As much as Lyn could annoy him as duke, there was a love for his brother that was at the core of his being. The same was true for Gabriel, who lived so far away that they only saw him once or twice a year. Distance did not lessen the affection. Even Jess, lost to them these last four years, had a place in his heart. And Olivia was loveable by her very being.
He pulled the half-smoked cigarillo from his pocket and lit it again.
If he admitted that he loved, then Garrett would argue a fulfilling life and happiness should follow. The cotton mill would bring him fulfillment. He had no doubt of that. But he had no idea what would make him happy.
It seemed such a selfish way to judge an action. David decided he would be happy if the mill project was a little easier to bring into being.
If happiness and ease went hand in hand, then his life would be easier if Mia was not increasing, infinitely easier if they did not have to marry.
If he never saw her again. Oh yes, life would be much easier, but not nearly as entertaining. Or “fun,” as Mia would call it. If she were with him now she would be dancing along beside him, for she never did anything as simple as walk. She would be teasing him, more like tempting him, because they were alone in the dark. Even this prosaic walk back to the castle would be more fun than it was. And once they were back she would insist he come turn the pages while she played the pianoforte, when he should spend a few more minutes reading the papers brought up from London to see what changes were afoot.
So if he allowed Mia to distract him with fun, then he would ignore his true responsibilities.
Did God mean for him to be happy at the expense of those responsibilities? Now, there was a question he would wager Garrett did not have a pat answer for.
David went in the side door where the night porter greeted him with a message. “Miss Castellano’s maid is waiting to speak to you.”
Damn times five merry milkmaids. What could be wrong? David was not often in the guest wing and had to ask one of the footmen which suite was Mia’s. He tapped at the door.
Janina opened it in a flash and began to cry.
“My God, what is it, Janina?”
“You have been so kind to me, my lord. Please, please do not fail me now.”
“Of course, of course.” He grabbed her hands. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Mia is gone! I cannot find her. She did not eat her dinner. It was here on a tray and cold as death. I had them take it away but it sat here forever, I am sure.” Janina pulled her hands from his and waved them in the direction of the table, empty now. “Mia went down to dinner, looking so beautiful with flowers in her hair, and she never came back.”
“She went to dinner? No one told you that there was no formal dinner?”
“No one told me, so no one told her. But someone must have. They did bring her a tray, but she has not been back.”
“How do you know?”
“She always leaves things on the chair or the bed or the floor. Of all people, you must notice the things she leaves behind when she has been in a room.”
He wasn’t entirely sure what Janina meant by that, but it was true that he had found her shoes in his room, and her hairpins in a cup after their first night together. “Have you told anyone?”
“No, my lord. I have only been here myself for a few minutes. I sent the footman to ask for you to come to me thinking that you and Mia might be together.”
He shook his head. “I’m sure she is not missing. This is a big place. She is just having an adventure. That is what Mia would say even if she were truly lost.”
“I hate adventures,” Janina said, and for the first time David could hear Mia in this sister’s voice. “Please, my lord, I will wait here. You go look for her. If she is lost she will be very embarrassed if many are looking for her, and she will not want to upset the duke and duchess. If she has run away it is best if no one knows. And if she was kidnapped and is being held for ransom …” Janina’s voice trailed off and tears took the place of words.
“She has not been kidnapped.” Olivia had been kidnapped once; to have that happen again was patently impossible. He would not even allow the idea into his head.
“All right,” Janina said, as though he had a shortcut to God and knew it for a fact.
“I will go look in the most likely places and be back in an hour. Or less.”
“Yes, you go look for her and I will do what I do best.”
She was going to cry for an hour? Or maybe she meant pray. David left the room without asking.
He started with the Oriental Room; it was the logical place since it was where the footman would have directed her before dinner. He found nothing out of place, but the servants would have cleaned already and gathered anything left behind.
He saw a book on the table and went over to it. Books were one thing the servants knew not to move. It was the Jane Austen novel Mia had been reading, Northanger Abbey.
David left the room with the book in hand, turned right, and began to walk slowly, as though he could feel his way by a sense of her presence.
When he’d gone down one hall, he realized what he sensed. Music. She had found the pianoforte and he needed no more than to listen to her play to know her mood.
Following the music, he did not have to be much closer to know that she was lonely. He did not recognize the composer any more than she would recognize his architect’s name, but if he were to draw a picture of the music he heard, it would be of a woman, lost, lonely, sad, and as beautiful as the notes she played.
He stood just outside the music room in the dimly lit passage and waited to see if she would continue playing when she finished the first piece. She did, and this melody was some hymn whose title he could not recall. He could hear her singing but could not distinguish the words, for as the song progressed she played with greater force until he wondered if the instrument could stand the insult.
Pushing open the door, he went into the room, which had only one brace of candles lit. Mia looked up and stopped singing. Looking down at the keys, she finished the hymn with a sonorous crash of chords.
The echo evolved into complete silence. He walked over to the bench and sat on the edge of it, beside her. It was not made for two and their shoulders touched.
“I’m sorry, I was playing too loud.” She moved a little so they were no longer touching, but he could still smell her perfume. The one that reminded him of incense and spicy flowers and the way her hair looked against her skin.
He started to speak and found he had to clear his throat before words would come out. “No one sleeps on this side of the house. We use it as a shortcut to the bedchambers on the east side, but it is late enough that I do believe everyone is abed.”
Mia nodded and played a few random notes, her long, supple fingers a contrast to the flat rigid ivory of the keys.
“Janina thought you lost and asked me to find you.”
Mia stopped fingering the keys. “Dio mio, she could have asked one of the footmen.”
“She did seem genuinely upset, though now that I think about it, what did she think had happened to you?” Was the girl playing matchmaker?
“She worries about every little adventure I have. Exploring the castle without a guide would make her nervous.” Mia began to gather the music. “How was dinner at the Garretts’?”
“Very nice.” He moved a little closer to her again, amused at her effort not to touch him. “I’m sorry that I didn’t invite you to come, too.” Taking her with him would not have been so awful. No wonder she thought she never fit in. Add to that arriving at dinner to find no one there. What a miserable first evening at Pennford.
“Well, I am with you now.” She stood up. “David.” She waited until she had his complete attention. “I wanted very much to see you this evening to tell you how sorry I am if anything we did at Sandleton will endanger the cotton mill project.”
“It shouldn’t, as long as we tell no one.” He tried for a practical answer, when the mentio
n of Sandleton filled his head with anything but sensible thoughts.
“Elena tried to explain to me how important it is to you. I wish I had understood that. I wish you had explained it to me.”
“It wasn’t enough that I spend every available hour studying and writing letters?”
“I thought it was no more than an excuse to avoid me.”
“Mia—” he began, then stopped himself. He could hardly take her to task for thinking that when there was some truth to it.
“Admit it, David, you may have been working, but you were also doing your best to avoid me. Just as you did tonight.” She seemed just then to notice how dark it was. “What time is it?”
“Sometime after midnight, I think.”
“Oh dear, that’s too late for us to be alone like this.”
“Where is your longing for adventure?”
“I found out today that my adventure at Sandleton could well threaten a project very important to you.” She spoke as if that was not clear to him. “I will not be blamed for that. Just because I long to be an independent woman does not mean that I will think only about what I want and what I need.”
David moved to stand and the book fell to the floor.
“What was that?”
“You left your book in the Oriental Room.”
Mia sank to her knees in front of him to retrieve it, brushing against his legs. Even that innocent touch sent sparks through him. He tried to ignore them, to ignore the possibilities of this situation, to ignore just how alone they were.
“Mia, don’t. I’ll get it.” Her perfume was as exotic as his dreams of her. He tried to push her away. His fingers brushed her cheek, slowed, lingered.
“David,” she whispered, “you must know I still always want you.” She knelt back on her knees, abandoning her attempts to retrieve her book. Her glance told him that she understood the situation, understood how she looked kneeling in front of him.
Mia dropped her gaze, but only to rest it there, on the front of his breeches. He could see her smile a little, in that mischievous way that meant what she would call fun and he would call trouble. She looked up into his eyes, and back down, quick as a wink.
She pursed her lips and blew.
It was no more than a breath, but his whole body shook in response. “I wish you could have wanted me enough to defy the world and make me yours no matter what the cost.”
David reached down and put his hand on her hair, wishing he could say the words she wanted to hear, accept the invitation she offered. His body begged him to take a half step forward. To bring them into greater contact and to let what would happen just happen.
“David. Mia.”
Mia gasped. David’s arousal faded instantly at the sound of his brother’s voice.
“I am not going to ask what you are doing in here, postured as you are.”
Mia jumped up. “I am looking for a book that I dropped. It is under the bench. Truly, Your Grace. The pianoforte is in the way and you cannot see.”
“Do not insult me with made-up stories.”
“It’s the truth, Lyn.” David stood up and moved behind Mia, his hands on her shoulders.
“That does not explain what the two of you are doing in here alone at this hour. Aren’t there enough bedrooms? Or are they too conventional for the two of you?”
There was a long, deadly silence that was as good as words at conveying Lyn’s disgust. Finally he spoke. “Come to my study tomorrow morning at ten. Both of you.”
David reached down and covered Mia’s mouth with his hand. That was how sure he was that she was about to shout no.
“Yes, Your Grace,” he said. “We will both be there.”
He spoke to his brother’s back. Meryon had not waited for an answer.
“Dio mio, David, what will we do?” Mia faced him, two fingers on her lips as she seemed to consider their options, as if there were any.
“Be in his study at ten and tell the truth.”
“But what is the truth?”
“That nothing happened here tonight.”
“Yes, yes, all right. Do not tell him the complete truth.”
“And what is the complete truth, Mia?” That I want you and am afraid that to claim you would be the ultimate selfish act.
“That neither of us wishes to marry the other, of course.”
“Of course.”
Chapter Thirty-four
MIA FOLLOWED THE FOOTMAN to the duke’s study. The sun was absent that morning; clouds and rain matched her mood. She felt as though she were walking to her execution. How ironic that she and David were about to be punished for sex they did not have.
There were two other footmen on duty outside the door. She stopped the one who made to open the door for her and tried to hear what was being said, hoping she was the last one to arrive.
She heard no sounds. No voices, no furniture creaking, no shuffling of feet. It was much later than ten. She must be the last. She hoped the duke understood that she would no longer allow him to intimidate her. She would not allow him to punish David for her actions.
After a nod, the footman opened the door and announced her, and she went in. She found the duke and David and, oh dear, Michael Garrett already in place but waiting in complete silence.
Only men could argue without moving their lips, she thought. She could feel the tension in the room and knew her presence would only add to it.
David did seem relieved when she came in. The duke’s expression, gravity with a tinge of anger, did not change, and Michael smiled at her in such a gentle way that she wanted to sit next to him and hold his hand while the duke cast them into hell.
All three men were looking at her and she realized that the duke had asked if she would prefer to sit.
“Oh, no thank you, Your Grace. I think it more proper for me to stand.” Then wished she had not said it quite that way. Who was she to tell a duke what was more proper, especially in his own study?
“Very well.” Meryon looked at her and then at David before he began to speak. “You will not insult me with that tale about looking for a book that fell to the floor. If it was too dark to see it, then you could not have been reading it. Even if it was only pictures.”
Mia’s mind flew disastrously back to the picture books she’d looked at when they were at Sandleton. She pushed the images from her mind.
He was going to go on and on, which would make her more aggravated than distressed. The duke stood behind his desk, which was on a small platform that raised it so he would always be taller than anyone standing before him. Mia wondered if there might once have been some sort of throne in this spot, or maybe the duke who built this house had been so short that he wanted to appear taller.
“No, Your Grace.”
As much as she would have liked to think about anything else, David’s words brought her back to the moment.
“And you, Mia, do you have any explanation for your behavior last night?”
“No, Your Grace.” Well, she did actually, but he was not willing to believe the truth. Her hands began to shake and she clasped them tight in front of her.
“I have an explanation,” the duke said, which appeared to surprise David as much as it surprised her. “Several possibilities, in fact.”
The duke closed his eyes and Mia could see that for all his cold behavior he carried his own version of the Pennistan temper, under very precarious control at the moment.
“I will not list them, as they are an insult to both of you, but rest assured I have thought of little else since I found you last night.”
David nodded and Mia tried, but she was sure it looked more like a shiver.
“In fact, with regard to you, David, last night it became clear to me that you have no control over your baser instincts. You seduced or allowed yourself to be seduced by, it really does not matter which, a young woman under your protection.”
The duke looked at Garrett and the man nodded. Did he agree or did he simply understand h
ow it could happen?
“My wife is facing the birth of our child, facing life or death, and still you could not control yourselves. Mia, Elena loves you like a daughter, and this is how you repay her, acting like a courtesan in her home.”
Mia shut her eyes. The duke looked so bereft at the thought of her toying with his wife’s sensibilities that guilt overwhelmed her.
“David, you are the older and I asked you to protect my wife’s ward, not compromise her.” The last came out in a raised voice and Mia began to feel faint.
It was not David’s fault. Mia wanted to tell the duke that. She prayed to the Virgin that she would say the right words and that the duke’s affection for his brother would not be ruined. But when she opened her mouth to speak, the duke gave her a look that was so like a dare, she pressed her lips together instead.
“Very wise, Mia,” the duke said. Then he drew another deep breath and Mia waited for the sentence. “I do not care what kind or how much sex you have had, but do not try to convince me you have not been together. You both will tell Elena that you are going to be married. The banns will be announced beginning this Sunday, and the wedding will take place as soon as that phase is complete and we are certain that there is no impediment to the marriage.”
Married? The duke was going to force them into marriage. “No,” Mia announced, in the same slightly raised voice that the duke had used. “I am the one responsible. It is all my fault. It was all my idea. You can ask my maid. I thought it would be an adventure.”
She stopped until she was sure she had their attention. “David may be older, perhaps even wiser, but he is after all only a man. Seducing him is the most selfish thing I have ever done.”
“Mia, that’s ridiculous,” David began. “Do not make it sound like I was—”
“Stop, David,” she said with enough force to silence him. Mia looked at Mr. Garrett and then the duke. “You see, we will even argue over this, which is why I will not marry him. We agree on nothing. Well, almost nothing.”
With that she turned toward the door. The three of them could fight this out in the boxing ring. She would stay in her room for the next year and never see any of them again.
Mary Blayney - [Pennistan 04] Page 26