d get past this. They were friends, and nothing would change that. Hope didn’t have faith in much, but she did have faith in that friendship.

  But sometimes, that friendship with Law was about the only thing she had. It was hard having that as the only thing.

  But he wasn’t the only thing now. Inexplicably, she realized it wasn’t just Remy, either. She suspected she’d be able to count on Remy, and she definitely wanted to.

  But she also realized she just might be able to count on herself. For the first time in her life, she could maybe, just maybe, find the strength she needed to do just that.

  None of that, though, made it much easier to make the long walk toward the front porch. And none of that made it much easier to dig her keys out and unlock the door.

  She knew the minute she slipped inside that he was already awake—that he’d probably been awake, and waiting for a good long while.

  The house had that tense, heavy feel to it. Slowly, she lifted her gaze and found him standing at the second floor landing, staring down at her.

  His hazel eyes were dark and unhappy.

  Some part of her felt terribly petty, but as she studied his haggard face, she couldn’t help but feel a little bit of pleasure at thinking he’d had a rough time.

  Crossing her arms over her chest, she met his gaze.

  “Hi.”

  “Hey.”

  In nearly thirty years, Hope couldn’t remember ever feeling awkward around Law. But she did then.

  He cleared his throat. “Are … um … are you okay?”

  “Am I okay?” she repeated. She rolled her eyes. “Shit, what do you think happened, Law? Do you have some idea in your head that Remy seduced me? That he took advantage of me? You think I spent the last eight or twelve hours chained to his bed or something?”

  A dull red flush settled on his cheekbones and he shifted his gaze away from her.

  Hope sighed. “You can’t look at me without seeing somebody you have to coddle. Somebody you need to rescue. I guess I can understand that, but damn it, Law, if I decide I want to spend the night with a guy, you know what? I’m a big girl and you have to just let me do that.”

  “Did I say you couldn’t?” He shot her a narrow look.

  “Well, what else would you call it, you showing up at his place?” Hope kept her arms crossed over her chest and many of the words she wanted to say locked behind her teeth.

  He opened his mouth and then abruptly closed it, sighed. “Look, you’re right. I didn’t have any right to do that, and I’m sorry.”

  “Fine. You’re sorry. I’m running behind on the stuff you need me to get done, so I’m going to shower and get to work.” She shoved away from the wall, wondered why she felt a little hollow inside. She stormed up the stairs and was almost to her room when he said her name.

  “Hope.”

  “What?” She stopped, but didn’t look at him. Just then, she couldn’t.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You said that already.”

  “Yeah, but not for the right thing.” He reached up, resting a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

  Shrugging his hand away, she moved away, putting several feet between them before she looked at him. But even then, she couldn’t say anything. She’d never had the least bit of trouble talking to him. To everybody else, yes. But not to Law.

  Not until now. Guardedly, she stared at him.

  “I said I’m sorry,” he repeated.

  Mildly, she said, “I heard you well enough.”

  He scowled and shoved a hand through his hair. It stood up in weird tufts and spikes and she had a feeling he’d been doing that a lot lately. “So … does that mean you’re not still pissed off at me?”

  “No, it doesn’t mean that. I’m still very pissed off at you.” She shrugged restlessly and looked away, staring through the door to the room where she was staying.

  It hit her then. The room where she was staying. Not her room.

  But the room where she stayed. It wasn’t hers. She hadn’t put her mark on it, because it wasn’t hers.

  Heaving out a sigh, she looked back at Law. “I’m still very pissed off. But maybe it would help if you could explain to me what in the hell happened.”

  “Would you believe me if I said I don’t know?”

  She just stared at him.

  “I don’t,” he said, shaking his head. “But … shit, Hope. You know how important you are to me. You’re my best friend—you are like a sister to me. Hell, screw that. You are my sister. We might not be related by blood, but what in the hell does that mean? I’d cut my arm off before I’d let anybody hurt you. And Nia wasn’t going to. Not once she calmed down.”

  “Okay.” Nia—she thought. The woman’s name was Nia. Tilting her head, she asked, “How can you be so sure?”

  “I just am.” Absently, he rubbed the heel of his hand over his chest. “I knew it in my gut—the same way I knew you were in trouble back when I decided to head to Clinton. I just knew. If she thought we’d hurt her cousin, it would be different, but she doesn’t think that now. If anybody needs to be worried, it’s Deb for setting her off.”

  Hope shot him a narrow look. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

  “Shit, like she’s going to go bust some sixty-year-old busybody.” He crooked a smile at her.

  But she just stared at him.

  “Hope …”

  “You used me,” she said quietly. “That woman came in here with an unregistered gun, threatened us. That’s so unbelievably illegal, it makes my head spin. And you know how terrified I am of the police. But we should have fucking called them, Law. You just let her walk away. Okay, I can handle that.”

  Shakily, she rubbed her hands over her face, willed back the tears. She was not going to cry over this. Wasn’t. Slowly, she lowered her hands and stared at him.

  “Remy showed up and instead of answering his questions, you threw our friendship in the way—you deliberately used our friendship. You used me.”

  It still hurt, she realized. Almost as much as the first time Joe had hit her. Almost … not quite. But almost. She’d never expected that kind of pain from Law. That betrayal …

  Shaking, she wrapped her arms around herself and unconsciously started to rock. Law started toward her and she whipped her head up, staring at him.

  He froze.

  “Hope, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said quietly.

  “I know that.” Miserably, she looked down at her shoes because if she looked at his face, she was going to cave and she didn’t want to cave. She was entitled to be angry—she didn’t want to hold a grudge, but she had a right to be angry, didn’t she?

  Her breath hitched in her throat, the tears tried once more to come, but she fought them back. Then she made herself look at him.

  The misery she saw in his hazel eyes stabbed at her heart, but she wouldn’t, couldn’t just walk away and she couldn’t just let this go, ether.

  “You’d never intentionally hurt me, Law, I know that. But you did. I still don’t understand why. Now I get that you don’t understand why. And I trust you, so if you really do think she’s not going to hurt us, then I …” She took a deep, ragged breath. Her heart ached. “If you think it’s safe, like I said, I trust you. But I don’t understand why you used me. I can’t understand that.” She shook her head.

  He looked about as miserable as she felt. “Damn it, Hope, do you think I planned on that?”

  “No.” The tears caught in her throat, and although she hated like hell to do it, if she let it stay inside … it would fester. It would fester, and scar. “But you know what? I really don’t think Joey ever planned on hitting me that first time. Cruelty isn’t planned, Law. It just happens. And for some reason that I
can’t fathom, you decided it was better to be cruel to me than just give Remy the plain and simple truth. And I get that you’re sorry. I get that. But right now, it’s just not what I need to hear.”

  She stared at him, saw the savage glitter of fury, disgust, and grief that swirled in his eyes. “Damn it, Hope.”

  “I’m tired,” she said quietly. “And unless you can say something to me besides I’m sorry …”

  She just shook her head and looked away.

  “I’m tired and I’m done talking about this. I’ve got work to do and I’m going to get it done—after that, I have to take Remy’s car back to him.”

  Then she turned away from him.

  Her heart ached and when she closed the door behind her, she stopped fighting the tears and let them fall. As they ran unchecked down her cheeks, she realized the burning in her gut was easing up.

  She’d just hurt her best friend, she realized—she’d gutted him and it broke her heart. But she couldn’t keep that inside, either. Couldn’t. She’d finally figured out what happened when poison lingered too long.

  Law staggered as the door closed behind Hope.

  I really don’t think Joey ever planned on hitting me that first time. Cruelty isn’t planned, Law. It just happens. And for some reason that I can’t fathom, you decided it was better to be cruel to me.

  He knew the value of words. Knew that sometimes they could be completely empty. And sometimes, without realizing it, they could totally rip a person’s heart to shreds.

  Squeezing his eyes closed, he muttered, “What in the hell did I do?”

  He wanted to go to her. But he realized just then, he didn’t have the right. At all.

  Setting his jaw, he turned away from the door and started down the stairs. He wanted to be pissed off—hell, he was pissed off. But he wanted to be angry with Hope, and he couldn’t be. Because she wasn’t wrong. He wanted to be pissed off with Remy, but what in the hell had Remy done, other than be there for Hope?

  Maybe he could try being pissed off at Nia. That was where he needed to be angry. He could try directing it at her … or maybe at himself. Hell, he’d fucked up as bad as she had, and she didn’t owe Hope anything.